Chapter 5

Still You

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It was not a good day for Oh Sehun. He woke up after barely one hours of sleep, feeling extremely sick and tired. He refused to eat anything, refused to drink anything as his throat was so sore and his head aching so badly. When the group left for the concert stadium, everyone else was wearing summer outfits, shorts and t-shirts, but Sehun had wrapped himself inside a pile of cardigans. When everyone was excitedly chatting about the show and going through the day’s programme, Sehun used the precious time for sleeping on the infamous red sofa.

After watching Sehun’s painful rolling for long enough the EXO manager walked to stand by him with an accusing glare. “You understand you still need to perform, right?” He said, poking the boy’s limb arm in order to keep him awake. “A-haa…” Sehun murmured, barely opening his eyes. “Did you take the medicine already?” The manager asked, glancing the boy angrily. “Yixing was sick yesterday and he took the medicine and did just fine.” Sehun nodded and murmured: “S-sure…” between coughs. He had a serious fever and didn’t even fully understand what the manager was talking about.

“Manager hyung…we were talking with the members earlier and we’re really worried about Sehunnie…we don’t think he is able to perform. Just look at him.” Jongdae suddenly approached the manager hyung, Jongin and Kyungsoo hanging behind him. They all stared for a while at the little pile of skinny legs and arms that was Sehun.

Manager shook his head. “This won’t do. There is no chance we could replace him, if he is able to walk and everything!” “But…he isn’t exactly able to walk. This might be seriously dangerous. Manager hyung, can’t you remember what happened with Minseok hyung during Wolf promotions?” Jongdae said quietly, gathering supportive hums from the members behind him. The manager shook his head disapprovingly and walked away.

Ever since Sehun was a small kid, high fever got him in an extremely cloudy and confused state. The poor boy acknowledged he was laying in the dressing room at the very moment but simultaneously he was wandering around his own confused mind. At some level, he was still crying in Donghae’s embrace inside the car, drinking bubble tea as a child with his older brother, eating ramen from Donghae’s chopsticks while Kyuhyun was taking cute pictures of them. And simultaneously, he was nowhere at all but just lying there in a complete freedom of thoughts. Oh, such a nice state of mind to go on stage and show off with complicated dance performances in front of thousands of fans.

Donghae…the man had completely invaded the boy’s little mind. Donghae. Donghae and his charming, smiling eyes. Donghae and his hair that in moist air curls from the ends. Donghae and sweet smiles and a crazy derp laughter he gives out whenever he thinks something is hilarious. Donghae and his muscular, fit body. Donghae and his deathly hot scent.

“D-Donghae?” Sehun breathed out when the divine face suddenly appeared right above him. Or did it?

“Sehun, are you alright?” The man asked worriedly. Sehun smiled by himself, tiredly stretching his legs before curling them back as they got scared of the sudden coldness. “Hae, I’m not feeling very well.” Sehun murmured, staring at his crushes deep brown eyes before closing his own ones. “Sehun?”

“Oh god! And they’re letting him perform?” Donghae stood up, directing his speech to no one in particular. He spotted a tall, muscular idol standing back against him and poked him unnecessarily aggressively.

“Zitao, seriously, is your manager letting Sehun to perform like this?” Donghae asked angrily like it would be poor Tao’s fault. “Seemingly, yes. It’s damn dangerous and we all tried to…”

“Where is your manager?” Donghae interrupted Tao in a way that was unexceptionally rude for the man who was always known for his good manners. Tao pointed out the way for his hyung and gave his back a rude stare.

“But…do you have any sense? Are you out of your mind? Is this how you treat your idols?” Donghae practically shouted at the EXO manager when they watched Sehun spin painfully in his fever-caused sleep.

The manager tried the young idol’s forehead. “Well, he has obviously a fever. And so did Yixing yesterday, and we didn’t let him slide away from his responsibilities. Enough medicine and the boy should be fine. It’s only thirty minute performance, after all.”

Donghae almost ripped his own hair out in his frustration. “Aish, seriously…do you want him dead or what? The members said they helped him to walk out of bed! How could he dance or sing in a condition like that!” Donghae sat next to Sehun’s legs on the sofa, staring the younger boy in despair. “And, aish, you…talking about responsibilities! Do you think it is Sehun’s fault that he’s sick! No, no, no! How can that kind of a heartless person even call…”

“Donghae.” Super Junior manager was suddenly standing behind the EXO manager. He gave Donghae such a meaningful glare that the idol suddenly swallowed his words. The managers started chatting something with serious faces, leaving the two men on the sofa by themselves.

“Sehun, this was my fault…please forgive me for stealing your good night sleep. And yesterday was such a cold night…forgive me.” Donghae said quietly while moving to sit next to the boy’s head, leaning forwards so that the boy could hear his words if he happened to be awake.

“D-Donghae…” The boy suddenly murmured, his ice-cold shaking hand finding its way into the much warmer one.

Donghae gulped, sneakily glancing around the room and when realising no one was examining them in particular, caressed the boy’s hand in a really tender way.

“I-I…Is it Donghae?” Sehun murmured unclearly, curling up into even smaller ball. His blonde hair lied messily on his closed eyelids. “Yes, Sehun, it’s me. Donghae.”  The older man answered, feeling bad for smiling even though the boy was obviously suffering.

“It’s so cold…” Sehun moaned out, shivering just a little. Donghae was pretty sure Sehun would not remember any of this afterwards, and took off his brown jacket. He placed it tenderly over the skinny boy. Sehun, sensing the sudden warmth, snuggled comfortably under the jacket. Donghae smiled by himself. He observed the beautiful jaw line of the younger boy, those beautiful pink lips. The boy wore no make-up and still looked like an angel. Feeling a little bit guilty, Donghae wiped Sehun’s hair away from his eyes and promised by himself not to let anyone ever hurt this innocent angel.

Despite all his attempts, Super Junior idol’s authority was not enough to convince the stubborn EXO manager. Donghae’s manager finally ended up literally pulling the shouting man out of the dressing room. Sehun was given a great amount of strong medicine, and after a careful addition of make-up and stage outfit he succeeded in looking considerably healthy.

“I’ll catch you if you faint” Tao winked at Sehun just before entering the stage. Sehun, feeling a way more sensible thanks to medicines, gave the older boy a rude face, changing it quickly to a posh smile when stepping into the spotlights.

Later in the evening, when the group had returned back to the dorm Sehun almost enjoyed himself as the members kept on serving him and taking care of him. The medicine started to lose their effect, so the growing headache and weakness slightly ruined the otherwise perfect scene.

Minseok was giving Sehun, who lied comfortably on his own bed, a leg massage. “Whenever I was in fever as a kid, my mom gave me this kind of massage saying it helps.” He explained with a smiling face, continuing the massage while half-sitting on Sehun’s legs. Luhan observed the two boys from Joonmyun’s bed, not looking too impressed. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were sitting in both sides of Sehun, throwing around some stupid jokes that no one didn’t even care to listen. Joonmyun and Jongdae were going through some fan mail on the floor, occasionally showing funny stuff to the other members. Tao was sitting on the floor as well, completely absorbed in his phone. Kyungsoo and Jongin were preparing food in the kitchen and poor tired Yixing, the last missing member, was already sleeping in his room. For the first time in a long, long period of time, the dorm felt like it hosted a big, happy family.

“Someone’s phone is ringing.” Jongdae suddenly informed from the floor, waving up the phone to get everyone’s attention. Sehun recognised his phone and was about to stand up to catch it when Chanyeol pulled him down. “Sehunnie, not you! Please, someone throw it here!” The boy shouted, leaning on the sick boy’s stomach in such a painful way it caused him to get a cough attack.

Nobody seemed to be listening Chanyeol’s orders: Jongdae was absentmindedly waving the phone in the air while talking with Joonmyun.

“Fine, fine, it’s always me.” Baekhyun gave up and slid from the bed. He crawled to grab the phone from Jongdae’s hand. “Aaaand the mysterious caller is…” Baekhyun shouted out theatrically.  His face expression suddenly turned into a complete question mark. “Donghae? From SJ?”

Sehun gulped and flied to steal the phone from his hyung.

“Sehun, don’t forget you’re sick…” Joonmyun tried to call after the boy who already rushed out of the room looking exceptionally serious.

“Hi?” Sehun answered immediately as he got out of the room. He was rushing into the kitchen but realised Jongin and Kyungsoo were there and hurried into Luhan and Minseok-hyungs room instead, closing the door behind him.

“Hi Sehun! You’re still alive!” Donghae’s half-laughing, half-worried voice echoed through the phone. “Barely.” Sehun laughed. He sat down on the closest bed: his legs were still a bit weak and hearing the man’s voice didn’t help at all.

“You…you don’t understand how worried I was. I tried my best but they didn’t really listen to me – I mean, your manager didn’t.” Donghae sighed out, Sehun going all wordless. His hyungs had told him that Donghae came to see him while he was sleeping, but the younger boy had no idea that the man actually worried about him enough to make a call.

“I was just wondering…are you sleeping already?” “No.” “Are you sleeping?” “No!” Sehun insisted with a smile. Donghae laughed. “I had to make sure you’re not lying again. But…would it be too burdensome if I would drop by in there? Just to see you’re really okay?”

Sehun gulped, feeling like his eyeballs were dropping. Donghae…seriously…to the dorm…

“Yes! I mean…no one’s really sleeping yet so I guess that’s fine. I…” “Is it okay with you?” Donghae said in a lower tune. Sehun nodded quickly, and even more quickly added “yes” after realising his nodding was useless. “I won’t be long, I just want to see you. So that’s fine?” “Yes.” “See you soon, I’ll drive there.”

When Sehun stepped back into his room, the cheerful mood was completely gone. The hyungs were all staring at Sehun, who awkwardly sat back on his bed.

“Err…everyone…is it okay if Donghae comes and drops by for a second?”

“In here?” Chanyeol sighed.

“In the dorm?” Minseok blinked.

“Donghae?” Tao yelled.

“But why?” asked Kyungsoo who had just stepped into the room with a bowl full of kimchi. Joonmyun didn’t say anything, just stared at Sehun in a way that made the boy extremely uncomfortable.

People started to float out Sehun’s room one by one even before soon after hearing the shocking news. The happy atmosphere in the dorm was broken down by this one phone call. Everyone somehow felt like a wordless rule was broken: no friends had ever visited the dorm except during family visiting times. And now it was almost midnight.

Sehun was left cringing alone in his bed. When he was finally left alone he quickly changed his huge SpongeBob Squarepants-nightie into a black sweater and gulped a few pills down so not to appear too sick for Donghae. Then he sat on his bed, wrapped himself in the blanket and took a deep, calming sigh. “You’re fine, Sehun, you’re fine. You’re sick. He doesn’t except much from you.” He told himself, blushing at the thought of Donghae actually visiting their dorm.

“Good evening, Luhan. Good evening, Minseok.” Sehun heard Donghae’s low voice from the corridor. He suddenly remembered the last discussion they had had and felt really really really really awkward meeting the man. He was about to have a panic attack when the door finally opened.

“Hi.” Donghae said with a smile, bowing at Tao walking past the room before closing the door behind him. The man was wearing a brown jacket, a light blue shirt with a V-neck showing off his chest muscles nicely, and black jeans. He was still wearing his stage make-up and, as the sick boy formulated it in his head, looked damn adorable. Sehun smiled as brightly as he could with his swollen face. “Hi.”

Donghae didn’t step in: he just stood there in front of the door for a while, staring at the younger boy all sick and cold and tired under the sheets. The whole damn scene awakened some kind of motherly instinct inside of him – Donghae couldn’t compare it to anything else he had ever felt before. He felt an irresistible need to hug the boy like it would be his last day and embrace him until he would fall asleep. Donghae sighed and sat down on Sehun’s bed, next to his legs.

Sehun tried to be as calm and natural as possible, but somehow the sight of Donghae again made him feel emotionally unstable. Their discussion last night had really ended a bit awkwardly, Sehun crying like a baby over useless stuff. Besides this, Donghae had confessed his feelings but Sehun never actually did confess his. And, as a nice addition, he could feel how the other members were talking about them suspiciously in the other rooms. What to say now, oh god, what to say now, Sehun thought while smiling tiredly at the man of his dreams.

“You look better than you did earlier today” Donghae said, examining the boy’s face carefully. Suddenly he reached out to measure the boy’s forehead with his hand. “But you still have fever.” Sehun nodded, trying not to shiver from his touch. “Yeah, but I’m on med…icine.” The boy’s voice cracked into a violent series of coughs in middle of the sentence.

Donghae looked extremely worried, placing his hand protectively on the sick boy’s leg.  “How much did they give you before the gig? I think the amounts your manager was talking about were insane.” “I don’t actually know, I was a bit unconscious back then…” Sehun said with a wry smile. Donghae sighed, sliding his hand tenderly over the boy’s leg.

“This was probably because of me. I shouldn’t go out there stealing little boy’s night sleeps.” Sehun chuckled. “How could it be your fault? I didn’t especially resist.” Donghae smiled warmly, both trying to hide their blushing faces from each other.

The older man took off is brown jacket (which earlier today had once lied on Sehun as well) and placed it on Sehun’s night table. He glanced around him, checking the room carefully. “That’s Joonmyun’s bed, right?” Donghae asked, suddenly smiling when interrupted by Sehun’s cuteness: the boy had placed his hands under the blanket and looked like a worm with only his little head sticking out from under the blanket. Sehun nodded with an unintentional yawn, quickly trying to cover his mouth with his hand. Donghae chuckled.

“I won’t bother you long, I see you’re very tired. But I came here for a reason.” He suddenly grabbed a small white plastic bag from behind his back and handed it to Sehun. “It’s for you, Sehun.” Sehun smiled innocently, grabbing the bag over-excitedly. “What is it?” Donghae didn’t answer but just smiled warmly. Sehun opened the bag, just to find…

“Lollipops!” Sehun cried out with laughter. Donghae joined his laughter. “Yes, the same ones I gave you yesterday. You seemed to enjoy it so I thought you would like to have something to eat while being sick.” Sehun smiled happily, meeting Donghae’s eyes. “Thank you! I’ll eat them well!” “You surely will” Donghae added with a smile, crossing his legs under him and simultaneously snuggling a bit closer to Sehun’s side of the bed.

“Do you mind if I eat one now already?” Sehun asked, picking one of the lollipops from the bag. Donghae smiled warmly, shaking his head. “Eat all you want.” Sehun nodded shyly, opened the lollipop and smelled it before tugging it into his mouth. He was aware of his hyung staring at him all the time, and tried not to blush but surely did.

The temporary silence in the room was broken down by the door suddenly opening.

“Oops…sorry…is Joonmyunnie here?” Baekhyun’s face peeked out from the doorway. “No” Sehun tried to say but failed bad as his voice cracked again and forced him to again cough uncontrollably. How attractive I must be for Donghae right now, Sehun thought while coughing his brains out.

“No, he’s not.” Donghae answered Baekhyun with a sweet smile. Baekhyun nodded, bowed at Donghae awkwardly and crept out.

“S-sorry.” Sehun said after finishing up his cough attack. “I’m a disgusting mess.” Donghae patted the boy’s legs. He had moved closer to Sehun all the time and the part of the leg he was patting right now was his thighs. The taller boy suspiciously glanced the hand on his thigh, suddenly realising that it was actual Lee Donghae sitting on his bed patting his thigh.

“You’re never disgusting.” Donghae sighed out, getting his attention caught by the photos on Sehun’s night table. “Cute…” he laughed and pointed out the little picture of Sehun and his childhood friends dressed up as Pokémon’s. “You’re Charmeleon.” Sehun laughed embarrassedly, the laugh again cracking his throat and the cough attack was there again. Donghae smiled empathetically, still holding his hand on the younger one’s thigh.

In frustration, Sehun grabbed a pillow and tucked it in front of his face just to hide himself from Donghae.

“I’m sorry. I wouldn’t want you – or anyone – to see me like this.” He said embarrassedly, having to peek out from his hideout immediately just to sneeze his nose. Donghae’s expression was again like watching a sick little puppy. “I really don’t mind, believe me. Anything for you.” Donghae said quietly, Sehun glancing him doubtfully. Again, Donghae’s cheesy comments made him unsure whether he wanted to puke or start rolling on the floor in his fanboy feels.

The two of them locked their eyes together for a good while, but the stare not being awkward: it was more like a wordless discussion.

Suddenly, Sehun got a huge boost of confidence out of nowhere (probably the pills, he was seriously getting an overdose out of them) and placed his hand over Donghae’s hand on his thigh. Donghae glanced their locked hands, humming by himself quietly. “It’s good to see you’re better already.” Donghae said really quietly, still staring at their joined hands. “I was really worried about you today, I was. Especially…after last night. Are you better now, Sehun?”

Now he raised his eyes to meet Sehun’s, the tension between the two unbelievably high. Sehun nodded shyly, and couldn’t help but smile just a little for having such a beautiful pair of eyes staring at him. The room, all the cardigans he wore and the blanket started suddenly to feel a bit too hot for him.

“But honestly…I have to admit…it was kind of interesting to perform with such an amount of medicine! I don’t know exactly what they gave me but at times I felt exceptionally hyped up. And at times…” Sehun was interrupted by a cough attack, Donghae tightening his hold of the boy’s hand. “…sorry. At times I felt like I’d never danced better.” Donghae laughed sincerely. “I believe you! You really did look like a magnificent dancer tonight. I remember thinking that it’s honestly a shame for all your fellow members that you’re on fire even though you’re sick.” “You did see our performance?” “Yes, of course I had to keep a protective eye on you…” Donghae smiled playfully.

The door opened suddenly, Joonmyun walking in wearing his loose black t-shirt and cotton shorts he always uses while sleeping. He had washed his make-up away and looked obviously like he came here to sleep.

Donghae forcefully unlinked his hands with Sehun, stood up and bowed politely. “Joonmyun, good evening. I was just about to leave.” Joonmyun laughed awkwardly, sitting on his own bed. Without further discussion, he threw the blanket on him and turned his back against the room.

“I’ll guess I must go now, Sehun.” Donghae turned nervously back to Sehun, sitting on the side of his bed while pulling his jacket on. “Get better soon!” He smiled, patting the boy’s leg one more time, and was about to turn around to leave before remembering something.

“Oh…hey, Sehun…” He sat down on the boy’s bed again, leaning closer to Sehun and talking in a bit lower tune, even though Joonmyun did surely hear every single word anyways.

“This is a bit embarrassing to be this burdensome but…could I get the red shirt back? We’re leaving to Thailand tomorrow and I realised I really do need it. But if you don’t have it anywhere, I can buy a new one or something…” “Oh, yes, it’s there…but I haven’t washed it.” Sehun said quietly, not even willing to think how the conversation sounded in the ears of an innocent listener.

"It's okay. Thank you.” Donghae grabbed the shirt from the floor, bowing into Joonmyun’s direction one more time even though the boy wasn’t even looking.

“Bye, both of you! Good night! And Sehun, rest well!” Donghae gave Sehun one last meaningful glance before closing the door behind him.

“Lollipops?” Joonmyun blurted out immediately when the door closed. He threw the blanket off of him and walked to sit on Sehun’s bed. “Did he seriously bring you lollipops?” Joonmyun grabbed the plastic bag from Sehun’s confused hands and peeked inside.

“It’s seriously lollipops.” Joonmyun glanced his maknae suspiciously, shook his head in unbelief and walked out the room.

“What’s wrong with lollipops?” Sehun moaned out after him, his own voice echoing in the empty room.

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Iwantsurfaces #1
Chapter 17: It's now 2018. I'm re-reading this fic again, because it's still the best I've found, and I can't believe it wasn't finished.
jesusrivera09 #2
ARE YOU ALIVE, IF YOU ARE COULD TELL US IF YOU ARE GOING TO FINISH THIS ?
ereveros #3
Chapter 20: Is this fic abandoned? Or did I miss something and u posted the last chapters somewhere else? U were almost finished don't stop here :(((
jesusrivera09 #4
Chapter 20: PLEASE, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR TOO LONG NOE, PLEASE UPDATE, THIS IS THE BEST FANFIC I'VE EVER READ, PLEASE DON'T LET ME DIE AND SUFFER
jesusrivera09 #5
PLEASE UPDATE THIS IS THE BEST
stina0098
#6
Chapter 20: This makes me so sad. TT
shiluxun #7
Why does everything have to be so complicated for them?? :// I will probably go for the happy ending lol Oh and I don't know if you saw already but Donghae and Sehun were seen going to a restaurant together! https://twitter.com/sehunownsme/status/639359385878183936 I hope the link works for you!
kyuririn #8
Chapter 20: Soooo heartbreaking. WHY???
oohsh_kimmji
#9
Chapter 20: Girl. Why are you breaking my poor little heart all the time..
What have I ever done to you :'(
oohsh_kimmji
#10
Chapter 18: No.... why would you do this to me /le ugly sobbing
I trusted you with my heart woman!