After the Rain
It's You ..After the Rain
Date Posted: May, 08, 2016
Cast of Characters: It’s for me to know and for you to find out. ^0^
Author’s Note: Halooo! This is due for months, I can’t say that this is part two but I actually don’t know what this is. Sounds confusing? Just scroll down readers and I hope you have fun. Thank you for reading. Enjoy!
P.S. It’s quite long, I hope it will not bore you. ^0*
BOM’s Letter
“Until next time..” Were the last words you said before you disappear in our life, my life? How could you leave just like that; how could you left after you said that you love me. How could you. I am so mad that I’ll throw whatever things I got hold when we meet again. How.. dare you. You can’t do that, Yifan; you can’t say you love me then disappear; I know I’m a that night by the way I reacted but can you blame me for protecting myself? From pain? From the pain love will brought? Can you?
I know you’re probably frowning right now as your read thinking what the hell is wrong with me. Why am I being like this? Am I being difficult and confusing? I know, I am fully aware and believe me when I say I hate myself for it. Do you know I hate those kinds of movies? The kinds that have the same situation like us? The I-Have-It-All-Kind-Of-Guy and the average girl ending up together because that’s how every story should end up? Please. I strongly believe girls/females like us don’t need someone to sweep us on our feet, we can perfectly handle ourselves; thank you very much.
Does Tao the one who put those ideas in your mind? I know he is; he’s a little child when it comes to such thing as love, once upon a time and happily ever after. I used to scoff in disgust every time the I-Have-It-All-Kind-Of-Guy and the average girl ended up together; come on, that only happen in sappy movies and novels; those kind of situation don’t happen in real life which is called as ‘reality’ but why do I feel like I want you to sweep me on my feet? If I let you do that will you come back? Nowadays, I spend most of my night lying in bed remembering what happened that night in my head and hoping I didn’t said what I said; take back those words, undo it. I always end up imagining if there will be difference? I terribly missed you, Yifan. I missed the times we spend together although most of it with me being annoyed and you being you, a ball of sunshine and I don’t know what to do anymore or say because all I knowis that I.. missed you.. so much.. it.. hurts..
I hate Chanyeol as of this moment; he told me something that ending up with me realizing something and damn, I hate him for it. Why now? Why just now? Why am I had to be stubborn about it? Just why? Everytime you crossed my mind; I flipped those pages containing your sincerity; sincerity that I failed to see. Sometimes, you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory ; yes but I agreed more in this, people say you don’t know what you got till it’s gone when in fact the truth is we know exactly what we had and we just thought we’d never lose it that left me to reminiscing and keeping all the memories we had and treasure everything of it, every bits of it. The irony is too strong to ignore.
Tao gave me a copy of a poem that according to him presented it while browsing the net and yes, it is suitable in my situation. The whole time I’m reading it, tears keep falling and yes, he got a good beating out of his insensitivity and dumbness and boy did that poem hit me hard.
And You Didn’t
Remember the day, I borrowed your brand new car and dented it?
I thought you’d kill me but you didn’t,
Remember that day, I vomited strawberry pie all over your new carpet?
I thought you’d hate me but you didn’t,
Remember that day, I dragged you to beach and it was really raining as you said it would?
I thought you’d say ‘I told you so’ but you didn’t,
Remember that day, I flirted with all the guys to make you jealous and you really did get jealous?
I thought you’d leave me but you didn’t,
Remember that day, I forgot to tell you that dance was formal wear and you ended up wearing jeans?
I thought you’d abandon me but you didn’t,
Yes, there were lots and lots of things I wanted to make up to you,
when you return from Vietnam… but you didn’t.
I wish we don’t end up like how the couple in the poem, I hope we have different ending that you’ll come back, that you just need time and a space away from me to think things over, that it will not took long.
Please come back. Everyone deserve a second chance, Yifan; everyone and I also want to tell you what I did realized after the talk Chanyeol and I had, I want to tell you in person.
Come back…
Yours,
Bommie
Well, this is awkward. Definitely awkward. Bom swear she can even hear crickets chirping in the background by the silence circulating among them. The men left after their heart melting reminiscing of memories during their High School days to bond more without their woman watch while the ladies remained seated to have our ‘own ladies time’ according to those bastards that we love. Psh. They just want to play arcades without us whining. Boys and their games.
“So, how did you and Kris met?” Bom decided to break the silence because the fact that Kris is getting married was too much to take and with his bride sitting calmly in front of her is nerve wrecking, she needs a distraction, fast. A big one.
Raerim smiled widely at them; “Our first meeting was actually quite funny” we didn’t say anything and decided to wait for her to continue her story, “I met him at the Department store weeks after your graduation, he was staring intently at the pompoms on the rack and that action of him caught my attention because he’s been staring at it for five whole minutes, not that I’m watching him but more on observing him? So, I went beside him and stared at the pompoms too but then I found nothing peculiar so I decided to leave but not before seeing his shoulder shook and it turns out he’s crying because pompoms remind him of someone…” she smiled timidly, “his greatest love”.
Her last three words made them quiet; absolutely quite, how a high school student can say that he already met his greatest love? It sounds absurd. “Greatest love?” Raerim nodded and turn to look outside.
Silence.
Crickets. Crickets.
Dara cleared , “I hate to state the obvious Raerim ssi~ but we’re kind of waiting for you to elaborate?”
Raerim laughed softly upon realizing, “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to visualize Yi Fan’s face every time his greatest love was being mentioned. Where was I again?”
“Pompoms? Greatest love?”
“Ah yes, his greatest love. Well, I didn’t know that much about her because he always managed to dodged my question every time I asked about that mysterious woman but right now all I can say is, she’s stupid, definitely stupid.” Bom flinched on that, “How can she lose someone as precious as Yi Fan? How can she not love him back?” She asked rather a little annoyed, “Well anyway, do you by any chance know the girl?”
No one answered not until Bommie broke the silence… again, “Aren’t you a little bothered by the fact that Kris greatest love is not you?” Chaerin, Dara and Minji got surprised by their friend’s bluntness and they wonder if Raerim was just good in hiding her emotion or what because she didn’t even react negatively instead she smiled, warmly, sincerely and a genuine one.
“No, of course not. I would never be bothered by it.” She said like she’s just answering a grade school examination.
“Why?”
“Because she’s past” she pointed out, “You can’t bring the past back. What has been done was done and besides she may be his greatest love but I have the lifetime to be with him which I can see is much better, way too better. Puppy love, first love, greatest love and all those kind of love are nothing compare to our soon to be happily ever after” and again, she smiled.
Bom blinked back the tears. She definitely needed that drama marathon because she knew to herself that she needs to let out her emotion or she might get drown by this heavy rain Kris gave to her.
First day of school as a university student, Bommie feel lost and… Empty. They say that college is a new beginning, a chance to start again but why do she feel like she doesn’t want to end her high school life? The chapter where all the fun happened, the set of friends that she treasure and mistake don’t weight that much.
It’s been a week since the start of classes but she still didn’t see a sign of him; Him, who didn’t attend their graduation, whom she’s been looking for the whole summer who she remembered gave her a promise that will attend wherever university she’ll go that never failed to annoy her before but now how she wished he’ll do what he said, to be with her. She diverted her gaze away when she saw some of her high school schoolmates walking on the same hallway she’s walking; No she didn’t hate them, she’s just dodging their question on why there’s no handsome model-like young man following or walking beside her because it’s a peculiar sight for them since it’s the usual sight they always saw during their high school. So, her walking alone without a grinning like an idiot tower with her seems wrong.
Definitely wrong.
She believes that there is no such thing as unable to move on, you can’t be stuck on something forever, that’s absurd. Being in a relationship was like being on a boat together with him even though everything look so simple just by sitting there, admiring the beauty surrounding both of you; you can’t deny the fact that somehow it feels magical that you’re together, everything seem so right, in place, fit.
Breaking up is when the one you love jump off from the boat to swim away from it, from you and didn’t look back to the point that he even took the paddle that leave you no chance of moving on from the spot where he left you. The scary thing is, you needed to make a choice, a decision, and a wise one. It’s either you jump off too and swim after him or search for something that will be useful for you to be able to move or do nothing, sat there patiently and wait for that person to come back and maybe save you. Maybe.
We all have the liberty to make a choice of either getting drown by the flood brought by the heavy rain or do something that will save you. It might took days, weeks, months or even years but what’s important is, you move forward, you took a step away from the pain, from drowning.
She looked outside still thinking about the entire silly thing Kris did just to catch her attention. It’s been months since his wedding and he looked so damn happy unlike her who is until now, hurting. How stupid of her to hope that he’s going to wait for the love she never showed. Idiot. They say first love never dies but what if that person dies, will the love too? Na, she doubt it; just look at her case, she didn’t saw him for years yet her feelings for him remained in her heart, bothering her, giving her countless of sleepless night regretting all the unsaid things. The unsaid things that says it all.
Bom bitterly smiled at the sight of their ‘Department couple’, Kangjun and Nana teasing each other, more like Nana teasing the hell out of the already red Kangjun with some of the student giggling at them. Didn’t they say people glow when they’re in love? Then why does she look as if she got run over by a car and has been left for dead. In short, she looks horrible.
“Gave this girl my number last week” Song Mino, one of her students said to his group of friends, “she said she’d call me when she gets home…” the little brat tap his jaw using its pointing finger a couple of times, “I’m starting to think she’s homeless”
Nam Taehyun snickered together with Kang Seungyoon, “You just can’t accept the fact that you’re not her type… she indirectly dump you, bro!” Laughter erupted at the little circle the five little brats formed.
Lee Seunghoon grins, “Awww!” he coos the younger, “does our Mino finally found his match?” snickered, snickered.
Mino harshly pushed the hands of Hoon away from his handsome face, “Oh, shut it.”
“Maybe you said something that offends her?” Jinwoo, their too good to be true friend says. Bommie has still no idea how in the world Jinwoo got friends with this four little brats. It’s like finding a strawberry in a basket of mangoes.
Clueless, “Like what?”
“Her weight?” Mino just looked at him, confused; Jinwoo shrugged, “I read online that a recent study has found that woman who carries a little extra weight live longer that the man who mention it…” Mino together with the other three looked lost on whatever Jinwoo had said, “What? Just saying”
The four brats rolled their eyes including Bommie who was peacefully sitting at the teacher’s table, wait a second, “Song, Nam, Kang, Lee and Kim.” With stern voice, “I’m pretty sure I gave this class an activity that will be submitted at the end of the subject.” She pointed out.
“We’re already done writing our dream” the diva of their group said while sitting arrogantly as his left hand placed on his waist, “Though I found it irrelevant sharing that I dream being kissed by a y noona last night” he said a little confused.
Bom eyes widen; what the hell? “YA! That’s not the kind of dream I wanted you to write” she massaged her temple, being a homeroom teacher of 5th grade students is not good for her, she felt like they’re high school students stuck in the 5th grade body, she calm herself and softly said, “Kids, what I want to know is your dream for your future. What do you want to be when you grow up?”
The five stared at her like she grown another head then after five seconds of silence, Mino rolled his eyes, the nerve of this kid, “We’re not five”
This time she narrowed her eyes hoping to intimidate the five young lads, “Still” Seungyoon frowned together with Seunghoon and repeated what Mino said like she didn’t heard it the first time, “We’re not five”.
“And I’m too lazy to write” Hoon protested, “But I’ll tell you my dream if you really want to know. I want to be a pilot” he frowns, “the problem is I’m worried what if I accidentally took off without my passenger? Or worst what if I’m already on air then I suddenly remembered I forgot the plane back at the airport? Oh my!” his answer resulted to Bommie biting her inner cheek as she tried to control her rising temper, patience, patience, you’re a patient woman; she diverted her gaze and decided to look at the most innocent in their group, Jinwoo and pretend she’s not hearing the laughs of the other boys.
He smiled timidly and scratched the back of its neck, “Well, what I want to be in the future is to be a father…” and finally, a smile appeared on her lips. It’s a relief that there is still a normal one in this bunch of brats.
Taehyun shot him an incredulous looks that saying what-the-fcuk? “What?! You want to be a father?”
“That’s easy” Mino said with a knowing look, he rubs his hands together and leaned forward, oh boy, “Because we’re your good friends we’re going to grant your dream by letting you-”
“SONG-”
“- bang the hell out of the girl that you like!!”
“-MINO!!” Is this kid really belong to her class? Which are 11 years old kids? “Your guardian here, tomorrow!”
“Unfortunately seosangnim, he can’t” grinning like a Cheshire cat. What now?
“And why is that?”
“Because he’s a guard at a Samsung store” The other four started to giggle like a bunch of girls and before she can ask what’s the matter on that, Seungyoon excitedly said, “So, that means he’s a guardian of a galaxy!” and they died in laughter even the gentle Jinwoo join the rowdiness of this little chipmunks, she just stared at them, a little dumbfounded; kids this days. She felt like she gained 10 more years just by talking with them.
“Song, guardian tomorrow morning”
Seunhyun was busy scolding the hell out of his younger brother while doing the grocery. Up to until now, he can’t still grasp the fact that their parents left the little mutt under his care because hel-lo? He can’t even take care of himself and their parent expected him to do just that to this little mutt? Ha! Are they out of their minds? “What the hell did you do this time kid?” He is 100% aware that he should not be talking like this to kids but what can he do, he is like this.
“I didn’t do anything, I swear I just expressed my opinion, is it bad?” he gave me a look of a kicked puppy with lips pouting who is about to cry, “I thought we’re in a free country that have freedom of speech?”
Seunghyun rolled his eyes, not getting affected by the expression this mutt wearing, “Cut the dramatic act kiddo. That’s not going to work on me; I’ve already done that thousand times when I’m about your age.”
“But-“
“No bu-” He didn’t managed to finish his sentence because gravity suddenly got fond of him as he felt himself falling hard just because he caught a sight of a beautiful woman. He just lay there and looked at the ceiling when out of nowhere pair of soft hands held his head, he looked up and an angel came down from heaven.
“Am I already in heaven? Because I’m seeing an angel as of this moment” and like what happened in every cliché movies, he got hypnotized by the beautiful brown orbs staring at him and he knew to himself that he’s trapped and he’s not complaining but then someone had to ruin the magical moment-
“Ugh! Hyung get up” He’s pretty damn sure the little mutt rolled its eyes on him, “You look like an idiot”
-named Song Mino, he swear if they’re not blood related, this little mutt is already wrapped in a box on its way to the country named ‘Annoying bunch of people’. He glared at him, “Shut it, brat” he slowly help himself to avoid further embarrassment and face the angel from heaven who is currently looking at the er little annoying brother of him who in return grins toothily.
“Seosangnim… Annyeonghaseyo” and when the kid didn’t bow, I pushed its head downward, wait a second, WAIT A SECOND. Seosangnim?! With gaping open mouth and bulging eyes, I turn to the beautiful woman who turned out to be little mutt’s teacher.
The teacher looked at him a little confuses, “You’re the guardian of the galaxy?” Huh? wait, WHAT?!
Seunghyun didn’t managed to go to school like what the heaven sent said, he and his friends got busy by the gig their schedule have. He’s a rapper of their group named, Bigbang where he’s a member since high school days together with his friends; Jiyong, Taeyang, Daesung and Seungri. No, this will not evolve with them being in a band, actually the five of them have our own businesses and no, we’re neither chaebols nor son of big time CEOs, and we are hardworking man.
Let me introduce my friends, Kwon Jiyong is the infamous producer ‘GDragon’ that is not a fan of being known; in short, they knew his name but not his face, that guy value his privacy. Kang Daesung is an owner of the well-known workshop ‘VIPs’ for aspiring talented people. Dong Youngbae is a successful businessman with numbered of Coffee shops all over Seoul and a vocal trainer at Daesung’s workshop, actually all of them are. Lee Seungri have its own dancing academy with four branch all around the South Korea and he’s proud to say that some idols went there as a student before they got scouted and me? My business focus in musical instrument and I’m quite known in this field, our instruments are all polished. So, you see we’re not that rich and we’re not poor either, we just know how to properly manage our chosen path and singing is our escape from business.
Wondering where am I? I’m actually here at Mino’s school walking anxiously at the pathway; I’m a week late from the said meeting. Why am I anxious? Well, maybe because I’ll be seeing the heaven sent today and that alone makes me all excited and can’t keep still. Is this what they call love? Because if this it is then I’ll welcome it with open arms. Too immersed in his own thoughts, he failed to notice his heaven sent walking on the same path he’s walking.
On the other side.
“Hey, is that Tabi hyung?” Hoon pointed at their right side, the five of them are in their usual hang out place, at the bench under the huge tree located at the right side of their school building.
Mino who is busy writing on his black notebook looks up and followed the direction of Hoon’s hand pointing, “Uh, yeah.” He lazily said.
“Oh, look it’s Seosangnim” Jinwoo innocently stated, “And they are about to-” his words didn’t make it to the end because apparently the people they’re talking about already saw each other, up close they might add.
Mino grimaced, “Gross” but stood up when an idea came to his mind.
His mind is still processing the fact that he’ll be seeing the gorgeous teacher when something or better yet someone collided onto my y hot body and before that someone gave the floor the privileged of seeing her up close, my muscled biceps caught her on time; is it waist I’m holding? It’s so slim.
I looked at the person and there she is, my future and for the second time, everything happened in a slow motion, I saw her every moves as we stare at each other eyes and in our own world and because I’m awesome I decided to add an effect,
You’re the one that never let me sleep
To my mind, down to my soul you touch my lips
You’re the one that I can’t wait to see
With you here by my side, I’m in ecstasy
We are in trance, too caught up by the moment; I was about to lean forward and place a kiss on her forehead when SOMEONE JUST HAD TO RUIN OUR BEAUTIFUL MOMENT, GODDAMN IT!
“Ew, gross.” Two words that end our magical moment and I am damn thinking to end the nuisance life too; he glared with all his might at the said nuisance who turn out to be his brother, AGAIN. Heaven sent finally realizes their situation and disentangled herself from me, I sighed; already missing the spark we have.
The brat still have the audacity to talk, “Seriously hyung, what were you thinking? Singing like that? Off tune and all; It’s disgusting” Please give me the patience not to strangle my brother. His teacher bowed at me, telling something about meeting her at the end of the class with Mino in tow.
I glared at the little mutt with all my heart and soul, his friends are wise enough to backed away and before the little mutt can run, I already got hold of his collar and currently dragging him towards his homeroom with him yelling, “I’m gonna tell mom and you’ll be grounded for a week.” Tabi snickered at the grinning mutt, what am I, a kid?
“Mom, this is not fair. I’m a healthy twenty eight years old alpha male and I’M GROUNDED?” he stomped his feet like a toddler, she’s grounding me like a kid them might act like one, I pouted. “Totally not fair”
Hyejung, Song Hyejung; my sweet mother glared at me and I can already guess some of you are frowning why my mother surname is Song? Well, maybe because the little mutt’s father and my mother got married when I was 15. “Twenty eight years old? Alpha male?” she looked at me in pure amusement, “Are you sure?”
“MOM!”
Bom is busy checking the surprise quiz her class had which really surprised Seunghoon but then instead of papers; loads of different snacks appeared on her table. What the? She looked startled when someone cleared its throat and it’s Mr. Choi, grinning like a Cheshire cat which left her stupidly staring at him.
“You know it’s nice that Voldemort always waits until the end of the school year to try and kill Harry; despite his flaws; Voldemort really cares about Harry’s education.” When he didn’t saw the reaction he needed; Seunghyun decided to state what he really wanted to say; Damn, her beauty is making him dumb, he scratched the back of his neck; “I didn’t know what you like so I bought them all. Eat?”
And she just looked at me like I’ve grown another handsome face and she look so damn cute, “What are you doing Mr. Choi?” and adorable.
“Please drop the formalities and be my guest to just call me yours, can I can you mine?” Smooth Tabi, smooth. I can’t help but grin at my remarks. Sometimes, I really love myself with my sense of humor.
“Excuse me?”
Oh, she’s frowning now but why? Maybe she didn’t want to be called mine; Well, we can still change that, no worries. “Oh, you didn’t like it? Let’s change it then.” He placed his thumb and pointing finger on his chin with his tongue stuck out at the side of his lips and why do he suddenly remembered what his mother told him the other day? A twenty eight years old Alpha male? Are you sure? “Aha! Call me Mr. Choi if you agreed I’ll call you Mrs. Choi?”
“Seunghyun, are you drunk?”
WAIT A SECOND. “What?”
Bommie thought he didn’t heard him the first time, “Seunghyun, are you drunk?”
“Whoa” amazement all over his face, “It sounds perfect when you say my name. Can you repeat it again?”
She shook his head, “I think you’re drunk, mister” she decided to address him like how a man need to be; she’s about to pick up the paper when Seunghyun said something that will result to a headache.
He smiled, “I am 100% sure, I am sober and helplessly falling for you.” That rendered her speechless but her silenced didn’t affect his mood, “I want to be a super hero; guess what I want to be?”
She might as well just answer his question, “Superman? Batman? Spiderman?”
He sincerely stared at her; meeting her gazes and seriously said, “Your man.”
Seunghyun is confused as hell on how Park Bom reacted at his cheesy remark. She got quiet; like she suddenly shut down and failed to function but why? That made him curious and determines to seek an answer, he don’t like not knowing. He admits that her physical appearance attracts him about her the most, believe or not but boys, guys and man first notice the appearance of a woman; the other things will follow because honestly can you tell a person’s personality in first glance? No. Face it, we people first notice or judge what we see then the process of getting to know them comes after. Be true to yourself. Do you suddenly feel bad?
Based on her reaction, she seems troubled. Does she have a problem at home? Perhaps at school? That reminds him to give ten pages worth of lecture to the little mutt or if he’s lucky enough to the little mutts; yes, more than one and I guess we all know who those mutts are. Park Bom reminds him so much of one of his friend, Jiyong. Maybe he needs to visit that caveman friend of him.
Seunghyun pressed the doorbell like how he did on his game console; unstoppable and dedicated. He only stops his silliness when… “DAMN IT! CHOI SEUNGHYUN, WHAT THE HELL?! STOP PLAYING THE ING DOORBELL. SERIOUSLY!” Whoa, he blurted those words in one breath. Damn, Jiyong is good. He snickered and open his arm wide open intending to hug the glaring caveman. He smiled widely, “Good to see you too, Ji” this childlike action of him never fail to rile up this man temper every time. Hehe. He followed the younger inside it’s cave after he rejected my hug but I am not known being stubborn for nothing. “Miss you bro”
“Get away from me…” Jiyong planted his hand on my face and roughly pushed me away because apparently I am clinging at him like a damn Koala. “If you’re here to persuade me setting up a date between you and an idol a date them off.”
He shook his head, “You really need to filter that filthy mouth of yours, young man.” This resulted of him receiving a glare and rolling of eyes, “That’s why Bae doesn’t let you come to my house, the little mutt can learn from you.”
Jiyong scoffed, “Please, living with you alone can already put the sailors in shame when it comes to cursing so, that means something right?”
Well, I won’t deny that. I know I’m an and I own that like a motherfcuker it’s just that I know when to drop a bad word. His sudden silence gave me the chance to really contemplate on my friend’s situation. This Jiyong looked horrible, terrible and horrible, did I already said that? “You looked-” my words got cut off when Jiyong raised it’s right pointing finger enough to silence him.
“Don’t… Not a word”
But that didn’t stop me, stubborn remember? “What happened? The last time I saw you… you’re not like this”
“I fell ing in love, that’s why”
What? I frowned at that, “What’s wrong with that?” my mother told me that loving someone feels magical but she didn’t say anything about not being loved back. Maybe my mother didn’t want me to experience that; every mother does.
“Well, the fact that I’m the only one who felt that. I ing fell and she didn’t catch me, as cheesy as it sounds.”
Uh? “How did that happen?” I am not following whatever Jiyong wanted me to understand.
“For starters, Cupid apparently didn’t do his or her job. According to some children stories, one of Cupid’s responsibilities is arrow two people that will eventually end up together one way or another” Ji smiled bitterly, “But then this so called Cupid hit me alone and didn’t bother to arrow the supposed to be girl for me.” Now he looked down, “! He has one job. One ing job”
This is not what I expected; this whole situation didn’t even cross my mind, seeing my friend cursing a fictional character and totally lost it. This totally out of the box, “Uh, I have nothing to say about that” I awkwardly said.
“Well, for one tells me what the hell are you doing here?” Psh. Such filthy mouth. Well, I guess he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore.
“I met a woman” Jiyong let out a deep sigh there and went to his fridge took bottles of beer, “and man, I am telling you she’s beautiful.” The confusion on his face tells something. Jiyong asked him ‘But?’. I sighed, “There is sadness in her eyes and always seems wandering, lost in thoughts” WAIT A SECOND. WHY DID I NOT REALIZE IT? “Her eyes reflect yours”
“…Broken” Seunghyun unconsciously nodded, they are broken, of what? Heart? “You know, I read somewhere that scientist says, ‘Heartbreak are actually painful and can cause the same amount of pain you experience in an actual injury’, is it true? Does it really hurt?” Yes, I am curious.
“You want me to punch you? Beat the out of you? WHAT THE HELL HYUNG! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH? IT ING HURTS! THE PAIN IT BROUGHT IS TOO MUCH. WHAT THE !” Tears race to come out from his eyes, his voice is too broken to hear and “She made me believe. She made me believe we had a.. chance. She made me feel special like I’m her source of happiness; she made me feel that she.. loves me too.. like how I felt about her but what happened? One day she came holding another man hand and both of them are smiling happily” Jiyong used his left arm to wipe off the tears from his face, “then she dropped a ing news that left me shattered… they’re getting married. They’re getting married, hyung and the worst of all? She apologized. She did tell me that I’m a good friend and she’s lucky that she met me. ! I thought this thing only happen on TV!”
Seunghyun was speechless the whole time Jiyong was talking; He didn’t know. I thought Jiyong’s just being dramatic, I am not aware that his pain weight too much. I sighed deeply and glared at the frame containing picture of Jiyong and Dee, both smiling happily. “Jiyong remember this, sometimes we have to let go of someone who matters to us not because we want to but because we have to and it’s the right thing to do. Let us remember that we can’t beg someone to stay when she wants to leave and be with someone else. This is what love is all about. However, the end of love is not the end of life. It should be the beginning of understanding that loves fades for a reason, leaves with a lesson and introduce you to the right person and if you’re lucky. I mean, if you’re the luckiest person on this entire planet. The person you love decides to love you back.” , when did I become a love adviser? And yeah, the last part rhymes. Jiyong stared at me, dumbfounded. Who wouldn’t? I’m not the kind of person who’ll give advice about disastrous emotion called love.
Their train thoughts got interrupted when the doorbell rang. Eh? Jiyong leap out of the couch and ran toward his room while shouting, “That’s Dee and Kiyong.. Damn it” This is going to bring more drama and I’m not up for it, a smiling couple welcomed me then confusion appeared on her face.
“Seunghyun oppa? Where is Ji?” I smiled back at them because it would be rude if I didn’t, right? I nodded at Kiyong and answered bathroom. “Ah.” Both of them came in, “I just want to give him something”
Uh oh. That doesn’t sound good. Few minutes passed and finally Jiyong came down with water still dripping from his face and now wearing another shirt, why did he change? “Jiyong? Didn’t I tell you to dry up your face after washing?” she gently pats dry him using her handkerchief but what he did afterwards surprised them. Jiyong swatted her hand away wearing a stoic expression; gone the all smile Jiyong. “I- I just want to.. to” stuttering Dara, “to personally give you the invitation”
Jiyong nodded and outstretched his hand to reach for the said invitation and look at her after as if saying ‘Anything else?’. A couple of minutes after, Kiyong told Dee that they need to go, Jiyong remained silent the whole time while Seunghyun sadly watched the tensed interaction between the two. Dee glanced back at them expecting to see the warmth smile of the man she’s with before and she receive none of those but a blank, stoic one.
A piece of advice ladies; you will know when a boy, guy or a man is hurting when he starts ignoring your existence like you’re an invisible in our eyes. Why? Because it’s the only way for us to stop seeing the characteristics of yours that we love, to stop whatever feelings we may harbor at your actions and your traits that leave us to love you but remember that we may act like we don’t care anymore but we are falling apart without your smile. Aren’t we, a complicated beings?
“What was that Jiyong?” did my question sound stupid to you because it does to me but whatever.
Jiyong stared at me square on the eyes and seriously said, “The woman you met is broken like me; don’t flirt with a broken hearted girl because she can make you like her in seconds, admire her in minutes, want her in an hour and love her in a day but she can’t love you back because she already love someone else; the one that made her world go around, one that put smile on her heart, one that make her bloom every day, her inspiration. Sadly these things can also happen to you”
Seunghyun gawked at his friend and deeply sighed, “Well, damn.”
Ever since then I become Park Bom’s candle, why candle? Because I’ll be her light in darkness; I’ll give her the hope she needed when she’s in the verge of giving up. Why not shadow? Simply because even shadows leave you at dark and it is a depressing thought.
I started to accompany her during her free time, the time when Mino’s class is on their last subject for the day so while waiting for the kid, I spend it with her, just there sitting beside her because sometimes knowing that someone is there for you is enough to make you feel better, that someone cares. I told her lot of stories that will cover until Mino’s graduation; yeah, I am talkative like that. At first, she’s not giving me her attention but as time goes by, I noticed that her eyes is slowly starting to leave whatever she’s doing and listens. What am I telling her? Anything that comes to my mind, usually I’ll start with some random jokes, quotations and anything like these,
“I’m quite scared of teachers. Why? Because my middle school teacher once told me, I am lucky that I broke my left arm and not my right one so that I can still do my homework” I shudder on that one but I thanked her for being passionate.
“My first detention was when I answered my teacher during my high school, it’s not severe; honestly, it’s quite funny. Mrs. Han said, ‘Why can I hear talking?’ and because I’m a handsome rascal, I proudly answered, ‘Because you have ears, duh?’ and yeah, I got detention.”
“I once locked Mino and his friends at our balcony during winter and don’t look at me like I killed them, I may be not the best older brother out there but I love those rascals. Well anyway, I locked them out because the Christmas tree that I worked hard for ending up on the floor because according to them, the tree fainted. Can you believe that?”
“My dad once told me that getting in to an argument with a woman is like being arrested because everything you say can be used against you.” And I listen to my dad very seriously.
And there are times that I’m serious. “Don’t forget you’re human, it’s okay to have a meltdown just don’t unpack and live there, cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed.”
“My brother told me a joke, I laughed to tears. He told me the same joke again and I laughed but not as hard. He kept repeating the joke and I stopped laughing. He said, ‘If you can’t laugh at the same joke over and over again, why do you keep crying over people who hurt you over and over again’ and I realized that made sense. So why?”
Days passed by, I started to see changes with Bom even though it’s just little steps, what important is she’s moving forward away from her sad self. I’ve gotten close with her co-workers too; Nana and Kangjun is a weird pair while Teddy, the music teacher is an odd man (always in a hoodie), Suhyun and Chanwoo; the twins are very adorable children of the school director (they are always hyper especially Suhyun) and we discover something too! Park’s Bom best friend, Sandara Park and the Park Chandee; Kwon Jiyong’s being bitter at, ARE SISTERS! Isn’t it amazing? That explain why we are in a beach right now, his friends and her friends. Oh boy, I love this. We are being summoned by the older one, Dee and because the sisters both love waters, Dara let her friends tag along. Dee invited Jiyong and yes, he declined but not me; in short, I dragged him here, am I awesome?
We all met and stunned for a moment, Dee’s and Dara’s friend have something in common one way or another. Let start with Dee’s friends, Park Jenny is like Bommie’s long lost sister because their characteristic are scaringly look alike, Lee Faith is Chaerin’s older version; Tao whined at this and last but not the least, Gong Minri who have one letter difference from Minji; both great in dancing. To cut the confusion short, the ladies all met their older version. Their boyfriends named Kiyong (Dee’s), Seungri (Faith’s), Youngbae (Jenny’s), Daesung (who have a crush on Minri), Jiyong (who’s trying to get over Dee) and Seunghyun (Me, who have eyes on Bommie). We are all amazed at Dee’s little sis group of friends, they’re like mini us.
“This is amazing” Seungri and Tao exclaimed at the same time, both looked at each other then, “Don’t copy me” they said it at the same time too. “Jinx” they hold hands, “Double jinx” smiling creepily at each other. That scene left us stunned and disgusted, the feel like they’re watching a scene from the popular movie ‘Frozen’ where Prince Hans and Ana sang the ‘Love is an open door’; it looks like someone is a fan.
Bom timidly smiled at the sight of Tao and Seungri, the guys started to set up the whole set up they needed, she’s in the middle of trying to hide her laugh due to the inability of the maknaes to start the fire at the grill when she heard a voice that made her heart race.
“Bommie, can we talk?
KRIS Letter
Before anything else, I would like to tell you that what I feel for you is sincere; I really do love you though I have no idea why you think otherwise. First of all, you don’t know how my mind works and how my heart operates (not the scientific explanation). You don’t know so, who are you to tell me that what I feel for you is not real? Are you the one feeling it? Are you? I do sound mad, right? Well, I am not mad Bommie, I’m hurt and I think that’s worse than being mad.
During all the times that we are together, I am happy, unsure but happy. It never crossed my mind that I am going to leave your side though you are always annoyed at my presence; I guess I’m too blinded? Or assumed things badly. Why am writing? Because I don’t know if I am capable of keeping all these emotion all by myself and maybe because I don’t have someone that will listen to my painful feelings; why? I left. I left everything behind including our friends, you; especially our memories but I am failing at the last one because it stuck at me like how Patrick is always there for Spongebob and yeah, I gave you the album not for you to feel sorry but to see my sincerity. Did you see it? Did you finally?
Change is inevitable, no one can escape it. Why did I left? All I can say is I’m not a mind reader but I’m reading the sign. The night of my confession, I saw it, the denial. I don’t know if it’s about loving me (Am I assuming again?) or something else but it hurt me the way you see what we have. Do we even have something? We have chemistry together and if my memory serves me right, we also have Archery? Did I make you smile? Good. I never like it when you’re sad but maybe you are not, are you happy now? Now, that I’m not around?
Yeah, I always noticed your nose would scrunch everytime I am around and I am aware you do that everytime something or someone annoyed you. I’m sorry if I bothered you with my existence, I just want to be with you. Am I rambling? Yeah, I’ll write whatever comes to my mind; I want to let this all out in my jar of emotion. Are you looking for me? If you are, stop, I’m not ready yet. What if when I see you I’ll fall again? Yeah, totally not ready for that especially if you’re not going to catch me.
You should smile more, you look cute when you puff your cheeks as your eyes become smaller, and I always end up wanting to pinch your cheeks. Stop scrunching you nose, you look adorable like how a harmless bunny can be a cute one I might add. Stop throwing things but if that’s your love then I’ll catch it with a smile and open arms, don’t stomp your feet when you’re having a tantrum, why? YOU’RE ADORABLE DOING IT. I got time to think, well, just be yourself. Pout, stomp your feet and scrunch your nose as you like, I don’t like you thinking that I am hindering you to be with a good guy but honestly, I wanted you for myself, ahuh, sounded possessive but that’s how it is.
You know, the whole time that I am glued beside you, there are countless times our friends wanted to put me in a box and throw in the sea. Why? Let say that I can’t stop talking about you, I always find myself bringing you up whenever possible and according to them, I am a walking Park Bom’s biography and fan base and yeah, I hit him after that.
I suddenly feel sad reminiscing our memories. Oh god, I miss you so much, I missed being with you, I miss the Kris during those times. I hope I can go back but the pain is too much to bear, sound overdramatic? Yeah, I think so too but can we.. can we go back the way we are before.. before I told you that I love you? The laughs, the teasing, bickering.. you being violent and all of it? Can we go.. back? I am okay waiting; even waiting for nothing just to be with you? I can forget the feelings I have for you if that the only way to go back like the way we are before. Crap, I’m crying again. I never thought heartbroken literally hurt like my heart really broke inside me, making it difficult to breath and gasp for air, I know it’s not a manly thing to cry but for you, I’ll cry.
I want to apologize if I suddenly become emotional, I wanted to erase the last paragraph but I’m too lazy to start over again. Anyway, I’m going somewhere for a week or so and leave this letter here to avoid another dramatic words. Till next time.
Hi Bommie, I’m back. Yeah, back from the place where I went. I actually got time to contemplate about things. I am not okay but I can say that the heavy emotion I have; there’s a small crack now and we both know that day will come that that small crack will turn into bigger one that will completely going to free my heart, to start for something new, scarred yes, but given another chance. Someday, that scar will mean that I’m stronger on whatever tried to hurt me. That I took the blow and left it as it is, left it to heal by itself because sometimes time is the only thing you have to heal you.
Don’t blame me for walking away when you never asked me to stay because there is nothing worst than being in love with someone who isn’t in love with you. Loving you is like being 50-50 comatose in a hospital; comfortably lying but unconsciously bleeding, softly sleeping but silently hurting, continuously breathing but slowly dying. Sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go.
When the day comes that we’ll meet again, I’ll assure you, I’ll be over you. I’ll smile at you genuinely with no trace of pain in me, what I’ll feel that day is happiness. Happy that we see each other again, a friend; my high school friend that I treasured like everyone else.
Always remember that we may not ended up together but never doubt the love I have for you as it is real among all other things. It finally came to me that we are not meant to be.
You were my dream then a reality now a memory.
I wish you a happy life.
So long my Bommie.
Yours,
Kris ^0^
When the darkness fell the gang decided to spend their time at one of the cottage that can accommodate their number. It is huge enough to have couches, carpets and even center table where the snacks and booze is. The guys who already had enough of showing each other’s who’s stronger sat wherever they felt comfortable, as the ladies formed a small circle around the snacks. As the night gets darker so as their stories got serious.
“When you’re in pain the best thing to do is…” Seungri leaned forward with beer in his hand, “embrace it, feel it... savor it” he lazily sat back at the couch, “and stop looking at me like I’m an idiot or grown some heads. Why do you have to savor it?” he looked around, rolled his eyes at the stare he’s receiving “Simple, because it will be the last time that you’d feel the pain. That it is the last time, so better cherished it while it last but never nurtured it.” He took a quick glance to Bom and Jiyong, “cry as long as you want to and the day will come you’ll be exhausted, drain because you’ll be dehydrated from all the weeping you made- kidding aside- one day you’ll suddenly feel ‘Hey, I’ve been a lifeless doll for days now’ and that is the exact moment you’re going to build a bridge, to cross the river of your tears and it’s up to you to jump off at the middle of it, drown yourself or walk as slow as you want at the bridge that is not made of concrete because you know yourself that you’re not that strong enough, then the moment you finished crossing it; cut the damn rope or destroy the foundation of it because you are not going back. You are moving forward, got it?”
Seungri received a round of applause because that is one hell of words. His hyung have no idea that he has it in him, the expertise or basically that view in love. Seungri is the type of brother that you’ll always think will never get serious in anything, he always seems happy, optimistic about life and always joking; so hearing his words, they’re astounded. Jiyong and Bom smiled, the both got the closure they needed this afternoon and both of them are starting to cross the bridge, the bridge that will take them to move forward. The drunks men hovered over Seungri then tackled him down, they’re pile of bodies with Seungri under it, crying in pain.
“Though we adore men individually, we agreed that as a group, they’re rather stupid” CL said as she remembers what this morons did this afternoon, they threw the maknaes to the pool; sounds okay? Well, not if they’re holding them on hands and feet counted unto three and throw as far as they can; Seungri sort enjoyed it but Tao (Sehun profusely refused) shrieked at the top of his lungs, his girlfriend laughed hard.
Bom and Seunghyun exchanged smiled as she remembers what she said to Nana before going to this outing, about the relationship she and Seunghyun have, “I followed my head last time and it led me nowhere but pain; now I’ll follow my heart.”
BOM’s Letter (Post wedding)
Wu, I know I am not supposed to write you again because it felt wrong in many ways. You’re married now and maybe because I know in myself that you will always be clueless to the things that you ‘re supposed to know, be prepare, this letter will be long. I’m going to write the words that will free me from this rain.
I am in love with you.
I bet if I told you this that night we’ll be in whole different situation right now and I hope it is a good different. Chanyeol made me realized way too late. One of my co-workers asked me why we can’t forget our firs loves I smiled bitterly at her; I guess I’m not the only woman that held her first love with care, I didn’t answer her fast enough so she gave her own and I regret hearing it because it’s true. What did she say? Well here it is, ‘It’s hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember’ Yeah, how can you forget someone who made you froze like a statue everytime that someone is around? Extend your neck and hoping not to end up like an ostrich because you kept looking everywhere just to have a glimpse of him? The irritation you felt when’s he’s talking to someone that raise the alarm? The first everything? The giggles that automatically comes out when he look at your direction even though it’s accidental? The smile you have whenever he’s around? Being gloomy when he’s not, even the endless teasing you receive from your friends, how can you forget that?
And in our case, there’s a lot to remember and I can’t even list them all because it will make me sad and I am trying not to be one but I can’t help it. I can’t. Do I sound stupid now? I probably am. No, I am. Did you know we have lots of things to remember? And I miss it. I missed all of it and its sad that everytime I remember those time that we shared together, I am hoping for it to happen again. Sometimes, you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory. It’s pathetic, taking something for granted then misses it.
Isn’t it ironic? We ignore the one who adore us, adore the one who ignore us, love the one who hurt us. It’s a pity and I hate the cruelty of it; the cruelty that it’s almost funny. I re-read this letter, I grimaced most of the times thinking, damn, I can be a writer if I wanted to. . I think I’m good at this, maybe the reason I’m good in stuff like this is because I know how it feels; how it hurt. Can I ask something? A favor? If ever we met again, don’t walk past me as if we’re strangers. We can’t be friends, we both know that. Staying friends after a relationship ended is stupid, it’s like asking a kidnapper to keep in touch.
At your wedding, I wanted to cry my hearts out (I am confident that you will never going to read this). As I stood there like everyone else, it felt wrong. Seeing you marrying someone who is not me was heart breaking; the equation is wrong in every way. I should be that woman, holding your hand, smiling back at you as you wiped off the tears on my face; I should be the one receiving that charming smile of yours, the one who captivated your eyes, the reason of your happiness. It was a million little things that when you added them all up, it just meant we were supposed to be together, meant to be together. How three words, eight letters can change the whole thing. How those three words can hold the possibility of different outcome if I said it back then? How can it hold that power? Especially the second word; small word that mean so much.
How stupid of me not recognizing it, it feels like that simple word hit me countless times but I stubbornly remain standing proudly with thick walls protecting me from the pain it will cause. Why didn’t I let the walls crumble and welcome that four letter word? Some says change can be good sometimes; a new leaf. And how can I even so sure that, that change will hurt me? Yes, all this time I am talking about ‘Love’ the change that can be good sometimes.
My mom once told me that ‘Accepting love is also welcoming the pain it brought. Those two are like twins, yin and yang, heart and brain. You can’t have just one and neglect the other; it’s a package you need to deal with’ and mother is always right. I probably know what suddenly comes to your mind, I am coward. I’m stupid, coward and yeah, stupid. Why am I being like this why am I making a fool of myself? Why did it hurt so much? Why didn’t you wait? Why didn’t you come back? Why did you.. did you.. why am I.. Damn it.. I’m in pain.
It hurt so much. I want to beat the hell out of myself for being defensive before.. for being blind. Was this how you’ve gone through when I brushed off you love? I taste every drop of pain, every drop and I hate every second of it but I’ll endure; I’ll endure what I deserved. Life is not fair buy why do I feel it is? A tooth for a tooth, an eye for an eye.
Droplets of rain, the harder it rained the more I drown and yes, I’m planning to take swimming lessons to help get out from this. These past few days made me realize that we never meant to be, we met for a reason whether you’re a lesson or a mistake but I’ll take you as my lesson. You will always be the one that got away.
Your friend,
Bommie.
The Talk.
Bom shifted her weight as she awkwardly waited for Kris to start a conversation, ever since they arrived at the beach the two of them are doing their best to avoid being left just the two of them, well maybe she’s been trying too. She still feels awkward seeing him with his wife, it doesn’t hurt that much anymore but a pint of regret is still there because honestly, I still have feelings for him not enough to want him back but enough to make it hurt, a bit. She’s too consumed in her own thoughts that she failed to notice Kris has been staring at her.
She looked up unconsciously and that’s when she finally noticed the stare she’s been receiving, “Why are you looking at me like that?” Based on the redness visible on her cheeks, she can say that, he staring made her blush like a teenager.
He smirked, oh how she missed the mischievous smirk of this man. He grins and shook his head as he said; “Just memories” and that ladies and gentlemen hit her hard suddenly sequence of memories flashed before my eyes and boy did that make her tear up but didn’t gave him the satisfaction to see. “How are you, Bommie..”
The way he said my name didn’t even changed all this years, is that possible? I smiled at him, “I’m good. You? How’s married life?”
He smiled widely at this, “It’s good. At first, it’s weird living in a house with a woman and my wife at that but it’s good to have someone always there, so far I love it.” I just smiled at his statement, oh married life suits him. He smiles more. “Well, how’s your life? I noticed earlier that you seem close with Dee noona’s friend, Tabi?”
“Yeah” I unconsciously smiled, “He’s a friend though more like a shadow according to him, it’s fun around him.” I’m not saying this just to say I am better now, I said those because I’m like his company now. The time she spent with the man is surprisingly calm and quite entertaining.
“I’m glad you’re fine now and doing okay.” His expression changed as if he suddenly thought of something and she’s not mistaken in that. “Did you receive the letter?” Kris have no intention of sending it but his girlfriend now wife, decided that the woman in her letter deserved to read what the letters contain because if she’s the girl, she wanted to know it.
She meekly nodded; she was so excited when she receives that letter years ago but that changed after reading it because at that moment she knew, she knew that he’s letting her go even though she didn’t want to, how could she assumed that his love for her can conquer anything when in the first place there is no such thing as them because of her. Bom clenched her fist, remembering she also wrote a letter for him but too afraid to send it. It will be like her feelings; always too late. Always.
Letting him go was my biggest mistake yet my favorite lesson.
Thank you so much! :)
- Yuki Nashreen
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