I look at her stupidly. Dying? Dying? She had said she was dying.

"I'm sorry, Seung hyun." Why is she sorry? Is it normal to apologize when you're dying? I just stare at her, not really understanding what she means. Death? Dying? Such odd concepts that are simple and should be easy to understand. But I don't understand. Not really. It's serious. I know it is... because... because of...

"Dara..." I let out her name with a breath, feeling all the bit weak as I felt. And I knew that everything about Dara had been so difficult to understand. Because I like her. Because I love her. What does death mean? What does death of a mother to a child mean? And I begin to think, about my own mother's death when I was eight and  how long I had cried for her and how much it hurts and how much I try not to think of her because I kind of still miss her and I'm no longer a child so I push away these feelings that made me feel like some ed up lost child when I should not be going around and feeling like an abandoned kid... but I think of Dara, and well, her mother is dying. And I look at the woman beside me, alive and breathing and I didn't ing want her to die! I didn't want Dara to lose her! I didn't want Dara to cry.

"Yes. Dara... I know how little she had told you. I know you pester her for details but she hardly gives you anything. Dara..." she had said wistfully, "...had never had anyone to take care of her. I had been sick since she could remember. She had been taking care of me ever since... and her siblings... and that person... Her father..." She looks at me and there was pity in her eyes. "I feel like I should at least give you a chance to run away from all this. But don't leave her. She won't ask for help. She's most likely to push you away." She pauses, "They say when a person is dying they can be selfish. So I guess, I am acting on that. I want you to stay with her Seung hyun. I want you to be a child and be persistent. I want you to help her up." I watch the woman in front of me, the mother of the person I love. And she was saying difficult things. Like death and being selfish. But I don't understand. I really must be an idiot.

"She's stubborn, that child. She thinks that she should do everything on her own. And... and I am glad that you had convinced her that she deserve happiness even with all the problems. Even if she would burden you. I think she plans to keep all her problems to herself. But you're here now. You can see. You can know. You can be the help she had never had."

I just listen to her and there was a hint of desperation in her eyes that I didn't like. She looked too much like Dara and her hurt looks a lot like Dara's hurt and there would be nothing in this world I wouldn't give to erase that hurt.

"I had no chance to be good mother to her. It's this body." She looks at her hands sadly. "This body had never been fit to be a mother. And that man. That man was never a father. Seung hyun, I don't want to be selfish... but what do I do with Dara? What does a mother do other than look after her child even if it will burden someone else? I am sorry Seung hyun..."And I watch her clench her hands into tiny little fists. Her pale skin stretches and I see her veins, pronounced and green.

"I... I don't... What d-do I do?"

She smiles at me weakly, "I'm sorry. Just stay with her. They'll tell her today. I've already arranged my funeral. I've saved up." She smiles and a glistening tear rolls down her face. And I panic at the sight of it. I stand up and reach out and wipe her tear away and she held my hand. Running her thumb along my knuckles like Dara did. She was saving up for her funeral. What is this? Why? "You really are gentle." I hear her whisper as she looks up to me. "I'm sorry for dragging you in to this. I'm sorry. But Seung hyun, I've arranged as much as I can. Her siblings will be taken by the social service." My eyes widen. "It can't be helped." She lets me go and looks away. "She will take this too hard. You must go now, Seung hyun. Find her. She's taking too long. I'm afraid she'll run away rather than let you see her hurt. I'm sorry, Seung hyun."

And I just stand there, staring at the person who gave Sandara life. And she was dying. And Dara... And I'll leave her to her death while I chase after Dara. I feel so worthless.

"It was nice meeting you." She says finally and I bow to her, low and long.

"I..."

"You don't have to say anything." She whispers to the wind and I look at her, all torn and confused. I turn and left. Dara.

Dara, where are you?

---

I don't know where to start looking. But I found myself out of the hospital, by the driveway where taxis were parked. I don't think. But somehow I knew that she'd try to get away from the place where she would be told that her mother is going to die. And she was there, sitting by the flower box. And she was crying into her hands, hiding her face while her shoulders shook from pain. My feet moves without conscious thought and my hand finds its way to her shoulder and she gives a start and stares at me. Her eyes red, hang open gasping for breath. She looks at me, her eyes in panic. She stands up and tries to run