When I showed up at Jongup’s table at lunch, he shot me the same surprised look Jihoon had when I showed up ready to be taken to school in the morning. 

Jihoon had asked me a million times if I was sure that I wanted to leave the house, but I knew he was fighting back a smile. I received a well deserved pat on the back, though, because Jihoon sure as hell knew what a struggle fighting my inner voice was this time around. 

Jongup, too, welcomed me with a bright smile and open arms. I weakly smiled back. It was really ing hard to ignore the stares that were following me, and the whispers that didn’t seem to leave me alone. 

They ranged from everything to thinking I had killed myself to calling me a tramp for jumping from Sehun’s company to Jongup’s. All were painfully unoriginal. As much as I wanted to turn around and show them what talking really sounded like to those of us not horribly impaired in the creative department, I held my tongue. I didn’t want to start drama on my first day back. I held my head as high as I could, and pretended like the voices around me were just white noise. I couldn’t help weed out all of the irrelevant voices in search of four particular voices, though. I never heard any of them.

“Hey.” Jongup said when I finally reached his table, after what seemed to take centuries. 

“I’m alive.” I said, shrugging at him, not taking notice to the rest of his friends who weren’t all that keen on me, either. 

It really didn’t matter at this point. Seeing Jongup smile at me made me feel like I wasn’t so alone. In a wave of nasty rumors and hatred, his smile was all I needed to feel like I wasn’t completely wasting my time being alive. 

He made room for me, and I sat down next to him, never fixing my gaze on anything but him. I was mildly afraid of all eyes being on me, reminding me further of the misery I felt earlier this year, I’ll admit, but what I was most afraid of was seeing the glares of a group of people all too precious to me. I was even more terrified that I would look up, only to see that they had moved on and were paying no attention to me, who was suddenly less than miniscule. 

I knew it was useless to try to avoid looking for them, since the only reason I had pushed away my lack of motivation this morning was to talk to Luhan. He had sent Jongup to me, to make sure I was okay, that I wasn’t falling too far behind. He was the only one who had made any sort of contact with me, so he must have had some mercy for me. Hell, I’d even take pity if it meant getting a chance to talk to one of my friends. I had been so determined this morning, to march up to him and ask him how things were, why he still cared about me when no one else did; now, I scoffed at my own stupidity, since I could even look forward without feeling dizzy. 

“Are they looking?” I whispered sheepishly to Jongup. He didn’t need any more clarification. He discreetly looked over in the direction I remember so vividly leading to our table. 

“They were.” He whispered back, doing a wonderful job of making it look like we were talking about something else. “Bomi and Sehun were looking here, but Namjoo turned their attention away from you. Luhan’s still glancing.” I took this opportunity to raise my head and look at Luhan. Our eyes met instantly, but as much as I wanted to turn away, I held my ground. His eyes were blank, something rare for him. They were the most expressive part about his entire appearance, and to see them holding nothing made me even more nervous. I didn’t lose my grip, and bore into him as much as I possibly could. I did the best I could to make sure my desperate pleading registered across the room. He nodded lightly, and turned away. 

The lump in my throat disappeared, but it was met with a much heavier weight on my shoulders. A talk with Luhan was secured, but I didn’t know what the hell I would say to him, or how I would justify myself. Earlier, I was just waiting for time to fly by, so that I could correct any assumptions he had and clear my name, but now, I was loathing the way time seemed to zip past, without any consideration to my present nervousness. 

Of course, as if on ing cue, the bell rang, signaling everyone to get to class, and startling me out of my worry. My face grew red and my heart was trying to jump out of my chest. 

Jongup matched my pace, slowly making his way down the cafeteria, looking at me with worried glances. We got out of the door, and I stopped, leaving him behind. He turned to me to question what I was doing. 

“I’ll catch up with you later. We can hang out after school or something.” He nodded, wishing me luck from a few paces away. I watched his back grow smaller, disappearing within the crowd, who didn’t disappoint with throwing me the expected glares. I paid no attention to them, since I had much more to worry about. I heard a familiar obnoxious laugh that made me smile bitterly. While hearing Namjoo’s laugh would have been comforting any other time, right now, it made the bile flow to my mouth. I felt nauseous thinking about seeing her and being subjected to more ridicule. 

I hunched back towards the wall, making myself disappear among the crowd so I could get the attention of Luhan, and only Luhan. Sure enough, Namjoo and Bomi walked passed my position without noticing me. They were laughing, rather, Namjoo was laughing at something she had come up with, while Bomi was trying her best to hold down her laugh in the interest of being polite. I immediately found Luhan, walking at the end of their group, and made my eyes glue to him, despite my urges to look for Sehun. I wanted more than anything to see him, but the last thing I needed was to see him with Hayoung. I didn’t want to ruin my chance of keeping my cool around Luhan. It was a lot easier, since he was walking alone. I stepped into the crowd, and grabbed his arm, dragging him to the wall with me. He didn’t look surprised at all. 

“Let’s talk.” I said, loud enough for him to hear over the buzz of the crowd, but not loud enough for my voice to register any further. 

“You’re not going to class?” He asked, still holding an expression I couldn’t read for the life of me. 

“I skipped class for a week, one more period won’t do any harm to my already ed GPA.” He made