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After driving around Seoul in worst possible traffics the sasaeng taxi finally got lost. Donghae drove the car in a random parking area close to the Han River. The place happened to give off a nice view of Seoul at night, both idols silently staring at the city lights for a moment.

“Pretty place. Such a luck we happened to find this.” Donghae sighed, turning off the car. “What you wanna do, sit in the car? Or go for a little night swim in the river?” Sehun laughed without voice. “Ew.”

Donghae glanced Sehun with a smile, leaning his back against his seat comfortably. “It’s sad how few places I actually know in Seoul even though I’ve lived here for ages.” He sighed, turning the volume of the radio down by few levels. He turned to look at Sehun who was smiling cheekily. “Feeling old already?” He had to tease the older man. Donghae smiled and shook his shoulders. “Not usually. Well, sometimes. Like now.” He gave a wistful glance at Sehun. “You’re still young and blooming. I’m just the old Donghae oppa; soon I’ll be gone and forgotten.” “You’re not even that old. Think about Heechul hyung.” Sehun added with a smile. The boy knew he was blooming but he wouldn’t imagine anything better than hearing it from this perfect man’s lips.

“But Heechul looks much younger than I do.” Donghae moaned out, leaning out to check himself from the side mirror. He preened his hair with his fingers, Sehun carefully observing the man’s every movement.

“Sehun, seriously, look at me. I’m not blooming anymore, aren’t I?” Donghae slowly turned his eyes from his own mirror image, looking at the much prettier boy sitting next to him instead. Now when getting a proper excuse to stare at Donghae, Sehun took a long and careful look at him. His kind eyes, his warm smile…In Sehun’s opinion, Donghae was getting more and more handsome every year.

“I think you’re blooming”. Sehun finally confirmed with a determined nod, shyly flipping his hair.

This time it was Donghae’s time to blush. “Thanks. You’re being so kind to me, Sehun.”

“You’re the one who is kind to me!” Sehun disagreed instantly. “Whose car are we sitting in right now? Who paid for our foods? Whose clothes am I wearing?” He pointed out. Donghae shook his head in happy disagreement. “It’s nothing. It’s my responsibility to take care of you as I am the older one.” Sehun rolled his eyes, pretending to be grumpy but mentally fanboying over the man’s words.

“Not that I would mind taking care of you, though…” Donghae added meaningfully. Sehun chuckled quietly and pretended to be looking out the window, trying to hide his blushing face. Was it just his imagination or was Donghae seriously flirting with him?

They were both silent for one awkward while. “I…” “You…” They started talking at the exactly same time.

Both laughed embarrassedly, pointing out at the other one to start speaking. “You say first, you must’ve had something more important to say?” Donghae said with a warm smile, sneakily patting the younger one’s shoulder. Sehun shook his head:” No, it was surely you having something important…” “Well, I was just about to ask if you would like to have a lollipop?” Donghae said with an awkward smile and pulled out a bag of lollipops from one of the car’s many hidden pockets. “Lollipop?“ Sehun repeated with a confused smile.  

Both idols started laughing, Sehun grabbing one lollipop from the bag. “Just out of nowhere…a lollipop!” The younger boy giggled, Donghae dying in his laughter. “Hahah…I just randomly remembered I had this over there and I don’t even like lollipops.” He explained, stuffing the bag back in the pocket. “I do.” Sehun said with a smile and opened the wrappers. Donghae made another mental remark of the boy really reminding a little child.

With just the dark car, quiet music playing on the background, one lollipop and each other the two idols found themselves in middle of a serious discussion. Sehun, somehow dazed by the caring way Donghae was treating him and listening to him, had started to rant about basically everything that had bothered his little mind during the last few weeks.

“…and most of all, the thing that is bothering me the most at the moment…it’s embarrassing to admit but I really feel so guilty…bad…for my members. By coming in here. By sneaking out. By exposing us to scandals. I…I feel like I’ve b-betrayed them” Sehun finished quietly with a sigh full of frustration. He had no idea how long he had been talking; Donghae was a good listener and had been patiently nodding and commenting on the younger boy’s worries. During the time he had been speaking, the emotions piled up in him started to gather up and it was not a good thing. Sehun had always been a bit of a cry baby, and this was definitely not the right time for this.

“Sorry, sorry for you to hear all this ranting. I-I…I have no idea why I am telling you all this.”  Sehun said awkwardly, suddenly forgetting all about what he was trying to say.

But Donghae didn’t laugh at him, he didn’t try to make fun of him. He nodded with his empathetic face. “It’s okay, don’t worry. It’s a good thing you talk about these things with someone.” The older man explained, affectionately patting the younger boy’s shoulder. “Anything for you.”

Sehun felt like he couldn’t control himself any longer: all the stress and pain and problems and heartbreaks of the last few months was piling up on him. Donghae wasn’t helping at all: by all his cheesiness and goodness and empathy he was making Sehun feel like he wanted to cry and let the older man comfort him. But that was out of question. Not now. He had no idea what Donghae even thought of him and…

“Sehun. I hope you realise my feelings for you. So that there is at least one fact you don’t need to worry about.” Donghae suddenly blurted out.

Sehun couldn’t avoid from turning to look at the older man this time: Sehun almost gasped when seeing Donghae’s face being so adorable, so serious, so loving…and Donghae almost gasping because he realised Sehun was really about to cry.

“Sehun…earlier, when I talked about your members dating…boys…I hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable. I never would want to make you feel uncomfortable. I was just worried about your…opinions on these things.” Sehun nodded. “I…it’s okay. I just…”

Outside Sehun might’ve looked, despite a little bit cry-ish, pretty calm but inside his mind there was a horrible chaos going on. What Donghae was trying to say…was it what he thought? Or was he just going through a horrible misunderstanding? What if Donghae was just talking about feelings as a friend…but what if not? Was this actually happening? Sehun was not ready.

“Sehun…please don’t cry.” Donghae hurried to say when he saw how serious the younger boy suddenly was. “I didn’t mean to offend you in any way. Hey, Sehun, if you want to go back to your dorm I can drive you there immediately. If you want to, I can never call you again, I promise to…”

“No! Please, don’t!” Sehun suddenly blurted out, trying to control his emotions. “I wasn’t offended in any way. I just…please, Donghae, explain me your feelings. I’m a little bit stupid.” Sehun glanced his hyung with an embarrassed smile. Donghae sighedwith a smile that was warm but now, for the first time, Sehun realised that Donghae wasn’t completely confident either. “You really want me to explain? You sure? It’s okay for you if I just confess to you?” Donghae asked shyly, looking at his own hands. Sehun nodded quickly, suddenly feeling really nervous.

“First of all, I think you’re irresistibly cute. It’s just random side detail, and I know I have said it many times, but I just…I like you. But – yes, I do like you as a friend but I would also like to like you as something more. And I really do care about you, Sehun, I do. I care about you and that is why I’m feeling seriously scared right now that I’m offending you in any way. But now you know my feelings, and you can accept them or not accept them. It is all up to you; it is all up to what you consider me as.” Donghae said quietly and calmly, and Sehun couldn’t but just appreciate how confident the older man was in talking about stuff like this.

“So…you’re gay?” Sehun blurted out as he couldn’t seriously come up with anything else. Donghae mentally facepalmed himself and after a short silence during which he seriously reconsidered his feelings for the boy answered with the same, calm voice:” Yes, Sehun, I’m gay.”

The car was again silent for a moment. “Okay.” Sehun said plainly. What was he supposed to do now? What to do? What to say? How to exist?

Donghae kept on staring at Sehun. The younger boy realised he was extremely nervous but for some reason he couldn’t help himself but just stare the city view in front of him. What the heck was he doing? His crush had just confessed to him that he likes Sehun, and what was Sehun doing? Say something, you stupid boy, say something!

“I-I’m terribly sorry, Sehun. I made a miscalculation over here. I just somehow felt like…like there was something more between us. And…I seriously thought…you were more into boys. As I observed you and Tao for so long and I started thinking that…Oh, stupid me, what am I even doing. I’m too old for you anyways, what did I even think of myself. Aish, how did I even let myself to… Sehun, please forgive me, I…”

Sehun stopped the older man’s desperate moans by suddenly grabbing his hand into his own. Donghae stopped talking immediately. The air in the car suddenly felt too hot, too much pressure, they both felt like they needed some air…

 “I-I, I’m really bad at this you know?” Sehun finally opened his mouth. The older idol didn’t say anything, making the younger one even more confused with his words.

Sehun carefully tightened his grip of Donghae’s warm hand. “D-Donghae…” The younger was kind of expecting his hyung to start talking for him as he usually did, but now the man remained completely silent and expressionless. Sehun glanced Donghae: and the rejected, shameful expression on the man’s handsome face forced him to do something.

“Donghae, don’t misunderstand me, I-I do…I… I don’t know how to say it!” Sehun suddenly cried out, trying to push the tears of frustration back unsuccessfully. He took his hand away from Donghae’s, cupping his own face with both hands to stop the unwanted tears from flowing.

The next thing Sehun knew was that Donghae was hugging him, holding him, comforting him, being there for him. And Sehun cried.

“S-sorry…this is just everything…piling up…things…stuff…oh god, I’m such a baby…” Sehun breathed out between the sobs. Why did he have to start crying at the moment that could have been the best of his life?

Donghae didn’t let go of the younger boy even though he slowly started to calm down. “Better?” Donghae asked quietly, the man’s warm breath tickling on Sehun’s neck. Sehun nodded quickly, raising his head to lie on the older idol’s small but strong shoulder.

“I’m sorry” Sehun said so quietly that it could barely be heard. “It’s okay.” Donghae sighed out calmly, caressing the boy’s back with his hand. He was so skinny that Donghae could feel every single bone of his spine and ribs even through the fabric of the shirt. Donghae tightened his embrace as he suddenly felt like the boy was like a fragile statue falling apart.

A few whiles passed like that; the two of them just holding each other in the dark car. Sehun started to slowly feel like he was completely calm again, but didn’t say anything as he didn’t want to break away from their sweet position. He tried to push every single detail into his memory. Donghae’s scent, Donghae’s warmth, Donghae’s rhythm of breaths…

“Donghae?” He said quietly: not much voice needed as they were so close to each other. “Yes, Sehun?” The older guy answered, his voice barely audible but still tickling warmly on the younger boy’s neck. “Thank you. For this.” Donghae smiled against Sehun’s neck.

Sehun succeeded in sneaking back to their dorm without getting caught by the body guard. It was a miracle indeed – the house seriously needed a better guardian. The location of the dorm had also been changed just a while ago, so there weren’t any sasaengs fans around just yet. In their previous dorm there wouldn’t have been a chance for such a secret night trip like this as a gang of hardcore sasaengs would be sleeping in their tents in front of the dorm every single night.

However, the last but not least obstacle was to be conquered: Joonmyun. Step by step, Sehun advanced his own bed, holding his breath while hopping under the sheets. No comments. Silence. Success.

The maknae was just about to give out a deep sigh of relief and dive into his confused yet sweet memories from this night when…

 “Sehun.” It was Joonmyun’s voice echoing in the silent room.

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