Hi everyone!  I'm so sorry for keeping everyone waiting.  Thank you guys for being so patient with me and my slow updates.  Please let me know what you guys think of this update.

"Do you remember that cafe we use to go to after you became a trainee?  The one across the street from the old abandoned building?"

"The one next to the karaoke bar?"

"Yes that one.  I'll meet you there ok?"

"Ok," you sniffed.  You brush away the tears and wipe your running nose with a swipe of your sleeve.  You listen to your car roar to life and you blindly make your way to the old cafe you had once frequented.  Draped in melancholy, you navigate through the familiar roads that you had explored a long time ago and the memories flooded your depressed mind.   You attempt to ignore the incoming memories and brush them aside as you slowed down to park the car. 

You stop after stepping out of your car and take the time to notice the changed surroundings.  The empty, quiet street that the tiny cafe had sat on was now bustling with noise and strangers.  The old bowling alley that had occupied the corner of the street had become a bar.  Across from the cafe was a new bath house where the abandoned building had once stood and you feel miserable.  There in the moment you feel like a stranger.  You felt foreign and as if you didn't belong.  The truth of it all screamed in your face and it said that the world you had once known changed itself to a world you no longer recognized.

You let out a shaky breath before making your way out of the bustling street into the cozy cafe.  The aroma of brewing coffee welcomed you and you feel a warmth spread through your body.  You quietly seat yourself in a booth in the far back of the cafe and stare out the large window at the passing traffic.  You look away when you hear the unmistakable sound of someone approaching your table to find a young girl waiting for your order.  You smile meekly at the pretty girl as you place your order and wait until she leaves to return to study the life outside.  You watch as two love struck teenagers walk by and you barely acknowledge the waitress when she returned with your cup of coffee and sweet potato roll, while the memories you had tried to keep at bay flooded in.

You purse your lips and check your watch impatiently as you wait for Jiyong to finish up with his dance practice, which was running forty five minutes later than normal.  You seat yourself against the cement wall next to the studio door and shiver slightly as the cold floor seeped through your jeans.  You slip in one of your ear buds and gently tap your fingers to the beat of the demo track that your genius of a boyfriend had given to you earlier in the week with that shy smile you loved.  "Let's stay like this forever together, if you're weak, you can lean on me.  Baby I want to always love you," you quietly sing along.  You stop suddenly as you hear the sound of footsteps meeting the linoleum floor. 

"Why is he even with her?" you hear a nasally voice interrupt the quietness of the hallway.  "There's absolutely nothing special about her."

"I know right?  Mr. Guk is never here on time," another voice spoke up and you frown as you recognized the voices of two girls you trained with.  You listen to them shuffle about before recognizing the sound of a backpack slapping the floor.  You peek around the corner and noticed the two had sat down beside the vocal coach's closed door. " the floor is cold."

"She's not even that good," the nasally one piped in.

"Right?  She walks around here like she owns the place," the other one responded.  You lower the volume of your IPod to a bare whisper and you wonder who they were talking about.  "I don't see what he sees in her."

" I overheard Mr. Guk telling Yang Hyun Suk that if she doesn't improve, she'll never debut."

"You know the only reason why she got accepted as a trainee was because of Jiyong," you hear her say and you freeze.  They were talking about you and you're shocked.  You didn't walk around like that, did you?  You didn't mean too.  "She's not even that pretty."

"Did you see how she has her hair today?" you instinctively reach up to touch your ponytail and untie it.  You run your fingers through the tangled tresses and you're conscious of the outfit you had randomly threw on as you heard the one with the nasally voice speak again.  "Who would wear a sweatshirt, jeans and scuffed up tennis shoes?"

"She should really just give up.  She has absolutely nothing going for her.  She can't be the face of a group because she's not beautiful.  She isn't fashionable at all.  She can't sing and she can barely dance.  She's only here because of Jiyong," the other one remarked.  And your confidence is beaten to a pulp while the insecurities you had managed to ignore, until that moment, came rushing past the barriers you built to keep them out.  You bite back the urge to cry as the tears threatened to fall and you check the time once more, this time begging for Jiyong to come out.  You blindly search for your IPod sitting in your lap and turn up the volume to block out the two but not before you heard the last thing she said, "I really doubt Jiyong is truly happy with her.  I bet it won't be long before he gets tired of her and leaves her.  Soon enough everyone will see how untalented she is.  Jiyong deserves better."

You quietly slip in the other ear phone and close your eyes.  You continue to fight the tears and curse yourself for allowing what others thought of you to affect you to this degree but dammit it hurt like hell.  It's true you lacked experience and training in a lot of areas but isn't that why you were a trainee?  Couldn't they at least give you some time to prove that you were of some worth and that you weren't just Jiyong's girlfriend?  You jump slightly when you feel a soft hand cup your cheek and you open your red eyes to meet the kind ones of your boyfriend.

"Hi baby, I'm sorry practice..." Jiyong stated apologetically before trailing off.  You watched as his gentle look turned to concern and you look away as you collected your belongings.  "Baby what's wrong?  Did something happen?"

"Nothing's wrong Jiyong.  I'm fine," you reply as you stand up and brush off your bottom.  You look up and smile meekly.  "Are you ready to go?"

"Are you sure everything's ok?"he questioned you once again with a pout.

"Yes babe.  Can we go now?" you ask with a pout of your own.  "I'm hungry, aren't you?"

"Starving," he replied happily.  "Where do you want to go?"

"How about to that one cafe?  I've been wanting one of their sweet potato rolls," you answered.

"I'll go anywhere you are," Jiyong stated before holding out his hand and you shyly slip your fingers between his.  The two of you make your way around the corner and slowly towards the two gossiping trainees.  "Did you wait long?  Why didn't you come in and watch instead of sitting out in the hallway?"

"I didn't want to bother you while you're filming,"you reply as you stare at the two girls and you push aside the insecurities they brought out.  You silently celebrate at the expressions on their faces as they realized that you had heard everything they had said and you throw each of them a smile as you past by.  "Plus I wanted to listen to the demo you gave me."

"Oh yeah?  What'd you think of it?"

"I loved it but of course I love everything that you come up with.  I'm sure it'll be a hit."

"You think so?"

"Of course honey.  How was your day?" you asked Jiyong.  You smile and nod as you listen to him go on about his day and the filming for the documentary.  "Do you like the filming?  How are the other guys coping?  How's Youngbae doing?"

"We're all stressed.  We don't know who's going to make the group.  I really want all of us to make the group,"he states sadly as you sit yourself into the booth in the back of the cafe and him across from you.  "I don't want to lose any of them.  They're like brothers to me."

"Each of you are absolutely amazing.  You all will make it into the group," you reply and the both of you are lost in your own thoughts.  You remember what you over heard earlier and you wonder if what they said was true.  Maybe you really didn't have any talent.  Maybe Jiyong did deserve better than someone who lacked so much.  You unconsciously frown as the tears threatened to pour once again.  You look up as your fingers are tangled with Jiyong's and see the look of tender concern written on his face.

"Tell me baby, what's wrong?  What happened earlier?  Why do you look like you're ready to cry?"

"It's nothing Jiyong.  I just have something in my eye," you reply with a smile.

"You can tell me anything.  You know that right?"

"I know," you whisper softly.

"So tell me, what's wrong?  What's in that head of yours?"

"Jiyong-ah."

"Yes sweetheart?"

"I'm sorry I'm not perfect."

"Perfect?  Who says you're not perfect?"

"No one."

"Tell me who said it," you hear him demand.

"Really no one Jiyong.  I just wanted to say I'm sorry that I'm not perfect for you."

"But you are," he replied softly as he gently squeezed your hand.  "You'll always be perfect to me."

"Things change.  Maybe one day your opinion will change."

"It'll never change.  Remember that ok?  You're the perfect one for me.  Ok?"

"Ok."

"But things have changed Jiyong," you whisper to yourself quietly before bringing the warm cup of coffee to your lips and sip.  "Do you still think I'm perfect for you?  How I wish I was still the perfect one for you."

"Yah," the voice interrupted your thoughts and you look up from your coffee cup to meet the baby faced Bommie.  You watched her bounce into the seat across from you and a sense of relief washed over you.  You weren't alone with your memories anymore, at least for a while that is.  "What are you doing back here all by yourself?"

"Reliving memories," you state with a frown.  "I'm always reliving memories."

"What memories?" she questioned you as she eyed your sweet potato roll hungrily.  You nudge the plate forward and saw the pretty girl shake her head while a sad pout sat on her face.  "I can't.  Hwang Sung Chan has me on a diet."

"What kind of diet?" you ask as you remember the multiple diets Hwangssabu used to put you on.

"The no yummy foods diet," she replied with a frown.  You laugh when you see Bom pick up the plate and sniff it before eyeballing it once more.  "It looks so good and it smells so delicious."

"So eat it," you urge.  "I won't tell anyone."

"I shouldn't," she stated weakly and you could tell her strong will was fading fast.  "I really shouldn't."

"Ok then," you simply say as she placed the plate back onto the table.  "I wonder if it's as good as before."

"You're evil," Bom complained while you picked up the sweet roll and popped a piece of it into your mouth.  "Cruel."

"It's so delicious," you gloat with your eyes closed.  "It's so flaky and it just melts in your mouth."

"You are terrible," she replied as she looked longingly at the sweet roll.  "Horrible."

"Just eat some of it."

"I can't though.  I'm on a diet."

"Fine then.  Be that way."

"Oh I want some though."

"Then eat it."

"I shouldn't."

"Okay, while you contemplate it, I'm going to go over there where the bathroom is.  You know where I can't see anything," you say to Bom, who was still eyeing the plate and the probability of her ignoring you was high.  You slide out of the booth and make your way to the bathroom.  Halfway to your destination you stop and turn around to witness Bom slowly pick up the sweet roll and nibble.  Smiling, you continue on your path to the bathroom while another memory washed over you.

"Bom, you know I can't eat that," you exclaim as you point at the large bowl of ramyun.  "I'm on a diet."

"Oh it's fine.  Just eat it," she stated with a brush of her hand.  "It's not like he'll know.  Plus, I'm not going to be able to eat all of this on my own.  Don't you want some?"

"Why would you ask such a question?  Of course I want some.  Oh, it looks and smells so good."

"It's delicious," Bom tormented you with a mouthful while you watched her eat and your stomach growled angrily.  "Just eat.  It's not like he'll know.  I won't tell anyone."

"I can't," you whine and you feel your self control slipping away while she slurped up another mouthful of noodles.  "I can't."

"You can."

"Trainer Hwang has been complaining because I've gained weight."

"What, like two pounds?"

"Five actually but you noticed too?" you self consciously ask while looking down at yourself and mentally made a reminder to work out later.

"I was actually being sarcastic and you don't look like you've gained any weight.  So will you eat now?"

"I want to but I shouldn't."

"Seriously!  You don't need to lose any weight," she commanded while pushing the delicious looking ramyun towards you.

"I do.  I don't even know how I gained five pounds," you reply as you nudged the bowl back to Bom.

"I'm telling you that the scale is rigged.  You don't need to go on a diet," she stated and you watched her pull out her phone.  You attempt to ignore the wonderful aromas wafting around you as Bom's fingers rapidly tapped the cell phone.

"Who are you texting?"

"Jiyong."

"For what?"

"I'm telling him that you're starving yourself and that Hwangssabu has you on a crazy diet," you hear her reply with a purse of .

"What?  No, don't do that," you exclaimed as you reached over and tried to snatch the phone out of the pretty girl's hands.  "You can't do that.  Jiyong is going to tell trainer Hwang to quit putting me on a diet."

"You say it like it's a bad thing," she stated.  You watched helplessly as she sent the message and placed the phone back onto the table.

"It is a bad thing," you say with a scowl.

"Trust me, it's not a bad thing.  After Jiyong gets done with the fitness guru, you'll no longer be on diets."

"That's what I'm afraid of," you muttered.

"What'd you say?"

"Nothing."

"Fine then.  Hurry up and help me eat this," she demanded as she tossed you a pair of chopsticks.  You let the utensils hit the table and silently stared at them while contemplating on whether or not you should really eat, after all you still needed to lose five pounds.  You groan when you hear the familiar ring of your phone and you looked down to see Jiyong's name flash across the screen.  Before picking up the phone you mentally cursed Bom for telling Jiyong about your diet.  You knew that you were definitely going to get a scolding from Jiyong and if he didn't already, Hwangssabu was going to hear from Jiyong also.

"Did you get lost on the way to the bathroom?" Bom questioned as you quietly slid back into the booth.

"No," you reply with a roll of your eyes.  "I didn't get lost."

"You fall in the toilet then?"

"No Bommie," you answer.  You're surprised when you looked down at the table to find a plate with two more steaming sweet potato rolls.  "They're still delicious aren't they?"

"Amazing," she said with a grin.  "So what was taking you so long?"

"Just remembering," you reply with a sigh.  "I'm always remembering.  It's like a plague.  I can't seem to stop the memories."

"What were you remembering?" she questioned you softly and you watched her snatch up a roll and slowly pick at it.

"The last time I was ever put on a diet."

"You say it like that is such a horrible thing.  I wish I no longer had to go on a diet."

"I didn't mind being on a diet though," you quietly said as you ignore the confused look on Bom's face.  "But you had to tell Jiyong about it and ruin it for me."

"How did I ruin it?"

"Because you involved Jiyong.  His name constantly followed me around.  If I was struggling with anything, Jiyong would somehow find out and he'd make it easier for me some way.  I didn't have to struggle with anything because he was always there to save me," you spat out.  "Everyone around me fought for their dreams and when they succeeded it was because they worked for it but if I achieved even the tiniest goal, people threw it in my face that it was because Jiyong was my boyfriend."

"I'm sorry," the beautiful singer whispered.  "I didn't know.  You never said anything."

"I couldn't because if I said anything, people would say I was unappreciative for all the things he did for me.  I was stuck in a really difficult position.  People were already saying that I joined YG only because of Jiyong and that I didn't have any type of talent."

"Who said that crap?"

"Everyone Bommie.  I even heard it with my own ears."

"Like who?"

"You know that one trainee with the really nasally voice, shoot what was her name?"

"The one with the nasally voice?" she pondered with a pout.  "I know who you're talking about.  Dammit I remember what she looked like but I don't remember her name.   The really short one with the chipped tooth?"

"Yes, her," you reply.  "I overheard her and the one who always followed her around talking one day while I was waiting for Jiyong."

"What did they say?  Never mind, it doesn't matter what they said.  They wanted Jiyong so badly anyways.  They were just jealous."

 "It doesn't matter anymore," you say with a brush of your hand.  "What happened to them anyways?

"I really don't know.  I think eventually they were just dropped because unlike you they actually didn't have anything special about them."

"I'm nothing special," you mutter.

"Says the dancing machine," she replied sarcastically.  "You were so special.  You just couldn't see it because of all your insecurities.  Is that why you left?  Because of what people said?  Because of Jiyong?"

"Yes but it wasn't the only thing.  Those were some of the reasons but mostly because," you slowly trail off.

"Because of what?"

"Because of the last time I saw Jiyong."

"What happened?" she asks.  "Hmm?  What happened the last time you saw him?"

"Bommie," you say with a sad sigh.  "You don't have to play dumb, I know you know."

"Know what?"

"That you know what happened."

"All I truly know is that I had a missed call from you and then I looked for you at the building the next day and they said you didn't show up for training.  The next thing I heard was that you had left.  I know nothing and Jiyong never talked about it after you left.  He just stopped talking for a while.  The only time he would talk was during promotions.  If he wasn't promoting, he was locked up in that studio of his working on music and if he wasn't doing that, he was holed up in his room.  He never spoke about it to anyone," she answered slowly while she watched you.  "There were rumors but I never believed them.  I want to hear it from you.  Why did you leave?  Were you that unhappy with Jiyong?"

"Oh Bommie, I was never unhappy with Jiyong."

"Then why did you leave?"

"Because I didn't want to disappoint him again."

"How were you going to disappoint him?  You could of never disappointed him.  He was always so proud of you."

"You didn't see his face that night."

"What night?"

"It was just so full of hurt, confusion and disappointment," you whisper sadly as you stirred the now cold cup of coffee.  "I never wanted to see that look of disappointment again.  I never wanted to disappoint him again."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the night he found the two pregnancy tests in my purse," you answer quietly.  You avoid Bom's questioning look and turn your attention to the busy street outside the small cafe.  You squeeze your eyes in an attempt to bury the oncoming memory.  A memory you'd rather forget.  Sadly, it was the one memory you found yourself reliving almost every night. 

"What happened," she questioned you gently.

"Nothing," you simply state with the hopes that it would end the conversation but you knew by the look of determination on her face, that was not going to be the end of the it.  So you reiterate it again.  "Nothing Bom.  Just drop it ok?"

"Just drop it?  How am I supposed to just drop it?" she asked you incredulously.  "What happened four years ago?  Tell me now."

"He found the pregnancy tests in my purse.  He confronted me.  We argued a bit and then he left.  End of story," your answer firm.

"And that little argument made you up and leave your family and friends?"

"Yep," you say with a purse of your lips.  "Simple as that."

"I know for damn sure it wasn't as simple as that.  What happened?  Why would you just leave everyone who loved you?  Why would you do that?" she shot back at you angrily.  You're stunned at the fire in her voice and you flinch as the words stung, although you had been expecting Bom to be angry and had been preparing yourself for this moment, it still caught you off guard.  She had every reason to be mad at you, after all, she was your best friend but her words didn't do as much damage as the hurt you saw in her eyes.  "How could you do that?  How?  Why-why couldn't you just come to me?  Why didn't you tell me?  I was supposed to be your best friend?  Why?  How could you just leave like that?"

"I didn't want to burden you with my own problems.  You had so much on your plate already and you had your own things to stress over.  I didn't need you to worry about me too," you mumble.  "I'm sorry Bommie.  I'm so sorry."

"It hurts knowing that you couldn't even come to me.  To me.  Your best friend.  It hurt that I couldn't help you.  Why didn't you just talk to me?"

"I tried.  I c-called," you stuttered.

"Why didn't you keep calling until I answered or answered when I called you back?  Why didn't you leave a message?  Why didn't you stay?"

"Because I felt like I had no other choice.  I had already failed Jiyong.  I-I didn't want to disappoint anyone else.  I couldn't," you said sadly.  "I couldn't stay," you barely whisper.  The two of you sat while the silence enveloped the both you.  You sat there ashamed of the pain you never intended but managed to cause to the people you loved.

"So were you?" Bom asked you softly.

"Was I what?"

"Pregnant," she stated calmly.  "Were you pregnant?"

"No.  No I wasn't."

"How come you didn't tell Jiyong then?"

"I didn't find out until I was already gone," you replied sadly.  "It was too late and I had already made my decision.  I couldn't of turned back.  I would've never been able to fix it if I came back anyways."

"You could have," she told you.  "You know, come back and fixed it.  He would've taken you back without a single hesitation."

"I really doubt that Bommie."  The two of you were encased in another bout of silence until Bom's cell phone went off with a shrill ring, making the both of you jump with a start.  You watched her quietly pick up the phone and read the name flashing across the screen.

"It's the girls.  We're supposed to meet up and have dinner tonight," she explained to you apologetically.  You give her an understanding nod, after all you were the one who interrupted her week break before her hectic schedule of promotions.  "You can come if you want.  We still owe you a meal remember?"

"No.  No it's ok Bommie.  I need to go back and catch up on some sleep."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah.  I'll be fine," you reply as you try to muster up a smile.  "I'm fine.  I promise."

"Call me if you need anything," you hear her say softly and you nod.  "I mean it.  Anything."

"Alright.  Alright, now go.  I don't want you to be late for your dinner date with the girls," you urge her.  You quickly throw some money onto the table and push her towards the entrance of the cafe.  You make your way over to your car while she stood and watched you.

"I see Jiyong gave you back your car."

"He did.  Do you need a ride back?"

"No.  Dara and the girls are at the karaoke bar next door."

"Oh ok.  Well then I'll see you guys in a week when promotions are going to start ok?" you yell over the hood of your car.

"Are you going to work for him?" she questioned you instead and you're taken aback by her question.  "With Jiyong.  Are you?"

"How-how did you know?"

"I heard it from one of the trainees."

"Right, I forget how quickly word travels," you say with a grin. 

"Well are you?"

"I-I'm not sure yet."

"I think you should.  It may be four years too late but you can always still fix it," she states simply with a knowing smile.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to fix it Bommie."

"You'll never know until you give it a try," she threw back at you.  "Plus I want you to stay here.  Here where your family and friends are."

"I'll think about it ok?"

"Alright, just think about it," she said with a nod of agreement.  "Remember, call me if you need me."

"Okay.  Have fun," you yell back before sliding into your car.  You watched her until she was safely in the karaoke bar before pulling away from the cafe and merging with traffic.  You feel as if a weight has been lifted off of you and yet another one was placed on you.    You didn't know what to do with anything related to Jiyong.  Was everyone right when they encouraged you to work with Jiyong?  It would give you the opportunity to try and fix everything with him but what if you couldn't fix it?  "It's worth a try right?" you mutter to yourself.

………..

"I can't believe you.  After...after everything...."

You wake up shaking in a cold sweat as the memory you had managed to ignore the entire day somehow s its way into your dreams.  You flop onto your back and stare up at the white ceiling with a frustrated sigh.  Your memories were not only haunting you while you were awake, they were now interrupting the little sleep you finally got.  You rearrange the overstuffed pillows and comforter in an attempt to get comfortable once again only to realize that you were now officially wide awake.  You angrily purse your lips as you reach over to check the time on your phone and groaned in annoyance as you read the time.  "One o'clock in the morning?  Seriously?"

You toss and turn for forty minutes before covering your head with a fluffy pillow to muffle your scream and give up on any chance of going back to sleep.  You throw the pillow and comforter off of you and jump out of the bed.  You quickly throw on a pair of freshly washed jeans and sweatshirt.  You tie up your favorite beat up sneakers and slip some money into the back pocket of your jeans.  You return to your bed to collect your charging phone, IPod and keys.  You quietly sneak your way out of the room, down the hallway and out of the hotel.  You're not sure where you're headed but you know you want to walk and so you wander the streets. 

Like always, you fight the memories at first until you gradually allow them to wash over you like the tides of the Han river and you're automatically transported to the past.

You sigh sadly as the sun began to rise, the light peeking through the blinds, while the birds chirped and you sat in the hard love seat overlooking the city you would now have to call home.  It had been two days of pure hell since you landed in LA but you had made the decision to leave Seoul.  The first day after arriving, you had spent the entire day in bed, crying, while you spent the night watching the busy traffic below.  You knew there was no turning back.  You were in this alone now and being weak wasn't an option. 

In the broken English that you had learned while being a trainee, you had managed to rent a hotel room for you and your meager belongings until you could find a place of your own along with a job. Feeling empty and alone, you look around your small hotel room and fight back the tears.  You missed the one bedroom apartment you shared with Jiyong and the home like feeling it held for you but missing something wasn't going to make it appear or make things better.  No, you had to forget about the apartment you shared with him or the way his smile warmed you to the core.  You had to forget about the way his kisses made your toes curl and the way your body surrendered to his gentle teasing touches.  You give your head a firm shake and silently made a vow to yourself to forget every aspect and memory of the skinny man you were so very much in love with.  You had to forget.  You just had to.

Your empty stomach grumbled while pain shot up from your abdomen area and you slowly reach down to pet your stomach as you're reminded of the possibility of being pregnant with his child.  It was there at that moment that you had remembered about the two pregnancy tests that you had never gotten the chance to make use of after your confrontation with Jiyong.  Things had sped by too quickly after your fight with him and you had made several reminders to use them only to forget about it later on.  You take in a deep breath, close your eyes and slowly exhale before standing up from your curled position.  You run your fingers through your tangled mane you called your hair and straightened your wrinkled clothing.

You make a mental note to pick up another test as you scurry around the room to gather your keys and pocket some money.  You rush out of the hotel room and over to the fast food joint across the street.  You study the strange food in the pictures above the counters and you instantly miss your mother's cooking.

"For here or to go?"

"Here."

"What can I get you today?" the lady over the counter questioned you politely and you give her an unsure smile. 

"Can I get one number one?" you hesitantly place your order.

"Do you want cheese on it?"

"Cheese?" you question.  "Yes, yes cheese."

"Would you like to super size that?" you hear her ask and you wonder why she had so many questions.

"No.  No super size," you reply.  You listen to her ramble off a price.  You quickly hand her the money and wait until she handed you the change.  "Thank you."

 "Here's your number.  Place this on your table and someone will be over to bring you your order.  Okay?" she directed you as she handed you the number.  You accept the number and walk around looking for a table before sitting down at a table on the back patio.  You watch the crowds of people walk by and listen to the noise the hectic city brings.  You feel as if someone was watching you as the hair on your body begins to stand up straight.  You frown while looking at your surroundings to find a figure standing in the shadows of the building across the street, staring at you.  Squinting, you try to make out the face of the person and let out a frustrated breath of air when you couldn't.  You jump slightly and let out a squeak when the waiter reached your table with your order.  After accepting the tray of food and thanking the nice man, you looked up in search of the figure in the shadows only to find it empty. 

Making a face, you stare down at the food in front of you and pout.  More now than ever, did you miss Seoul and the comfort foods you were used to.  You barely picked at the burger, ignored the overdone fries and drank half of the too sweet drink before throwing it all away.  You tiptoed past the other customers, made your way out of the fast food joint and down the street in search of a convenience store.  Wincing, you stop your search as the pain in your abdomen intensified and knocked the air out of your lungs before subsiding leaving you weak and shaking.  You steady your wobbly knees and continue on your search for a store.

You let out a sigh of relief as you slowly approached the hidden worn down building and made your way in.  You were the only customer in the tiny shop besides the elderly cashier in the front of the store.  Slowly, you walked the aisles until you found the pregnancy tests.  You found it ironic that there were diapers on one side and contraceptives on the other.  You grabbed one and hesitate once more when you make your way towards the cash register.  You act nonchalant as you placed the test on the counter and you can feel the older lady's judging eyes bore into your soul.  You watched her ring you up and you shake your head at her as she reached for a plastic bag for your purchased item.  Instead, you grab the pink box and question the lady.  "Bathroom?"

"The bathroom?" she repeated your question.

"Yes bathroom," you simply state.

"In the back.  First door on your right," she instructed with a point.  You look back in the direction she had pointed, you face the lady and take a timid step backwards before bowing and quickly making your way into the back.

"Right.  Right.  Right," you mumble softly to yourself until you reached the door with the test in your hand.  Once again you pause and look down at the pink box.  You turn the door handle and you swear your heart stopped beating when the door swung open.  The bathroom was dark and dirty.  The faucet was leaking and you feel your heart beat match the pace of each drip.  The floor was sticky and there were pieces of toilet paper scattered around the overfilled garbage can while the walls were decorated in graffiti.  You close the bathroom door and layer the dingy seat with the thin pieces of toilet paper before sitting down.

It was there in that dirty bathroom that you found out that you were indeed not pregnant but that your period was late and had decided to make itself known now.  You let out an angry laugh as you stared down at the material between your legs and the tiny red spotted stain on it before looking back up at the pink box in your hand.  You don't know when your laughter became tears but you recognized the hot tears running down your face.  There you were in the dingy bathroom of a small convenience shop, hunched over and sobbing into your hands.  You don't try to hide the loud wails coming out from deep within your throat or attempt to choke back the tears.  No, you cry out your frustrations and pain of the circumstances you were in.

You don't hear the loud knocks as you cry nor do you notice the door of the bathroom opening.  You don't pay attention to your surroundings  until you are enveloped in the warm arms of the old lady.  You clutch to her while you sob into the stranger's arms while she petted your hair and you don't understand the words of comfort she whispered quietly into your hair but you welcome it.  It was also there in the dark bathroom that you found comfort in a stranger's arms for the first time since you had landed in LA.  You felt safe.