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The flight to China had never felt as long as it did on this particular day. Sehun sat next to Tao, as they always did since their debut days. The sitting order was like a wordless rule which the group obeyed without a second thought. But today was the first day Sehun had seriously regretted it.

Tao, like the other members, had been slightly awkward around the maknae ever since last night’s unexpected visit. No one had really commented much about it but the awkwardness between the members was inevitable. However Tao, as a person closest to the maknae, took the awkwardness to a new level.

After being completely silent for the first half an hour of the flight, Tao suddenly took off his earphones and made it obvious for Sehun that he was willing to talk now. The younger boy was busy reading a random magazine he found from the airport, and had been actually kind of intimidated by an article about teenage drinking in the US.

“What?” Sehun asked grumpily from the older boy after glancing his y pose tiredly. Tao flicked his tongue and rolled his eyes.

“Don’t you think there’s something you should tell me, right?” He said purposely slowly, crossing his legs in a feminine way so typical for him. “Well…not exactly.” Sehun said, putting on a face that could conquer even that of Tao’s.

Tao remained silent for another ten minutes before suddenly grabbing the maknae’s magazine and throwing it on the empty seat on the other side of him. “Yes?” He said and stared at Sehun angrily. Sehun didn’t bother to answer (he had learned that there was no possibility for a sensible discussion when Tao was having this kind of mood) and started staring out the window even though there could be seen nothing else than an overflowing whiteness. He was still on medicine, and flying in a flu never felt really pleasant. He really didn’t need to stand Tao’s tantrums right now.

 “I won’t stop until I get what I want. And that is an explanation.” Tao kept on nagging. “How do you even think I could explain anything when…?” Sehun whispered angrily, giving a furious glance towards the other members who were sitting a bit apart from the maknae line. Tao gave a little witty smile. “But surely you could then bring him in the dorm, even when we all were there. But it was okay, was it?” Sehun rolled his eyes, spitting out angrily: “I’m not going to talk to you if you’re like this again”. Tao laughed amusedly. “Oh yes, you’re the one who has been treated wrongly. Of course it’s you, Sehun, it’s always you. You are the victim of this all.” Tao said, crossing his arms and biting his lip angrily. Sehun facepalmed himself. “Tao, seriously, what are you even talking about right now? I’m tired of your storming and I can’t even follow your damn idiotic logic.” Tao laughed amusedly again. “Oh, what I’m talking about? Who has the damn idiotic logic over here?” He spit out, facing the maknae with an evil glare.

“Excuse me, boys, I’m trying to get some sleep.” A random grandma commented politely from the seat in front of the two idols in middle of a furious argument.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, we’ll be quiet” Tao made a few bows in the grandma’s direction and glanced Sehun furiously one more time before placing his earphones back on.  

The travelling days were practically useless. It followed always the same pattern: hanging around on airport, hanging around on the plane, hanging around in a taxi, and finally hanging around in the hotel room. When they were younger and excited, every new city seemed like a door to heaven. Nowadays, it was a miracle if some of the boys gathered enough energy to go and have a dinner together while visiting Hong Kong or Tokyo.

Sehun used the day to organise his thoughts that were – in all honesty - were pretty messed up. His thought patterns seemed to go a little like this: Donghae – good. Scandal – bad. Love – good. Gay – bad. Tao- bad. Donghae- good. Wait, what? Not until this moment had he actually got to realise the fact that whenever he wanted, whenever he so liked, there was actually a man who was ready to love him. And what kind of a man? Not more or less than the legendary Lee Donghae, Super Junior’s lead vocalist and a national cutiepie! All he had to actually do was to tell the man his feelings, and he would’ve nailed it. Not bad.

Sehun had never seriously thought about being in a relationship with anyone. Not for a moment he had actually believed his distant crush would develop feelings for him. Somehow from the moment he realised he was gay he had thought it meant that he was forever to be trapped in a wrong kind of relationships – that meant, relationships with women. But Donghae seemed to believe in another kind of an option: he seemed to really think they could become something. Sehun kept on blushing even thinking about it. Would it be possible? Would it be sensible?

One of the obstacles for Sehun’s little dream sat right next to him. Zitao, his ex-lover, his first boy crush, his first kiss. Even though they had never been in a proper relationship the boy seemed to stick to Sehun whenever it was possible and was obviously jealous of every conversation Sehun went through with other men. The problem with this kind of an open relationship was that as it never properly started, it also didn’t ever properly end. Sehun did not feel like betraying Tao in any way by playing around with Donghae, but the other boy did surely as hell feel betrayed. Of course Sehun had to admit feeling slightly bad for the Chinese boy, but couldn’t help his heart beating for someone else instead.

Tao and Sehun remained wordless for the rest of the journey. When they got off from plane and jumped into taxi, Tao made sure he wouldn’t sit next to the maknae. Sehun didn’t really get bothered about this, and sat safely between sleeping Yixing and quiet Kyungsoo.

“Finally mobile data is working…like seriously, I thought I was going to die on the plane!” Baekhyun giggled excitedly, opening his phone and getting an endless flood of new messages. Sehun, sitting behind him, could read that 67/68 of those messages were from someone named “Taeyeonnieee<33” in his hyung’s phone.

Uninterestedly, Sehun opened his own phone just to see no one had missed him during the flight. He hadn’t really expected Donghae to contact him today, but he couldn’t help himself from feeling rejected. It was only afternoon, there was still a possibility that he could call at evening? Or send a message? Or should Sehun send a message? A cold shiver went through his spine, and somehow his heart felt aching as well. Was he supposed to feel like this?

That night there happened a miracle indeed amongst the EXO members: most of them wanted to leave for a nice shopping tour in Hong Kong, and only Sehun decided to spend the evening in the hotel instead. Sehun shared a room with Jongin and Chanyeol, and felt kind of relieved of having some time to get better by himself.

“We’ll bring you bubble tea, I promise!” Chanyeol yelled before jumping out of the door. “Take care” Jongin said, poked Sehun playfully with a slight smile and closed the door.

Immediately after being left alone, Sehun spread out on his bed like a king and took off his tight jeans. “Peace…” he whispered, quickly making sure the window was covered with curtains. Then he placed his blonde hair on the pillow, considering a warm bath but falling asleep instead.

“SEHUN! OPEN THE DOOR! ARE YOU DEAD!?!?” Sehun jumped a metre upwards on his bed. “W-what the…?” Sehun gasped, realising Chanyeol and Jongin were pathetically banging behind the door. Not the best way to wake up.

“WHAT IF HE HAS FAINTED!? WHAT IF…what if he has been ?” WHAT IF HE HAS BEEN , JONGIN; WHAT TO DO! OR ROBBED OR…”

The door suddenly opened, bed-headed boy wrapped in a blanket walking back to his bed. “He was sleeping!” Chanyeol stated in amazement, laughing by himself for a second before entering the room.

Chanyeol was that kind of a person who was always either on/off: as soon as he jumped to lay on his bed he fell asleep. Sehun pretended to be sleeping as well, so the responsibility of taking off Chanyeol’s shoes, jewellery and cap dropped on Jongin. The boy, without a word, made sure his hyung was comfortable, covering up Sehun as well before switching off the lights.

Sehun hadn’t been able to sleep after his hyung’s had returned, and was now lying there staring at the ceiling. The continuous hum of air conditioning, a dripping voice from outside the window, some occasional noises from the corridor. It should’ve been calming, but the young boy suddenly felt really anxious. He didn’t like this feeling of uncertainty he was having right now.

The boy ended up uninterestedly scrolling down his mobile phone. After abandoning the idea of Kakaotalking his crush, he ended up on Instagram. His private account did not contain anything interesting, but neither did his official. He really didn’t need to see Chanyeol’s endless flow of similar selfies; it was enough to see the man for 24/7 in real life.

Suddenly Sehun came across a picture that made his heart a ton heavier. It was Donghae’s update: the man posed sweetly in his car with a peace sign in front of his face. The pose was really typical for the SJ idol, and Sehun found his selfies always really adorable.

“Oh my…” He whispered by himself with a suffering smile, realising that barely seeing Donghae’s face was enough to drive him nuts. And suddenly he got a really hilarious idea.

Sneakily, Sehun tiptoed into the bathroom, carefully closing the door behind him. One glance in the mirror quickly convinced that his no make-up face reminded that of a frog.  “Ugh, I can’t do this.” He sighed out, quickly brushing his messed up hair with his fingers, taking out the phone’s camera. After taking few absolutely horrible selfies, the boy set up the pose similar to that of Donghae’s.

Now it was done, Sehun cringed while clicking the upload-button. A picture of him posing similarly to the SJ idol with a caption “goodnight”. Would the target of this sneaky update get his point? Would someone else get it? I don’t care, Sehun thought with a tired smile and threw his phone on the night table in hope he couldn’t do anything more fatal with it.

The next day was almost as useless as the day before. The boys hanged around in a dozen of places promoting their new album, after which they returned to the hotel. Everyone was tired as hell. It was going to be an early night for everyone.

However, just before hopping into bed Chanyeol got some kind of a master plan, called Baekhyun and ran out with him. Jongin and Sehun shared a confused glance and were left in the room quietly sitting, both using their phones.

“You going to sleep?” Jongin suddenly asked, yawning while stretching his long limbs. “Don’t know. Maybe soon.” Sehun answered, throwing the other boy with a pillow affectionately. Jongin smiled and threw the pillow back. “I might go and see Kyungsoo for a while.” “What a surprise.” Sehun said wittily, giving the boy a meaningful glance. “Shut up” Jongin said seriously, escaping from the pillow flying towards him and leaving the room.

The door barely closed before there was a knock on it. Sehun sighed exhaustedly, wiped the smile from his face and grumbled to open it. From the door eye he saw that the knocker was Tao, in his green t-shirt and black jeans. “T-Tao?” Sehun whispered barely audibly, smirking nastily and considering the option of not opening the door.

“Sehun, I know you’re in there.” Tao sighed out tiredly. The door was opened.

Tao rushed in and jumped on Jongin’s bed. He didn’t seem too happy, but the annoying vibe he gave off during yesterday was gone as well. Sehun was already tired of his presence but patiently sat on his own bed, facing the sudden visitor with confidence.

“Well?” Sehun asked patiently, crossing his legs under him. Tao sighed, making himself comfortable on the bed. “I realised you were here by yourself when I saw Jongin and Chanyeol over there. And I really couldn’t bare hanging around in the same room with Luhan and Minseok hyungs any longer.” “Oh.” Sehun said, smiling without an intention to do so, nervously playing with his own fingers. Tao glanced the younger boy, smiling too. He scratched his blonde hair awkwardly. “Sehun-ah…sorry about the yesterday. I was a bit too furious.” “Yeah you were.” “But…I just really feel like I’m worth an explanation.” Tao said, fixing his adorable panda eyes into Sehun’s eyes, which were busy avoiding any eye contact. Sehun fell on his back, sighing tiredly:” There’s really nothing to explain. If you’re talking about what I think you’re talking about.”

Tao moved to sit on Sehun’s bed, Sehun gulping nervously. The Chinese boy’s green tight t-shirt gave off his muscular upper body nicely, even though the maknae knew exactly how he looked without the shirt as well.

“Sehun-ah…what happened to us?” Tao suddenly moaned out like a girl, curling up into a little ball. The maknae stared at the ceiling, answering expressionlessly:” What us?” “Don’t try to deny it. We were in love.” “I never was in l-love.” Sehun said hurriedly, suddenly feeling really in front of the older boy’s eyes. “Yes you were, Sehun-ah.” Tao said teasingly, moving to sit closer to Sehun so that the boy could not avoid his eyes anymore.

“T-Tao…I don’t know what you’re after but…” “Don’t you?” “…but whatever we had was just something. Whatever. Don’t you remember yourself? You said this was just experimenting…just to confirm what you thought. And that’s it.” Tao sighed, leaning his back on the wall next to Sehun’s head.

“Don’t say that you didn’t enjoy it back then…” Tao suddenly started caressing the younger one’s hair, purring his words out quietly. “Are you trying to tell me that you suddenly started liking girls”? Sehun almost got a heart attack and shewed his hand away. “No.” “Why you’re rejecting me, then?”

Sehun stood up, and covered himself with a blanket. The lusty stare Tao was giving started to suddenly creep him out. He sat back on the bed.

“Sehun-ah…tell me what it is about me that makes you hate me so much?” Tao said quietly. Sehun glanced him carefully. Honestly, he used to like Zitao, he used to really enjoy everything they used to have. But the weird secret on and off relationship did not really suit them and everything always ended up in a fight. Like right now.

“Sehun-ah…you still like me, right?” Tao purred, sitting next to the boy and placing his hand on the younger one’s thigh. “We both know we want it.” “T-Tao, I…” Sehun’s sentence was interrupted by soft lips pressing against his.

“TAO!” Sehun yelled out as soon as he pushed the taller boy off of him. “Tao! W-what are you doing?”

Tao looked extremely insulted, wiping his mouth with his hand. “Oh my god. So it’s really true.” He stood up, staring the confused Sehun lying on the bed in unbelief.

“Have a nice life with that e.” Tao spat out and started walking out of the room, Sehun not believing his words. “Donghae is not a…don’t call him like that!” Sehun hissed, standing up as well in a sudden burst of anger.

“So, you’re now admitting it, aren’t you? Donghae is your new -buddy? And I’m now your ex-buddy?” “I haven’t said anything like that, Tao, I don’t…” “You’re such a romantic, aren’t you, Oh Sehun?” Tao shouted angrily, not caring about the neighbouring rooms the slightest bit.

“ off!” Sehun cried out, grabbing a pillow in frustration. Tao looked like he might start crying and ran out of the room.

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