“Taengoo..”

I opened my eyes to a pair of brown eyes looking at me, a boy’s face hovering above mine. His lips curled into a very familiar smile before standing up and extending a hand to pull me up. He looked like he was thirteen.

As I stood up, I realized I was in an unfamiliar backyard. I panicked, looking around to look for Jesse but I couldn’t find him.

“Taengoo!” The boy yelled impatiently, his black hair looking disheveled as he put his hands on his hips, a soccer ball tucked in his arm. He looked like Jesse.

No, scratch that – he was Jesse. A younger Jesse. I recognized the blue shirt he wore from a picture I saw before.

“Jesse?” I raised a brow at him. “What happened to you?”

His lips gradually broke into a wide grin before his face turned into someone else again. A brown-haired boy who looked like he was just fifteen. He was taller than the young Jesse and he had braces but the similarities in their faces and eyes are very obvious.

“Jesse?” I said with uncertainty. The boy continued smiling at me. I didn’t know what was happening. The last thing I remembered was sleeping beside Jesse in the hospital bed. I was sure I was dreaming, but at the same time I wasn’t. It was like I was watching Jesse grow.

“Taengoo..” he said in his deep voice. He surely was hitting puberty.

And once again, the fifteen year old Jesse changed into a more mature one. This time, I recognized him easily. He was wearing the same shirt he was wearing when we first met in the café. Our surrounding changed; we were inside his apartment in Seoul.

He walked towards me, arms stretched out before caging me in his embrace. I sighed; inhaling the familiar scent Jesse always wore, feeling the muscles on his chest and arms.

“I love you,” he whispered. “Always.”

I could only nod against his chest as I savored the moment. I miss being held by Jesse like that.

Then everything went pitch black and I suddenly woke up to the loud gasps beside me. I shoot up on bed, head turning to check on Jesse before the door to the hospital room opened, revealing Joohyun, Yoona and other nurses. I was asked to move to the side, and I watched helplessly as Joohyun tried calming Jesse down. He was crying out in pain.

**

Everything happened so fast. The next thing I know, I was already standing outside the ICU with Yoona beside me, an arm wrapped comfortingly around me.

“He’s going to be okay,” Yoona said, although I could clearly hear the uncertainty in her voice.

I didn’t bother answering. I didn’t imagine that the day would turn out like this. It was supposed to be a happy day; it was our first day as a married couple.

“Is he?” I said bitterly. I didn’t want to be rude, but I just can’t help it. Jesse was inside the ICU with tubes connected to his frail body. How long did he have to suffer? It wasn’t fair. Jesse shouldn’t be suffering like that.

“Taeyeon,” Yoona said, twirling me so we were facing each other. I can see the anxiousness in her eyes once again before they flickered down to my ring finger. The look in her eyes briefly turned sympathetic before she looked back to my eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said dejectedly. “I can’t lie to you.” She shook her head. “It’s going to be just a matter of days now. His body had been rejecting the medication we’ve been giving him.”

My world crumbled down. I always had a hunch that this was going to happen, but I didn’t think it was going to be this soon. And now, hearing Yoona confirm it, just made everything more unbearable. I wanted to cry, I wanted to curse. I wanted to tell the world how unfair it was. But none of that happened. Instead, I dropped to my knees in front of Yoona. “Please, please don’t give up on Jesse,” I said through my sobs. “Please tell Joohyun to do everything.”

I felt Yoona pulling me up to my feet before embracing me. “We’re doing everything we can, Taeyeon.”

“I-I can’t... I can’t lose him Y-Yoona.. I can’t... I just can’t. I need Jesse. Please Yoona.”

I felt her rub my back gently. “I promise,” she said. “We’ll do everything. I promise.”

Suddenly I felt tired, like all the energy was drained from my body. I didn’t know how long I have been crying, but Yoona patiently comforted me in her arms as I shamelessly wept like a child. And when I thought I was running out of tears to cry, fresh tears welled up in my eyes once again before rolling down of their own accord.

Somehow, Yoona managed to drag me into one of the chairs in the hallway. My head ached from crying. I pulled away from Yoona, sniffling as I tried to dry my tears with the sleeves of my sweater. I didn’t know what we were waiting for, or if there was anything we were waiting for at all.

Joohyun was already outside the ICU, discussing something with the nurse. I saw her glancing at me from time to time, her eyes mirroring Yoona’s sad ones. And I know, in that moment, we were all bracing ourselves for the inevitable.