The atmosphere in the dressing room set was so hell awkward. Instead of playing around, or making stupid jokes with each other and staffs, all of Exo members were just doing their own worked. Some of them playing with their phones, some went to the backstage, and some went to wandering around somewhere.

Luhan looked through the members. He looked how Suho was sitting alone on the dressing chair while sighing few times. Sehun now didn’t talk much to others. Kai was there at the corner of the room, fixing his outfit with the coordi noona. Luhan couldn’t help but to stare at them one by one.

Then, there came Xiumin, giving Luhan a box of tissue. Luhan looked up and stared at him weirdly. “Your eyes are leaking,” he said casually before taking a seat next to Luhan.

Luhan just ignored it. Nobody looked at him other than Xiumin and nobody realized his eyes were leaking, even himself. “I never thought this room would be this quiet.” He sighed.

Xiumin leaned his head leisurely on Luhan’s shoulder. “They’re just shocked, that’s why.”

“Without Lay here, it’s empty.”

“Yeah, I feel empty too.”

Luhan glanced at Xiumin, “So this is how we will gonna feel when we’re no longer as one,”

 “Whatever it is, I know you’ll stay.”

“Who says? Even if they say I’ll stay, do you think it’s easy for me to handle it?”

Xiumin could hear Luhan’s voice started to tremble. “At least, they’ll not disband Exo. That’s what we should be happy.”

Luhan sighed again, “But the feels, it’s not be the same.”

“Get ready in 2 minutes!” A staff made an announcement and quickly Luhan and Xiumin got up and walked out.

****

In ‘Weekly Idol’ set, Exo was working for winter special episode with eleven members. It’s not awkward anymore as they had been working with those two dorky MCs, Hyungdon and Defcon for three times. Exo made an intro as eleven which will have two consequences; either rumors would spread or they have already known they will record the show as eleven by sasaengs fans.

Suho stepped forward when they have finished doing the intro, “I want to apologize for Lay’s absents. To the fans, I hope you don’t be so worry as Lay is fine. He just had slightly fever this morning and unable to do the recording with us. And so, we just decided to give him a day to rest.”

At that moment, Luhan holding on to Sehun and controlled his face as calm as he can to prevent himself being caught by fans. It could be a huge misunderstanding.

They have sat on their chair one by one. Defcon started to do each a random interview about Christmas. They clapped hands while other members of the MCs made jokes but to Baekhyun himself, it’s empty.

“So, how are you gonna celebrate Christmas this year?” Defcon asked Baekhyun who was sitting on his left side.

Baekhyun eyed on others, “I think I wanna celebrate this years with the members.”

“Why?” Hyundon interrupted.

“Because I don’t know when I will celebrate Christmas with them.”

“You, Kris?” Defcon pointed the question to Kris.

He coldly said, “Same goes with me. I wanna celebrate this year with the members.”

“But I think we should bring our parents here to our dorm right?” Chanyeol commented to them. He just realized it was hella awkward and he was totally afraid when the answers by the members would be misunderstood by their fans.

“Okay, do you guys prepare something for us?”

All of the members looked at each other blankly. They don’t prepare anything for this show as they’re totally shocked, depressed and sad when they had to encounter the problem.

Kyungsoo held up his hand, “Can I sing a song?”

“Yeah sure! What song do you want to sing?”

“SG Wannabe’s song, As I live.”

They prepared a keyboard as Kyungsoo had requested it. Kai was so shocked on his seat until he faced the white wall. He doesn’t want to see Kyungsoo cry while sing the song.

They say that even if I live, it’s not living.
Because the sky, without you, seems like a windowless prison.

They say that even if I laugh, it’s not laughing.
They say I look shabby and it looks like I’m crying.

Even if I loved you, I couldn’t say it.
I couldn’t even show any sign of emotion.
I missed you even when I slept.

As you live, as you live, as you live
when you’re having a hard time blame me for
your sadness until you feel refreshed.
As you cry, as you cry, as you cry and you’re worn out.
If it’s really hard for you than just once could
you remember me, as you live?

Against our will we’ll laugh. Against our will we’ll live.
Because even if you’re by my side, even if you’re by side, you cry.

As you live, as you live, as you live
when you’re having a hard time blame me for
your sadness until you feel refreshed.
 

Even if you burn, even if you burn, even if you burn me,
you can burn everything so nothing’s left until
you feel refreshed. As I’ve lived.

The two MCs were totally speechless to hear Kyungsoo’s emotional singing. He brought the mood from the song itself, until Sehun, Kai, Xiumin and all of the staffs at the Weekly Idol recording set into tears. Suho was sobbing so hard besides Defcon, until the MC patted his back softly to comfort him.

“D.O-shi, how come you could come out with this song?” Defcon asked. He was impressed with Kyungsoo’s singing style. It was full of emptiness, disguise and sorrow.

Kyungsoo comfortably answered, “I’m in love with this song lately. When I saw Kim Jinho sunbaenim sang this song on a show, I could feel the emptiness. I could see how brilliantly he delivered his sorrow so well on Cha Dongha’s death. And that’s makes me realize how I’m gonna look like when I lose someone, or many.”

“That’s sound so painful.”

“Too painful, hyung.”

They ended the corner with a game. Everyone began to light up. Everyone began to smile again. And everyone began to laugh.

They say that even if I laugh, it’s not laughing.

They say that even if I live, it’s not living.