Sehun knew he couldn't sleep all day. Not because he didn't want to, but because Min Jung. Despite her sadness, her small stomach cried for food. He forced himself to get up, trying to fight against the gravity pulling against his body. Min Jung sat at the table, drinking a cup of milk. Though Sehun had not spoken a word, she had a weird feeling. Hearing a knock on the door and seeing how her dad didn't react, she got out of her chair to open it. It was all of her uncles, crowded by the door. She couldn't remember the last time they had all showed up together on the door step. Everything reminded her of her first day. How they all showed up, sat Sehun down at the table and comforted him until he didn't cry anymore. Somehow, she felt it was going to be different. Baekhyun seemed to force a smile, bending down and hugging her.

 

"Hey Min! How have you been?"

 

"I'm," she looked over at Sehun who was still facing the stove, "I'm okay."

 

She stepped aside for all of her seven uncles to enter. Kyungsoo held a couple bags of groceries, allowing Min Jung to hold onto one. She sat back down and watched as each of her uncles walk over to Sehun and crowd around him.

 

"Guys...not now. After Min Jung eats."

 

"Did she go to school tday?"

 

"No, I didn't go today Uncle Kris. I had to stay with Hun Hun." Her tiny hands were folded together sipping out of her cup with a straw. Kyungsoo nodded, taking the groceries out of its bags. She observed her uncles working silently to cook. Tao wasn't helping, but rather sat down across from Min Jung looking dejected. This was the first time that Min Jung had ever seen them this quiet especially when they were all together. There was always horseplaying, singing, music playing. Jongin would always be goofing off. Kris would, instead of cutting the vegetables, be dancing and bopping to whatever song was up on Jongin's playlist. Baekhyun was always singing, but instead of using his good voice, purposely sing it badly to irritate them. If not, he'd be scolding everyone or talking five miles a second. Junmyeon would help in the first five minutes, but end up pulling out his laptop and replying to employees at work. There were many specific things each person would do, yet this time it was different. Her dad, Sehun, would always talk to his brothers about anything and everything. In fact, Min Jung knows that Sehun talks the most, the elders listening carefully and every now and then, would chip in to the conversation. Staring at them, the silence ensued. She didn't feel any tension between them, there were no anger sparks. If they were angry at each other like before, they wouldn't even be in the same room.

 

"Uncle Panda, why is everyone so sad?" She whispered. He looked up, eyes red and the skin around puffy.

 

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

 

She looked around once again, finally realizing someone was missing. Someone very special.

 

"Where's Lulu?" she asked out loud. Time seemed to freeze for a second, everyone's actions halting before coming back to life in almost a faster pace. Sehun's back was turned to them, standing next to Baekhyun who was washing vegetables at the sink. She watched how his shoulders hunched forward and his head tilted sideways, laying on Baekhyun's shoulder.

 

"He's...going to be really busy from now on. We might not see him until a very long time," said Junmyeon, smiling sadly at her. Her eyes peeled away to look at her father's shaking frame.

 

"Is...is Hun Hun sad that he won't be seeing Lulu for a very long time?"

 

"Yes, he's very sad, but he's going to stay strong until he sees Lulu again."

 

She frowned, yet nodded, holding in her sobs. Her eyes had become watery because she realized that if Sehun wasn't going to see her Lulu until a very long time, it would be the same for her as well. She wiped the fast tears with her skinny forearm, taking a deep breath as Tao smoothed out her hair and comforted her.

 

"Okay. Min Jung will be strong with Hun Hun too."

 

She wiped more tears. Sehun was nearly sobbing out loud, head in Baekhyun’s embrace. Tao had left his seat to hug Min Jung and hold her. He hummed softly, a medley of old Chinese songs his mother used to sing for him to sleep. She laid her head against his chest and even though it felt like a huge rock, she still embraced it to sleep.

 

"Sehun, it's okay. Let us worry about the food. Go ahead and sit."

 

Without a word, he walked away towards the bathroom. He stared into the mirror at his face. He had dark circles, red sponging around his eyes. Sitting on the toilet seat, he took out his phone and called his father.

 

"Hey Sehun! What's up?"

 

"Hi dad. How have you and mom been doing?"

 

There was a long pause.

 

"What's wrong Sehunnie? Why're you crying? Is it nightmares again, or?"

 

"No, nothing of the sort. Just, a bit sad and very stressed and tired."

 

There was another long pause before his father spoke. "Sehun-ah, did you remember what I told you?"

 

"Yes dad. Love, right?"

 

"Yes, because it's the best medi-"

 

"Best pain. The strongest of all pain."

 

"Tell me what's wrong."

 

"I lost someone important to me." Another series of crying. Quiet whimpers.

 

"Sehun...is it one of your hyungs?"

 

"N-no dad. Someone special in a different way. My medicine, dad." His voice was nasal.

 

"Sehun-ah," he began.

 

"It's okay. You don't need to help. I just, I just need to let it out. The guys all know, and Min Jung has some sort of idea but doesn't know exactly. Dad, I'm sad."

 

A sharp intake of breath from across the line, he knew his father was crying. "I'm coming back to Korea soon okay? Your mother and I will be there for you in person."

 

"Thanks, dad."

 

He hung up without waiting. Letting his phone drop to the floor. He rested his hands in his palms and thought about how ironic it was that just yesterday, he had talked to him, smiled at him. Then he remembered that he had asked him to wait for him so they could take a break together. There was so much work to do, and he didn't think he was going to have the heart to be able finish it all.

 

He let his mind drift back to Luhan. The whole day, he had been pushing him out of his thoughts, intent on disconnecting him with the truth. Why would someone take their life? It was a question he couldn't answer. He's thought about it once, but could never bring himself to harm his body. His sadness over a break up could not exceed the happiness, the light that those supporting him gave. Was Luhan lonely? Did he feel like he didn't belong? Was it because of him that Luhan didn't want to live anymore? He felt partially guilty, because he didn't know and because he didn't know, it could be his fault.

 

A light knock on the door brought his head up. Walking in was Kyungsoo. He had been crying as well. Bending down in front of Sehun, he held his hands,though much larger than his own, and prayed with him to no god in particular. Sehun would remember how the elder's hand shook. The last he's seen him this way was never. He's only ever been strong for him, a pillar along with the rest. When things took a dramatic turn, he'd find himself falling the farthest and having to be pulled up. This time, it felt quite different because he pulled them along. Pain, all he felt. The pull, all the weight he could possess focused on one central area. It was too strong to feel alright the same ever again.

 

Despite his sadness, Sehun had to work. Everyone did. No one around the company knew about it, just that the China company's higher ups were returning and along with them, the presidents beloved son, Luhan, went as well. He didn't want a secretary, he told Junmyeon. That it was alright for him to work because he needed to take his mind off of other things.

 

He had been making his way to his office, when he stopped in his tracks. He could see the door that belonged to Luhan. Walking over carefully, what happened next seemed to happen as if he were on auto pilot. He didn't think to slide his key card, just twisted the handle and the door clicked open. Someone was standing there. His heart lurched forward, feeling a tinge of hope. It quickly disappeared, realizing it was the figure of a woman. Su Hyun turned around, almost suprised. A silent encounter where no one spoke.

 

"It was him you liked huh?"

 

He didn't reply.

 

"I came to tell you that as of today, I'm turning in my weeks notice."

 

Still, no reply.

 

"If he loved you, why would he ever go away? You'd think he'd fight back, argue with his father so he could stay. Yet, he complied and left, meaning you weren't anything meaningful, probably homophobic as much as I am."

 

"He didn't have a choice whether he wanted to leave or stay. He died. That's why they're leaving."

 

She turned around, eyes wide and heart pumping.

 

"H-he died? Are you joking?"

 

"I don't joke around like this. Life is too precious."

 

He walked past her, over to his clean and organized desk. He sat down.

 

"I...I may be manipulative and an 'evil wench', but...I'm still human too."

 

"Su Hyun, when you love someone, you don't need gadgets, nor do you need to stalk their personal life. You show them your love through honest and caring actions," he said, pulling out a tiny black cord taped to the underside of the desktop.

 

"I know. I've come to remove them. They're useless now, especially when he's no longer here."

 

She turned back, grabbing the cord that was connected to a small microphone. She folded it within her palms, and exhaled. "I've done wrong to this place. You don't have to forgive me. You don't have to feel bad, but because I liked you so much. Working for you had been a bliss, given me the best confidence. Thank you."

 

He sat up, watching her turn around, sadly. "When your mind is clear, come back. Work hard for yourself not for me, not anyone. You will be welcomed."

 

She nodded. "Thanks," she whispered. Stepping out, she left. Sehun felt something lift off the weight. It had always been his fault for not laying it straight before things got crazy. He shouldn't have been such a whimp. He should've been stronger and more confident. He felt so sorry, and sad for her. It was all the same, yet maybe even worse. Though his body did not die, she would still have to walk on her own way, knowing that in the past, there could've been something. This alone, was enough to sadden him greatly, his bed suddenly sounding so nice to be back in. Falling back into the arms of the chair, something dropped behind him. Turning around, it pushed against his foot. A bag. Luhan's bag, the same one from the winter line. He had left the buidling, according to the receptionist an hour after the meeting was over and never returned. Was he the reason why he was gone?

 

Picking the bag up gently, as if it were a newborn baby, he laid it on the desk with grace and opened it. Chocolate kisses spilled out. He smiled, the memory of shaking hands offering a handful of silver wrapped goodies. He took one and opened it quickly. He dropped it into his mouth, but did not expect the bitterness of dark chocolate. He debated whether to spit it out, but continued letting it melt inside. It was weird, that a person as sweet as Luhan was eating such bitter things. Was it that Luhan looked sweet but was bitter inside? He tried hard to not think too much about it. Realizing now, it seemed he had been so unstable without Luhan's presence. Everything was back to its normal. Comforting himself, he let the bitterness of the dark chocolate numb his sense until it left only a dull after taste. After today, he'd avoid this dark chocolate, because it meant he wasn't okay. This bitterness. Maybe, Luhan was not okay either, he thought again. Maybe he knew that he'd be gone one day.

 

He reached another hand into the bag, hands first touching the small journal, leather bound. He wanted so desperately to open it, but didn't. He only wanted to preserve it. Putting it back, he gathered the other uneaten kisses and returned it as well. Swinging it lightly over his shoulders, he carried it back to his office room, taking in the scent that belonged to him. He didn't respond to any of his interns calls for help that day. He just wanted to remember everything he could about Luhan and sketch it down, before the memories became too foggy, clouded out by the intense sorrow.

 

"Sehun-ssi is busy this week with reviews and advertisement things, so that's why I will be talking to all of you by myself," said Kyungsoo to the young group of interns. They ranged from seventeen to twenty-two, fresh inspiration still radiating off their being.

 

"As you all should already know by now, you are to be working on your final designs and finishing by the end of May. Our company, since it's humblest beginnings has been all about giving out wonderful opportunities to people of all ages and genders. That is why, you interns, will be responsible for casting your own models."

 

A couple of interns groaned playfully, while troubled looks marked their faces. Kyungsoo chuckled a bit. This had always been the biggest problem.

 

"Do you guys know Siwon? If you don't, it's a shame. Either way, he's become a famous model because one of our first group of interns found him in a cafe in Wong Ju. Want another one? I remember specifically, a third year high school girl under Sehun was extremely talented, and this last task of hers, to find a model, was going to be the downfall of her. So she asked her best friend, someone who used to be called, and I quote, "ugly pig". Guess who that ugly pig has grown to become? The ever famous idol and diva, Ailee. She was able to become a singer. Do you see how wonderful this is? You've been given the gift of giving gifts. Not only that, all those designers mentioned before, Amber and Onew, sounds familiar right?"

 

They 'oued' in realization. They were scouted and working under other famous designer companies now. They looked at each other and smiled, bubbly and excited.

 

"This is it everyone," he continued, voice much softer. "The whole year of working here is to learn and grow for yourself. We have also learned from you all. Who knows, maybe you'll end up working here with us as well. It'll be the next step you take in life. It's precious, the time and opportunities such as these. Don't ever let go of this light, this power you've been given and will give. I want everyone to do their best, as if it were your last one ever. Don't leave this building at the end of summer with any regrets. Fulfill your desires to be creative."

 

They smiled, some nodded. Kyungsoo felt a bit sad inside, but happy as well, seeing how the group of interns had grown. Their excited and sparkly eyes reminded him of himself and Sehun back when they were still in high school, sharing with each other pictures they drew over the weekend and what they were inspired by.

 

"Our theme this year has been decided by the president. This year, it's going to be a special theme. Usually we'd want to target the market, something people would feel comfortable wearing out on the streets. Except this year, we're going for a very exotic look. As you all know, we want to be, unique. As a company, we are like a kingdom, a dynasty. Imagine living with jaguars or even lions as pets. Kings and queens being fanned with green pointed leaves and the tropical parts of the world. It's not exactly wild, but we want sort of an amazon feel to it."

 

He stopped and waited while they hurriedly took notes in their notebooks.

 

"Any questions?"

 

"So this is a project that we have to work on ourselves right?" asked someone near the back.

 

Kyungsoo nodded. "Yes, but if you have any issues or need someone to look at it, you have each other. As we've been saying this whole year, you have to also keep in mind that what your neighbor does influences how your designs are going to look. Have a few drafts of different designs. Sehun and I will also overlook only your final design."

 

"Do we have anything specific we have to make?"

 

"One for women, one for man. Depending on your model, you'll have to recreate them. Any more questions?"

 

It was quiet.

 

"Okay. Well, just remember that you are all welcome to ask questions and if there are any issues, please come talk to us before it's too late."

 

They nodded and he clapped his hands, signaling then to go back to what they were working on before he interrupted them. He took the Head Designer's Secretary binder and left the interns work area. He didn't notice how light it felt once he reached the elevator. He wondered if any of the papers in it was taken out or misplaced somewhere. Surely Luhan might've taken it out, he thought. When he finally realized that he had allowed himself to think of Luhan as if he were doing just fine, sitting quietly in his office, his heart nearly lurched out of his chest. It was coming back again, the grief. He shook his head, trying to think of other things to get his mind off of him. Entering the empty elevator, he waited. It stopped at the next floor and Sehun walked in.

 

"Done shooting for the commercial ad?"

 

Sehun nodded tiredly despite his youthful face powdered with make up. "I'm tired. Did you talk to them already?"

 

"Yeah. They seem extremely excited even with the model--ah crap! I didn't even give them the contract papers for their models," said Kyungsoo, face-palming himself.

 

"I'm going to head down there before I leave to pick up Min Jung. Just give it to me."

 

Letting out a breath of relief, Kyungsoo handed the binder to Sehun and began walking once the elevator doors opened.

 

"Is this really all the papers? I swear it was full when Lu-" he stopped. Kyungsoo looked at him and seeing his bashful eyes looking downcast was heartbreaking. He brought his hand up and patted the top of his head.

 

"I know. Check if he had left any around somewhere."

 

Sehun stopped in front of his office and watched as Kyungsoo continued on,turning the corner. His feet itched to go back into Luhan's office, but he was afraid. Flipping through the binder, he looked for the model contracts because as long as they were in there, he'd be completely fine. It wasn't there. He dreaded it, yet at the same time wanted to go back into the room. Letting his feet take him there, he took his key card and slid it through the key slide. It beeped, the little light turning green before it unlocked. He walked in and was surprised at how much light was in the room, but more than that the person standing in there.

 

"I came back here to pick up Luhan's belongings. One of the guards from the China company came by the office to pick it up."

 

Sehun nodded. He was a bit skeptical.

 

"I-I'm a worker here, the main office's receptionist. See, my badge even has my name, K-I-M-J-O-N-D-A-E, Kim Jongdae."

 

Finally letting his guard down he nodded again, this time more confidently. "They are in my office. I will get them after I find something here." He walked past Jongdae and sat at the chair looking through the drawers.

 

"Wow, so this is how the offices up here look like huh? And you look so mature and handsome for your age. You could be mistaken for a high schooler who hit the jackpot during your growth spurt. You're a model huh? Must be nice to be close to the higher ups," he said rambling on. Sehun paid him no heed as he finally opened the drawer right under the desktop. A pile of papers were left stacked neatly. The first page were a table of contents. He found them.

 

"Find what you were searching for?"

 

"Yes. Now we can go."

 

He let the man trail behind him and he heard a gasp when he reached for the key slide.

 

"Wait! You're Oh Sehun?!"

 

He looked at the plaster that read 'Oh Sehun' across in bold black letters just to check. Jongdae had made him doubt his own identity for a second. "Well, my card says so."

 

"Oh my goodness, apologies completely on me. You looked a bit different that I almost didn't recognize you!"

 

"I just came from a shoot. Must be the make up. They did apply a lot of eyeshadow around my eyes."

 

He opened the door and walked over to his desk. Set on the floor was Luhan's bag. He slung it carefully over his shoulders. It would be his last contact with him. After all, Mr. Liu had completely rejected his presence at the funeral a week back, and he had nothing physical left of him. His heart sank a little and Jongdae could see it clearly.

 

"A-are you okay Mr. Oh?"

 

"I'm fine. Where is the body guard? I'll give it to him personally."

 

"He told me he'd wait in the lobby for it."

 

"Alright. Is it okay with you to give the fashion interns on the fifth floor these model contracts? Each person needs one. I'll bring this down."

 

Jongdae nodded, taking the papers from Sehun and leaving quickly. Once the door shut behind him, Sehun dropped the bag onto his desk, pushing aside micellaneous paperwork. He opened it, and took the little journal out. He untied the bow and opened to its first page.

 

First day in Korea and I already got lost. No one helped me around except for a man. He was extremely handsome. I felt like a teenager next to him. I saw someone playing the piano in a hotel lobby. He was really good. Reminded me of Yixing. I miss him.

 

I ended up working for that man. His name, Oh Sehun. His age? Younger than me. I must've gotten most of my mother's genes. I feel awkward.

 

Sehun chuckled, eyes watering already.

 

My back hurts a lot today. And Min Jung is extremely cute!

 

Minseok's presence is so soothing and relaxing. He's a wonderful star, a light.

 

Sehun felt a pang of jealousy, remembering back to the day Luhan bailed out for him. Either way, he continued reading.

 

I realize today, that maybe I am not that lonely anymore. Everyone shines bright like a diamond, star. Am I a part of this galaxy? Or is my light not bright enough?

 

His heart ached thinking of how Luhan must've doubted his importance everywhere and to everyone he met. He was starting to become emotional and guilty as well for not showing enough comfort, but he tried. He really did. He skipped some pages, to the last little paragraph. It was dated the day he ended his life.

 

If only things could stay the way they are. Liu needs to understand his mother and him are way more fortunate than most people in the world. He is 'sorrowed' because at ten, his dad didn't buy him a horse...and he called me this morning just to tell me that it was because of me. I wonder if dad is watching. Thinking too much today. Going out later for a break with Sehun. I miss Min Jung!

 

Sehun wiped his tears, tying it carefully back into a bow and putting it back in with a bit of haste. At least he'd still have his memories for however long they'd last. He quickly ran out of his room, legs shaking as if he'd done wrong to innocent people and people would find out. He waited in the elevator, carefully hiding his face from view of other employees who were probably wondering if he was crying or struggling with allergies. Once it reached the lobby, he excused himself out, surprised at the man who greeted him.

 

"You are...the butler right?"

 

An elderly man wearing his tail coat stood there, elegance and poise in his presence. His hair was neatly styled back, almost rovsling Sehun's own style. He looked almost out of place, too grand and antique to be standing in the lobby of a 21st century fashion building. Sehun remembers him clearly, always opening the door for Luhan.

 

"Yes, I am Mr. Thao. I've come to retrieve Luhan's belongings."

 

"But I thought it was one of the bodyguards..." His grip on the strap held tight.

 

"Yes, I may not look it, but I can pack quite a punch."

 

Sehun almost gave at the soothing voice. His fingers unclenching and reluctantly handing it over.

 

"Please, send my regards to Mr. Liu and..." He stopped himself before he finished speaking. If he was wanted at all, he would've been there at the funeral. His body was probably all ready to be shipped back to his home.

 

"Will do. Thank you so very much for grabbing his things. It took a while, I thought it might've been lost." He bowed before turned back and walking towards the entrance. Sehun bit his bottom lip, willing his courage to grow.

 

"Mr. Thao, wait." He halted and looked back. "I was wondering...how long Mr. Liu would be here. I'd like to give flowers for Luhan. I never had the chance to go to his funeral," he said. It was the first time since he had found out of the death, that he fully said it out loud, accepting that yes, he was no longer alive, and no, he wouldn't ever see Luhan. He was starting to feel depressed again.

 

"Well, of course. I'll be back here tomorrow at noon to pick it up. Please, be strong." He patted his head, smiling before turning back. His vision was becoming blurred and unfocused, fearing he'd break down in the middle of the lobby. A receptionist with gentle hands held his back as he shifted some of his weight against her. Everything became a blur.

 

"Chae Rin, call Baekhyun or Kyungsoo," she said, guiding him over to the side to avoid looks from strangers.

 

His hands covered his face, crying and knowing that he'd look like a train wreck with the make up still on.

 

It didn't take long until Jongin made his way over to them, just arriving.

 

"I'll take him from here. Thanks,"

 

"Jongin-ssi, we called Baekhyun down."

 

"Alright," he said guiding Sehun towards the party room. "Tell him we went down here."

 

She nodded and watched their retreating backs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AN: No internet got me like...