Day 16(time leap)

3 am...I can't sleep...I'm switching on the light and look at our photo. It's already a year old...It was taken on the day of our first Date...

I was very shy but she made me laugh all the time, she made my fears fade away. After we had left the restaurant, a shower suddenly surprised us. I took her hand and together we ran along the road. Then we finally found a dry place, but we already got really wet. She had the funny idea to take a photo so we can save this unbelievable moment...our first date...our first photo...and then our first kiss...

...It feels like this here is all a dream and soon I will wake up laying beside her...the last time I met her was 20 days ago. We walked along the streets and talked about our future plans. We planned to move together after she had finished her studies and after we had saved enough money. I've already chosen a ring for her. I even reserved it for her... 

I went to my wardrobe  and put the pullover on. She always liked it when I wore it...I didn't like it that much so I only wore it two or three times. If I just had worn it more often for her... I'm looking into the mirror. The pullover is grey, it has a few red stripes. Afterwards I'm putting my jeans on which I have worn a few days ago...Now I remember...I wore it on the day she died.

I'm opening the door softly in hopes not to wake anybody. I quietly take my jacket and shoes and go out.  I'm looking at the things I have. I only have the keys to her apartment, my money...and a picture of her. I left my phone purposely at home, so that nobody could call me.

I walked along the road and looked on my note. I have written the way to her apartment on it. I looked into my purse...135$...this could last for about a week...I decided to go to the jeweler at first to cancel the ring.

The assistant is giving me a disappointed expression.

No, we haven't part...she passed away...Suddenly he's looking shocked. He looks at me with pity. Then he gave me the money and a little grant. I felt strange...are this the expressions I will getting now?

After I had left the shop I realized that this has been the first time I had talked with somebody about her death. I still cannot realize what happened...the words 'died' and 'passed away' are still sounding weird. I looked at my watch. It's already 10am...

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