“No,” you adamantly repeat while staring at your boss slash good friend before crossing your arms and angrily tapping your foot on the dance floor.

“You’re going,” you hear him say and you purse your lips furiously at him before shaking you head.

“No, I’m not going.”

“You have to.  You’re one of the best dancers out there.  You know besides me,” he says and you have to laugh at his cockiness.

“Well if you’re the best then how about you go instead?”

“I would if I could but I can’t.  You know I’m going to be traveling and doing the workshops for the next month or so.  You have to go.”

“Then send someone else.”

“How about I send you instead?”

“Why do you want me to go so badly?  You only recruit the best dancers.  So why are you sending me?”

“Because you know the language and you understand the culture.  I’m not going to send someone out there just to offend the wrong person.”

“Send someone else and I will teach them the language and the ing do’s and don’ts.”

“You are not going to be able to teach someone the language in less than a week?”

“Anyone can learn it if they put their mind into it,” you narrow your eyes angrily when you hear him scoff at your answer.

“No.  You’re going and that’s final.”

“No I’m not going and that’s final.”

“Don’t be a child about this.”

“ you,” you snarl and turn around to throw the sweat covered towel into your bag along with your pair of sneakers.  You angrily stop and glare at the man.  “You of all people should know why I can’t go back there.  I just can’t.  Especially not to that company, that’s…that’s his company.  I can’t go back there.”

You see his features soften and you growl at his pity.  “Stop it.  Quit feeling sorry for me dammit.  I made the decision to leave.  I’m not going back there.”

Silence followed as you grabbed a hold of the strap on your bag and slung it over your shoulder before glaring at your boss again.    “Find someone else.  I’m not going.”

………..

Hello and welcome to Delta Air Lines 7858 to Seoul, Korea.  If you’re going to Seoul, then ladies and gentlemen you are at the right place.  If you’re not going to Seoul, then I’m sorry to say but you’re in for a long flight…

You feel a slight heavy sensation in your chest as you listen to the flight attendant’s usual speech.  You tighten your seatbelt and close your eyes in an attempt to ignore everyone around you and the nauseous feeling bubbling up inside of you.  You transport your memory back to a week earlier and you are in the dance studio with the boss slash friend whom you were still extremely angry with and you replay the last of the conversation.

“Find someone else.  I’m not going.”

“I can’t. They personally asked for you.”

“What do you mean personally asked for me?”

“They requested for you by name.”

“I can’t go back there.  You know that.  I just can’t.”

 “You can’t keep running.  It’s time to stop being so scared.  It’s time you went back there and face it all.”

“But I am scared.  What am I going to do when I see him?”

“Saying hello would be a nice thing to do.”

“Shut up.  You know what I mean. What if they never forgive me?”

“You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

“And if they don’t?”

“Trust me, they will.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

“He will.”

“What if you’re wrong?”

“I’m never wrong.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

You open your eyes as you hear the start of the engine and you tighten your grip on the arm rest.  You close your eyes and try to relax your beating heart as the plane ascended into the air.

“You ok?” you hear and you crack open on eye to see your friend, Melanie, eyeing your vice like grip on the arm rest and you look down at your white knuckles.  You silently nod and smiled at her before loosening your grip on the innocent arm rest that separated you from Melanie.  Melanie was one of the three fellow dancers you had been allowed to bring along to help you in Seoul and you were glad for the back up support.  “Are you excited?  How long has it been since you left Seoul?”

“I left Seoul a little over four years ago and this will be the first time back,” you quietly answer and remember that no one other than your boss knew about what you had left behind in Seoul.  You look out of the window and stare at the scenery below you.  You slip in one of the ear buds to your earphones and navigate through your IPod before selecting the album of songs you would be working on with the now famous female Idol group that you had once considered as family.  How they’ve grown and matured.

“You don’t seem excited at all,” you hear her softly say and you turn to look at her.  You sigh as you see the concern written in her eyes and you shake your head.

“No, I’m not all that excited,” you answer back honestly with a sad smile.  You play with the cord of the earphones, twisting it around and around your finger before letting it go and repeating the action.  You see her tilt her head to the side confusingly and study you.

“Why is that?” you hear her ask, “I mean I just figured you would be excited to see your family since you have pictures of your family all over your apartment.  You must miss them a lot,” she says.

“I do miss them a lot,” you honestly answer once again.

“So why aren’t you happy to know that you’ll be seeing them again?” you hear her ask and you hesitate in answering.  You study her and you see the sincerity in her eyes.   You don’t know if it was the genuine concern in her eyes, the feeling of peace talking to her or the nervousness you were feeling about returning to a place that you had left so abruptly but you trust her.

“Four years ago I left Seoul without telling anyone.  Not even my family knew that I was leaving.  One day I packed up, left a note for everyone and boarded a plane to California.  I was selfish and I hurt a lot of people in the process and I’m positive no one will forgive me for making the choice to follow my dreams,” you say with a sigh.

“Have you ever tried to contact them since you left?” you hear her ask and you think of all the times you picked up the phone just to put it back down and you shake your head at her.  “They’re your family and as much as you hurt them.  They will always forgive you in time.  But you’ll never know if you don’t give them the chance to forgive you.  Right?”

You nod in agreement and then you sigh softly as his face flashes in your mind.  “He’ll never forgive me though,” you quietly say.

“He?  Who’s he?” you hear her ask and you gasp when you realize that you had verbalized that thought out loud and you groan.  That groan spoke volumes and you see her nod.  “So it’s not just your family you’re afraid to see, is it?”

“Yeah,” you mumble and you see her give you an understanding smile. 

“Afraid that you’ll bump into an ex-boyfriend of some sort?” you hear her ask.

“I’m more afraid of that then you’ll ever know,” you quietly muttered as you bite your nails nervously.  “He’ll never forgive me.”

“Why are you so positive about that?”

“Because for what I did to him and I know him very well.  I know he’ll never forgive me.  Not in this life time, not in the next lifetime either.  He’ll never forgive me and he has every right to never want to forgive me,” you adamantly answer.

“You leaving Seoul to pursue your own desires is forgivable.  Everyone needs to live out their dreams.  I’m pretty sure he’d understand.”

“No, you don’t understand.  He’s never going to forgive me.”

“You’re just being too hard on yourself.  You’ll see, he’ll forgive you,” she says brightly and you scoff.

“No what I did to him was awful and unforgiveable,” you say again before emphasizing once again, “What I did was terrible.”

“What could you have possible done to make it unforgiveable,” she questions you and you automatically reach up to finger the ring hanging around your neck as you remember the pain you had caused him.  You hesitate before answering her questioning look.

“I…I left him two weeks before we were suppose to get married.” 

*GASP*  so what did you thik of the first chapter?  Please let me know!!  Again please excuse the grammer issues, I will go back and fix them.  Thank you!!