I didn’t dare turn around. Heechul hyung went to talk to the person who I had a strong urge to hug and also to run away from. I heard muted voices, but still didn’t turned. Junsu looked at me with sympathy. 

“It will be fine. We will be nearby, ifyou need us. But you do understand that you have to do this yourself?”, he said, squeezing my hand. I sighed a bit and nodded. I smiled at him and mouthed thanks. Heechul hyung came back. 

“We will be going now, JaeJae. But call us when you need us. You will be fine”, he said, kissing my head and leaving with the two. I watched them disappear from the gates of the park we had been waiting in and took in a deep breathe, still refusing to turn around.

“Ma?”

And I had to turn around. The breathe left me as Yunho stood before me, eyes wide, but expression unreadable. He was as good-looking as always.

“Ma!”.

Changmin was getting hyper, seeing me. I suddenly wished Minhee was here. She would have been happy to see Yunho. The little guy was trying his best to jump towards me, but Yunho had him held tightly. Neither of us moved and my stomach twisted.

“H..Hi”, I said nervously, my voice coming out as a squeak.

“You look different”, he said, and a pang went through my chest at his deep voice. I had really missed him.

“Oh. R..really”, I said, stuttering and running a hand nervously through my newly short hair. It was going to take some getting used to. We looked at each other, the silence settling heavier than the cold air around us. Someone had to break it before one of us went crazy.

“I thought I wasn’t going to see you again”, I blurted out, heart thumping so loudly, I was almost sure he was able to hear it. His eyebrows rose a bit and I felt like burrowing myself inside a hole and never coming out.

“Is that why you ignored all the calls and texts?”, he said, no hint of anger or hatred, but eyes hard and voice quiet. The words stabbed me and I gasped, before I could stop myself. His eyes widened and he took a step forward.

“I am sorry”, I whispered, unable to look into eyes anymore. I would either lose my courage or start crying if I looked at him any longer. His shoes came into my vision and I felt a warm hand lifting my face, much nearer than earlier. Had he always been so handsome?

“Do you hate me,Jaejoong?”, he asked, even more quietly than before, a hint of hurt and resignation in his eyes. And that propelled me into action. Resignation was one emotion I did not want to see in his eyes.

“N..no. I don’t hate you. I want to thank you. I..you helped me a lot and I did nothing. I like you. And I know I haven’t been the best human being. Don’t go, please. Minhee likes you and so do I. I am sorry, Yunho. I..I can be a better friend and person. I just couldn’t face my thoughts”.

I had no sense of what I was spouting about, words just tumbling about in a rush. My fidgeting was getting worse, the hem of my hoodie in danger of getting permanently frayed. But I had to talk. Tell Yunho everything. Make him understand.

“Do you hate me, Yunho? I would understand if you did. I wasn’t a very good friend to you, but you are one of my closest. I like you and Changmin a lot. I-mmph!”

It was over as soon as it had begin. Yunho looked at me, eyes smirking, as he his lips. I was only able to register the fleeting moment when he had leaned in very close, before leaning back again just as quickly.

What had just happened?

“Hmm. Strawberry flavour”.

I nodded stupidly, still trying to process. Is that why Heechul Hyung had specifically asked for strawberry lipgloss? Oh god, had I talked sometime in past about Yunho and strawberries? Heechul Hyung is a scary man. 

A light chuckle drew me out of my internal ramblings. I looked at Yunho and was surprised to find him even closer.

“Yeah, it’s strawberry lip gloss”, I said the first thing which came to my mind. Yunho’s eyes twinkled as he tried not to laugh outright. I pouted a bit. 

“I know. Were you thinking about me when you applied it?”, he said, voice changing from being light and husky to a deep timbre that had my nerves thrumming in overactivity. I felt my cheeks grow hot and couldn’t look a him. The horrible tease. One arm wrapped lightly around my waist, pulling me even close to him. And I was forced to look at him. He was smiling, eyes alight in affection, happiness and something else. Something deep that had my heart palpitating again.

“You had me at ‘Hi’”, he whispered earnestly, a gentle smile on his face. He looked so content and happy, that I couldn’t stop a smile of myself, suddenly feeling so light that I wouldn’t have been surprised to just float away.

Silence settled again and this time it was neither heavy nor smothering. It was peaceful. In that time, Changmin succeeded atlast in jumping from Yunho’s arms. He was now snuggled peacefully in my arms, yawning lightly. I looked at him, kissing the small forehead  and he giggled, making me smile wider. 

A small squeeze to my waist had me looking back at Yunho, his gaze a bit darkened and face serious. I my lips in nervousness at the sudden change in Yunho’s features. I watched his eyes follow my tongue across my lips and my recently calmed down heart again started thumping against my ribs. I my lips again in mounting tension. And Yunho’s gaze darkened further. He looked at me, his hands slipping just a bit from my waist, and coming to rest on my hips. A tiny squeeze on them had me making a very strange noise which sounded something between a gasp and a whine. 

I was absolutely mortified now.

“Jaejoong?”

The sudden tone of urgency in his voice made me my lips again. And he crashed his mouth against mine before I could make sense of anything. For the second time now.

This wasn’t what I imagined when I would kiss someone for the first time. At all.

                                                                        -x-x-x-

I tucked in Minhee, who had tired herself out by playing. I sighed as I looked at her, sleeping peacefully. It was pretty late in night and I was exhausted by the happenings of the day. But sleep wouldn’t come. I looked at my phone and it was near midnight. I lay in my bed, trying to fall asleep.

But I couldn’t.     

Yunho had called two hours ago, saying he had reached safely and that Changmin was being impossible. Then he had proceeded to talk so cheekily, I had hung up on his twice to shut him up. What happened to the stone faced Jung Yunho and his bare minimum words? Who is this overly cheesy, adorable person I am dating?

And I had to turn and muffle my scream in the pillow. Yunho and I were dating. Forgive me for squealing. My face hadn’t cooled down since our meeting in the park. It had burned all the way from saying goodbye to Yunho, to sitting in the car (with Junsu and Kibum exchanging annoyingly smug looks and Heechul Hyung being overly satisfied), to arriving home, to making dinner and feeding Minhee, to getting ready for bed. Was it even humanly possible to blush for so long?

I was probably looking like a lunatic, lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling with a mental grin on my face and squealing for no apparent reason, but I couldn’t help it.Yunho and I were dating! I giggled silently, the happenings of the evening replaying in my head. I know I was acting like a complete girl, but what the heck. 

I missed Yunho already, but I believed in him.I will wait for him till he came back. And in the meantime, I will follow my own dreams. And be a person he would be proud of.

Wait for me too, Yunho.

                                                                        -x-x-x-

His lips were a bit chapped, but as plush as pillows against mine. I had no idea what to do, so I just copied Yunho’s actions, and judging by the way his arm tightened around my waist and his other hand holding the back of my head, I must have been doing it right. His tongue touched my lips and I pulled away with a gasp. Yunho looked so good. Lips a bit swollen and red, eyes dark and sharp. I unconsciously my lips in nervous action. His eyes followed my action and leaned in again. this time I was ready.

But Changmin had other plans. He butted his head up before we could kiss again. And turned to glare at Yunho.

“Ma”, he said resolutely and buried his head under my chin, then proceeding to again frown at Yunho. I laughed at the incredulous expression on Yunho’s face. 

“The little brat. I take care of him, feed him and this is how he behaves”, Yunho grumbled, pouting. My jaw would have dropped if Changmin hadn’t drawn my attention to him again. I had absolutely no idea that THE Jung Yunho, the stoic, poker-faced, Yunho would manage to look so cute. It the sort of look which could make anyone say yes to anything. A dangerous look, in away. I hid my smile in the hoodie Changmin was wearing
 

We looked at each other, not needing any words to read each other’s eyes. Yunho took my hand and i gripped it tightly.

“I have to go”, he said. I looked at him, my heart doing unpleasant flip flops and a lump rising in my throat. I didn’t want him to go.

He must have seen the panic in my eyes, because he he raised our clasped hands and kissed my fingers. My cheeks burned in spite of the worry.

“I promised Changmin a future. I promised my grandmother I will come back home. And now, I promise you, Jaejoong-ah. I promise to become a better man. Someone worthy of you”, he said. I shook my head, eyes burning and throat tightening further.

“Please don’t go”, I said, straining my vocal chords in an attempt to not sound pitiful or whiny. He wiped a finger across my cheeks and the winter breeze felt particularly cold on that area he had touched. So I had been crying like a baby.

“Please don’t cry. I am just going away for a few years. We can still meet over holidays. It’s not even that far from here”, he said, holding my hand tighter.

 I shook my head. I wanted to be mature and let him go to pursue his own way. I wanted to encourage him and support him. But my brain and heart were not in agreement today. He looked at me in a mixture of pity and affection, and I felt worse than before. He leaned down to peck my lips, and I met his with an eagerness bordering on desperation. It was an awkward position. Changmin snoozing in my arms, me in tiptoes, Yunho pulling me closer. We separated after a few moments, and Yunho pressed his forehead against mine.

“I will come back to you. I will blow off my duties even if it means to be with you for a few hours”, he whispered. I may have made a strange sound between a sob and a snort, but I refuse to acknowledge it.

“That’s irresponsible, Yunho”, I said, suppressing another sob, attempting to make a joke. But Yunho’s eyes remained serious as he ran a finger across my cheek, the touch making them burn at impossible temperature

“I don’t care. I will come back to you. And when I come back, I will make you mine”,  he said. I didn’t know that my face had the ability to reach the temperature of the sun, the way it heated. I was also afraid that my heart would burst from my chest. The look in Yunho’s eyes was so intense and serious that I had to look away, lest I either melt or combust or both.

“Y..you can’t just say that, idiot”, I mumbled, stuttering a bit.

“But I will. I can’t possibly imagine being without you”, he said. There was a pause and we both burst out laughing at the cheesiness of the sentence. And I froze, my jaw dropping as the words belatedly entered my brain, like always. I looked at him, jaw dropping open and he raised an eyebrow in question.

“D..did you just propose to me?”, I squeaked. Now he raised both his eyebrows and I could see mirth in his eyes as he tried not to laugh. I pouted.

“What?”, I said, petulantly. “You can’t just say things like that. And it’s too early. And....stop laughing!”

He burst out laughing harder. I glared at him, feeling foolish and dumb. I mean I had been late in catching up. Uggh. Stupid brain. Yunho pulled me out my thoughts by putting both his arms around my waist and pulling me closer, Changmin squished between us. He leaned more so that he was talking in my ears

“So easy to tease, as always.Don’t be mad. This wasn’t a proposal. When I will propose,it will be in such a way that you won’t even have the energy to to say anything”, he said, eyes darkening and voice dropping to almost a husky whisper. I couldn’t stop a shiver as the hot air hit my sensitive ear. A squeeze to my hips and I gasped, the meaning catching up. I swear I blushed more than before.

The heavy, intimate moment broke and Changmin woke up again, and finding Yunho up and close again, began to get mad, his little hands pushing the other away, albeit unsuccessfully.

“Ma!”, he said, glaring at Yunho as he hugged me again. I wondered again if toddlers could really glare and how much they understood of grownup communication. Yunho glared right back, and I had to laugh at the scene. I hugged the little guy and gave him back to Yunho. The adorable Bambi eyes grew wide and wet and the little lips quivered.

“Ma”, Changmin said so pitifully that I had to take him back to hug him a last time.

“Be a good boy, Changmin-ah. I will see you soon. I wish Minhee was here too. I will miss you, little fellow”, I murmured, kissing the small head. He gave a sniff and and fat teardrops rolled down the red, chubby cheeks. Tears stood up in my own eyes. Despite all the clinginess, stubbornness, and the endless use of “Ma”, I had grown to love and care for the toddler who was looking at me with a heartbreaking expression. I kissed the wet and red chubby cheeks and gave him back to Yunho. 

We looked at each other last time and Yunho leaned down to kiss my forehead, cheeks and lastly, my lips. I grabbed his coat collar to prolong the kiss and not start crying again.

“This isn’t good bye Jaejoong. Wait for me”.

                                                                                    -x-x-x-

Heloo!

I can’t believe I managed to butcher my own fic...ugghh

still, 1 more chapter left, i guess?

Thank you for reading the this weird fic.

Comments are always appreciated!

kamsahamnida!