6~

It was about a week when we left the place for these series of events. I haven’t had much time to play and be with them. I already miss them so much. I miss them. I didn’t knew what the world means until they came and lighted up my dim damn world. I never thought that having them would be happier and livelier. What would be there reaction if they’ll knew that I have them keeping? Would it make me a bad person?

I never do anything except guarding and providing my members eversince. Even if I am on my downfall, I didn’t let the breakdown to affect the way my members looked up at me. The members knew it all. The relationship, the set-up, the status and the break-up until now that the broken heart of mine was mended and cured.

All the sacrifices and hardships were faded when I first saw them. I was panting, I’m out of air and about to faint. But before I closed my eyes, it was the face. It was his face.

“Eonnie!” Seohyun came to me rushing, wiggling her phone.

“Oh?” I questioned, raising my brows. She was smiling and excited as she ran towards me.

“Jiya sent photos!” she giggled and handed over the phone to me.

She was wearing a taekwondo suit with a white belt on and he was smiling at his sister.

“I miss them,” I uttered. My family didn’t message me if the twins arrived there home safely. I was waiting for them to update me for a week after sending the kids at South Korea with their nannies. Even their nannies didn’t contact me. I was dead worried about them that I couldn’t rest thinking about their safety. It was there first time coming to my hometown after giving birth to them.

If I am not really in need, I wouldn’t let them step into Korea. I will just raise them away from all the medias and people who will look down at us and to keep them from crossing that way, his way. I also thank the whole management that they covered all the issues regarding me about this pregnancy of mine. I never thought they would just let me carry those children while I am on SNSD.

“Can you call my parents?” I asked Seohyun since I haven’t brought my phone because I left it to the twins so they could contact me and I could access to them easily but they never called me after that only call I did after arriving here at Japan.

“Ofourse, eonnie,” she’s about to dial the number when one of the staffs called us and impounded the phones.

“Laters,” she said and walked away with the bag containing our gadgets.

By this time, I really wanna see the twins. They’re my energy and inspiration to continue these kind of living. They’re my strength and my downfall. If something happens to them, I think I might collapse and dash myself to wherever they are.

“Eonnie,” Seohyun stood beside me and stared at me worriedly.

“Yes?”

“The kids growing aren’t you going to introduce them to Jiyong-oppa?” she asked uneasily.

“Don’t call him oppa, he doesn’t deserve to call respectfully,” I said as I remember all those undeserved tear I shed when he demurred me.

No one opens a topic to me regarding that matters concerning the father of my twins. Not even our managers, not even the management and not even my parents. As long as I can raise them with my own sweats, I’ll never let him know that I carried his twins. People may look down at me, just let them be. People made to criticize and praise anyway.

~~~

I rummaged my stuffs inside the next room looking for something that could suit the summer night. I picked a simple skinny jeans and a plain white-tee for this dinner with kids. Jiyo picked a striped tee and chose jeans and Jiya wore a pink sweater matched with her black leggings. I don’t know if they have enough clothes to wear in going out, I never looked at their things.

“Jiyooong,” she called. She was struggling at her hair and so I went and took the comb on her little hands. “Can you please fix my hair like this Jiyong-ah?” she asked elevating her hand that holds her doll.

“I’ll try,” I said and smiled at our reflection in the mirror. Jiyo was sitting at the edge of the bed watching at us. He was silently observing my every move as I struggle also on how to fix her hair neatly. The perks of being a girl, they should be neat and admirable to look.

“Jiyong, I don’t know how to tie my shoes,” he muttered softly and I smiled at him.

“Wait,” and continued knotting Jiya’s hair with the rubber bands.

I turned to Jiyo who was waiting for me to come to him and then tied his laces.

“How was your day, kid?” I asked. I was trying to do this kind of conversation so he will not be shy and be confident in talking to me.

Last time, he pee-d to his pants waiting for me to be done at the comfort room. He just stood there beside the comfort room’s door for 10 minutes until he can’t endure it anymore.

“My teacher said I’m good. I could be better if I’ll continue attending class even after the summer class,” he said without even gazing at me. He habitually plays with his fingers and sigh.

“Do you like attending that kind of class?” I asked and he nodded.

“Are you afraid of me?” I asked over. I really think that he’s scared of me or there’s something that bothering him about me.

He shrugged.

“Then why aren’t you looking at me?” I finished tying his laces and we were just sitting there at the bed.

“Mommy said don’t look directly at jerks eyes because it might influence you,” he said and straighten his feet.

I sighed. Okay, that jerk thing again. Their mom’s really hold a grudge against me that Jiyo thinks that I am a jerk.

“Do I look like a jerk to you?” he nodded. “But why?” Jiya peeked at the door and closed it right away as she snickered and sprinted off to the living room.

“You’re the one at the picture inside Mom’s cabinet under her huge pile of dresses. The picture has a name under it, but I couldn’t read it. Instead, I asked Mommy if how does it read and she said that it was jerk,” he paused and looked at me. “Mommy said don’t look at the jerks, don’t trust a jerk,” he shook his head slowly.

“How do I look at the picture?” I curiously asked. Atleast I knew that she still kept some of our memories back then, because if she just only knew if where were the things from the past, she may be crawling back at me.

“You were smiling. You are wearing a brown hat, white shirt with sleeping lines,” he answered.

“So, you think I am a jerk?” I probed again. She’s brainwashing the kids. She wants me to look bad at the kids so they won’t want to see me.

“Mommy said so,” I sighed. Okay, I must change that kind of impression he had to me. I must know my kids better and they must also know who I am. I am their father and I should know every bit about my kids. I should be responsible and patient. I also must be understandable because kids aren’t like adult who thinks seriously.

“Mommy is just angry at me that’s why she was calling me a jerk. You should know that personally