Yongbae entered the hospital with a big plastic bag in hand. He took off his sunglasses and walked casually to Seungri’s room. He had brought Seungri’s favourite food, hoping Seungri would want to eat properly this time. Seungri hated hospital food. But who didn’t?

He knocked on the door, “Maknae-ya?”

No answer.

Yongbae frowned. Is he sleeping? Yongbae shrugged and opened the door slowly, “Maknae-ah?”

But his eyes grew wider when he didn’t find anything in the room. Not even plate or something. Seems like nurse had changed to bedcovers too. Yongbae was shocked because no one had told him that Seungri could go home today.  Yongbae took his phone and called Jiyong. It didn’t take long for him answer.

“What, Yongbae?” Jiyong’s voice didn’t sound pleased at all.

“Where are you?” Well, Yongbae’s didn't either, “Where’s the maknae?”

“I don’t know!” His tone was too loud, “Stop asking me about the maknae. I’m not his ing mother!”

Yongbae sighed, tired. “You’re drunk.”

“Shut the up.” And with that, Jiyong hung up.

“Aish…” Yongbae cursed in his heart as he called Seungri.

The call connected. Yongbae knew Seungri had picked up his phone. But Yongbae couldn’t hear anything, just the sound of his breathing.

“Maknae-ya?” Yongbae started. He tried to control his  voice, “Where are you?”

“H, hyung?”

“Yo. Yongbae’s here. Where are you?” asked Yongbae while making his way out of the hospital, “I’m at hospital right now. Are you at home? Did the doctor give you permission to go? Don’t force yourself if you’re still sick, maknae.”

But nothing. Seungri wasn’t saying anything. One thing Yongbae realized was that his breath wasn’t as stable as before. What the hell was happening?

“Maknae-ya?” Yongbae frowned, “Are you okay? Are you at your house? Hyung bought you—“

But Yongbae stopped when he heard the sound of something crashing. And then, the call was cut off.

“Maknae? Maknae-ya?!” Yongbae looked at his phone, “Oh this!”

***

Seungri closed the apartment door and banged his head to the wall. He'd promised himself that he wouldn’t cry. That everything would turn out okay. That this was not the end. But when he thought about the end… he started to think; What could he do without his voice? What could he do without his hands and legs? What would he do when he was nothing but doll?

“I’m done,” he said to himself, “I’m done with this .”

Tears were streaming down his cheeks. He was afraid. He was afraid of the fact. Why did he drive that night? Why did he go to Shanghai that night? Why did he get into that damn accident that night? Why did God change his life like this? What did he do in the past to deserve this?

 Suddenly his phone rang. He took it and looked at who was calling. He saw Yongbae’s caller ID. Slowly he pressed the answer button and tried to say something.

But nothing came from his mouth.

“Maknae-ya?” Seungri heard Yongbae’s voice, “where are you?”

“H, hyung?” Seungri almost chocked when he tried to answer his hyung. Why is this so hard?

“Yo. Yongbae’s here. Where are you?” Seungri could hear Yongbae’s steps. But after that, he couldn’t, could not, understand anything. He held back his tears and kept himself from sobbing. Yongbae kept talking and all he heard was a buzzing sound, like a bee's. Frustrated, he threw his phone across the room, sobbing as loud as he could.

This is really the end.

Seungri wobbled forward and started to kick, hit, throw, and literally destroy everything around him. But he stopped when saw Bigbang’s photograph. He was stunned a while. They looked so happy. He looked so happy. Now everything became a blur. He couldn’t remember when was the last time that he had smiled that happily with them. . Everything was bull. Everything was fake. Bigbang was fake. He was fake. He had no hyungs. And now, he literally had nothing. 

But why?

He smashed the picture so hard that blood started to stream from his fist. He didn’t care, he even didn’t feel anything from the wound. But when he looked at the picture again, it felt like someone had punched his heart hard. Is this what it feels like when you’re left alone? Someone whispered in his mind, you’re left alone, Seungri. You are nothing now.

Seungri slumped on the floor and cried his heart out. He started to feel a heaviness in his head. He couldn’t bear it. His heart was in pain. Not his head too, please. He looked aroud, tryng to find something for his head. And finally he found a bunch of medicine the doctor had given him back at the hospital.

Oh yeah, I’m sick, right?

Seungri laughed. Laughed creepily.

This can heal me, right?

And with that, Seungri drank all, all, the medicine in one gulp. He didn’t bother to drink a water or anything.