To say that Xiumin was going out of his mind would be an understatement. It had been a week and a half since he and Chen had remotely discussed the touchy subject of what happened with the latter and Lay.

He'd been upset at the time, and maybe having with Chen in the state he was in wasn’t the best idea, but at the time he’d needed it. Since then, the most they’d done is share the odd kiss when they were around their friends.

Xiumin was also a little awkward with Lay, too. He wasn’t lying when he’d said he wasn’t mad at the younger boy, but even so, knowing that he’d done something – and boy did he wish he knew what that something was – with his boyfriend, it made things a little more tense than usual.

“Min?” Chen’s voice snapped him from his reverie.

They were sat in the cafeteria, all except Lay, who’d taken to eating his lunch whilst studying in Suho’s classroom – he’d told them he was falling behind in ICT – or a hub. But Xiumin knew he was only doing that to avoid him.

Xiumin looked up at Chen, who was now stood by the older boy’s seat, “Yeah?”

“I, um, was wondering if we could go somewhere, and you know, talk?” Chen said, his face slightly paler than usual and his eyes sadder looking that Xiumin had ever seen them. He knew then that it was going to be when Chen told him the truth about what had happened.

“Yeah,” Xiumin nodded, getting to his feet, “Yeah sure”

Chen nodded and his heels, stalking out of the cafeteria with Xiumin following along after him. He didn’t stop until he reached one of the empty stairwells, where he spun around, finally, to face Xiumin.

“So, I guess you know what I want to talk to you about” Chen said, his voice quiet and scared sounding.

Xiumin nodded, “I have a fair idea, yeah” he said, “So, you wanna explain... or..?”

“Yeah” Chen nodded, “Yeah, um, I guess I should start from the beginning” he took a deep breath, “So it was when we Lay and me went inside, that day we were at yours. Well, I went to the bathroom and Lay was getting a drink, but when I got to the bathroom, I got a call from my dad, like you know... Anyway, Lay came up to make sure I was alright, since I was taking a while and we went back down stairs, and we were, I don’t know, playing around like usual? And I had him trapped against the side... Well, he could just tell there was something wrong and he was just, you know, comforting me and stuff and I just... I don’t even know what I was thinking, but I... I k-kissed him. And he like, he kissed me back for like a second before he pushed me away and... We... I realised what I’d done.

 “And I told him I was sorry, because I really, honestly didn’t mean to do it, I was just upset and he was there, and it was Yixing, who’s been my friend since we were god only knows how young, and I don’t know. I know it isn’t an excuse for what I did... But you have to believe me when I tell you it didn’t mean anything... Min...” Chen trailed off, looking at Xiumin, who now had tears silently falling down his face. His bottom lip trembling as he tried to fight them back.

Xiumin nodded, sadly, slowly, “I believe you” he whispered, “But that doesn’t make this okay. That doesn’t mean that I’m okay with this. I am so far from okay right now. I knew, I knew it was going to be something like this, and I told myself that I’d be okay, that it wouldn’t upset me this much, but wow... Hearing it right out of your mouth, every word you just said was like a punch to my heart, Jongdae, because I trusted you. I trusted you not to hurt me like that. I trusted you to mean it when you said you love me. I just don’t understand how you could do this to me, Jongdae.”

“I did... I do mean it...”

Xiumin shook his head, “No, don’t. Don’t. Don’t say anything else because you’ll just make it worse. I didn’t think it would hurt this much, you know. It was a kiss, just a kiss, and yet I can’t even look at you right now. You, you can’t just say all those things about him, about how he’s always been there, and how he’s... He’s him. Because what about me? Huh? Where have I been then? Have I not been here for you since the day I met you? Have I not proved to you that you can trust me, can come to me with anything?

 “The fact you can say that to me about him, it kills me more than any kiss ever could. I couldn’t care less that you kissed him, Jongdae, it’s not even about that. Not really. It’s about the fact that I can never live up to the likes of Zhang Yixing in your mind. I will never be anything near as good as he is. I’ll never be him, and maybe if he’s what you want, you should go back to him, because I can’t be your second choice, Chen. Not when I love you this much...”

He was still crying, now more than he had been before. The tears threatening to choke him as he looked at Chen.

“No, Min! No! It’s not like that at all! You’ll never been second to anyone! Not even Xing. Never. I love you, Minseok. I love you. Not Lay, not anyone else, but you. And I am so sorry for making you feel like you’re second to him, because you’re not.  You’re my number one. You will always be my number one” Chen said, his voice sad, but his eyes honest.

He took a step towards Xiumin, but Xiumin took a step back.

“I can’t do this right now, Jongdae” Xiumin whispered.

Chen paused, “Are... Are you breaking up with me?”

Xiumin shook his head, “No. No I couldn’t do that... No. Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I love you too goddamn much too just let you go. But,” he paused, looking at Chen sadly, tears still pouring down over his cheeks, “I need some time, Jongdae. I need some time to think right now, and I can’t be around you whilst I’m doing that, so... I need you to just... Just leave me alone, okay...”

“Min...” Chen pleaded.

Xiumin only shook his head, “I can’t right now, Jongdae. I’m sorry, I just can’t” he whispered the last words before turning his back on Chen and running off before Chen could even register what had happened.

--

“Kris?”

Nothing.

“Kris-ge?”

Still nothing.

Tao sighed as he watched Kris lying on the grass with his eyes closed. The older boy had his headphones in, but Tao had a sneaking suspicion that he was asleep.

With a sigh, Tao rolled his eyes and made his way back into Kris’s house, into the kitchen, where Kris’s mum was chopping and dicing this and that as she prepared dinner.

“Hey TaoTao. What’s up?” Kris’s mum asked as she chopped an oinion.

Tao smiled softly, “I think Yifan fell asleep” he told her, “And I didn’t want to wake him...”

“Well,” Ms Wu smiled, “How about you come help me for a bit, eh?”

Tao nodded, “I’d like that” he said, walking over to the sink and washing his hands, “What would you like me to do”

She nodded to some mushrooms on the side, “Wash and cut them for me” she said, “Then you can cut up the tofu, okay?”

“Okay” Tao smiled, “How’ve you been lately, anyways?”

Ms Wu chuckled, “You know me Tao, I’ve been just wonderful. Busy though”

“Business keeping you on your feet all the time?” Tao asked, taking the mushrooms and rinsing them before putting them to the side.

Ms Wu nodded, “You could say that. But Fanfan’s been a bit down of late too” she sighed, “I think he’s got something he isn’t telling me. Maybe you could get it out of him”

“Maybe” Tao smiled, “I think I know what it is though”

Ms Wu tilted her head slightly, “What do you think it is?”

“I... Um, well I don’t know for certain, but I think it’s to do with how he and I feel about one another...” he paused to take in Kris’s mum’s reaction before continuing, “You remember that trip we went on a couple months back? Yeah, well, um, I kind of... kissed him. It wasn’t really a kiss though, more of a peck, and I messed it up and... um, anyway, since then he’s been a little... you know. I mean, I’m not stupid, I know he feels the same as I do, even if people think we’re oblivious to it, we both know how the other feels, we just don’t talk about it, and well, I think maybe something that happened to him before, in an old relationship or something, is holding him back, and even if it’s upsetting me, I’m not going to push him into anything... But yeah, I think it’s because of all this... confusion going on between us right now”

Ms Wu smiled softly, putting down her utensils and moving to Tao, taking his hand and pulling him over to the table, ignoring that he had yet to dry his hands.

Once they were both sat down at the table, Kris’s mum gave Tao’s hand a reassuring squeeze before letting go and watching him carefully. “Tao,” she said, her voice warm and motherly, “You and Yifan, you’re going to end up together one day. In my eyes, you’re already his other half, you’re already part of this family. My boy, he’s an idiot. We both know that,” she smiled fondly, “but he... He’s been through some rough things in his life, he really has, and I need you to promise me something, okay?”

“Anything” Tao said, his eyes unwavering.

Ms Wu smiled at him, gentle and warm though it was, it seemed a little sad, “Promise me you won’t give up on him. It might take him a while to come to you, but just... Don’t give up on him”

“I won’t, not ever” Tao whispered, “But... Why do you care so much that it’s me? I mean, maybe someone better will come along and maybe it’ll be a girl and they can give you grandbabies and he could get married and be happy... Shouldn’t you be telling me to move on, to let your son have the life he deserves? Can’t you see I’m just making him... sad?”

Ms Wu shook her head softly, “I don’t need him to be with a woman for me to get grandkids, Tao. I don’t want to push you away from him, because as far as I’m concerned, both as his mum and someone who utterly adores you, you are what he wants, and you are what makes him happy, not sad, so you are what he deserves” he said, “So stop worrying your pretty little head about it, boy. Or else Mama Wu will have to knock some sense into you”

Tao let out a small chuckle, “Ma, can I get a hug?”

“Of course you can, sweetie” Ms Wu smiled, getting to her feet and pulling Tao into a hug.

“I hope you’re not planning on stealing my mum” Kris’s voice came from the doorway.

Both Tao and Ms Wu looked up to see a sleepy looking Kris watching them with an amused smile on his face.

Ms Wu smiled, “He wouldn’t have to if you paid your mama some attention, kid!” she scolded him playfully.

Kris grinned at her, taking two long strides across the kitchen and pulling her into a tight embrace, “I love you, ma” he said, swooping down and kissing her on the cheek.

Ms Wu laughed, pulling back and patting Kris’s arm, “I know” she grinned, “I love you too, kiddo, now, why down you take Tao up to your room and play for a while, whilst I cook up some dinner, eh?”

Kris rolled his eyes, “Sure thing” he said, grabbing Tao’s still wet hand and pulling him upstairs.

When they got to Kris’s room, Kris shut the door and turned to Tao, “Two things” he said, “One, why are your hands wet? And two, what were you chatting about with my mum?” he raised a brow.

“One, because I was helping your mum prepare food” Tao laughed, “And two, that’s for me to know and you not to”

Kris pouted, “But I wanna know!” he whined.

“I know you do” Tao laughed again, “That’s why I’m not telling you” he added as he moved over to sit on Kris’s bed.

Kris growled lowly and pounced at Tao, landing atop of him and pinning him to the bed, “Tell me”

“No”

“Tell me”

“No”

“Tell me, or so help me, I will get you”

“Just try it” Tao smirked.

Kris leant down so that his lips were a practically ghosting against Tao’s, “Tell me” he whispered.

“No” Tao whispered back, his breath dancing across Kris’s lips.

“Tao...”

“Kris...”

“I mean it”

“So do I”

Kris’s tongue darted out of his mouth for a second to run across Tao’s lower lip, making the younger boy gasp, “Tell me”

“N-No...”

Kris pressed a soft kiss to Tao’s lips, his cheeks reddening as he did, “Tell. Me.”

“I said no”

“Someone might think you want this...” Kris whispered, his eyes searching Tao’s.

“Maybe I do” Tao challenged.

Kris sighed, “We can’t”

“Why?”

“Because”

“Why?”

“Tao..”

“Can you just kiss me, and question it later?”

“Okay”

And with that, Kris let himself do what he’d been wanting to do for a long time, ignoring the inner battle he was having, he kissed Tao as he had always thought about doing.

Softly, and then as though he may not ever get to kiss those lips again.

--

Lay sighed. He didn’t know what the was going to happen, but Xiumin had text him and asked him – well, begged him – to come over. And so there he stood, outside of Xiumin’s front door, preparing himself to knock.

Only he didn’t have to, because a second later, the door flew open and a crying Xiumin flung himself into his arms.

It took Lay about ten minutes to calm the older boy down enough to get him back inside and into his room, where he sat with him on the bed, leaning against the headboard, holding Xiumin in his arms.

“I’m s-sorry” Xiumin stuttered out through his tears, “I d-didn’t know who else to c-call. I d-d-didn’t want to get anyo-one else inv-v-volved, you know?”

Lay nodded, though Xiumin wasn’t looking at you, “So he told you then, huh?”

“M-Mmhmm” Xiumin hiccupped, “He t-told me. A-and I know it’s stupid f-for me to want you to come here, since it involved y-you, but you’re the on-only person I could talk to”

Lay sighed, “I’m sorry” he held the elder tighter as Xiumin buried his face in Lay’s neck, “I really am. You know it wasn’t to hurt you right?”

Xiumin nodded against Lay’s neck, which was now damp from the elder’s tears, “Yeah” he whimpered, the material of Lay’s t-shirt as he did, “I k-know. But it s-still doesn’t make m-me feel any better”

Lay nodded sadly, he brought a hand up to Xiumin’s hair.

“Can you, u-um, can y-you stay here t-tonight, Xing?” Xiumin asked in a quiet voice, “P-Please?”

Lay frowned, “Aren’t you mad at me?” he asked, though he didn’t move from where he was, holding the older boy and his hair.

“No” Xiumin shook his head against Lay’s neck, “N-Not at you, no. H-He kissed you, Xing. Not t-t-the other way around”

“I’m sorry” Lay said again.

“D-Don’t be. Just, stay, p-please”

It was late anyway, since he’d been at Suho’s when he got Xiumin’s text. He was planning on spending the night at Suho’s, but since his friend clearly needed him, he wasn’t going to turn him down.

He sent a quick message to Suho – who told him not to worry and to make sure Xiumin was okay – before pulling out of Xiumin’s hold. He helped the boy to change into a pair of pyjamas, and borrowed some shorts and a tee to sleep in himself, since he’d left his overnight bag at Suho’s.

Once they’d bunkered down for the night – in Xiumin’s bed since he refused to let the younger boy sleep on the sofa-bed – Xiumin snuggled into Lay’s warmth. Lay smiled softly, holding Xiumin in his arms, know that above anything, the elder just needed to be comforted by another’s presence.

“Thank you, for staying” Xiumin sighed, “I know you cancelled plans for me...”

“It’s nothing” Lay said back in a soft voice, “What are friends for, eh?”

“I was going to make a joke about being for my boyfriend to kiss,” Xiumin sniffled, “But I thought it might be a little soon”

Despite the seriousness of it, Lay found himself laughing. And soon, Xiumin found himself laughing too, which felt nice. It felt really nice, just to laugh for a moment and be happy.

“What am I going to do with you, Kim Minseok?” Lay smiled fondly at the older boy in his arms.

Xiumin shrugged a shoulder, “Who knows, Zhang Yixing, who knows”

“You should get some sleep, Min” Lay said after a moment, “You’ve had a long day”

Xiumin nodded, “Yeah, but whenever I close my eyes, all I can see is... well, you know”

“I’m sorry” Lay said for what felt like the millionth time that night.

Xiumin sighed, “Yeah” he said, “Me too”

“I mean it, I really am”

“I know, Xing. But don’t be. I know he didn’t mean it, and I know you didn’t do anything. It just... it makes me sad”

“Wanna skip school tomorrow and just stay here and watch movies together? Maybe with ice-cream?” Lay asked.

Xiumin nodded, “Yes please” he said with a little yawn.

“Alright, we’ll do that then” Lay smiled, pressing a soft kiss to Xiumin’s forehead, “Not get some sleep, okay? Dream about... Dream about unicorns and angels. About Trolls and Baozis. About poker faces and deers. Maybe you can even throw in some eyeliner queens and a happy virus, and a giant with a panda. Or an owl and a dancing machine”

“I like the sound of that...” Xiumin smiled, closing his eyes.

“Then sleep”

“Goodnight, Yixing”

“Goodnight, Minseok”

--

Sehun smiled into the webcam. He was on skype to Luhan, as per usual.

“No, but really, what is up with that?” Luhan demanded.

Sehun had accidentally started him off on the whole biscuit debate again.

“I don’t know, Lu” Sehun smiled, biting back a laugh.

On the screen, he saw Luhan scowl, “A BISCUIT IS NOT BREAD! AND ALL BISCUITS ARE NOT COOKIES! WHO THE CALLS AN OREO A COOKIE?! IT’S NOT A COOKIE!” Luhan fumed, “All cookies are biscuits, yes, but not all biscuits are cookies! ing uncultured swines!”

“Bit much, Lu...” Sehun laughed, “They grew up to learn it as a different thing...”

“I don’t give a , they’re wrong!” Luhan huffed back, “See here; Biscuit: a small baked unleavened cake, typically crisp, flat, and sweet!”

Sehun rolled his eyes, “Should I get you started on the whole ‘Wally’ or ‘Waldo’ thing too?”

“IT’S WALLY!”

“Or maybe ‘Zed’ or ‘Zee’ instead”

“IT’S ZED!”

Sehun couldn’t help himself, he burst into a fit of laughter.

“I’m going to kill you when I see you tomorrow” Luhan glared at him through his laptop screen.

Sehun chuckled, “I’m sorry, Lu. Really, I just like to see you all passionate about something”

“I wouldn’t call it passion, I’d call it a distaste for idiocy” Luhan muttered.

The younger boy laughed again, “Offensive to Americans much?”

“No, it’s not their fault they were taught things the stupid way, but it IS their fault that they don’t change it!”

“Bit harsh...”

“No”

“It is though”

“No”

“Admit it”

“Nope, I won’t admit it when I’m just being honest”

“Honest, yet harsh”

Luhan finally relented and laughed, “Fine, fine, I might have been a tad harsh”

“Bit more than a tad, I’d say” Sehun grinned.

Luhan shook his head, but smiled, “Nope, if they get offended then they either need to stop being such a prissy little , or learnt to fight back” he said.

Sehun only rolled his eyes, “It’s always wonderful chatting with you, Lu”

“Don’t I know it!” Luhan grinned.

--

Chen sighed for the nth time that day. He hadn’t spoken to Xiumin since the day before when the older boy had told him he needed time. Not only that, but both Xiumin and Lay seemed to be AWOL.

“Hey, Kris?”

Said boy turned to Chen and raised a brow at him, “Yeah?”

“Have you seen Min or Xing at all today?” Chen asked, fighting back a sigh.

Kris shook his head, “Nah, probably best to ask Baekhyun, mate. He always knows what’s up”

Chen nodded, “Okay, thanks anyway” he said before walking off to go and find said boy.

It didn’t take him that long. In the end, he found Baekhyun by the water fountain, a compact mirror in his hand as he fixed his hair.

“Oh, hey” he said upon seeing Chen approach him

Chen gave him a half-hearted smile, “Hi” he said, “Um, have you seen Min or Lay about?”

“They didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“Oh, well Minnie wasn’t feeling all that good, so he called Lay to go over last night and so they’re taking the day off. I called Lay this morning and he told me. I would have thought you’d be the first to know...” he paused, “But something happened yesterday between you and Min, right?”

Chen frowned, “No. We’re fine” he said, his voice hard and closed off.

Baekhyun gave him a look that clearly said ‘don’t-even-try-to-lie-to-me-right-now’.

“Fine, yeah, we.... We just... He isn’t talking to me right now, okay” Chen admitted, a bitter edge to his voice.

“What happened?” Baekhyun asked.

Chen glared at him slightly, “Mind your own business” he snapped, and instantly regretted it when he saw the hurt look on Baekhyun’s face.

“Didn’t mean to pry” Baekhyun said in a quiet voice, “I’ll just leave you to it then, shall I...”

Chen sighed, his eyes softening , “No,” he said, “No, I’m sorry, I’m just kind of stressed... I ed up big time and he isn’t talking to me, and I’m sorry...”

“Don’t be” Baekhyun sighed, “Come on. I’ve got a free, we’ll go get coffee at that place across the road”

Chen cracked a smile, “Okay”

With that, the two of them made their way over to the small cafe Baekhyun had mentioned. Chen ordered an iced Mocha, whilst Baekhyun opted for an iced Americano before they sat down at one of the small tables in the far corner.

“So, you wanna tell me what’s got Min so pissed at you?” Baekhyun asked after a moment or two of watching Chen fidget.

Chen bit his lip and nodded a little hesitantly. His lip escaped the grasp of his teeth before he said in a low voice, “I told him that I kissed Yixing”

Baekhyun’s eyes widened, but to his credit, he didn’t slap Chen like he had the urge to, “You did what?” he hissed instead, making Chen flinch back.

“I told you I ed up...” Chen muttered, “Did you think I was lying?”

Baekhyun groaned, “What the is wrong with you?! You kissed Lay? When?!”

“A couple weeks ago. It was a mistake though...”

“You don’t say”

“You’re not making me feel any better, you know”

“ing damn right I’m not! You don’t deserve to feel better” Baekhyun said calmly, “I’m not here to tell you what you did was okay, Jongdae...”

Chen frowned, “I know that. I just... I really didn’t mean to do it. And Xing said he isn’t mad at me, but I can tell he is, at least a little... And Min... God, the last thing I wanted was to hurt him. I love him so ing much, and look what I went and did. What’s wrong with me, Baek? Why can’t I just... Not up every good think in my life?”

Baekhyun took a long sip from his drink before answering with, “Maybe it’s because you need to figure yourself out”

“What do you mean?” Chen asked, genuinely confused.

Baekhyun lifted a shoulder in what seemed to be a casual shrug, “Well, think about it. You’ve pissed off Lay, upset Min, pissed me off because seriously, you’re a , and yet you didn’t really mean to do any of it. You’re so content with other people, yet you keep letting yourself down more than anything else, over and over again. So maybe you need to, I don’t know, get comfortable with yourself and stuff...”

Chen sighed again, then took a sip of his mocha, “I just... Hate being like this. The person that messes up all the time”

“Then start thinking before you act!” Baekhyun let out in frustration, “Stop making excuses and just use your brain for once, Chen”

“You’re not going to tell anyone, right?”

“No, but you deserve to be called out on your ”

“I didn’t mean for my sake”

“Then what?”

“I don’t want everyone looking at Min with pity. He’d get embarrassed and he hates it. After everything else I’ve put him through, I couldn’t do that to him as well...”

Baekhyun’s eyes softened, “You really do love him, huh?”

“More than anything” Chen nodded sadly, “I just hope we’ll be able to get past this”

Baekhyun smiled a little, “You will,” he said softly, “What did he say? When you told him?”

“That... That he was hurt. He cried a lot too. And that... That he needed some... some time.” Chen sighed, “I get it, I do... I just wish this was behind us”

“Time heals all wounds”

“Does it, though?”

“As far as I know” Baekhyun smiled, before looking more serious, “I mean, you cheated on him, Jongdae. He’s going to need time to get over that. I mean, how would you feel if he’d kissed Lay? Or even Luhan?”

“I’d be pissed... But mostly just... hurt...” Chen admitted, then downed the rest of his drink.

Baekhyun nodded, “Well there you go. You might not have meant it, babe, but you still did it. And whether it meant anything to you or not, it’s still a huge blow to Min. And the fact it was Lay, well, you should know that would hurt him all the more. He’s always been cautious of how you and Lay are with each other, always scared that he’s just your... your consolation prize because you didn’t get Lay...”

“But he isn’t” Chen whimpered, “He’s my everything”

Baekhyun nodded again, thoughtfully, “Does he know that?”

“I...”

“I didn’t think so”

“Well... I just... Thought it was obvious”

“To you maybe. But you should show him, make sure he knows what he means to you. You’ve got a lot to make up for when this is all over and done...” Baekhyun said wisely, “Prove to him that you mean what you say. Make sure there’s no way he can doubt what you have, or if it’s true...”

Chen laughed an empty laugh, “Yeah. Yeah, okay. When did you get so smart?”

“ you” Baekhyun laughed, “Come on, let’s head back to school. I’ve got to meet Yeol in like, ten minutes”

“Alright, let’s go”

--

Suho smiled as he listened to Lay’s voice down the phone.

“... So then he fell asleep, so I just tucked him all up in bed, I think he needs it to be honest. This has all been kind of hard on him. I just feel so bad, you know. I mean, here I am, he probably doesn’t really want to see me right now, but he can’t call anyone else... I hate it”

Suho could imagine the sad look on Lay’s face, “Hey” he said softly, “He asked you to be there, so he wants you there. You’re coming back to mine tonight though, right?”

“I think so. I hope so. Don’t get me wrong, I love Min, and I want to be here for him, but... I mean, I’ve not been over for a while and we got interrupted last night, and I just... miss you”

Suho grinned, “I miss you too” he said, leaning back in his chair, his eyes scanning his empty classroom, “I can’t wait to get my hands on you again”

He heard Lay chuckled down the phone, and he was glad to hear the boy sounding happy again, “Oh stop it, you.” He could practically feel Lay biting his lip, “Maybe I’ll keep you waiting, just wait until tomorrow to see you... What would you do then?”

“What would I do?” Suho repeated lowly, “Oh wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Mm, I would. Why don’t you talk me through what you’re going to do to me? Hmm?”

“Well, as soon as I get my hands on you, I’ll make sure I get rid of those nasty clothes, keeping you all hidden... Then I’ll get you on the bed an-”

He was cut off as Lay cursed, “. I have to go, love. He’s waking up. I’ll see you later okay? I love you, bye!”

And with that he hung up.