Was it really just a dream or was Jiyong really standing in front of you?

“Jiyong?” you softly ask again and you see him hesitate before turning around to face you and you feel your heart drop disappointedly when you see that the person standing there wasn’t Jiyong but someone you didn’t know.

“I-I’m sorry.  I couldn’t sleep so I-I just thought I’d come and practice on my dancing,” the boy answered shyly.  “I didn’t think anyone would be here.  I’m sorry.”

You sigh and you can’t seem to get rid of the sense of disappointment that was coursing through you.  You stared intently at the young man standing before you and you see that he bared no resemblance to Jiyong and yet you mistook him for Jiyong.  You hated to admit it but you really wished that it was Jiyong standing there.  You really just wanted to get the confrontation over and done with.  But no instead Jiyong was everywhere.  The minute you had stepped into Seoul, there were reminders of him everywhere.  It didn’t help that his pictures were plastered everywhere.  You couldn’t even get something to drink without his face being on it.  You would turn on the television and see something that he or Big Bang was endorsing.  You the radio and as if it sensed you, they would automatically play a Big Bang song.

He was everywhere and it was driving you crazy.  Plus you were seeing him in every man that you passed in the street.  He was the man talking on the phone on the sidewalk, the man standing in front of the window or the man selling the street food.  Truthfully though, you just wanted to see him even if it would kill you.  You just wanted to reassure yourself of what Youngbae and the rest of the guys had been saying was true.  You wanted to see if he was actually doing fine, fine without you.  You are startled from your thoughts and you look back up when you hear the young trainee cough loudly.

“I’m sorry.  I can leave if you’d like to use the studio,” you offer and you see him shake his head.  “Or would you like to dance too?”

“No.  I’m sorry.  I should just go.  I don’t think it’s a good idea.  Thank you anyways,” he says before rushing out of the dance studio and leaving you alone and confused.

What did he mean when he said that he didn’t think it was a good idea?  You questioned yourself while you replayed what the trainee had said over and over again in your mind.  He had looked at you like you were the enemy.  Did everyone regard you as the enemy?  Maybe he didn’t want to get caught being associated with the enemy.  The enemy who broke the one and only Jiyong’s heart.

You let out a sad sigh.  You were tired of being known as the one who broke his heart.  Why couldn’t anyone see that you’re heart was still broken too?  But you had no right to complain, right?  You were the one who left.  Not him.

………..

“Ok everyone, fifteen minutes and then each of you are going to go through the dance individually.  I want to see where each of you are having problems and what I need to do to fix it,” you command.   You watch the four girls drag their feet to the waiting benches and each of them collapse onto them.  You smirk as you hear Chaerin grumble, Bom’s over dramatic groan of pain, Dara’s declaration to do better while the youngest in the group quietly rubbed down her sore muscles.  You felt bad for the girls because after a long day of filming the music video for one of their title tracks, they had to come back to the company and practice for their comeback.  You knew that they were use to the hectic schedules but you still felt bad for pushing them, they must be exhausted.

“When are the other two supposed to get in?” you ask Melanie who had been fiddling with her phone.  You sat down beside her and grabbed the camera and watched the multiple footages of the girls rehearsing.

“I believe Chris’s plane should be landing soon and Jonathan should be arriving sometime tomorrow,” she answered and you nod.

“That’ll be good since we’re going to need the help,” you state as you continued to review the filmed practices.  You wince when you see that Bom had missed more than a few steps.  Yang Hyun Suk would not be too happy if he watched this footage and you knew that if there was no improvement in their performance by the end of the week, your would be in trouble.  You check the clock hanging on the wall and see that the fifteen minutes had passed by too quickly.  You hand Melanie the camera before standing up.

“Ok, fifteen minutes are up.  Let’s go,” you say before rushing over to the computer.

“That was the fastest fifteen minutes in my life,” Bom complained and you had to agree with her.

“Come on,” you encourage.  “Who’s going first?”

You laugh as three of the girls point their fingers at the youngest in the room and you instantly feel bad for her.  It must really being the youngest but you also knew that Minzy was an amazing dancer so she would fly through the routine without much trouble.  You hear Minzy release a loud sigh before making her way to the middle of the dance floor and faced the mirror with her back to you. 

“Ready?” you ask the dancer and she throws you a tired smile.  You play the music and the studio is filled with the voices of the four girls.  You stand with arms crossed and you watch her glide across the floor and dance through the routine effortlessly. 

“That was perfect,” you exclaimed.  “I hope everyone is just as good.”

“I knew she shouldn’t have gone before us,” Dara grumpily stated and you see the smirk on Minzy’s face. 

“Aish,” you hear Bom yell before throwing a water bottle at the youngest and you see her smoothly dodge the flying bottle.  That must happen often.  “Couldn’t you have messed up just once?”

“Ok everyone who’s next?” you ask and you giggle to yourself when you see no one volunteering while the youngest lounged back.  “Bom?”

“I want to watch a bit more,” Bom said with a pout.  “Everyone knows I’m not as good of a dancer.”

“Ok.  Dara?” you ask and face the tiny girl.  You see her shake her head and you sigh. 

“I’m not going after Minzy,” the pretty girl replied and you turned to look at the last girl.  “You know everyone’s going to have to do it.  Why not get over with.”

“Fine I’ll do it,” the leader of the group huffed as she made her way to the dance floor and glared into the mirror.  “I’m ready.”

You replayed the song and the same song played through and you watched her run through the choreography without too many mistakes.  The song ended and you can see the Chaerin’s labored breathing.

“You did great.  There’s a few things that needs to be fixed but overall you did great,” you encouraged and you see her smile.  “Who’s next?  Dara?”

“Ok,” she grumbled as she took her place in the middle of the dance floor.  You see her put on her game face and flex.

“Ready?” you say as you try to stifle your laugh and you hear her grunt in response.  For what felt like the hundredth time that night, you played the song once again.  Your eyes were trained on her and you see her struggle a bit with a few steps but like she always seemed to do.  She pulled through with a fighting attitude and once the song finished you grinned at you proudly.

“Good.  It was really good.  There are things that need work but you did very well,” you reassured her and you see that she was happy with your critique and made her way back to the bench.  You turned to the last girl in the group and you see her avoid your gaze.  “Your turn Bom.”

“Come on Bommie.  You can do it,” Minzy said encouragingly.  You raise an eyebrow at Bom when you see her furrow her eyebrows and pout.  You cross your arms, tapped your foot and stared at the girl

“Fine,” she finally said as she stomped her way onto the dance floor and huffed.  You wait as you watch her fidget around and fix her hair. 

“Ready?” you ask and you see the uncertainty on her face.  “Bom you’ll be fine ok?  Ready?”

“Yeah,” she answered back and you replay the song.  You see her hesitate and stop to look at you for reassurance again which made you stop the playing music.

“It’s ok Bom.  Ignore all of us and just focus on what you remember,” you reassure you again before restarting the music.  You see the wheels in her mind turn as she tries to remember the steps before stopping and letting out a frustrated cry.

“I’m never going to remember.  I don’t remember,” she cries out and your heart goes out to her.  You remember a time when you cried out the same thing and Bom had been there to reassure you.  You let your mind go back to that hidden memory and you feel your heart clench at the memory.  For a second you’re back in the old dance studio beneath the building.

“I can’t do this Bommie.  I’m never going to remember these stupid steps,” you cried out in frustration before plopping yourself in the middle of the dance floor.  “I’m never going to be able to do this.”

“Yes you can,” Bom whispered softly as she reassured you.  “We’ll do it over and over until you have them memorized.”

“I’m never going to remember Bommie.  I can’t sing.  I can’t dance.  I sure as hell can’t act.  So why am I still here?” you ask as you rest your chin on top of your knees. 

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” you hear her shush you softly.

“I’m only here because of Jiyong aren’t I?”

“No, you’re still here because YG sees the potential in you.”

“Yeah right,” you said sarcastically.  “I’m a horrible dancer.  Even Jae Wook says it.”

“Don’t listen to Jae Wook.  He only said it because he was frustrated at you.”

“He was frustrated at me because I am a terrible dancer.”

“It’ll be fine.  I promise.”

“No it won’t.  Yang Hyun Suk’s going to see that damn video of my horrible dancing,” you said as you point at the camera that had been focused on you.  Filming your never changing progress.  “He’s going to see and then I’m going to be kicked out of YG and then I’m going to be a failure.”

“No you’re not.  You’re going to be one of the best.  I promise,” you hear her say before she stood up and ran towards the camera.  You watched her fumble with the camera and the accusing red light shut off.  “It’s off now.”

You continued to watch and see her run towards the door and flicked off some of the lights.  You watch her in the mirror as she ran to the ancient stereo and flipped on the same song that had been playing on repeat.  You feel her nudge your shoulder and you look back up at her.

“Stand up,” she commanded and you do so.  “Close your eyes and try to remember the steps.  I promise they’ll come to you.”

You listen to her and close your eyes.  You listened to the beat of the music and bit by bit the chorography came to you. 

The memory faded away and you were back in the newly designed dance studio and for a minute you miss the old studio and all the memories that it held.  You stared at the girl in the mirror and you smile.

“It’ll be fine Bom.  I promise,” you say softly after you stop the music again.  You walk to where Melanie was standing and turned off the camera that had been aimed on Bom before making your way over to the door of the studio where the light switches were and dimmed the lights.  “Just do the parts you remember and I’ll help you, I right here.”

“Just close your eyes and try to remember the steps.  I promise they’ll come to you,” you say as you step closer to the beautiful girl and you signal Melanie to start the music.  You watch her count the beats and slowly go through the steps to the song.  Bom was off on many points but you see the determination written on her face.  It was the same determination that had gotten her into YG.  You knew that a more practices Bom would have it down perfectly.  The music died down and Bom opened her eyes and met your smiling ones.  “You did fine Bom.  A few more times and you’ll do great.  I’ll work with you on perfecting it, ok?”

You see her nod and run back to the bench where the other girls were sitting.  You looked up at the clock and realized that it was well past two in the morning and you glanced over at the exhausted girls.  Minzy was lounged back, resting up against the wall with her eyes closed.  Chaerin had been furiously typing away on her phone while Dara had her head on Bom’s shoulder.  Bom on the other hand was staring intently at the floor and you could see that she wasn’t in the dance studio anymore.  She was somewhere off in that mind of hers.

“Ok you guys can go.  Go to bed and I’ll see you guys tomorrow…afternoon?” you stated and you see Minzy jump at the sound of your voice echoing in the room.  You watch them silently gather their things and slowly made their way past you.  They thanked you before passing by and you bid them goodnight once again.  You are surprised when you see Bom hesitate by the door and turned around.

“Bom?” you questioned. 

“You remembered,” you hear her whisper softly and yet you heard her loud and clear.

“Yeah I remembered,” you said.  That was what she had been thinking about earlier.  She remembered that day too when she was there to reassure you at one of your weakest moments.  “I’ll always remember.  I will always be thankful for you for being there.”

“I’m sorry,” she said and you give her a confused look.

“Sorry for what Bom?”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me that day.  I’m sorry,” you hear her state and once again you knew what she had been talking about.  “If I had been there that day.  You…maybe if I had answered the phone that day…maybe…you wouldn’t have left.  If I had only been there that day.”

“It’s fine Bommie.  It’s all in the past Bom.  It’s all in the past,” you reassure her.  “It’s the past.  We can’t change what happened back then.  We can always wonder about the what ifs but nothing can change the decisions that were made.  So instead of saying sorry, can’t we move on and not think about the past?”

“Start fresh?” she questioned and you see her toss it around in her mind before grinning at you.  “Ok.”

“Thank you,” you say gratefully. “Thank you so much.”

You smile at her and you feel a bit of the weight that had been on your shoulders being lifted off of you.  It was only a bit but it felt nice knowing that Bom was willing to start over and give you another chance.  You see her give you smile back before opening up the door only to hesitate and turn back around to face you again.

“Everyone misses you but when you left you hurt a lot more people then you thought.  We all cared about you.  Not because you were with Jiyong but because you were you.  Even though it’s been four years, they’re still hurting but give them time.  Eventually they’ll forgive you.  I promise.”

You watched in silence as the door quietly closed behind Bom before you whispered softly.

“I hope you’re right Bommie.  I really hope you’re right.”

I know there's no Jiyong in this chapter.  I'm sorry.  I promise in the next chapter you'll get a glimpse of him.  Thank you guys for reading, subscribing and commenting.  It means so much to me!  Thank you guys again.