I'm sorry this chapter isn't as long as my other ones but I hope you still enjoy it.  I'd like to say thank you to all the new and old subscribers for waiting.  You guys have no idea how much I really appreciate it.  I'm currently having my laptop looked at so hopefully he can fix it.  Thank you guys again.  I really appreciate it so much.  Anyways, like always please ignore the grammatical issues.  I'll come back and fix them.  Please let me know what you think of it so far.

"Thank you," Jonathan stated and you look up from the cup of tea you were currently nursing. 

"Thank you for what?" It was quiet in the little café you had taken Jonathan to.  You tilted your head in confusion at the dark haired dancer sitting in front of you and took the time to study him.  His skin was the color of caramel and his dark eyes were pools of melted chocolate.  Dimples graced his face every time he smiled and although his nose a bit on the larger side, you had to say, it fit him and if you weren't still so madly in love with a certain skinny fashion icon, you were positive you would've been attracted to him.

"For the tour," Jonathan answered before smiling and showing off his perfectly straight teeth.  You returned his smile with an unsure smile of your own and returned your attention to the mug of tea in front of you.  "You're always so guarded and quiet.  Thank you for opening up and sharing a bit with me.  If you ever want to talk, I just want you to know I'm always here."

"Thanks," you say gratefully and you can't help but notice how his eyes sparkled happily as he sipped on the cup of coffee.

"Hey anything to help a brother out," he replied and you laughed along with him.  It felt really good to actually laugh and you hadn't laughed like that in quite a while.  You looked around the tiny café and the few people who were currently in the café with you and Jonathan.  You looked back down at your cup of tea and continuously stirred the tea as you allowed yourself to go back to the fateful day that had ultimately changed your life.

It had been a rather cold day for August and the freezing wind was seeping through the windows.  You remembered shivering as you padded down the hallway to where the thermostat was with your bedroom comforter wrapped around you.  The apartment you shared with Jiyong was quiet and empty since Jiyong had left earlier that morning to prepare for the upcoming release of Big Bang's first mini album.  Everyone at YG was stressed about the release but the members of Big Bang were feeling the pressure to do well, especially Jiyong and you were worried about his health since he hadn't been sleeping much and even if Jiyong was able to steal a couple hours of sleep, he was constantly tossing and turning.  You stifled a yawn while walking to the tiny kitchen to get yourself a small glass of juice before returning your sore body back to bed.  You gulped down the rest of the juice, place the glass in the kitchen sink and hurried back to the warmth of your bed.

You were about to jump back into your bed but the calendar on your desk caught your eye and you happily skipped to it.  You ran your fingers along the calendar until you reached the day circled in red.  In a little more than three weeks you were going to be married and a sense of excitement shot through you at the thought of being married to Jiyong.  You stopped and looked at the date and the sense of excitement that was coursing through your body died as you quietly felt yourself gasp for air.  You quickly rechecked the date and then flipped the calendar back as you anxiously bit your bottom lip before pressing them both together and double checked the date.  You continued to flip the pages of the calendar back and forth and counted the days.

"It can't be," you whisper softly with a shake of your head.  "No.  No that can't be right.  How?"  You double checked and rechecked over and over as you shook your head.  You were a week and a half late and panic began to seize your body at the thought of being pregnant.  You couldn't be pregnant right?  You and Jiyong were always so cautious about using protection although there were times that neither of you could wait.  But that was only a couple of times.  You couldn't be.  No it must be the stress.  It had to be the stress of Jiyong and Big Bang returning to promote their new songs.  It had to be the stress, right?  You couldn’t be pregnant.  You slowly reached down and place a gentle hand on your stomach and tried to imagine yourself pregnant.  This wasn't part of the plan.  Actually, you and Jiyong had never discussed the idea of having children.  You slowly made your way back to your bed and sat down as you tried to breathe.

Did Jiyong even want to have children?  Your eyes grew at the possibility of Jiyong never wanting to have kids before you brushed it aside with a shake of your head.  Jiyong not wanting kids?  That was unimaginable, right?  But wouldn't you guys have already talked about having kids?  You began to feel nauseous at the idea of Jiyong not wanting children and at the idea of being pregnant.  How were you going to tell Jiyong that you were late and that there was a possibility of being pregnant?  You had to make sure you were pregnant before even thinking about how Jiyong would react.  You had to get to the store.  You close your eyes and let out a sigh before opening your eyes again.  You glance at the clock beside the bed and groan.  You had an hour before you had to meet up with your vocal coach for another long day of training.  You quickly got dressed as the thoughts continued to run through your mind.  You give one last sigh before grabbing your purse and running out your apartment door.

"Hello?  Earth to you," you scrunch up your nose as you jerked out of your memory and stared at a very confused Jonathan.  You give him a quick smile and look around at the café to see that it had cleared out.  The only two customers left in the small café were you and Jonathan.  You looked down to see that the two mugs were empty before looking back up at Jonathan.  "Lost in your own world again huh?"

"Kind of," you said slowly as you stood up from the table.  "You ready to go back?"

"Yep," Jonathan answered you.  You watched as he handed the waitress your dirty mugs before slipping on his own jacket and stood up.  You followed behind Jonathan and stepped through the door he held open for you after thanking the staff and doing one last look around.  You take one last look up at the café before walking away.  You shuffle your feet and look up at Jonathan when he cleared his throat.  "Want to tell me what you were thinking about back there?"

You give him a shake of your head and glance back at the café.  "Was just remembering things."

"I hate memories sometimes," Jonathan said softly with a nod.  "They bring up some of the worst feelings."

"Yeah they do.  Ever since I've stepped foot in Seoul, all it seems I've been doing is remembering."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Yes but it's only because they're memories I don't want to remember."

"Is there a reason why you keep looking back at the café?  Did you forget something in there?  Do you want to go back?"

"No.  No I didn't forget anything in there.  That café…it wasn't a café.  It just holds a memory for me.  That's all."

"Really?  A good one?  A bad one?"

"Neither really.  It's just one of those things you never forget."

"Yeah?"

"That café must be new."

"How do you know that?  What was it back then?"

"It used to be a little grocery store."

"Did you use to know the people who ran the grocery store?"

"No.  That little store was where I had bought my first and last pregnancy test."

"You actually remembered that?"

"Yeah, I have a good memory," you answer quietly as you looked away.  "Especially because buying that pregnancy test was the beginning of the end for me and Jiyong."  You ignore the painful feelings that rushed through you and you quickened your pace as tears threatened to spill.

"Hey wait.  Hold up.  Why are you walking so fast?" you hear Jonathan ask loudly before being jerked back into Jonathan's arms.  You let him wrap his arms around you and for the first time in years you let someone else hold you.  You hear him quietly hum and you feel safe in his arms.  It was a feeling you hadn't felt for a long time.  You allowed yourself to wrap your arms around him and close your eyes as the warmth from his body surround you.  You feel his hand run through your hair and you jump out of Jonathan's embrace.

"I'm fine.  I really am fine," you whisper quietly before turning on your heel and walking away.  You weren't sure if you were trying to convince yourself or Jonathan but you needed to hear it from someone.  "I will be fine."

"Hey wait," you stop walking when you hear Jonathan call out your name.  You stop to see him trying to catch up to you and so you wait until he was standing next to you.  "Why are you in such a hurry?"

"I…I don't know," you mumble.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" you hear him ask and you look up abruptly at Jonathan with a questioning look.  "Why do you purposely go to places where there are memories?"

"I can't help it.  There are memories everywhere I go.  Seoul use to be my home.  For the longest time I buried them and then as soon as I returned to Seoul they came back and now they just won't go away.  I guess I've hid them for too long," you answer with a shrug.

"Maybe it's time for you to face it all."

"That’s what Kevin says."

"Kevin?"

"Yeah, he says the same thing.  I called him earlier because I needed his opinion on another job offer."

"Another job offer?  Was that why you had to meet with the owner?  What was his name?"

"Yang Hyun Suk and yes it's another job offer."

"Are you going to take it?"

"I'm not sure."

"You're not sure?  Why aren't you sure about it?"

"I will be working with him."

"Him? Him as your ex-fiancé him?

"Yes, I've been offered to work with Jiyong."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

"Well if you don't want to do it then don't do it or do you want to?"

"Kevin says I should do it."

"Why don't you want to do it?"

"You guys seem to forget that I would be working with my ex-fiancé."

"And?" you stop walking and glare at Jonathan, who had also stopped walking and was staring back at you.  You huffed as you shoved your hands into the pocket of your black hoodie.  You purse your lips and gave Jonathan another glare before continuing to walk towards your hotel.

"I don't know if you guys forget or just choose to ignore the fact that I walked away from him two weeks before the wedding.  The wedding.  And now both you and Kevin think its ok for me to take the job."

"Well why isn't it a good idea then?  It's clear as day that you still have feelings for him and if he didn't still care about you, he wouldn't have dragged you out of that club when he saw you dancing with Chris."

"I really doubt that he still has feelings for me."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What if he does still have feelings for you and if there was another chance?  Would you try again?"

"Try again?"

"With Jiyong.  Would you try again?"

"I…I"

"This could be the chance.  He's hurt, there's no doubt about that and it's a given that he's angry.  I'd be broken too if the love of my life left me right before our wedding day without an explanation but if she returned, I would want an explanation and maybe, just maybe considering all the circumstances, I would give her another chance.  As a guy who's been in love a few times, you can trust me on this.  He wanted to marry you.  You.  He still loves you and just because it's been a few years doesn't mean that he stopped loving you and maybe he's willing to give you another chance but you won't know if you don't give him a chance.  Maybe this is his way of reaching out to you.  So why not take the risk?"

"And what if you're wrong?  What if this is his way of punishing me?"

"Then at least you'll walk away knowing you tried to make things right," the both of you stopped walking as you reached the hotel and you looked at Jonathan and met his understanding gaze.  The both of you walk in quietly until you're standing in front of your hotel room.  You look up and closed your eyes as he lifted a hand up and ran his fingers down your cheek.  "And if he doesn't give you another chance.  He's an idiot for letting you for the second time."

"Jonathan," you whisper softly.

"I know," he replied before pressing his lips into a thin line.  "Remember, I'm always here."

"Ok," you state and try to ignore the caring look in his eyes.  You give him a slight nudge and you see his dimples appear when he gives you a large grin.  "Why don't you go to bed."

"You're not going to bed?"

"No.  I need to think.  I think I'm just going to go to the dance studio for a few hours."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No that's ok.  I need to be alone for a while.  I need to think about things."

"Alright but call me if anything is wrong.  I'll answer, I promise."

"You sure about that?  The last time I tried to call someone, they didn't answer and I chose to move to LA," you said with a bitter smile.

"Another memory?"

"It's always another memory," you replied with a sad smile and you watched as Jonathan's face soften.  "But don't worry about it.  I'll be fine."

"Call me ok.  I'll answer."

"Ok," you replied.  You stood and watched as Jonathan swiped the card to his hotel room and looked back at you before waving goodbye and closed the door.  You sighed as you also swiped the door to your hotel room and stepped in.  You quickly walked into your room and placed your duffle bag on your bed.  You threw in a few towels, stack of CDs and an extra pair of socks and shoes.  You threw your wallet into the bag and made a mental reminder to buy a few bottles of water on your way out.  You give one last glance around the hotel room before walking out of the hotel room.

………..

You let out a deep breath as the song came to an end and you glide to a stop.  Your breathing is labored and you welcome the cool air as you slipped off your hoodie and the sweat dripped off of your body.  You wipe away the sweat on your forehead and rest your hands on your hips.  Your body is tired and your mind is blank and yet you welcome numbness.  You jog over to where the computer and the sound system was and flip through your stack of CDs.  You quickly slip in another CD before returning to the middle of the dance floor.  You close your eyes and let your body move with the music.  Your empty mind begins to open and the memories flood your mind and they replay themselves behind your closed eye lids.

You clutched at your purse as you rushed into the YG building.  You quickly navigated yourself through the building until you're standing in front of the bathroom closest to your vocal coach's classroom.  You took a deep breath before pushing the bathroom door open.  You stop when you hear your name being called and you feel your heart sink.  You looked up to see your vocal coach's frantic face.

"Where have you been?  Why haven't you answered your phone?"

"My..my phone?"

"Yes your phone.  I've been calling you for the last hour.  How come you didn't answer."

"I..I guess I didn't hear it ring," you answer quietly.  You feel the pockets on your jeans.  No phone.  You crack open your purse and carefully stick your hand in it.  You try to avoid touching the plastic bag that was currently holding the two pregnancy tests.  You close your eyes as you feel around your purse.  No phone.  You pull out your hand and look up at your angry coach.  "I..I don't have it.  I must of left it at home.  I'm so..sorry I was in a rush this morning.  What happened?"

"I was calling because I had to push your lessons earlier but since you're here.  We might as well continue with the lessons as planned."

"We…we don't have to.  I…I can just come back when it's convenient for you," you stuttered hoping that he would agree and let you go pee on the stick in your purse.

"It's fine," he said in a huff.  You gasp as his hand clenched down on your arms and dragged you into the classroom.  You look back helplessly when you hear the bathroom door close. 

Halfway through the lesson, you had detached yourself and your mind wandered to the two pregnancy tests sitting in your purse.  You could barely concentrate on your coach as you thought about the possibility of being pregnant and whether or not you'd actually be a good mother. Your shoulders sagged as you quietly made your way out of your vocal coach's classroom.  You silently wiped away your tears and sniffed as you walked down the hall towards the bathroom.  His last words echoing through your mind.

"You will never debut if you can't control your voice.  You need more emotion.  Where's your emotion?  And by the way it looks, you will never debut."

You shook your head and tried to clear your mind.  By the way it looked, if you were pregnant or if your singing never improved, you would never debut and Jiyong wouldn't be too happy that his plan didn't work out.  Would Jiyong still want you if you didn't become a famous singer.  Would Jiyong still want to be with you if you were pregnant?  You gave your head a quick shake again and you feel your stomach clench as two slender hands covered your eyes.

"Guess who?" you smiled as you hear the female voice wander into your ear drums.  You pull the hands down and turn around to face the ever beautiful Bommie.  You gave her a tired smile while you questioned whether or not you should tell her about being late.  You watched as the smile on her pretty face turned into a frown.  "What's wrong?  Did you get yelled at again?"

"Don't I always get yelled at?"

"What did he say this time."

"Oh you know the usual threats.  You'll never debut.  You need more emotion.  You need to control your voice.  You need to learn how to breathe appropriately.  You know the usual.  When will I learn?"

"Just give it more time.  He's always a pain anyways.  He's just angry because he wasn't cute enough to debut," you hear her reply with a grin and you laugh.  Bom could always make you laugh hysterically.  That's what you always loved about her.  She was always so carefree.  Only if you could be more like her.

"I should just give up.  That's what everyone thinks anyways.  I should just do as they think."

"Shut up.  No one thinks that.  Yang Hyun Suk even said you're future looked promising."

"He only said that because he had to."

"Yang Hyun Suk doesn’t say nice things ever.  You should be proud."

"He only said that because I'm with Jiyong."

"What does Jiyong have to do with this?"

"There's no need to play dumb Bommie.  I've seen all the looks and I've heard all the whispers.  I'm only here because of Jiyong.  That's the only reason why I'm still here.  It's all because of Jiyong.  Don't you think I've heard about all the strings he pulled in order for me to be accepted here?  Don't look at me like that Bom, you know what I'm talking about.  I'm only here because of Jiyong."

"That's not true.  You're so good.  You shouldn't listen to them.  They're just jealous of you."

"Jealous of what?  Jealous of someone who can't even control her own voice regardless of all the lessons?  What are they jealous of?"

"They're jealous because you've got the one thing they all want."

"And what is that?"

"Jiyong's love."

"Bommie," you say with a sad sigh.  You scowl as you hear your voice coach call out Bom's name and stick his enormous head out of the door.  You see her turn and hesitate before looking back at you.  You give her a smile and urge her to go.  "Go.  I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep.  I'm fine."

"If you need me for anything, call me ok?"

"Ok, now go.  I'm ok."

"Promise me you'll call?"

"I promise, now go before you get in trouble too."

"Ok," she said before running into the classroom.  You pursed your lips as you looked down at your watch and back at the bathroom door.  You let out another helpless sigh when you saw that you were late for your lesson with your Japanese language teacher.  The pregnancy tests had to wait.

The music slowly died down and you opened your eyes to the sound of clapping. 

"Still one of the best, I see.  They weren't lying when they said you moved like water to music," you hear the man's voice echo through the studio.  You looked up into the mirror and met the gaze of one of Jiyong's mentors.  You felt the air rush out of your body at the angry smile on his face. 

"Teddy…"