Grammar

Some of the sentences didn’t make sense and you made a few silly mistakes here and there so read through the damn fanfic before posting. Get a beta reader if you're too lazy, some of the sentences you made stupid mistakes, for example.

"No, not my sickness now, come on! STOP!" This made no sense. This confused me even after getting her medication; you didn’t explain it so it made no sense to readers. Also the construction of that sentence isn’t right. Never use sickness, never. Illness is a better word and makes the sentence more professional and clean. Other examples.

 ‘You put down our bag on the chair beside you and walked to the bookcases.’ What the hell are you saying. 

‘no matter how hard Yena tried, he just wouldn't beat him,’ She not he. 

‘he felt fun’ you can’t feel fun, you can feel excitement or happiness but not fun.  

Over all read your fic carefully before posting to avoid stupid mistakes. Get a beta reader if you’re too lazy. Your grammar doesn’t that much but you have your ‘dumb’ moments. I have corrected all your mistakes so if you want a copy of that just asked and I’ll send it to you. 22/30 

Overall view on the fic

Good plot, a little cliché when it comes to the whole ‘my mother died and now I have a mentally/physically abusive father who has ruined my life but I met a boy and now I love everything’ but still I liked it. Sometimes cliché is the right way to go. The plot was rushed after meeting Sehun in the library. You were doing great up until there, and then it went downhill. I think if this was a chaptered story or a longer one shot you could have skipped out on the whole ‘rushing to get to the kiss’ part. The plot was kind of expected yet not expected at the same time. I thought she was going to commit suicide at first or attempt it (because that’s how every other ing angst fic is written these days). I was glad that she escaped her dad, but I think you totally messed up there. After all that time trying to keep his daughter away from public eye and keeping a strict eye on her education he would just let her go like that? Wouldn’t he get angry and chase her down? You should have put more thought into it, it would have made the fic a little more interesting. And that illness she has or something, I don’t know why you put that in there if it meant nothing in fic because it was honestly confused. You didn’t explain it, it didn’t mean anything as the plot progressed and it only showed like, twice? I think. All in all I think you rushed near the end and that wrecked the fic in my opinion. Your plot had a hint of cliché (but still good) and you need to pay attention to character development. 18/30  

OC (hell yeah)

I don’t see how she’s a good OC, you mentioned talents but none of them were proved. She didn’t really have much of a development which is sad because the plot was nice. All she showed was her ‘aggression’ and ‘anger’ shown by the use of her swearing. All I got from this OC was that she was depressed but then she felt happy after being with Sehun. Nothing special happened, nothing to make her stand out. You mentioned an illness but nothing came out of that. I was personally confused why you even put it in there if it had no significance to the plot. Overall I give your OC a 13.5/30 (Her name was nice)  

Over all- 53.5/90 or 59.4% 

-strawberrii_chu