Yoochun’s POV

I was just looking through the photo album for Woohyun’s birthday. The sight of Jaejoong hyung and Yunho hyung in the photos, I can’t help but felt that it was a shame. With Changmin, maybe they suit each other better. But something is just off about it… I think it’s all because I am just too used to see both Jae and Yunho being together. I guess this is the new normal.

From the day of the birthday party till now, I am just waiting for Jae to contact me. He knows that he can share anything with me. Even his deepest and darkest thoughts. Sometimes, I really do not know how does he pull through all these. Even I, as a third person who is listening to his stories, I will think that I am going out of my mind. And it is also due to all of that that I do not dare take the leap of faith. I shook my head in despair. Wanting to contact Changmin to see how my best friend is doing but thought the better of it. Changmin is good for him; he should just go for him. What is true love? I do not really believe in the one… expect that there is the right person that is there at the right time of your life. I must say that I got to experience just that. Time just shows me that it gives you chance, but not another when you choose to forgo it. 

The ring of my doorbell was timely I must say, as my thoughts had started to cast towards a certain someone. A smile tugged on my mouth and I tried to guess who will be at my door now. I opened my door to see Jaejoong standing at my door. Well, I guess it should be about time for him to visit. Without saying a word, he just pushed pass me and walked towards my dining table. I saw that he has prepared a lot of home cooked food. When he started unpacking and it revealed a lot of snacks for Woohyun, I couldn’t help but ask, “ Why didn’t you walk through the door?”

He looked at me then gave me a shrug. It was after much waiting then I got an answer that he could not bring himself to walk in. Not when he saw Junsu playing with Woohyun and the picture looked too perfect. Jaejoong gave me a knowing smile and I knew then that my misty eyes gave myself away. There was no need for much words and I knew that my deepest secret was revealed to him.

I went to the kitchen and was handed a can of beer. I guess it’s never too early for beer. I got myself comfortable at the counter top and waited for him to start talking.

Jaejoong’s POV

The emotions were overwhelming, as though it threatens to consume me whole. I would have expected myself to seek the safe haven of my apartment but instead, I found myself here. I just thought that I needed to get my emotions out, away from everything Yunho and Changmin.

I sneaked a peek at Yoochun while I popped the can of beer open. He was drawing circles on the counter top. I knew what his deepest secret is just that we have never said it out loud but I guess he knows that I have inkling to what it is. We are called soul mates for a reason. Maybe it would be for the better that Yoochun would forget about him…

Wanting to take Yoochun’s mind off his problem, I started my own. I told him everything, my feelings towards Yunho and Changmin now, my guilt towards Jiyeon and Woohyun and this shameful part of me that actually yearns for Yunho and plans to breakup his marriage. Silence filled the room after I was done; I have never felt so in front of someone before. But it was Yoochun’s reaction that scares me, his silence. I felt a certain sense of relieve when I heard him clear his throat.

“Hyung, I really hate to burst your bubble. But if Yunho hyung doesn’t even care about you now, what do you think are the odds that you both will get back together?” I caught the guilty yet sincere eyes. Changmin told me this time and again but a little part of me thought that maybe it is cause he wants me that’s why he is lying. Whereas for Yoochun he doesn’t have any reason to lie to me. This doesn’t mean that it hurts any less.

I guess me being delusional for a year is more than enough. I owe too many people too much that I can never imagine how I can repay them. I just reply with a nod when I felt his hands on mine and his concerned eyes met mine. I just gave him a weak smile. I think he understood that I needed some time alone thus he did not stop me when I made my way to the door. All I heard before I closed the door was a soft, “ I am sorry hyung.” I was not sure if that was meant for me to hear thus I just pretended not to hear anything and continued my way.

- To be Continued-