"Whaddya mean stop calling you Jongin's little baby? You are his freaking fetus, he treats you like one all the time." Sehun huffs in annoyance over the phone and paces around the living room.
Jongin is sitting on the sofa yes, and he's talking about him over the phone with his cousin right in front of him yes, but he doesn't care.
Tao never cared about him calling him Kkamjong's fetus or being treated like one, so why does he suddenly decide to start caring now?

"But you see, because you keep calling me Jonginie's 'baby' Duizhang thought we were dating..."

"PWAHAHAHAHA HE THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE TOGETHER? Oh man, Kkamjong, listen to this! That angry birds guy, he thought you and Tao were going out!" Sehun guffaws and plops down onto the sofa next to him, stomach starting to hurt from all the laughing.
Jongin and Tao?
Like hell, even Cupcake's more likely to date Jongin.

"What the heck. This is all your fault." Jongin flashes Sehun a look of pure revulsion and digs his foot into his side.

"Ow! How is it my fault!? That's it. Tao, I'm calling an emergency meeting. If you don't turn up at my doorstep in five with your pajamas and toothbrush I'm disowning you as my cousin." Sehun yanks his phone away from his face and taps the red button with his thumb, then tosses it onto the coffee table.
He shoots Jongin a dirty look; his best friend is uncharacteristically glued to his mobile phone, taping away every so often.
Sehun doesn't even have to guess why.

"Look Kkamjong, I don't mind you ting in front of me because I'm so kind and accepting, but when Tao gets here that phone has to go, alright?" Sehun snaps his fingers quickly in front of Jongin's eyes to make sure he's listening and not just immersed in his conversation with... what's his name again?

"Yes okay! I was gonna put my phone away anyway. Plus you text through our movie nights. All the time." Jongin rolls his eyes and pockets his phone, feet still buried between the sofa and Sehun's waist.
That's different, Luhan is bringing y back.

"Yeah, well, you and Mr Liquid Gold aren't even dating. Luhan and I snogged in the back room at the bubble tea shop earlier today."
I don't think that's relevant Heart-
Hush Brain. Let me do the talking. If it's Luhan it's relevant.

"... I didn't need to know that. Also can you please stop calling Kyungsoo 'Mr Liquid Gold', because that sounds seriously dodgy when it comes from you." Jongin grimaces and flings a cushion at Sehun, which the brunette catches with one hand.
Ninja skillage in da village!
Thanks to my motor cortex, which generates electrical impulses so you can move your hand-
Uhhhh nope. In martial arts it is the heart that's important.
I don't think that's true, because you see-
Nuh uh. You know what Bruce Lee said? 'Don't think! Feeeeeeeel.'

"You're the one who gave me the answer 'Like liquid gold' when I asked you to explain nice voice. Now you tell me that's not dodgy."
Maybe he didn't mean it in that way.

"I didn't mean it in that way."
Ehem.
...... Alright Smartypants McSmartass.

"He genuinely has this voice like liquid gold... I haven't heard him sing but I know he's in the chamber choir and he's a music major... His voice is deep but really rich and firm, like red wine. Not the kind that has layered flavors and hints of this and that. Just a good, aged one that has the solid and smooth rich flavor all the way through and it lingers on your tongue... Anyways, I'm not exaggerating."
Sehun stares quietly at his friend.
Jongin doesn't usually zone out and go on autopilot when he speaks, and he certainly doesn't use such expressive words, such words with so many... feelings.
Jongin never talks about feelings.
Sehun's beginning to think that perhaps he doesn't look like it, but that boy with big round eyes might really be something.
He'll be the judge of that though, when he finally gets to meet his best friend's love interest.

"... Alright. Now where's Oh Zitao? I'm pretty sure his dorm is just on the other side of the damn park, and all he has to bring is his freaking toothbrush and himself. And preferably pajamas, because he's starting to grow out of my clothes, must have been something he ate before they shipped him from China." Sehun stands up from the sofa and checks his watch with a slight frown on his face.
Oh Sehun is anything but patient; Oh Zitao is anything but punctual.

"Calm down, maybe he saw a cat or something."

"Oh he'd better not have, you know I'm allergic to animal hairs and dust mites and all that that floats in the air. Even my Febreze Allergen Reducer won't save me then." Sehun makes his point by picking up the blue spritzer bottle from under the coffee table and squirts twice into the air.
He sees Jongin opening his mouth to protest, but is cut off by the doorbell ringing.
Sehun shoves the bottle back under the table, then struts over to the door and throws it open.

"Finally. When I said get here in five I meant five minutes not five hours, you dwee- ...... What the hell, Tao. I said with your pajamas, not in your pajamas." Sehun swears he can hear Jongin's jaw dropping open behind him.
He himself is beyond bewildered.
His six foot one cousin is standing on his welcome mat in a set of light blue pajamas with dozens of tiny pandas printed all over, looking at him with confused puppy dog eyes.
Did he seriously walk here in those?
How was he not arrested?
Sehun lets out an exasperated sigh, then slowly turns around to face his best friend with an emotionless face.

"Your fetus is here."

"Hold up. So you screamed at him and at the same time Cupcake burped and leaked milk all over him. Then what?" Sehun removes his arm from Tao's knee and holds his palm out to pause his cousin's motormouth.
The three of them managed to fit themselves across the sofa despite being a pile of tangled limbs.
Sehun doesn't mind, he likes being nice and cozy; Jongin however, looks a little uncomfortable with Tao's upper body over his legs, his back pressed into the armrest and ha, Sehun's feet digging into his side.

"Then Duizhang took Cupcake into her room and refused to come out until Minie hyung and Jongdae hyung were back, and we took the bus home but he didn't sit next to me, and then he didn't speak to me when we got back, and I was feeling really bad so I started crying and then he hugged me and patted my back and said he was sorry, because he thought Jonginie was my boyfriend because you kept calling me his baby, and I said he meant it as in fetus not in a lover's way, but he didn't speak to me after that and he's just so distant and it's really bad right now, he hasn't spoken to me for two days now."
Sehun sometimes wonders how Tao isn't an Olympic swimmer if he can speak for so long without taking a single breath.

"I don't think he's mad at you, sounds more like he's in shock and he's just having a hard time getting his head round it." Jongin shifts a little from his current position and pulls his arm out, patting Tao's back reassuringly.
You can always count on Jongin to analyze the information calmly, even if it comes out as a jumble of mess from Tao's mouth.
Sehun nods in agreement, then reaches over to snatch Tao's phone from the coffee table.

"I'm turning this off. You say he's in the shower when you left right? Well, he won't have a single clue where you are and he'll pull all his hair out from worrying. And then you'll tell him exactly what you're worried about and he'll tell you 'Oh, Zitao baby, I'm not angry at you, I just can't believe you're gonna be mine instead of that dark skinned emo kid.' And you'll make up and make out, have a dozen mini angry birds and pandas and live happily ever after. The end."
Both Jongin and Tao explodes into laughter at Sehun's imaginative scenario, and Sehun leans backwards with a small grin on his face while his friend and cousin double over in laughter.
Problem solved.

Author's Note: 

Have some maknae line everyone <3