Long time no update. I understand if most of you are no longer interested this fic but for those who still are I will be finishing this story. Things have just not been working out right and, well, long story short, I'm back in Chicago working a full-time job. I apologize in advance if any future updates are as late as this one. Just know I'm trying my best to balance writing and personal issues. Believe you me, this fic got way too dark in the end and I decided to make a less depressing version of what I originally wrote. Anyways, I do hope you enjoy this chapter (: 

When I was in the fifth grade, I had the worst fear of spiders. They looked like creatures from hell and I swore that one day all the spiders in the world would grow in size and tear me apart somehow. I guess, in a way, my fear came true except, I’m not torn apart. At least not yet. All these huge ‘spiders’ roaming around the city have covered themselves with fall appropriate clothing. Everyone had been complaining about the heat and how unbearable it was. I actually liked the high temperature. What I mean is, I liked the fact that sometimes it would be too hot to sleep inside that I would have to go outside, set up a hammock, and rest under the stars.

As for my ability to not breakdown when interacting with people, it’s not getting better. I just go to the park and read. I haven’t started a conversation with anyone and no one has with me. Sunny has mentioned a few times that all I really need to do is look approachable. I was about to argue with her, but I remember the little girl who smiled at me and instantly shut my mouth. I wonder how ‘mean-looking’ my face really is. I’ll have to look into a mirror later.

Today I made a goal. If I could at least smile at somebody who glanced at me, then I could go home. Smiles are a really good way to show you’re a friendly person… unless you live in a country where smiling at a stranger is offensive. Oh boy, this is going to be difficult. Maybe if I try it with younger people they wouldn’t mind. What if they do? What am I going to say? ‘Sorry I just really want a friend because I’m need of other people’s approval.’ Yeah, I’m really going to spark up a conversation there.

I find my usual bench and plop myself onto it. I stare at God knows what for a couple of seconds before I pull out that dumb self-improvement book Sunny got me. I really have no clue as to why I brought it. I just got the first book that was on table and left. I remember I had been reading a book titled ‘The Pearl’ and sighed. I was at the ending, where the main character had heard a cry from behind him. I definitely think his wife was shot but then again I could be wrong.

As usual, my time at the park comes with no socializing of any kind and so far this book is nothing but useless information that I can’t apply to my life. I’m ready to just get up and hide in my house for the rest of eternity before someone else sits down next to me.

“Hello.”

My eyes had widened a bit in shock. I turn to face the person. It was a male.

“Are you okay?” He asked slowly. His nose, his nose, his nose!

“Uh, um… Hi!” I squealed. I really should have gone home.

He chuckled lightly. “Sorry if I startled you. I’m very random like that.  Jonghyun, nice to meet you.”

“I’m T-Taeyeon.” My voice had slowly become a whisper. You’re doing fine so far. Keep going. You can do this. Just look at his nose.

“Taeyeon, I like that name. Anyways, I saw you reading that book and I wondered what lessons a person like you might need on living.”

I furrowed my brows. “Person like… me?” I thought aloud.

“Well you seem like a lively young woman. With all that beauty you must have a great love life too.”

I snickered and looked away.

“What?” He asked, smiling.

I looked back to his nose. “I don’t have… a l-love life.”

“I doubt that.” He bent down and put his elbow on his leg with his head propped onto his fist. “Want to talk about it?”

I shook my head. “… Too long of a story.”

“Maybe we can meet again sometime later this week?” He suggested.

“M-meet again?”

“Yeah! I’d like to hear more about you.” I opened my mouth to say something but only silence was heard.

“Come on, I’m a really good listener.”

I nodded my head. I saw that he smiled and got up from the bench.

“Just meet me at that café over there on Friday.”

I nodded again, looking over to the café on the corner of the park across the street.

“Oh, and I hope you found my nose attractive. I’d say that it’s sort of my best feature.” I smiled at his… joke? It was a joke right? He waved at me. “Bye, Taeyeon. See you soon.”

I waved as well. As he walked away I noticed more of him. He had platinum blond hair and his way of walking had a confidence that I don’t think I’ve ever seen a person have. What had interested me more about him was that he could start a conversation without seeming like a crazy person asking if the world has ended. I analyze our talk and come to the conclusion that maybe some people are born with the ability to not really care about the opinions of others.

I could honestly say that I was looking forward to our next meeting. Then again, I could also say that as much as I was excited I was just as nervous. What if I mess up, if I say the wrong thing, if I do something to offend him? Then what? I’m never going to drop the habit of overthinking things and I’m fine with that, but sometimes I wish I didn’t have to all the time.

On my walk back home, I think about who Jonghyun reminded me of. It wasn’t so much his looks, just the way that he talked to me as if we had already been friends for some time. The more I thought about it, the clearer the answer became. “Oh.” I said to no one. Jessica, that’s who he reminded me of. Jessica talked to me with ease. Even though she knew I was, how Sunny put it, a little shy, she didn’t speak to me as if I’d break any second. I actually liked that conversation too.

Speaking of Jessica, I haven’t seen her since that day at the bookshop. I know that somewhere deep inside me I wanted to talk to her again, even if I fainted in front of her, but I also knew that if I did want to see her again I’d have to find her myself. One could tell straight away that I really didn’t like to do things on my own. I didn’t even want to live alone at first, but I suppose you get use to things overtime. If I did more things on my own without being told to do them, I’d get better at communicating with people. I'm starting to notice that many hypotheses are arising and that soon I’m going to need a huge whiteboard to jot them down on. Notebooks work just as fine, but I’d feel a whole lot cooler if I had a whiteboard.