I don't wanna fall asleep,
'Cause I don't know if I'll get up.
And I don't wanna cause a scene,
But I'm dyin' without your love.
Begging to hear your voice,
Tell me you love me too.
'Cause I'd rather just be alone,
If I know that I can't have you.

KyonDae entered the class few days later only to realize that L.Joe’s seat was empty. Her brows creased, as she felt weird on why L.Joe was absent quite often these days. Every time she asked MyungHee who will always receive texts from L. Joe, she would only say that he had the flu and chose not to come so that it will not affect her and the other students.

“It seems like he’s having flue again today. He did not even send cookies, though. Hopefully it’s not that serious.” KyonDae mumbled as she walked towards her seat, where MyungHee was already waiting for her. “Morning, KyonDae!” MyungHee greeted cheerfully. KyonDae only nodded and gave her a smile. She glanced at L.Joe’s empty table before asking MyungHee. “Why is L.Joe absent again today? Did he tell you why?”

MyungHee shook her head with a little sigh. “No, he hasn’t texted me yet. Usually he will, right? Maybe he has forgotten about it.” KyonDae only nodded at her answer and opened her book before the lecturer entered. She was a little disappointed that L.Joe did not come as she just planned to tell him about the engagement proposal her and MyungHee’s mother just thought of.

She did not know why, but she felt like she had to tell him, she had to let him know. Even though she did not really tell him anything before until he asked, this time she felt it was necessary. But sadly, the lad wasn’t there after all.

MyungHee looked at her friend and could not help but to feel bad for her. After the awkward dinner at her house the other day, KyonDae seemed to be in her own world a lot. MyungHee knew that she must have been thinking about the engagement and how confused she was with herself.

“KyonDae ah,” MyungHee called, trying to get her attention. KyonDae turned to her and MyungHee continued, “about the ... The betrothal thing that both our mothers were talking about … are you okay with it?”

KyonDae lift her shoulders at MyungHee’s question. To be honest, she did not know what to say or feel too. She was just shocked, that moment, and seemed to be just clueless and did not know what to do.

“I don’t know, MyungHee. I think so. Even though honestly, I do not feel right about this. I do not know whether I am agreeing with it or opposing it. I just hope that they will forget about it soon. It makes me feel even much more badly since MyungSoo oppa said he is fine with it. I mean, it’s not that I’m not okay with it but I just don’t know whether it is the right thing for us.”

MyungHee looked at her intently and asked softly, “First things first. Do you like my brother?” Even though she knew the real answer very well, she still wanted to ask to be certain about how confused KyonDae was in this matter.

KyonDae frowned a little before she thought about it for a moment. She could not help but to wonder about it too. In the end, she could only shrug again and said, “I don’t know ... I think so. Well, he helped me a lot during the times when I needed support the most. He always knew if I was hiding something and managed to make me spill everything that was bothering me. Especially the times right after SoRa’s death. He ... saved me from becoming someone who I was not. He makes me happy, he treats me well.”

MyungHee sighed a little, only for her to hear before she asked again, “So ... you’re okay if you were going to get engaged with him?” That question, however, left unanswered by KyonDae as her mind straight away went out to someone. Without her knowing she felt betrayal building up inside her but for what reason, she did not know.

Noticing that she was struggling to find the answer, MyungHee asked again, “KyonDae, do you already have someone you like?” KyonDae cocked her head to the side and said hesitatingly, “Err ... no.”

“Are you sure?” MyungHee asked again with eyebrows raised.

“Yeah.”

MyungHee only nodded and dropped the subject. She was right. KyonDae was clueless. She wanted to tell KyonDae so badly about the real thing but she cannot. It was all because L.Joe already made her promised not to tell KyonDae anything.

*Flashback. Last night*

“L.Joe, we need to stop this right now!” MyungHee said as she was on call with L.Joe.

“No. MyungHee, you will not tell her anything.” L.Joe said sternly.

“But this is getting out of hand! I hate to say this but it looks like you’re being selfish, do you know that?!” MyungHee hissed, as she did not want her parents to hear the conversation even though she closed the door. “I don’t care if you don’t want to admit anything but at least let her know her own feelings. She doesn’t have a clue of what she’s feeling at all!”

L.Joe sighed on the other line and pleaded, “Please, MyungHee. It is better if she does not know. I know this looks unfair but if she finds out about real way she’s seeing me, it’s not going to do her any good.”

MyungHee raked her hair with her hand and said softly, “You do know that she will most probably get engaged with my brother right? Not to mention that my brother agrees with it and since she doesn’t know anything about how she feels towards you, there’s a high chance she might agree too.”

L.Joe only kept quiet and listened. He knew about it of course. But no matter what nothing will change his decision. “Our mothers are serious about this. They really look forward to getting them together. If you don’t step in quick, you lose her forever.” MyungHee added.

L.Joe let out a bitter laugh and said, “MyungHee, she’s not even mine to begin with.”

MyungHee went silent and let out a small-frustrated grunt. She hated this. She hated this so much.

“MyungHee, you cannot tell her anything. Please, MyungHee. I beg you. I do not care what you people think of me by doing this but you should know well enough that the reason for all this is that I do not want her to get hurt in the end. There’s no point of telling her about her real feelings when in the end, she’ll get heartbroken by learning the truth.”

After about a minute not receiving any response from MyungHee, L.Joe sighed again and added weakly, “Please, MyungHee. Promise me you won’t tell her anything.” His voice was pleading her and she knew that L.Joe was suffering on the other side too.

MyungHee shook her head and took a deep breath. Both KyonDae and L.Joe were her best friends, and in her eyes, she can see that both of them were actually hurting. But if this is what L.Joe wanted, then she should just go with it.

“Fine. I won’t tell her anything.” And deep down inside her heart she already promised herself that, if the time comes for her to reveal the truth, she would do it no matter what. And that time, nothing will stop her.

After class, KyonDae decided to go to L.Joe’s house for a while, just to see how he was doing and to pass some notes for him in case he wanted them. Before this if L.Joe was absent he will always ask KyonDae for her notes, trying to catch up what he missed in class.

“I hope MyungSoo oppa doesn’t mind if I’m a little late.” KyonDae mumbled as she looked at her wristwatch. She thought of visiting L.Joe for maximum about 20 minutes before heading off to MyungSoo’s place. Usually she was early though so she hoped MyungSoo wouldn’t mind about it.

KyonDae pressed the doorbell once she reached the doorstep and waited for the door to be opened. After about a moment, the house cleaner opened the door and tried to force a smile when she saw KyonDae. “Oh ... KyonDae-ssi.” The house cleaner greeted and KyonDae smiled at her. “I’m here to see L.Joe.” KyonDae said.

The house cleaner looked uneasily at her before stuttering, “Err ... Master Lee is not at home.” KyonDae frowned upon what the house cleaner just said and felt strange. “Not at home? Isn’t he sick? Where is he?”

The house cleaner sighed before looking at her softly, “He’s in the hospital.”

KyonDae’s eyes widened when she heard the word ‘hospital’. Panic started to rush inside her, as she was so frightened about whatever it was that had happened to L.Joe. Tears were b in her eyes as she stutteringly asked, “Hospital? W-why? What has happ