Twenty-five hours, thirty-six minutes, twenty-four seconds and counting.

I sat in the hospital waiting room, staring at the clock, Kris' jacket gripped firmly in my hands.

The paramedics left it at the house when they carted him off to the hospital, and I knew he would need it eventually. He gets cold easily and keeps his jacket handy all the time.

"Kai, do you want anything?" My father asked gently, rubbing my back.

I shook my head, my eyes trained on the clock and the door to the back. "I'm fine, thank you. I'm going to wait till they tell me I can see him."

My father nodded, standing up and walking to my mother who was waiting on him by the entrance. I knew she probably wanted me to come with them, but frankly I didn't care.

They had rushed Kris to surgery once they got his heart stabilized, and he'd been out of recovery for some time.

Now it was a waiting game.

Waiting for his parents to come and get me so I could see him. Waiting to know if he was alright.

Just waiting.

Kris had Cardiomegaly.

He'd had it all his life.

Meaning his heart was enlarged.

From what his dad shared briefly, the doctors said that he had exerted himself by having , causing a heart attack that was deemed to be fatal.

He wasn't supposed to live.

He wasn't supposed to come back.

My breath caught when the doors opened, Kris' mom stepping out and gesturing for me to come back. "Come on, he's awake, he wants to see you."

I didn't hesitate to run towards her, slipping through the door. "He's been awake for a few minutes, so he's coherent enough to carry on a conversation."

After passing through a few more doors, we finally made it to the ICU where Kris was resting.

I didn't know why I was so nervous, but for some reason I couldn't stop fidgeting. I was on edge, I couldn't think straight. All I knew was I wanted to see my Kris.

"Go on in, his father left to get food for us. You two need some alone time." She patted my shoulder, walking to the other end of the hall where the family waiting  room was.

This was it.

Finally after waiting so long, I would see him again.

What would I say? I had no idea where to even begin.

I knew I couldn't just stand there.

I took a deep breath and pushed the door, stepping into the room and shutting it behind me.

He looked pale.

Paler than me.

I didn't think it was actually possible, but he looked paler than me.

His eyes were sunken in, lips a bit cracked and dry no doubt from lack of hydration. He looked so weak, so lifeless, just laying there, his eyes shut gently as he rested.

I let the door shut behind me, hearing a soft click. This caught his attention, and he opened his eyes, looking over at me, a faint smile gracing his lips.

"Hey you," he commented, reaching to push the button on his bed that would sit him up.

It slowly inched its way into a sitting position, letting Kris lay against it. "Well don't just stand there, come here." He called, gesturing for me to come closer.

With each step I took, I began to feel many emotions.

Sadness, anger, joy, anger, relief, anger. The anger kept coming around again, so I guess I was a little upset with him.

"Kai, just say it."

My eyes snapped up to meet his. "I beg your pardon?"

"Just say it, I know you're mad." He stated calmly.

This is when I felt my anger reach its boiling point. He was so nonchalant about it, so calm, so level headed. I couldn't understand it.

 "How can you sit there and say that so calmly? How can you be so relaxed about it?! How could you do this to me?!" Tears began to pool in my eyes, about to break free and fall down my face.

"You lied to me!" I screamed. "You ing lied! You promised me we'd always be together, and you almost died! You almost ing died, Kris!"

The tears came in a waterfalls of sadness and anxiety, my voice cracking here and there. I was finally breaking my silence that I'd held for the last day, and it was more than I could handle.

"Why didn't you tell me you were sick?! Why did you have with me if you knew this would be the outcome?! Why?!" I screamed, wiping at my eyes.

Kris sat silent and let me finish, his calm and collected gaze never leaving me as I spoke. It was like he already knew what I was gonna say.

"You always tell me that I'm not allowed to die, that you won't let me. Well you're not allowed to die either, you jackass!" I gasped for air, my lungs feeling as if they were on fire due to lack of oxygen.

"I'm not going to let you die! Why? Because I can't live without either!"

For a moment, Kris broke his calmed collected gaze, wide eyes staring back at me in awe. "Y-You what?" He asked.

I nodded, taking closer steps to the bed. "Just like you can't live without me, I can't live without you." He probably didn't understand me very well through my tears. "And when your heart stopped..." I paused, tears trickling even more down my face. "You have no idea how bad you scared me..."

His face shifted to one full of sadness and pain, arms opening for me to come to him.

I slowly walked to him, sitting on the edge and burying my face in the crook of his neck. They'd done surgery on his heart, which meant he had stitches in his chest, and I didn't want to risk opening them.

His strong arms wrapped around me, holding me as tight as he could without it being painful.

I began to put his touch to memory.

The feeling of being in his embrace, his scent, everything. I wanted to engrave everything about him into my brain.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered against my hat, his fingers reaching to tilt up my chin. "It was wrong of me to keep my illness from you. I should have told you," He placed a kiss on my lips. "But you have to understand, I had a reason."

I wiped my eyes and sniffled a few times. "Which was?" I asked, still a little annoyed with him.

Kris cracked a wry smile, chuckling softly as his arm slid down to wrap around my waist.

"You have cancer." He said simply.

I blinked a moment, not understanding what he meant. Then it hit me.

"You mean...you kept it a secret because of my cancer?"

Kris nodded silently, staring at his hands.

"I didn't want you to be worried about me." he said, playing with the hospital sheets. "You already had enough on you, I didn't wanna add anything else." His gaze met mine again.

"I know now that I should have told you. It was wrong of me to hide it and then have this happen." He reached for my hand. "I'm sorry. I am really sorry. I'm sorry I scared you, I'm sorry you had to see it happen, I'm just," He paused, tears falling from his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Jong In."

His tears fell even more from his face, and for a moment I had half a mind to just hug him, but something else caught my attention.

"Wait...you never call me Jong In..." My eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Kris, what else are you not telling me?"

He shook his head, looking back down at his fingers. "I..." He couldn't finish his sentence.

"You?" I asked, holding his hand a little tighter.

Kris sighed, wiping his face with his other hand. "Kai, I'm dying..."

You could have hear a pin drop. 

The had finally hit the fan.

The bottom fell out of the sky.

My world began to crumble all around me.

"Y-You're what?" I asked, tears bubbling again in my eyes. I didn't know it yet, but I was in for a long day of tears and pain.

Kris nodded, still staring at his lap. He couldn't look me in the eye.

"My heart is literally a piece of ." he said seriously.

"But, the surgery-"

"Didn't do either."

I couldn't believe it. I didn't wanna believe it.

"Why?"

Kris finally looked up at me, his brown eyes no longer holding the same sparkle they always had.

"I need a transplant, and there aren't any hearts available. They were gonna put me on a waiting list, but the doctors said my heart would give out before I would ever get a doner match." He said, his voice monotone.

I sat staring back at him, my tears streaming down my face.

It couldn't be happening, I reasoned with myself. It wasn't happening.

I was dreaming, and any minute I would wake up wrapped in Kris' arms. I would tell him my dream, and we would have a good laugh about it, then we would make popcorn and watch a movie.

It had to be a horrible dream.

"I'm so sorry, Kai..." He whispered, his hand cupping my face, thumb wiping away my never ending tears.

"You c-can't..." I mumbled, lip quivering as I met his pain filled gaze. "You can't d-die...y-you're not allowed to..." I croaked, shaking my head.

I shut my eyes, praying to whatever God or higher power there was in the universe to wake me up from this nightmare. I promised to be a better person, I promised to give to charity, to help the poor, anything that would save Kris from this fate.

"Kai..." He whispered, pulling me back into his arms.

To my surprise the most gut wrenching sob escaped my lips as I cried into his chest, shaking and trembling and just sobbing.

"I'm sorry..." Was all he could say.

He kept repeating it like a mantra over and over again, doing his best to sooth me.

It was no use.

I don't know how long I cried, but somewhere along the way I slipped into a deep sleep, dreaming of a world where I didn't have cancer.

A world that was filled with happiness and laughter.

A world, where Kris wasn't dying.

~*~

I woke up, still snuggled into Kris' embrace.

I didn't have the heart to wake him up, so I laid there, staring at his sleeping face.

He was so beautiful.

His eye lashes fluttered every now and then, but he didn't stir.

His mouth was slightly open, soft snores emitting from his lips.

I would miss this. Just staring at him, seeing his beautiful face every day.

I would miss his laughter, his smile, his stupidity.

It hurt me to realize that, sooner or later he wouldn't be there anymore.

He would never tell me stupid jokes again.

He would never ask me random questions.

He would never hold me in his arms, or kiss me, her whispered sweet nothings in my ear.

He would never tell me he loved me again.

We would never have the happily ever after we'd dreamed of.

No marriage.

No kids.

No growing old together,

Nothing.

There would never be an us again.

It was all cease to exist.

Kris and Kai would turn into just Kai.

I would be alone again.

I was going to be alone again.

"Stop thinking so loud, I can hear the wheels cranking in your head."

I jumped, blinking back my tears that threatened to fall.

"How long have you been awake?"

His eyes slowly opened, staring back at me with a look that I couldn't quite read.

"The whole time."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"You seemed like you were thinking about something important."

"It wasn't that important."

"Yes it was."

"No, really, it wasn't."

"Yes, it was, don't lie to me, Kai."

"Kris, it's nothing-"

"So, I'm not important?"

My thoughts came to a halt. Was he trying to pick a fight? Now? Of all times?

"Of course you're important to me."

Kris nodded, leaning forward to kiss my lips. "Okay then. Glad we have an understanding."

I decided to let the matter drop, choosing to stare at him again.

"How come you're looking at me like that?" he asked.

I didn't know how to reply to him. What was I supposed to say?

"Nothing, just thinking about what will happen after you die."

Way to kill the mood.

"Kai, out with it." He said, his hand caressing my face.

"I love you." I said, my hand covering his, holding it against my face.

I don't think he was expecting that response. "You what?" he asked surprised.

"I said, I love you."

His eyes widened, giving off a comical look.

"Why do you look so surprised?" I asked.

"That's the first time you've ever told me you loved me." He said.

I shook my head, removing his hand and laying it between us. "No it's not."

"When did you say it before?"

"When you were dying."

His hand tensed in my grasp, fingers, squeezing a little tighter. "Y-You responded?" He asked, clearly shocked.

I nodded, reaching up with my other hand to brush some hair out of his eyes. "I did."

His eyes shinned with unshed tears, a small smile breaking out on his lips. "Oh." he said, chuckling.

I smiled too, my thumb running over his lips.

"I think I'll miss your lips the most." I said, running over them again.

His smile faded. "Why's that?" He asked sadly.

My smile grew a little wider as I leaned in to give him a kiss.

"Because they never stopped telling me they loved me."

His tears fell, arms reaching to pull me closer. He buried his face in my neck and cried, and I held him.

I his back gently, watching as they softly shook from the force of his sobs. he was no doubt in pain, but he didn't make a move.

I didn't want him to.

"I love you..." He croaked. "I love you so much, Kai."

I began to silently cry as well, combing my fingers through his hair. 

"I love you too, Kris. More than you'll eve know."

----------

[A/N:]

You guys literally lost your on the last chapter. XD

Sorry for the cliff hanger but it was needed. I probably made it worse by writting this chapter as well, but it's my story so I'll write it how I want. ^_^

Anywhore, thank you for reading!

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Saranghae!

-Kyla<3