You tossed and turned in your hotel bed as the day’s events replayed themselves in your mind.  You couldn’t believe the nerve Jiyong had to demand that you work with him.  You bury your head in the fluffy pillow and let out a frustrated cry.  You close your eyes and replay the meeting in Yang Hyun Suk’s office. 

“No.  No,” you softly say as you stared into the cold gaze that belonged to Jiyong.  You shrink back when you see the anger he was feeling.  “No.  I’m not going to work with him.”

“So, I’m guessing YG has told you about the offer?”you hear him state and you want to smack the smug look off of his face.  “I guess it’s really not an offer because I’m not going to let you refuse.”

“Jiyong-ah, I’m not going to let you demand it.  She still has a choice,” Yang Hyun Suk says sternly and you watched as Jiyong scowled.  You look at Yang Hyun Suk to find that he is looking at you.  “I’m not going to force you to work with Jiyong if you don’t want to.  I’m giving you the option to refuse like I did when I offered you the job with 2NE1.  Take a few days and think about it.”

“No,”Jiyong declared and you see him glare at you.  “I’m not giving you an option so there’s no reason for you to think about it and you’re precious boyfriend can leave because I don’t want him around.  He’ll just be a distraction.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you angrily declared as you narrowed your eyes at Jiyong.

“So you just dance like a with anyone?”you hear him say.  You flinch at his harsh words and a pain shoots through your body.  You blink back the tears that threatened to spill because you weren’t willing to let Jiyong see that he had caused you pain.  No you weren’t going to allow him the pleasure of knowing that his words hurt you.  “America has changed you or is it that you’ve always been a like that?”

“Enough Jiyong-ah,” Yang Hyun Suk interrupted.  You see him give you an apologetic look and you gasp for air as you try to stop the tears from falling.  You look down at your fingers before tightly shutting your eyes in an attempt to stop your heart from breaking even more.  You couldn’t get yourself to look up when you hear Yang Hyun Suk clear his throat.  “Regardless of your past with her Jiyong, she is still an employee and I refuse to let you speak to her like that.  Not only are you disrespecting her but you are showing disrespect to me.  I am only offering the job to her and she has every right to refuse.  You can leave now.  This meeting is finished.”

“But,” Jiyong protested. 

“This meeting is done Jiyong-ah.  Leave,” Yang Hyun Suk ordered.  You stilled as you feel the weight on your chair shift and Jiyong huffed.  You listened to his footsteps fade away and the office door open.  You wait until you hear the click of the door closing to let the rush of tears fall.  You angrily wipe away the tears and quietly curse yourself for allowing his words to affect you like that.  You wipe away the tears when you hear Yang Hyun Suk clear his throat and shuffle some paperwork around and you look up.  You could tell how uncomfortable he felt at the sight of your tears.  The both of you sat there until the silence was unbearable and you awkwardly stand up to leave.  You reached for your forgotten duffle bag that you had dropped beside the chair and quietly made your way to the door.  “I meant what I said earlier.  You have every right to refuse the job.”

“Tha-thank you,” you softly whisper.  You turned to look at Yang Hyun Suk and you see his face soften. 

“Take some time and think about it,” you hear him say and you give him a nod.  “If anything, think about it.  Do that for me.”

“O…ok sir,” you stuttered.  You fidget nervously with the strap on your shoulder.  “I...I will do that sir.”

“He’s still angry about what you did,” you hear him state softly.  “You really hurt him.”

“I know,” you quietly reply before walking out of Yang Hyun Suk’s office.

You open your eyes and silently stare up at the cream colored ceiling.  You wipe away the fallen tears and sigh as you looked at the clock.  It was quarter after one in the morning and you needed someone to talk to.  You pick up your cell phone and scroll through the list of contacts.  You couldn’t call Bom, she was sleeping and you knew she was exhausted.  Plus she was too close to Jiyong.  You continued to scroll through the list of contacts until you decided to call the man who put you in the situation.  You pursed your lips angrily as you listened to the phone ring.

“It’s eight twenty in the morning.  Someone better be in jail or dying,” you hear your boss growl into the phone.

“I hate you,” you snap back. 

“Well hello there sweetheart, I love you too.  Now can you tell me why you’ve decided to grace me with this phone call?”

“Shouldn’t you be up already?  Don’t you have some workshops to be getting ready for?”

“I had another hour to sleep and you’re still nagging I see and we’re not even dating.  Didn’t I tell you I divorced my first wife because she nagged too much?”

“I heard it was because you weren’t too good in bed.”

“You know I could prove that wrong anytime.  My bed’s always open honey.”

“ off Kevin,” you snarl in the phone.  You growl when you hear his laughter echo through the phone.  “I’m not in the mood to play around with you right now.  No pun intended.”

“So you called because you missed me then?”

“No, I called because I hate you right now.”

“That’s not new, you always hate me.”

“This time I really hate you.”

“Why do you hate me this time?  You seriously can’t still be angry at me because I forced you to return to Seoul.  So what happened?”

“I got another job offer.”

“And you hate me because?”

“Because the job offer is work with him.”

“Him?  Him as in the ex-fiancé him?”

“Who else would I be referring to?”

“I don’t know how many guys you left behind.”

“That was a low blow Kevin.”

“I’m sorry but you know I’m not exactly Mr. Rogers in the morning.  So what are you going to do?  Are you going to take the job?”

“I..I’m not sure,” you answer.  You nervously chew on your nails as you wait for your boss to respond.  “I don’t think so…maybe…I..I don’t know.”

“What are you torn about?  What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know Kevin.”

“Do you want to stay there?”

“Kind of.  At least for a while.  I forgot how beautiful Seoul this time of year.”

“Besides the ex, have you talked to anyone you else?  Have you talked to your parents?”

“No.  No, I went to their shop though.”

“What did you do?  Don’t tell me you just stood there and watched them like a stalker.”

“I…”

“You did didn’t you,” you hear him exclaim and you wince.

“I tried to walk up to them.  I just couldn’t.  They hate me.”

“They don’t hate you.  You’re their only child.  They can’t hate you even if they tried.  I’m positive that they still love you even though you’re strange.”

“My parents aren’t like yours.  Your parents encouraged you to dance.  My parents didn’t want me to dance.  They wanted me to marry Jiyong and be the perfect housewife.”

“I know but that was four years ago.  Things change as time goes on.  Maybe their opinions have changed.”

“I doubt it.”

“Boy, you sure are full of optimism today.  If you want to stay there for a while then why not stay there for a while.  I don’t think you have anything scheduled afterwards.  Right?”

“Yeah.”

“So why not take the job?”

“You forget that it involves working with him.”

“And the problem is…”

“Oh it’s nothing really, except that he’s my ex-fiancé who’s still extremely angry at me.  Nothing important at all.”

“I still don’t see a problem with that.”

“You don’t?”

“No and just for fun I’ll tell you why too.”

“Please enlighten me with your explanation.”

“Oh I will so don’t you worry your pretty little head off okay?  If there’s one thing that I’ve learned about you in the four years that I’ve known you, it’s that you aren’t one to back down from a challenge.  You’ve always been professional with the jobs you’ve taken and you have never let anything get in your way so why let your past interfere with a great job offer.  If you’re asking me, I think you should take it.  It would look great on your resume.”

“It would look great on my resume?  That’s all you’re thinking about?  I’ve danced with other great American artists.”

“Yes you’ve worked with great American entertainers and if you take this job.  Your name would be international.  Think about it.”

“I don’t want to be internationally known,” you say with a pout. 

“You use to want to be the greatest and you asked me to make you one of the greatest dancers.  So here I am trying to help you.  What really is the problem?”

“I...I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?  Scared of finally facing the consequences?  You’re not going to want to hear it right now but you need to quit running from your past.  I’m tired of watching you hide and regret the choices you’ve made.  And as much as you say you wish that one day they’d forgive you for leaving, what you really need to do is find it in yourself to forgive yourself for your decisions.  Whether or not you decide to take the job is up to you but it’s time to face everyone.  Whether or not they choose to forgive you or not, you can walk away knowing that you tried.  So stay there and take all the time you need.  Okay?”

“Okay,” you answer with a pout.  “Thanks.”

“No problem,” you hear Kevin reply.  “But if you do take the job offer and you want to leave because it’s too much and you can’t take it anymore for any reason.  For any reason at all, come back home.  I’ll welcome you back with open arms.  Alright?”

“Okay.”

“Fine.  Now if there isn’t anything else you’d like to talk about I’m going back to bed for another ten minutes before I have to get up.”

“Aren’t you going to ask me about how I’m currently doing with 2NE1?”

“No because I want to sleep.  So hang up already.”

“Fine then.  I hope you have a good ten minute nap,” you say with a huff.  “Good night.”

“Good night sweetheart and I mean it.  If you can’t handle it anymore come back home.”

“I will.”

“Good.  Now leave me alone,” you hear him demand before hanging up the phone and you feel a bit better and yet still confused.  Talking to Kevin helped but you still didn’t know what to do.  You sigh again and attempted to find a comfortable position and yet your body itched to move.  You rolled your eyes and cursed your body before climbing out of your hotel bed.  You quickly put on a tank top and t-shirt over your bra and dark hoodie.  You pulled on a pair of worn out jeans and slipped on your sneakers.  You grabbed your charging cell phone and your wallet before sneaking out of your hotel room.  You quietly swore under your breathe when your hotel door squeaked loudly and you looked around to see if anyone was around.  You hastily closed the door and walked down the hallway.

“Hey, where are you going?” you stopped in mid stride and whipped around to see Jonathan’s head sticking out from the doorway of his hotel room.

“Uh…nowhere,” you say and by the look on his face, you can tell he doesn’t believe you.

“Doesn’t look like nowhere to me,” he says with an inquisitive arch of his eyebrow.  “Can I come?  I can’t sleep either.”

“Sure,” you say with an unsure smile.

“Give me a minute to slip on some clothes.”

“Ok.”

“Don’t leave or else I’ll wake up Chris and Melanie,” you hear him threaten.  “And then you’ll have to explain to them why you’ve been sneaking out every night.”

“Wha-what?”

“I said, and then you’ll have to…”

“I heard what you said.  How do you know that…that?”

“That you’ve been sneaking out every night?”

“Yeah.”

“Hold on.  Let me change and then I’ll tell you.”

“Fine,” you say with a frustrated huff.  You rest your back against one of the walls on the hallway and cross you arms.  You nervously drum your fingertips against your arm while you stare at the closed door to Jonathan’s hotel room.  You watch the closed door until it opened and a fully clothed Jonathan stepped out with a large grin on his face.  “Now that you’re changed.  Tell me, how you knew that…that…”

“That you’ve been sneaking out at night?” he finishes for you and you give him a curt nod.  You frown when you hear him chuckle.  “I have a hard time sleeping too but it gets worse when I’m somewhere other than my own bed.  The first couple of times that you snuck out, I watched you through the peep hole and then it just got to the point where I can hear you leave and come back.  You usually leave around the same time anyways.  So I just figured it was you leaving again tonight.”

“How come you haven’t said anything?”

“Well I figured if you really wanted us to know you’d tell us,” Jonathan says with a shrug and throws you a smile.  “So where do you usually go at night time?”

“I don’t usually have a place in mind.  I usually just walk around,” you answer.  You stick your hands into your pockets as you and Jonathan step out of the hotel onto the sidewalk pavement.

“You don’t get lost?”

“No.  This city was my home.  I knew these streets like the back of my hand.”

“Care to give me a tour?”

“Didn’t you already get a tour?”

“Not by you.  I’d like a tour if you don’t mind.  You know, since you had no destination in mind.”

“Sure, why not,” you agree with a smile.  “I’ll be your tour guide for the night.”

“Alright.  Take me where ever.”

“Ok let’s go then.”

………..

“This is one of my favorite spots to sit and just think,” you say.  You shuffle your way through the damp grass to the cement ledge that overlooked the Han River.  “There’s something calming bout watching the water ripple while the moon reflects off of it.”

You sit on the ledge and scoot over to make some room for Jonathan.  You swing your legs over the calm water as Jonathan sat down beside you.  You pick up a tiny pebble beside you and toss it into the river, breaking its smooth surface.  You listen to the soft plop and you watched as the water rippled.

“It’s such a beautiful place.  It’s so quiet and calm,” Jonathan replies.  You watched as he picked up a handful of pebbles.  You see him toss a pebble one at a time into the water.  “How did you find out about this place?”

You look at Jonathan and you study him before looking at the river.  You don’t know whether it’s the fact that you were tired of hiding or that you felt like you could trust Jonathan but you have the over whelming urge to share.  You slip your hands into the pocket of your hoodie before looking back at Jonathan and his curious face.

“Jiyong showed it to me,” you whisper softly.  “This is where I had my first kiss.”

“Your first kiss was right here,” you hear him ask you and you let out a laugh at the face he made.  “I feel tainted now.”

“What?  Why does knowing that make you feel tainted?”

“Knowing that this was where you had your first kiss, it makes me feel like I shouldn’t know that.”

“It was a long time ago.  You don’t have to worry, it’s not like we did anything else here…or…oh wait,” you teasingly reply and you see his eyes grow big.

“Oh please don’t tell me,” you hear him beg and you laugh at the look on his face.

“I was just kidding.  We didn’t do anything here,” you manage to say in between your laughter and you see him relax.

“So do you normally go to places that have memories attached to them?”

“There’s a memory hidden in every corner of this town.  But yes, I usually just aimlessly walk around the city,” you reply and you see Jonathan nod his head in response.

“So this is where you had your first kiss, huh?”

“Yes, you reminisce with a grin.  “It was my first kiss but Jiyong had had girlfriends before me.  Needless to say, I wasn’t his first but he always swore that I was his most memorable one.  Anyway, Jiyong and I had been dating for a few months when one night after my vocal coach ripped me a new one.  Jiyong had found me crying in one of the hallways of the old YG building and he had wanted to cheer me up.  So he brought me here.  This was his favorite spot and he wanted to share it with me.”

“You had a vocal coach?”

“Yeah, we had a lot of different coaches and teachers when I was trainee.”

“Teachers for what kind of things?”

“You know the usual things.  Along with the vocal coach, I had a tutor who taught me Japanese and of course there were the dance lessons.  But back then as a trainee, they didn’t have a class for that.”

“They didn’t”

“No, we often had to learn by watching but there were lucky times that the choreographer would teach us some of the dances if there was time left over.”

“Did you like training?”

“There were good and bad days like everything else but for the most part, I loved it.”

“Then why did you leave?  I mean I know you wanted to dance but why didn’t you stay with this company and dance?  You could’ve stayed then and…and…”

“Stayed and married Jiyong?”

“Yeah, why didn’t you just stay with YG?  They seem like they’re very well off and you would’ve made it big.”

“At the time, I was being groomed to become a singer.”

“A singer?”

“Yes a singer and don’t look at me like that.  I’ve been told that I have a nice voice, if I worked on it.  Even with the help of my vocal coach, I was all over the place.”

“So why didn’t you stay and work on your singing and become a famous singer?”

“Because I always hated being in the lime light and I’ve never been one who craved to be the center of attention.  I went along with all the training for being a singer because that was what Jiyong had planned out for me.  Jiyong’s plan was that he would debut and then I would also debut and we would be the famous ‘it’ couple but becoming a singer was never something I was truly passionate about or ever dreamed about doing.”

“But dancing was it?”

“Yes, I felt like dancing was what I was supposed to be doing.”

“You hate being the center of attention but you’ve worked with some of the most famous singers in the U.S.”

“That’s true but the focus was never on me, it’s always been on the singers on stage.  As a choreographer, my dancing only enhances the entertainer and their performance.  I’ve rarely ever danced on stage.  As a singer, the focus would be on me and whoever else would’ve been in the group and after Jiyong debuted in Big Bang, I saw how brutal the scheduling was and how quick fame can change.  I didn’t want to live like that.”

“So why didn’t you just join the company’s dance groups?  Why did you leave?”

“I had to,” you answer.  You nervously fidget with your fingers as you remembered the incident that ultimately made you choose to leave.  “Me leaving was the best thing for Jiyong and his future.”

“Did he say that?”

“No, but his reaction to...no.”

“His reaction?  His reaction to what?”

“Nothing.  I just had to leave.  He had just started to get really famous with Big Bang and he couldn’t be tied down with a family already.  We were both too young to settle down.  He was living out his dream and I…I hadn’t even started to live mine yet.”

“You never answered my question.  His reaction to what?”  You stared at the rippling water as you remembered the fateful day.  

“I…Jiyong and I...we…I…I thought I was pregnant.”