I didn't know what to do, I was just there, on the ground, like some kind of garbage.

"I'm such a mess! Why am I doing this to Jackson? He doesn't deserve it..." I wiped my eyes as I talked to myself.

I got up and I was determined on telling everything to Jackson, I shouldn't be loved by him the way I was.

I walked to his apartment and as I approached more and more my heart started to beat faster and faster and my hands were now shaking.

I arrived and I knocked at the door.

"Jihan. I was thinking about you." Jackson openned and kissed me. He held my hand and made me enter.

I sat on the couch where Jackson seemed to have spent a lot of time on, empty pizza boxes, clothes, underwear and other stuff were lying everywhere.

"Do you want something to eat?" He asked but I shook my head to indicate no. Jackson soon joined me on the couch and we watched tv.

I felt my heart and brain were gonna explode anytime soon. My palms were sweaty and I kept crossing my legs back and forth in anxiety.

"Are you okay babe?" Jackson held my hand and could feel I was acting strange. I cleared my throat a bit and looked down.

"Look..." I held both his hands and made him turn half way so we could face each other on the couch.

"I'm sorry."

"What are you talking about?" Jackson seemed confused.

"I know you're gonna hate me." My eyes strated to fill up and get blurry.

"I would never-"

"You will." I cut him off and stared straight in his eyes.

"Look... I don't remember everything... But when you left last night, Mark drove me back to his place..." I could read in Jackson's eyes that he knew what I was gonna say next. He lost his grip on my hands little by little.

"I - I woke up and I was in his bed and - and he talked nicely to me and - and" I stuttered and tears fell down.

"And I slept with him." Jackson didn't react but I could see in his eyes he was disappointed in me.

"I'm so sorry Jackson. I love you and I don't know why I did that. Now you can just yell at me or do whatever you want because I deserve it." I wiped my tears off and tried to look at Jackson but he was staring nowhere.

He didn't say anything and I could only cry, I couldn't go back in time but if I could I would.

"I know I don't deserve your love. I'm sorry Jackson, I'm sorry I disappointed you, I'm sorry I'm just a , I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for everything. I understand and I'll just get ouf your life now." I took a deep breath and got up to walk out the door.

I was about to leave, I had my hand on the door wrist when Jackson got up and quickly shut the door right in front my eyes. I blinked few times as I didn't know how to react.

Jackson grabbed me and made me turn so now I had my back against the door.

"Please don't leave me." Jackson spoke with a soft voice his arms were around me as if he wanted to keep me for himself. I could feel his breath on the crook of my neck and his voice sounded desperate.

"What you did doesn't change my feelings for you because I know it wasn't your fault. So please don't leave me." Jackson looked at me in the eyes.

As he saw I was under shock and I didn't answer him, he roughly grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me. I didn't resist because I wanted it and I wanted him to forgive me.

Jackson led us to the bedroom, I pushed him on the bed and went on top of him. I took his shirt off, and kissed on his neck.

"I'm sorry." I kept saying as I kissed his torso and arms and everything.

"Stop saying that." Jackson turned me around so he was now on top of me and this time he kissed me from my neck.

Jackson and I spent the weekend together, I knew he wasn't completely happy with the fact I cheated on him but he had prepared something for later.

On sunday morning I woke up as I heard my phone ringing multiple times.

Jihan where are you?! Are you okay?! I'm getting worried you didn't come back once during the weekend... Please just answer something.

It was from Yoongi. I knew he changed a lot towards me but I didn't know if he was sincere about getting worry about me.

I just ignored his text and went back to sleep in Jackson's arms.