---------------------------

Donghae and Sehun found themselves in a middle of a serious scandal. The pictures of the two of them having a romantic night at Donghae’s house had in barely one day spread all around the planet, and there was practically no one who had not heard of them.

The pictures had – obviously – been taken by a sasaeng fan. And Sehun was pretty sure he knew which one it was. When walking down the stairs in front of the SM Building on the day the scandal first burst out, he saw a familiar face in the crowd of screaming girls. It was the girl who had harassed them already on their first date, the one who had stalked Sehun home for several times and about his relation to Donghae. There was no doubt that it wasn't her: when Sehun saw her there in the crowd, she wasn’t screaming like the other girls. She was smiling victoriously. She had made it – she had finally made herself an irreversible part of Sehun’s life.

For SM Entertainment’s luck, the pictures were blurry enough for denial. And that was exactly what the couple was asked to do: in every single place, in every single interview, for every single fan, they were forced to deny everything. The couple were prohibited from seeing each other even secretly; prohibited from looking at each other for too long when they accidentally met backstage.

Everything had progressed so fast that Sehun couldn’t still understand what was happening. His group had taken the ongoing scandal surprisingly well after the first shock: they knew how hard the situation was for the boy and selflessly comforted their youngest member. Even the leader Joonmyun, who right from the start kept on warning Sehun about scandals like this didn’t blame the boy when he actually was in middle of one. EXO had learned a lesson: instead of fighting they could overcome any obstacle by relying on each other. After all, they were in this trouble together.

“You understand the one last action to drop down all the rumours?” One of the managers told Donghae and Sehun who were once again invited for a serious meeting inside the SM Building. The couple, who had barely touched each other in weeks and didn’t dare to do it now in front of the angry managers, were awkwardly looking at each other. Sehun had become paler and skinnier in just a few weeks, and Donghae didn’t look like his best either.

The manager sighed, directing his words especially for the older idol. “One of you must start dating a girl. To clear all the doubts. That is the norm in situations like this.”

Sehun was aware of this fact: Donghae had already warned him about the possibility through the phone last night. But still those words made his entire body scream from panic. He glanced at his boyfriend, who for his surprisement nodded calmly. “I am aware of that, manager hyung.” Donghae nodded politely, Sehun trying to find any sign of disagreement from his calm face. Was the man really okay with this?

The manager seemed satisfied with the reaction he got from the idols and started slowly walking towards the window. “At this point I hope you have understood that as long as you belong to the company there is no way you could decide for your own lives. I never knew there would be idols not understanding this fact, but I was wrong. I don’t know what you guys thought, I don’t know what the logic behind your irresponsible actions was. But I hope that I will never experience a situation like this again.” He sighed, glancing the couple with a pitiful smile. “But don’t worry, everything will be okay. I think we strangled the scandal pretty well. Your careers will not be disturbed by this mistake.”

Sehun gulped. He refused to think of their love as a mistake. He quickly glanced at Donghae, trying to meet the man’s eyes without a success.

“H-how…are you really going to get a girlfriend?” Sehun whispered in panic when they left the manager’s room, aware of the half a minute they could chat while walking the empty corridor down. Donghae finally looked at Sehun painfully, his forehead all sweaty. He kept on staring at the boy’s face for a few breaths before taking a deep, deep breath and continuing walking while talking quietly.

“We must do as they say, Sehun, as I’ve told you. That’s the only way.” Donghae said with an almost shivering voice, thinking of wrapping his hand around Sehun’s waist for just a few seconds but refusing himself being afraid he couldn’t let go of the boy after doing that.

Sehun looked at Donghae in horror, walking a few steps behind of him. “But…isn’t that way too much? How can they ask anyone to…” “Sehun. You must understand.” Donghae breathed out quickly, the couple approaching the door.

Sehun grabbed his boyfriend’s arm, pulling him a few steps back so that they couldn’t just yet be seen from the glass door. It was dangerous for them to even talk to each other these days: the risk of raising more suspicions was high and they didn’t want to make things any worse.

“Sehun, we must go, they’re waiting for…” “I can’t do this.” “Please, let’s not make things any worse, Sehun, we…” “Do we really have to do this?” “Yes.” Donghae nodded quietly, gulping with teary eyes. Sehun let go of his arm with an expressionless face, starting to walk towards the door, Donghae quickly following his footsteps.

“I’ll call you in the evening!” Donghae sighed, watching how Sehun fastened up his steps and disappeared behind the corner.

The last few weeks had really paid off in the couple’s relations: Sehun barely could understand how something so sweet and intense they had could broke apart just because of a few pictures taken by a crazy sasaeng. Donghae had promised Sehun to invent a way, any way, they could get to meet each other in the future when the scandal would be gone and forgotten but to be honest, Sehun didn’t think it was possible. Where could they go when every step of them was recorded by hundreds of fans who now even knew the location of Donghae’s private house? Going out together was not an option, and Sehun was prohibited from leaving anywhere without his own members. The situation was something so horrible he would’ve never even dared to fear in his darkest nightmares.

Donghae and Sehun kept on calling each other every day, but it wasn’t the same thing as actually seeing each other. The calls always ended up on either them disagreeing about something and hanging up angrily, or Sehun bursting into tears and Donghae trying to comfort him with a lump in his throat. That is why on one night the younger boy found himself opening up for the only person he felt he could turn to: Tao.

Tao had been exceptionally nice for Sehun during the last few weeks, and had behaved in a way a loyal friend would do. He protected his maknae whenever there was a conflict between him and the other members, and now when seeing the boy cry alone in his bed he sat down and wrapped his arms carefully around the younger one’s skinny body.

Sehun, who at first got frightened by the sudden touch, gave up and pressed his head against Tao’s muscular shoulder. Tao patted Sehun’s back, sighing quietly. The both boys stayed quiet for another while, the only noise in the dark room being Sehun’s heavy breathing.

“Why did it have to go like this…?” Sehun moaned quietly, Tao nodding while biting his lip. He had always been prone to cry whenever he saw someone else crying, and now when his little weakness was weeping in his embrace…

Sehun pulled himself carefully from Tao’s arms, leaning his back against the wall so that they were sitting side by side. He wiped his tears in the blanket, smiling sadly at the older boy who was looking at him with a sad smile. Sehun glanced at him without finding a will to smile, taking deep breaths in order to calm himself down. Crying was of no use anymore.

“Have you called Donghae?” Tao asked calmly. Sehun nodded, holding his breath not to burst into tears again. “And that’s why you’re crying?” Tao added softly, and Sehun nodded again. Tao sighed, staring at the wall in silence for a while before continuing quietly, almost with a smile.

“I kind of thought calling Donghae would stop you from crying. Or at least it did before. He knows how to handle you. I don’t. No one else really does.” Sehun chuckled quietly at the older one’s words, leaning his head against the wall. It was true: Donghae used to know how to make Sehun smile, laugh and cry. But now all he seemed to cause were endless tears.

“I can’t even imagine what it is like for you. To be without him, like this. All of a sudden.” Tao said carefully, being afraid of upsetting Sehun in any way.

“It’s…harder than I thought.” Sehun admitted immediately, holding his nose not to start crying again. Tao patted his shoulder and opened up his arms when the younger boy burst into hopeless sobs again.

“Sehun…may I ask…how are you going to settle this? Like…they are not letting you to…keep on, aren’t they?” Tao whispered quietly, gasping air inaudibly when realising he was crying too himself. Never in his life had he seen Sehun in such a despair.

The boy started crying outloud, pressing his face against Tao’s chest while screaming. “I don’t know! It’s impossible! I don’t know… I don’t know!”

Tao hugged the boy tightly, Sehun not even trying to control his feelings. In front of Tao it was easy to cry: somehow he didn’t feel like the boy was judging him in any way. Tao had seen Sehun cry for so many times it was almost ridiculous.

“Tao…what to do? We can’t be together…unless we would’ve never denied it. What if we could’ve just admitted everything? Just told the truth? It would be a horrendous scandal, but…but we wouldn’t need to hide anything. I am not ashamed of anything. I would be ready to say I love him in front of the whole world. But…why we can’t?” Sehun sobbed unclearly, hugging Tao back with all his power. Tao shook his head, unable to form an answer. Sehun gasped for air and continued:” I think…I wouldn’t mind being under that scandal. I think I would be ready. To be the first one to come out like this…because I could do it, just to be with him! But…I can’t and it’s late now…and…and…he…H-Hae…doesn’t want to.”

It was true: right from the day the picture had been leaked Sehun had been surprised of the way Donghae handled the situation. He had obeyed to every order they had been given, humbly apologising to every manager they had argued with. Sehun felt like the man was doing everything he could to protect their secret from the world. Why? Why did it seem so easy for him?

“Is it…b-because…he doesn’t love me enough?” Sehun whispered, Tao shaking his head immediately, trying to swallow his sobs.

“I’m certain that he loves you! I don’t know how can one love someone more than Donghae loves you! Maybe he has his reasons…have you thought about it in his way? Maybe it’s better this way. You should talk to him.”

“But I’ve talked! He doesn’t want to do it. He wants to deny me. He wants to live in a lie. And now…h-he’s getting a girlfriend and…I don’t know how he can do all this. How? How! He is ashamed of me, h-he hasn’t even introduced me to his parents and…he must…care for his image…more than me. And I would abandon everything for him! I don’t care if I would get kicked out of SM for this, I don’t care if this would be the end of my career, I really don’t care! I feel…I can’t do it like this... What should I do, Tao, what should I do?” Sehun screamed and Tao could not do anything else than shake his head in despair.

The next SM Town Concert happened to be on 12^th of April, which also happened to be Sehun’s twentieth birthday. At the end of the concert, the management had planned a little event for Sehun. The surprise involved a happy birthday song sang by the audience and idols, and greetings from all the fellow artists in the company.

Sehun, trying to prepare himself to look as happy as possible, sat in their dressing room alone. TVXQ was performing their last song and time to go back to stage was not far. The only thing that he actually cared about in all this mess was that he got a chance to see Donghae: he had seen the man just for a few seconds in the hallway earlier today. Before that…he could not even remember when they had last seen each other’s faces. The thought of Donghae was enough to make his heart scream from pain but still a part of him was still aching to see the man, to touch the man. The scandalous couple had been given exact instructions on how to behave near each other on stage, and Sehun knew there would be no use in breaking those rules. The boy took a deep sigh and decided to conquer the situation without messing up.

Sehun was dancing to the background track absentmindedly when a loud announcement started speaking out words and a spotlight found him. Instinctively, he started acting like he was surprised and embarrassed. Sehun waved shyly at the fans, unsure where to look when thousands of people were intensively singing and staring at him.

After the song, Joonmyun gave a touching speech for his maknae, ending up to an emotional hug between the two of them. “Oh my little Sehun” he gave a secret tearful whisper while hugging the boy, Sehun trying not to let his poker face fade. Next speaker was Leeteuk from Super Junior: he told some silly story about Sehun during his trainee days. Leeteuk and Sehun hugged friendly, Sehun feeling how the man was trying to send his wordless sympathy through the hug. Lastly, Amber from f(x) gave a little appreciation speech for Sehun’s handsomeness, the audience agreeing with crazy screams. Sehun thanked everyone as politely as ever possible, his thoughts completely on the next part of this little play.

Everyone started hugging and congratulating Sehun, as well as jumping and dancing to the background track. Sehun was happy that the attention was now not only drawn to him.

After hugging each of his own members, the members of all other groups started hassling around him. Sehun’s head started to feel dizzy from all the smiling and thank you-ing, and it didn’t help the situation that he had finally spotted his boyfriend in the crowd.

Donghae was standing there, slowly walking towards the crowd surrounding Sehun, careful to not look back at the boy who was so obviously staring at him. Sehun, don’t look at me, you’re too obvious, Sehun, please, Donghae thought by himself. He was trying to smile, wave at the crowd and happily hug any person coming near enough, but inside his mind he was just preparing for the hug he was allowed to give for his boyfriend.

Sehun didn’t even recognise the faces of the people hugging him anymore, so badly was he waiting for one single person. It was like it was just the two of them – everyone else was blocked from his vision.

When finally Donghae’s smiling face appeared in front of him Sehun felt like he had no control of his face anymore. He felt how everyone around them tensed up: how the audience tensed up. This was something everyone was waiting for: their interaction. All the eyes were on them. They could either succeed or mess up right now.

“Congratulations!” Donghae smiled happily. Sehun laughed quietly, scared of the man’s acting skills: he really knew how to seem cold. Donghae took a step closer and wrapped his hands innocently around the boy’s body and hugged him quickly. Both of them felt that this hug was different: it was just a hug between two friends, not a hug between two lovers. Sehun tried to smile as casually as possible, patting Donghae’s back friendly before breaking the hug apart. “Thank you, hyung!” Sehun said quickly, making a little polite bow for Donghae. This felt so wrong. Donghae, without meeting the boy’s eyes again, disappeared back in the crowd. Sehun resisted the urge to run after him and leaned down to hug someone else instead.

As soon as getting backstage, a random staff member pushed a mysterious pile of papers in Sehun’s arms. “You were asked to deliver these to dressing room number 16.” Sehun nodded confusedly, about to open his mouth just to see the man had already disappeared in the crowded corridor.

“Why me?” Sehun murmured by himself, looking around him for a while before sighing and obeying to the order.

The dressing room 16 was in middle of the crowded corridor, and it was difficult to get enough space to open the door. Sehun hopped in with the papers, expecting to be alone.

“H-hyungs…” He sighed confusedly when closing the door and realising three men were sitting around the room: Kyuhyun, Eunhyuk and…yes, Donghae.

“Happy birthday!” Eunhyuk yelled indifferently without raising his eyes from his phone screen. “An awesome plan, isn’t it?” Kyuhyun winked at Sehun, standing up and patting the boy’s shoulder.

“A plan?” Sehun asked, staring at Donghae on the other side of the room without an attempt to control his face. “Yes! To get you two here, not at the same time, and then leave at different times. No one should suspect anything. And in case someone happens to come in, it’s not suspicious as we are here as well.” Kyuhyun explained with a proud smile.

Sehun, very unprepared to meet his boyfriend, was still standing in the exactly same position as he had when he entered the room, unable to do anything else than stare.

“Come on, it’s just us. Do what you wish.” Eunhyuk moaned out impatiently, playing with his phone. Kyuhyun nodded at Sehun, sitting down and pretending he wasn’t observing.

Donghae, who had been sitting on the other side of the room, stood up slowly and took a few steps towards Sehun. Neither of them said anything but just stared at each other, having a furious wordless conversation going on. The last time they had talked to each other was not as far as last evening: unfortunately, the call had once again ended up so that Donghae was shouting at Sehun for being naïve and childish. But now, when they actually saw each other, all that fighting seemed so irrelevant.

Sehun dropped the papers on the floor and without a word walked to Donghae, stopping just half a step from him. The tension between them was something so intense that Kyuhyun and Eunhyuk started to suddenly feel awkward.

At the exactly same time Sehun and Donghae wrapped their arms around each other, surrendering in a desperate embrace. Sehun grabbed Donghae upwards, the man’s feet not touching the floor anymore but wrapping around the taller boy’s body. Donghae gave out a frustrated laughter, and Sehun pushed Donghae against the closest wall, kissing him all over the face while cupping his face with both hands.

“You know, guys, there is a bathroom over there in case things get heated.” Eunhyuk reminded quietly, his words not having any effect on the lovesick couple.

Sehun let Donghae down from the wall and with a slightly ashamed face led them to sit in the far corner of the dressing room. Sehun was about to sit down next to his boyfriend but Donghae pulled the boy to sit on his own lap instead. Sehun sighed and snuggled himself comfortably closer to the man, hugging him in tightly.

“Sehun, you don’t know how much I have missed you.” Donghae whispered, not able to smile as he had to continuously keep on kissing and touching the boy. “And happy birthday.” He added out of nowhere, now forcing a smile on his face. Sehun nodded hurriedly, grabbing the man even closer without caring about the awkwardness the other hyungs had to bear in the quiet dressing room.

Now, when Donghae being suddenly there again, Sehun felt even more like a mess than before. His mixed feelings and doubts of Donghae seemed to fade while having the man all over him but simultaneously the kisses didn’t feel the same as before. Sehun felt physical pain in his heart from every touch, every kiss felt more like crying than smiling. The boy had a terrible feeling like he was doing something he shouldn’t be doing, something unhealthy, something wrong. I’m deceiving myself, a little voice in his mind said. Every kiss will make it more difficult to let go.

“We really need to talk.” Sehun whispered forcefully, breaking their kiss for a while just to look at Donghae’s fevered eyes. “I know. But not now.” Donghae panted out, breathing heavily before shutting Sehun down by kissing him again. He pressed his lips again against the boy’s, Sehun not physically able to refuse the man.

Sehun closed his eyes and gave himself a permission to enjoy this. Just for once more.

----------------

A/N: Sorry for the long break between the updates >__> you can probably now see that there's some difficult times ahead for these two but don't fall into despair: I promised you guys two alternative endings ;)