One more concert and we’re back on the road.

Do you know how hard  it is to hide throwing up for the rest of the day on tour bus? It’s  impossible, but  somehow I made it. For almost a month I keep this from them. Every morning I have to rush to the onboard bathroom and I have never been so happy that the guys sleep so soundly like a baby in my life.

After retching every morning I’m usually able to make it through the rest of the day without repeat to throw up. But still my stomach feel queasy and I’m losing my weight. That is something the guy realized, even Jonghyun in his almost drunken state. They start watching me carefully and closer and are about  to gang up on me.

I really worried they will find out what is wrong with me and force me go to  doctor, so I keep it off as long as possible.

I find us a house from internet. The house is so perfect, have beach view and a private one, so no one can disturb us. And if they bored they only to drive thirty minutes to find a club or bar. The price for the house cost a fortune that makes me cringe. Even after all these years and the life style we lead, I feel sick if I spent money that much. But actually that price not even put a tiny hole in our bank accounts.

Even for my own wallet. Mr. Han pays me well for taking care CN BLUE, something I would’ve done for free. But Yonghwa and  Minhyuk put me in their payrolls when I was eighteen. For my needs, the guys  just give their credit cards to me and made sure I used it. If there something I want, the guys just bought it for me.

I was so excited to spend a whole summer in beach house, schedule free, and no one can bother us. Just one more stop in Germany, two concert, and we can take a plane to Japan, have a holiday and I would sleep in for entire summer. That though alone can make me feel giddy.

“ I think you need see a doctor baby girl”

My head snapped up at the sound of Yonghwa ‘s voice. He’s with me sitting at the back watching tv and I feel better after my queasy routine in the morning.”No way.”

He was sitting beside me so he grabbed me and pulled me into his lap. “Yes way Hyunnie. You are pale and just bones now. You’re not eating too. And I’ve heard you this morning in the bathroom. You always sleep and have mood swings. Something’s not right babe.”

“I don’t want to go to doctor, period.” I was scared that there was something serious with me, like cancer or something. I always take care myself so well, because I don’t want to go to a doctor or hospital and I’ve never been this sick. I was still terrified of doctors.

“We’ll go with you, twins.” Minhyuk suddenly in with his eyes smile, and twirling a drum stick around his finger expertly. “we won’t let him/ her hurt you.”

I look harder at Yonghwa, He was really worried. I could see the way he looking at me that he was scared too, so I gave in. “Okay.” I whispered. “ I’ll find doctor when we get to Japan.”

They both seemed to relax. “Whatever it is, we’ll get through it.” That’s when I realized that Minhyuk too thought something bad was wrong with me. They can’t call we are twins for nothing. I pushed off Yonghwa and climbed onto drummer’s lap. Minhyuk hug me tight and I snuggled to him. No one said a word as we drove through the night.

I woke with a warm body wrapped around me. It was usual for me to sleep in the same bed with one of the guys. If you live on a tour bus you can sleep anywhere. I know who it was by the breath on the back of my neck. Jonghyun breath smells of alcohol. Yawning I moved until I was sitting up. He’s sleep like a log and his arms fell back on the sofa. I stood, and do some stretching.

When I glanced at my friend  my heart melted. He like other guys, loved me more than anything in the world,He just can’t express it so well. And I love him just as much. But I worried about him the most. We all knew why he needing to drink away the past, and we can’t do nothing but watch over him. There is once we talk about him into rehab, but hadn’t ended well. Smiling, I picked a blanket from chair and draped it over him before bending down to kiss him on the cheek.

The bus still moving and I should get some more sleep.  When we reach Munich, there wouldn’t be time for a rest. My stomach was thankfully not reacting and I didn’t have to fight with the urge to vomit. I walked trough the sleeping quarters, where Jungshin and Minhyuk sleeping.

Jungshin was muttering in his sleep with his favorite bass clutched in his arms. On the bottom of bunk is  Minhyuk. I checked to make sure he’s covers up.

I found Yonghwa sleep in my usual place at the front of the tour bus. He was sleep and laying on stomach, hugged my pillow and my favorite blanket over his waist. Why he sleeping in my spot? He hated a place which let in too much light during the day. But there he was in my pillow,drooling.

With a sigh I pushed at his shoulders, making him turn over so that I could climb over beside him. He didn’t protest as I snuggled closed to his chest. I inhaled his fresh, an unique Yonghwa smell and closed my eyes. This is my paradise, in his warm embrace.

Soft warm lips brushed across my forehead and his strong arms wrapped aroung me pulling closer against his chest, tight. “ Thanks for makes me happy Hyunnie.” He mumbled.

But I was already half asleep, safe in the arms of the man who owned me, body and soul.

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sorry for any grammatical error and my poor english

*bowed*