“Hey, I’m around your place. Want to go for a drive?” Donghae said over the phone. He had just finished a schedule and it was getting late at night. Tomorrow night Yejun would be leaving back to Canada but on that day he also had a schedule to attend to. He figured the best time to say good bye would be at this moment.

“Okay” Yejun said over the phone. She had been wondering if she was going to see Donghae before she left. He hasn’t really been contacting her that much ever since the last time they saw each other. Even though she felt as if she was dying every day to see Donghae she figured she better get used to it now because soon she won’t see him at all.

Donghae was driving to Yejun’s place and there had been so many things on his mind. He felt uneasy of the thought of this being the last time to see her. He had originally planned not to see her again because saying goodbye was too hard but he learnt that staying away from her is even harder. He had promised though that he would let her go so that she can get healthy again. Although he hasn’t completely let her go yet he sometimes thinks that if he tried harder maybe they would still be together. If not together then maybe she would stay longer before actually leaving. Even if it was only a day later he wished it would be that way. Because starting from the moment he sees Yejun every moment would be even more precious and possibly their last.

“Hey” Yejun says as she gets into his car. She has a smile on her face but it isn’t real. It’s clear that it isn’t real. Her eyes are swollen and she has eye bags. Weight still going down if that were possible.

“Hello” Donghae says with a small smile as they begin to drive away. It was times when he saw Yejun’s health going down that he reminded himself that he needs to let her go to get healthy again. She shouldn’t suffer like this.

“You look tired” Yejun said.

“I just haven’t been sleeping properly” Donghae says keeping his eyes on the road.

“Are you getting sick? Doesn’t the flu go around a lot at this time? Hmm you know what would be good for that-“

“It’s okay. I’m not sick. It’ just other stuff.” He interrupted.

The atmosphere became awkward. Yejun never really talked like that to Donghae or showed a lot of concern to him. She had always just ignored those type of things or kept her comments to herself. She didn’t know if she said those things because she wanted to seem caring or because she was nervous and scared.

A lot of the drive was quiet until Donghae drove out to a more non-urbanized part of the city. He parked the car by a long river which had long grass on its sides. There were few trees and the leaves were falling and changing colors.

“Are you all packed and ready to go?” Donghae said. He looked over at Yejun who was staring at the water with no expression.

“Yeah” she replies.

“I want you to be happy Yejun. Can you promise me you’ll find happiness?”

Yejun just gulped down fearing the tears that wanted to fall. She couldn’t guarantee her happiness. Her only happiness was Donghae. But she can’t be with him. Nor was she able to admit it.

“Everything that has happened between us, I’m glad I was able to go through it with you. I’m glad all those memories were with you and that all my feelings are for you.” Donghae was saying. He wasn’t sure what to say except how he really felt.

“I’m sorry for everything Donghae.” Yejun said with tears. She faced him so she could talk sincerely to him, “I’m sorry for not remembering you. I’m sorry for hurting you when I was with Seunghyun. I’m sorry for hurting you every time I don’t answer you or reply coldly. I’m sorry for not being able to open up. I’m sorry that my health is a mess. I’m sorry for never being able to show you what you meant to me.”

Donghae’s tears soon begin falling as well. He remembered everything that had happened between the two. The memories from before the accident and the memories from after. That day in the studio when he found out Yejun was in the car accident. Those sleepless nights he spent in the hospital in hopes that she would wake up to remember him. Instead she woke up to completely forget him. But Donghae didn’t stop loving her. He didn’t let her go. He’s a very optimistic man and thought positively of the situation. He thought it could be a way for the couple to get close again. That’s how he thought until he realized the psychological trauma from her childhood was too great. It was too much for the poor girl and she couldn’t handle it thus pushing everyone away from her.

“Stop saying sorry.” Donghae said.

Yejun looked at him with wide eyes. She didn’t know what to say. She knew this would be a good bye.

“I think the sky looks beautiful tonight. The scenery of it over the river is something incredible.” Donghae said trying to change the mood. Yejun always knew that Donghae loved photography which made him seem like a really romantic person.

Yejun let out a smile at this moment. The moment of them saying goodbye which should be so sad but Donghae is trying to make it beautiful.  She loved this about him. His cuteness overflowed in these moments.

“I don’t know if you remember this or if you saw any of it in the boxes of our things, but you’ve always loved photography. I loved it too. It’s actually what made us click and how our relationship began.” He said.

Yejun remembered ever since she younger she loved photography. She went into modeling because she liked photography so much. Although she wouldn’t be the one taking the photos it still included a camera. She remembered about that unopened box in her room. She remembered all the photo albums and videos she’s seen of her with Donghae. Was it really through something she loved so much that she met Donghae?

“I haven’t started photography since the accident” Yejun says lightly. She remembered suddenly the few cameras she had. Some of them professional which she used for sceneries. She even had a water proof camera. She remembered loving to take photos of every second she got. She doesn’t remember spending that time with Donghae. Probably because of her depression. She completely forgot about the things she loved in life. The things which made her smile. The things which made her happy.

“It should have been me in that car accident.” Donghae said lightly. He knows the car accident was something serious but if he could put himself in her position he would’ve. If he somehow could have changed the way that night went he would have. If he could somehow take away all the problems which came that night, he would have.

“Donghae, don’t say that. If it were you it would have been much worse and more people would have reacted towards it.” Yejun said. She is happy that it was her who went through the car accident and not Donghae. Getting to know him more, she realized that he was an extremely positive man who loved life. If that was taken away from him then Yejun probably wouldn’t be able to live without him.

“It hurt so much to see you in that hospital bed.”

“It would have hurt to see if it were you too.” Yejun took in a deep breath and looked at the calm river. Donghae was staring at nothing in particular but both were lost in their thoughts.

“I love you Yejun. If there is anything I want you to remember of me it would be this. That I love you. And I’m sorry for ever hurting you. My intentions were never bad. My actions were all out of love because that is all I feel for you. Whether you remember us or not, whether you’ve changed or not I will always love you.” Donghae looked at Yejun as he said this. He’s said it many times but this might be the last time he’ll be able to say it so he wants her to remember it. To remember him.

Yejun didn’t say anything back. She wanted to say she loved him back but she couldn’t. All her feelings which she has pushed aside for so long won’t come out. They will continue to be pushed aside.

After a long but comforting silence the two decided to go back. Neither of them new what to say. They were both too afraid of the goodbye and the closer it got the more anxious they got.

Donghae parked his car outside Yejun’s apartment by the private entrance. Yejun looked at Donghae who’s tears were already flowing. She wanted to cry as well but he couldn’t let her feelings be seen.

“Thank you for everything Donghae. For putting up with me, for going through this whole experience with me and for caring for me. It really means a lot and I won’t forget you.” Yejun said lightly. She didn’t know how to say goodbye it all felt awkward, it felt surreal. She didn’t think the day she left would come so soon yet it’s right around the corner.

“Please take care of yourself.” Donghae said. He didn’t know what would become of them after she left. If they would still be in contact or not. He figured it would be harder to get over her if they were in contact. But breaking away from her seemed impossible.

“You too.” Yejun said. And with that she got out of the car and walked towards her apartment without even looking back because her tears were threatening to fall. Once she got into her apartment she went straight to her room and cried herself to sleep. I love you Donghae. So so so much. I’m sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry for hurting you. Let’s forget each other. It will be easier for the both of us. Let’s move on in our lives to be able to smile and be happy again. I miss you already. From now on is the real fight. The fight of having to stay away from you. The moment I get on that plane, I won’t turn back. I’m sorry Donghae. Forgive me for being selfish. I’m so so sorry.

Donghae watched as she went inside her apartment. Crying of what he had just lost. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get over her. He knew that no matter how much he loved her, she won’t love him back. But maybe that’s the reality he has to face.  Maybe that’s what he has to go through. He needs to accept that they’ll never be together. He needs to accept that Yejun won’t remember and won’t love him back. He needs to let go.

Donghae took the long way back to his dorm. Mostly because he wanted to be alone. He knew that once he went home there would be a lively atmosphere because of the members loud voices. Many of the members didn’t know a lot about his relationship with Yejun mostly because he wanted to protect her. The members wouldn’t do anything but he knew how uncomfortable Yejun was with people. The only one who knew most was Eunhyuk but that’s only because of their close brotherly friendship.

Once Donghae entered the dorm he noticed the members doing different things. Some were watching TV and monitoring the shows they were on, others were in the kitchen looking for something to eat or eating at the table. Some playing games on their laptops and of course Ryeowook reading a book about food.

The atmosphere was very calm and relaxed which Donghae was grateful for. He slowly and quietly walked into his room and shut the door in hopes no one had really noticed anything wrong with him. The moment he saw his bed he just collapsed on it. He looked at the photos on the wall, the ones with Yejun, and decided he needed to take them down. He thought about all the gifts she’s given him and decided he needed to throw them away. He looked at his phone with all the videos and photos of Yejun and thought maybe it’s time to clear out his memory card.

As Donghae was thinking in silence Eunhyuk suddenly came in. Donghae didn’t know that Eunhyuk had gone to talk to Yejun the other night and Eunhyuk wasn’t planning on telling him.

“What’s up?” Eunhyuk says casually as he sits on Donghae’s bedside, although he knows very well what is up.

“It’s really done. Like for real this time. She’s actually leaving.” Donghae said as his voice cracked. His tears began to flow even more.

“Maybe it really is for the better this time Donghae.” Eunhyuk said. He had given up on the relationship. Because the only way it could be fixed would be if Yejun accepted her feelings, which she hasn’t. Eunhyuk felt Donghae’s pain because that night when he went to talk to Yejun is when he truly saw her conflicting her emotions, her pain and how hard this will be for her.

“It hurts Hyuk. My chest hurts.” Donghae curled up into a ball as Eunhyuk went to lie down beside him. Both of them always had a special brotherly bond. They could always rely on each other and comfort each other. And at this moment and probably for the next while Donghae will need a lot of comforting.

“You need to be strong Hae.” Eunhyuk said while drawing circles on Donghae’s back.

“How?”

“Forget her Hae,” although this hurt Hyukjae to say because he really did think that the two had a special bond, he promised Yejun. “Be strong and keep going forward. From tonight on she isn’t in your life anymore and she won’t be. She’s gone Donghae.”

These words made Donghae cry even harder. Knowing this was one thing but accepting it was harder. Donghae was curious as to why his best friend who is supposed to be comforting him is actually telling him the flat out truth.

“It’s too soon for that Hyuk. Just stop saying that.” Donghae said with hurt in his voice.

Not all love stories end in a fairy tale. There isn’t always some happy ending . Although Donghae had seen so many cartoons where the love story ended in happily ever after, he realized that isn’t true. It’s all just a lie. If anything, this love story was a tragedy. Something that would be impossible to get over. Eunhyuk had realized this as well. He saw that his efforts weren’t great enough. He knew how much Donghae tried but he also saw how much Yejun resisted. But maybe this happened for a reason. 

Hello!!!

THE STORY ISN'T OVER!!!!

Just saying... I have a few more chapters left ^^

This story is longer then I thought lol...

Thank you to my commenters, subscribers and viewers :) 

Was this chapter boring? I'm sorry T.T i'm really really bad with good byes!

I feel like it wasn't really creative....

Anywho... until the next update!