Thump Thump Thump

Thump Thump Thump 

They say the mind is the greatest machine of all. It has the ability to create things, to understand and answer the most complicated questions, and to control what is considered to be one of the greatest beings on earth -- people. 

But for such a great organ, why can the brain never control the heart?

Why is it that we can't help who we fall in love with?

Even when we know it's wrong? 

Luhan had just contacted me, telling me that he and his girlfriend had gotten into a huge fight. 

I had a hard time acknowledging this guilt-ridden happiness that overcame me. I mean, how could I feel so happy about it when I know that both of them are hurt? Of course, I played it off, pretending to actually care when deep inside, I was hoping they'd just break up. 

This scared me. I've never been an angel, but I've always tried to live life without hurting anyone and realizing that I'm actually willing for these two people to get hurt just so I could have a chance with Luhan, made me feel like the worst human being ever. 

My mind told me to just end things quickly but my heart was quick to retaliate otherwise. It was chaos inside of me, and in the end, the heart won. My sefishness won. 

I sighed heavily for the umpteenth time as I looked at the picture in my Facebook newsfeed. It was a picture of--who else? The PDA couple. Apparently, they had made up. This knowledge filled me with hurt, dissapointment, and also relief. Because I knew, that despite the fact that I failed to leave, I had constantly pushed Luhan to hope that they will make up. 

To ease myself from these ill feelings, I clicked the x button to close the browser. After that, I did what I always do whenever I feel sad:  I turned to music to temporarily soothe my soul. At school, I remained bubbly but that was just my way of forgetting, even if only for just awhile so it didn't really surprise me when none of my friends realized the heartahe I was keeping inside. 

"What are you thinking about?" Sehun poked my head with a pen. 

"Various ways on how I could murder you." I said blankly. 

Sehun rolled his eyes in response. 

I smirked, "I'm debating whether I sho