It was still kind of really ing weird, seeing Sehun and being happy about it. I remember walking towards him before and seeing the look in his eyes change from lost to terrified; now, he just smiled when he saw me and extended his hand. And another thing; he didn’t tense up every time I touched him like he used to, now he was relaxed and his hand fit perfectly in mine. I wanted to throw myself off of a bridge for ever having such cheesy, unoriginal inner dialogue, but there was no other way to explain how great it felt. He was so warm, so inviting, so comforting. I hated to suddenly surface all my problems and childhood trauma so suddenly, but the warmth did remind me of my father, and it was only one of the reasons I was always disgustingly excited to see him. 

Today was no different, as I walked straight towards him before school started. He welcomed me with the brightest smile you could possibly imagine, and I shimmied into his embrace and waited for him to kiss my forehead. I had no reason to keep my guard up anymore, so I just let my adoration show while I looked up at him. The sound of a locker slamming drove me out of my daze, and I looked up to see an ecstatic Bomi, and a disgusted Luhan and Namjoo. 

“Can’t you both wait until, like, noon to be nauseating?” Namjoo gagged and rolled her eyes.
“Seriously, weren’t you still scared of her last week?” Luhan added with a raised eyebrow. 

“Piss off.” I glared and began walking with Luhan’s arm around me. I was proud of myself for not spewing any more chains of profanity, and Namjoo was probably upset that I went down without a fight. “You’re all just bitter and lonely.” 

“I’m not lonely.” Luhan announced proudly while flinging his arm around Bomi, who was flashing all kinds of shades of red. I smirked at her avoiding my eyes, knowing that something obviously happened around the same time my little thing for Sehun developed. I looked over at Namjoo, who was walking beside us on her own to reaffirm my previous statement. 

“Well, maybe I’m bitter for life,” she looked around, “but I can change lonely as quickly as you idiots.” She grabbed an unsuspecting boy from a group of his friends, and dragged him along with us. He tried to wiggle himself out of her embrace, but she only held on tighter. “What’s the matter, Kyungsoo? You can eat me out but you can’t walk me to class?” 

The boy looked at all of us, blushing redder than Bomi had, then looked to Namjoo in disbelief. We were all used to the all information giving Namjoo, but this poor guy obviously thought that what happened behind closed doors with her would stay between them. He resorted to nothing but nervous laughter. “Alright whatever, you can leave now, prude.” Namjoo released him and shooed him away and continued to walk ahead, looking for someone else to help her complete the trio of couples. Bomi and Luhan were far too lovey dovey with each other to keep pace, so Sehun and I actually got time to talk alone. 

“What’s on the schedule today?” Sehun asked. 

“Nothing in particular, why?” 

“No reason, I just wanted to spend more time with you.” I didn’t know whether to puke at how gross the sentiment was, or to puke at myself for getting stupid butterflies in my stomach when I heard it. 

“Did you want to go get coffee or something?” 

“Can I just come over.” I tried my best not to freeze. We’ve all seen that movie. “Watch movies?” And we all knew he didn’t want to watch movies. The back of my knees started to sweat, and I tried to keep my breathing cool. 

It’s actually sort of funny I was nervous about this, me of all people. I mean, Sehun and I had already done this, way before, when I barely knew anything other than his name. It was different this time, from that mistake at a party, and from all of the other times I slept around. I wasn’t desensitized, I wasn’t going to do it for fun, and I actually cared about this kid. It suddenly felt too intimate, and that was something I wasn’t too great at. It felt like it was going to matter, and that made me scared as hell. 

“Is that not a good idea?” He asked, and I’m pretty sure he smelled the terror on me like a ing dog. 

“No, that’s cool.” I returned to my normal, nonchalant attitude in a second, proving once again why I deserved a goddamn academy award. 

“Alright. I’ll get you after school then.” He smiled at me and did this stupidly charming thing he does where he kisses my hand, a