“Come in Donghae” Lindy says when she opens the door.

Donghae goes in and paces in the living room without even saying hello, “where is she?” he asks in a cold tone.

Lindy goes to knock on Yejun’s bedroom door and says “Yejun, come to the living room. Donghae is here.”

Yejun steps out of her room and looks at the ground as she drags herself to the living room. She sees Donghae’s state and begins to cry all over again.

“I’ll leave you two alone.” Lindy says as she grabs her keys, purse and walks out the front door.

Silence fills the room. All that can be heard are Yejun’s sniffles.

Donghae turned around so that his back was facing Yejun. His eyes were big, puffy and red. His hair was a mess and so were his clothes.

“Was I ever anything to you Kim Yejun? Is it fun to play with an idol? Is it fun to embarrass me in front of everyone? Tell me, did you enjoy yourself?” Donghae’s voice gets louder and louder with every question and the shake in his voice was evident.

“Donghae, please-“ Yejun was saying but cut off by Donghae as he turned around to face her.

“No! I’m tired of this! I’ve been tired this whole time yet you never cared! You never looked at me, you never even thought about me and just turned your back on me! Whenever you asked to break up I thought it was because you were afraid.” Donghae’s tears begin to fall. “Stop crying dammit!” his voice echoed throughout the whole appartment.

“Donghae, let me explain.” Yejun tried pleading.

“Stop saying my name! Explain? You want to explain? Tell me why were you going out with Seunghyun behind my back? Why you were secretly meeting him? When did these dates begin? Frankly, this is sick to me! I don’t want to know when this whole thing started actually. I don’t want to hear your excuses. I love you Yejun, do you know what that is? I’m crazy for you. I love you more than I can feel. Yet you fell in love with someone else. Do you know how much this hurts right now?” Donghae asked pointing to his chest where his heart was located.

Yejun just stood there crying. Not knowing how to react. Not knowing what to say. Not knowing how to move, how to feel or how to even think. She tried approaching Donghae but every step she took towards him he took a step back.

“Just stop Yejun.” Donghae says in a low voice. “It’s done. Let’s end this here.” He said. He goes back to the entrance to put his shoes on.

“No wait, please don’t leave me!” Yejun said chasing after him.

Donghae heard the way she needed him in her last sentence. And he finally heard her asking him to stay but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. “Why should I stay? You’ve hurt me every way possible.” Donghae turns around and put his hand on the doorknob. “Treat me as you did before. As cold as you normally would be. Ignore me exactly how you are used to. And don’t contact me. This shouldn’t be hard because you’re always like that with me.” With that said Donghae walked out the front door leaving Yejun alone to cry in her misery.

Yejuns legs soon gave out on her and she collapsed on the floor crying. She didn’t want Donghae to leave. She didn’t want him to go away. She needed him to live. But why didn’t she realize this until now?

Why hasn’t Seunghyun contacted her either? He is partially responsible for this, isn’t he?

After a few hours Lindy returns to their apartment. She walks into Yejun’s room who is still crying.

“Yejun? We need to talk about this, common tell me.” Lindy was very angry and upset with Yejun. She warned her about this yet she was reckless enough to not even realize there were reporters following her. But right now wasn’t the time to lecture her about her mistake. Before she could let any of the reporters know anything she wants to hear the story. She wants to hear what Yejun has to say about it all and where she stands with Donghae.

“D-donghae hates me” was all Yejun managed to say.

Lindy was standing by Yejun’s bedside wiping her hair away from her face.

“Yejun, of course he is mad. You saw a man behind his back and now everyone thinks you’re cheating on him. Things need to get sorted out.” Lindy said trying to help her.

“Donghae won’t talk to me.” Yejun cried.

Lindy took in a deep breath not knowing what to do. Yejun is in the wrong right now and she needed to sort things out with Donghae. She didn’t want to interfere but was afraid that if she didn’t then her and Donghae would be over forever.

The next day

“Hi Minho, how are you?” Lindy said answering her phone.

“How is she?” Minho said in a cold voice. He was calling from his office back in Canada. He read the news online and became worried knowing his sisters state.

“She,”  Lindy takes in a deep breath not wanting to worry him but she didn’t want to lie to him either. “she’s a wreck.”

Minho takes in a deep breath “please Lindy. Watch out for her. Is she taking her medication? What has she been doing?”

Lindy is sitting at the kitchen table. All of Yejun’s schedule’s have been cancelled. Lindy is hurting for Yejun and has heard absolutely nothing from Donghae. “She sleeps and cries. I give her her medication so yes she is taking them. I don’t know what to do Minho. I’ve been saying this so much lately but right now I’m more lost then I’ve ever been with Yejun.”

Yejun is in her room constantly crying. She tries to call Donghae but he won’t answer his phone or her messages. Lindy would come in with a glass of water and give her her medication. But what Lindy doesn’t know is that Yejun really hasn’t been taking her medication. Lindy would put the medication on a tray and leave it by Yejun’s bed. Yejun would grab the medication, wrap it in a paper which she’s been blowing her nose in and throwing it in the garbage.

There’s no point in taking the medicine. I screwed up. I screwed up my life. Why try to help myself when I don’t deserve it?

This is what constantly went through Yejun’s mind. These extremely dark and endless thoughts.

The next day came and Lindy decides to call Donghae. The first few times he wouldn’t answer until later on in the night.

“Hello?” Lindy heard Donghae’s strained voice on the phone.

“Hae, please-“ Lindy began.

“No noona. I know what you’re going to say. I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t talk about it. Not right now. I’m too broken right now. Please just leave me alone. It’s already hard as it is.” He pleaded.

Lindy understood what he meant and as much as she wanted to beg him more she decided it was too soon to speak about the situation. “Okay. I understand. I’m sorry. Please take care of yourself. Have a good night Donghae.” Then she hung up the phone.

She was beyond furious with Yejun but what could Lindy do? Barge in there and scream at the girl? What’s going through your mind Yejun? Why didn’t you listen? Why don’t you listen to your heart? Please Yejun, open up. Talk to me. Lindy pleaded in her mind.

Yejun is in her room no longer crying. Why? Because she already cried her heart and soul out. She cried out all that she had within her. She cried and wanted to cry more but couldn’t. She tried to but couldn’t. She was in her room left to sulk in her own misery. Her phone went off and Yejun quickly reached for it hoping it would be Donghae but when she looked at the number she realized it was a long distance number.

“Hello?” she said quietly into the phone.

“What have you done with your life.” the woman on the other side of the line said.

Yejun recognized this cold voice. It belonged to no other then her mother. Her mother which resented her more thann her father. Her mother who left her because she didn’t want her. Her mother always favored Minho.

“Hi mother” Yejun said. She hasn’t talked to her mother since she went to Canada but she didn’t really care. She got used to being ignored by her family. To never being loved by her mother. To being separated from the family for choosing a different path in life.

“You run off to Korea to pursue a job that doesn’t even suit you and now you screwed yourself over?” her mother said in disbelief.

“Mom, it isn’t-“ Yejun was saying but was rudely interrupted by her mother.

“Like that? Oh please honey that’s what they all say. I said that to your father when I did the same thing to him. Trust me I know. But I guess mine was different because I wasn’t in the spotlight like you are. I can’t believe you actually thought you had a future with that man.”

“Mom, Donghae isn’t a bad person. He lo-“

“Loves you right? Yeah I get it. That’s why he’s by your side right? Oh wait he isn’t?” her mother said sarcastically. If her mother knew anything it was how to be a .

“Mom I’m not in the mood for this. Please.” Yejun said with a shaky voice remembering how dark her childhood was because of her mother.

“You need to learn everything the hard way. Come on you’re supposed to be smart. But I guess you threw your brain away after all those photo shoots. Do you know how humiliating you are? This just makes it all worse. If you are going to cheat on your boyfriend then do it right. You can’t even do that right. This is why I don’t call you my daughter. Your whole career is going to fall from here but don’t come crying home when that happens. You know my door is closed so please don’t come asking me to accept you. You took your own route and now you will dig your own grave. Oh, almost forgot to mention, stop being an attention and grow up. No one likes those kind of people. I’ll be paying attention to the news to see how things turn out between you and your ‘significant other’. Do you still call him that? Oh well I guess you can’t anymore.” And with that said Yejun’s mother hung up.

Yejun and her mother never had a good relationship or a relationship at all for that matter. Her mother always hated on her for not being perfect and the rebellious child. But Yejun always kept shut in front of her. She never talked back nor did she stand up for herself. Not because she’s afraid of her but because she always thought it was pointless to try to make her mother love her since she never would.

Once the call ended Yejun felt fresh tears rolling down her face. Her mother always said mean things to her but how could she say things like that at a time like this? Significant other? Is that what Yejun would call Donghae before?

Yejun began to cry hard again because just the thought of Donghae hurt her.

Leave me alone Lee Donghae. I don’t ever want to see you again. I don’t ever want to talk to you again. I won’t ever feel for you again or anyone else. Thank you for leaving my life so please stay out.

Yejun cried and cried again.

The next day came and Yejun felt faint. She hadn’t eaten and just been drinking about two glasses of water a day. Lindy was still barely talking to her but she knew all her schedules had been cancelled because of the scandal.

Again her phone went off and again it was a long distance number. It was her father this time though but she didn’t want to talk and pressed “reject call” but that didn’t stop her father from calling again.

Yejun decides to answer. “Hi” she answers.

“I guess lecturing you about your life teaches you nothing. Now you must learn the hard way” was the first thing her father said over the phone.

“Daddy, sometimes it would be nice if you said hello” Yejun tried.

“Daddy? Is this what your father taught you? I know I didn’t teach my daughter to cheat on her boyfriend. I know I didn’t teach my daughter to be a model. Would you by any chance know where she is because I don’t” he said coldly.

I’m right here daddy.

Although Yejun always liked her father better, after she went to modeling school everything changed.

“Aish Yejun! Did you learn from your mother?! Did she teach you this?!” he began yelling. “How could you be so insensitive? And you still have the guts to answer the phone? Have you no shame in front of me? Do you not think that what you have done is wrong?! Look at this mess that has been created. This is so disgraceful!“

Although Yejun had a somewhat harsh relationship with her father it was always easier to talk to him. “Why do you care? I thought you never cared about him. You practically disowned me, you threw me out of your life when you found out I was dating him” Yejun said in a cold low voice.

Her father let out a small laugh. “You’re standing up for him now? Now you say these things about him? Never had you ever stood up for him which is why I always doubted your ‘love’ for him. You’ve lost him so now you decide to stick up for him? When will you grow up Kim Yejun?”

Yejun spent days crying in her room. Not once did she forgive herself. I never stood up for Donghae? But I thought I loved him? Why am I such a screw up? Why was I so selfish and only thought about my own self? Seunghyun hasn’t even called. This whole thing was a joke. Donghae’s fans hate me. He hates me. Lindy hates me. My parents hate me. This world is so much more lonelier and darker without you Donghae. Please. I’m sorry. But you’ll probably never forgive me right? It’s okay, not really, but I mean, I understand. You are probably hurting more than I am. Crying more. Donghae I’m sorry for not being able to accept your love. I’m just more confused now. Please Donghae all I need is time. But what use is that? I should go back to Canada right? But Lindy has already spent so much money building up a name for me here and I screwed that up. Maybe my parents are right. I am a screw up. I screwed up my life. I don’t even like myself.

Yejun felt tears coming to her eyes. She gets up and looks at herself in the mirror. She sees a mess. A girl who was once beautiful now looks like a monster. Was it because of the mistake she made or was it because of all the crying? She thought it was both.

It was near sunset and Yejun’s room was dark because the light was off. She reached to touch the girl in the mirror because she didn’t recognize her anymore. The girls hair was a mess and her face red and bloated from crying. She couldn’t smile even if she wanted to and her eyes were empty black orbs. Her expression, cold.

Yejun opens the door to her room and notices the rest of the apartment was dark. She walks into every room but Lindy was nowhere to be found.

She left me too didn’t she?

Yejun’s mind began working again and all the dark thoughts came back. She went into the washroom and opened the medicine cabinet. In it she found all types of medication until she came across one which she couldn’t let go. Sleeping pills.

She grabbed them then closed the medicine cabinet and took another look at herself in the mirror.

“I was never pretty” She said out loud.

This is for the better. All I’ve caused is pain. I’m sorry Lindy for not listening to you. I’m sorry mommy and daddy for being a failure. I’m sorry Minho for being such a pain. And I’m sorry Donghae for not loving you.

Yejun opened the bottle of pills and emptied them into her hand. The bottle was practically new. She put the pills in , grabbed a cup by the sink and filled it up with water then drank it to help get the pills down. Yejun soon began to feel dizzy. She felt a pain in her chest and her vision going blurry. She then hit the ground with a thud and everything went black.

Lindy went out for a drive because she needed it. She needed to think. She just needed to be alone for a bit. She would still text Donghae to make sure he is okay and eating properly. Of course Donghae would say that he is fine but Lindy knew he wasn’t. Lindy knew he was probably crying but he needed his space to think.

Lindy just got back from her drive and noticed the sun was setting. She was hesitant for some reason to go back to the apartment so she took her time getting out of the car, and going up to their floor then opening the door. All the lights were off just how she left them but she realized the washroom light was on and the door open.

“Yejun?” Lindy called cautiously while walking towards the door.

Lindy gasped at the sight before her. There was Yejun on the floor past out. Beside her was a broken glass and a bottle of sleeping pills. Lindy felt new tears coming out from her eyes as she dialed the police. She checked the pale girls pulse and felt something very faint.

“Yejun, sweety, you can’t do this again! You can’t! Do you hear me?! Wake up!” Lindy began screaming.

Hello everyone!!!

Emotional chapter TT.TT

I wonder what will happen next...

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