He walks the street, hands shoved deep into his pockets, paying no attention to his surroundings. His mind is still back in his apartment, back in the darkness of night and faintness of warmth and a fear so biting that he can almost feel its teeth scratching at his insides.

It hurts. It just plain hurts. He feels dirty, contaminated, unworthy. He feels that if people knew what he had done-to himself-they would look down on him more. And they would leave.

Like Sungyeol. He had left long before his physical body leaves.

Like Myungsoo might too. He might leave him.

The thought is so unbearable that he has to clench his fists inside his pockets to keep them from raking down his face.

“Sungjong!”

He turns at the sound of the voice, his mind registering that it is the man who was just in his thoughts. And sure enough, Myungsoo is walking towards him, camera around his neck, black tie blowing, looking as handsome as ever.

Sungjong can only stare at him, trying to assure himself that Myungsoo is real and very much in front of him and very much alive.

Myungsoo comes towards him, hands in his coat pockets, his look of joy fading to concern as he arrives in front of Sungjong. “Sungjong?”

“Hello Myungsoo hyung,” Sungjong greets, his voice hoarse. He clears his throat immediately, not realizing how raspy his voice is. It must have been from all the screaming last night. He quickly pulls his collar up a little more to cover his neck, knowing he has marks there from Sungyeol.

“Are you okay?” Myungsoo asks, his voice worried. He can read something strange on Sungjong’s face. When he looked at him, he had that same hollowed out look in his eyes that he did when he saw him at the aquarium. “What happened?”

“I’m…fine,” answers Sungjong after a few seconds. In reality though, he’s not fine. He doesn’t know why, last night hadn’t been anything completely out of the ordinary. But it had been the first time since he’d met Myungsoo that Sungyeol and him…it just makes him feel wrong. It makes him feel that he’s contaminating the very air Myungsoo breathes. He shouldn’t be around Sungjong, if he knew what is really wrong with him.

And yet, in a way, it feels…nice, that Myungsoo cares about him enough to ask. Even such a simple question can have a deep effect if spoken by the right person.

“Are you sure? You don’t look too good,” Myungsoo notes, taking in his pale skin, ruffled hair and baggy eyes. Sungjong nods.

“Just tired.”  The statement he had made “you don’t look too good”, makes him feel sad. Oh I wish I could tell you, hyung. I wish I could.

“Well, come on. I wanted to talk to you about the pictures.” Myungsoo takes Sungjong’s arm and leads him to the nearby railing by the bridge. It’s a large bridge, arching over a vast body of water and they lean against the metal railing, staring out over it.

“Oh? What about them?” Sungjong asks, slightly nervous. He remembers last night, when Sungyeol found the photos and his lips tighten.

“Oh no, nothing bad,” Myungsoo reassures him. “Don’t worry, they’re still as beautiful as ever.” Sungjong blushes faintly at the compliment.

Myungsoo gives the other boy a sideways glance. Sungjong is leaning on the railing, head on his arms. He’s staring blankly out at the sea, eyes unfocused on something only he can see. But he’s still beautiful to Myungsoo.

Wait. Where did that come from? When did Myungsoo start thinking of Sungjong as beautiful? He has to admit that Sungjong is attractive and would make a good model, as he has told him before, but he’s never given himself the pleasure of seeing how alluring Sungjong really is.

“Actually, I was wondering if I could take some more?” Myungsoo rests his back casually against the metal railing, gazing around the park and people-watching. The cool wind blows through his hair and sends a slight shiver down his back.

Sungjong’s eyelids flutter. He feels drowsy, a little bit. Staring out at the ocean, he wonders what it would be like to just jump. To just plunge into the depths and feel the cold tendrils of water around him. He hates the cold, yes, but the warm blood rushing through his veins would surely be enough to keep him from freezing.

It would be a relief, honestly. A welcome relief from a world of lies.

Myungsoo waits for an answer but Sungjong is silent. He turns his head to look at Sungjong, wanting to playfully nudge him for becoming so quiet and to just answer the question, but to his surprise, Sungjong isn’t there. In fact, Myungsoo is alone.

He looks around, confused, seeing Sungjong is nowhere near him. Where could he have gone? Why would he leave so rudely? That’s not like him at all. He didn’t hear anything…

Suddenly, a thought enters his mind and he tries to dismiss it but it’s one of those thoughts that one can’t push out because it sticks around and one is so scared because it might be true.

Grabbing the railing with both hands, he peeks over it, dearly hoping he’s wrong but secretly thinking that what he suspects is right…

His blood turns to ice. There’s a splash slowly dissipating right below him, sending out wide ripples in the water. The white foam rides over the blue, gold-tinged water and he knows without thinking that somehow Sungjong had fallen, that somehow Sungjong, his Sungjong, needed him.

If he dies today, Myungsoo will never forgive himself. If he dies before him, it will haunt him forever. If he dies now, he will spend the rest of his life with a shard of glass in his chest. If he dies now, his last words will carve out Myungsoo’s tears.

Even as coldness claws at his heart, he yanks his camera from his neck and places it on the ground. Mentally prepping himself, he takes a deep breath and grabs the railing, hoping his fingers won’t slip. They won’t be the only things slipping if they let go.

He vaults over it, hanging in the sun-tinted air for a moment before plunging into the water. And it is cold! Cold cold cold. He feels like tongues of fire are wrapping around him and consuming him. He feels it close over his head and the temperature is beyond freezing, creating icicles in his deepest and most hidden places.

He just hopes in those places that Sungjong is alright.

A/N: So yeah, it's been awhile. And I'm sorry about that but I've just had so much going on, with volleyball and a school play and grades...but anyway. Don't hate me! Things will get better, I promise. So stay tuned and I'll see you dalrings next time. :)