“It has been a week now.. why don’t you open up a bit with me.. I feel like I don’t deserve your confidence..” Seohyun was worried about Jessica. She knew that something was wrong, she wasn’t stupid. It has been a week that her old friend knocked at her door and asked to sleep with her every night. She saw how thin she was getting and how tired she looked. The best thing she could do is try to advise her but she couldn’t, she knew not even a thing about what was happening. 

“Seo.. it’s hard for me.. to talk about it..” The older one sighed. She was going to give up, it was eating her from the inside and her brain wasn’t well functioning. She needed advices from someone and Seo has always been there for her, she won’t judge. This whole week she has been avoiding Sooyoung and Donghae, not answering their calls and messages. Well Sooyoung actually only called once, the rest was from her boyfriend.

“Well.. take a sit..” They both sat on the couch, Jessica facing her friend with a slight smile on her face. She took a deep inspiration, thinking about the words to say that would be the most appropriate. “I met someone.. that.. I know anything about.. and we shared some moments together..”  She took a deep shaky breath, looking away while trying not to cry. “The thing is.. that every moments we share.. are intense, I feel like I can’t live without her presence.. I need to kiss her lips.. I feel like.. she’s my soul mate.. but it can’t be.. it can’t..” One lost tear made her way through her cheek. She looked angry, she did not want to disappoint her family, she was taught to be evil to be homoual.

“So it’s a girl.. I won’t judge you.. but don’t you think that you’re acting this way by curiosity.. ? Did you ever thought living with her ? You should ask yourself the right questions first..”

“It would have been by curiosity if I stopped thinking about her after.. the.. kiss we had but it became an obsession.. and I just see my whole life with her..” Jessica was now looking at the ground, she looked lifeless as Seo was thinking about how to help her friend. It seems like the only solution was a bit risky, it would change her whole life but maybe that’s the thing she needed, to change.

“You should talk with this girl.. and then with Donghae.. I don’t ask you to make a choice now but it’ll be harder if you take too much time..” Jessica stood up, listening to her friend before approaching the window. She opened it, letting the little breeze flowing inside the apartment, she felt better. It wasn’t a secret anymore but now she has to face her fears.

“Thank you Seo..” She said in a detached tone. 

*****

The cinema was full. I was feeling a bit uneasy. I have a little phobia, I am afraid that someone comes and.. kills everyone. There’s so much mad people on earth that I have little phobias like this, I feel like being paranoid sometimes. My hands were squeezing the seat, I went alone watching the movie “Pirate of Caribbean” it was a special day where they play old movies. I wanted to change my mind but it ended worse than before. I turned my head, looking at everyone; smiles or nothing that could look like anxiety written iver their faces, I was the only one feeling this way. My heart was beating fast, I couldn't breathe normally, I was having a little attack. I needed to go away from here but my eyes met hers. She wasn’t looking at me at first but I guess I started too much and it attracted her attention. I was agonizing on my seat, feeling bad, the soundtrack of the movie making me feel strange emotions , I was close from tears. She saw it but couldn’t do anything. I finally made my way away from the persons inside the cinema, some yelling at me because I bothered them but I was only focused on not crying. I was on the hall, it was already late and no one was at the reception, probably smoking outside. I put my hand against the wall, closing my eyes and I tried to breath.

I suddenly felt her arms enveloping me, I cannot explain the fact that I was afraid. I was afraid because she makes me feel nervous, she makes me afraid to lose her and this feeling submerged me. She turned me around and I felt her hands venturing everywhere against my back, her warmth taking away the cold I was feeling inside. She hugged me tightly as I kept my eyes closed, my head resting against her shoulder and my hands gripping tightly her waist. It has been a week that I did not felt her body against mine, her breath against my skin, the waves she send me. I was shivering.

“Let’s go outside..” I missed her voice so much that it sent me chills. I nodded, she took my hand and we made our ways inside the desert streets. I intertwined our fingers together, she smiled.

“I have a sister.. her name is Soojin, I live in town and I have a cat. I love cooking and wide places. I hate noisy people.” We stopped in front of a Museum, its lights were all switched on but surely there was no one inside. It gave to the place a weird aura, this big infrastructure giving us light in the empty street. Our moments are always well chosen.

“Now you know more than my name..” Her smile was growing wider and she lowered her head, was she shy too ? She does not give this impression but that’s what I discovered just now. I wanted to smile too but suddenly I saw little drops falling on the ground, it wasn’t raining, it was her tears.

“Don’t cry.. I should have told you..” My hand reached her cheek, caressing it tenderly and she lift up her head, her smile not even fading away.

“That’s not it..  I just can’t.. ask you to change your life.. so.. I was stupid to think that..” It’s the first time I saw her crying, the first I saw all her guards falling down. She looked so strong, unbreakable but she was here, fighting against her tears, in front of my eyes, I could not stand more.

“You asked nothing.. I was the stupid one.. I did not even told you about my boyfriend.. and..” She cut me off, it surprised me so I retrieved back my hand. She chuckled and usually in this situation when people chuckle it means that they are going to say something that would just arrange nothing about the situation.

“I am not mad at you for this, you didn’t even had the time to tell me this, you just know my name.. not even my age.. I mean.. I shouldn’t have.. I am sorry.. I won’t bother you anymore..” She whipped away her tears, turning her back and walking away - leaving me alone. My hand was still hanging in the air, my eyes fixing her back. I lost my ability to talk, to walk, to do anything. My heart was aching; I was losing the person I needed the most for an unknown reason. I wasn’t going to cry this time so I started to run, she was already out of my sight but I tried, I run the fastest that I could.

“Soo ! Sooyoung !” Her name was echoing through the empty night as I tried to catch her. I turned in the next corner but she wasn’t there. I let my knees fall against the ground, maybe it did hurt me but I couldn’t care less. Wasn’t I enough for her to try to keep me by her side ? Why did she left me.. Why did I fell for her..

*****

“Coffee ? .. Coffee.. ? Coffee.. Jessica ?” Someone snapped her fingers in front of my eyes, it was Hyoyeon. She was handing me a cup of Coffee she just brought from the cafeteria. I lazily thanked her before taking a sip. It was strong, a bit too much for me.

“You did a great job at the presentation today.. you choose Van Gogh, classic but still it was an amazing job !” She was excited because my grade could influence hers, we were a team and we needed both to have a good grade or at least one of us to pass to the second stage of a project, well it isn’t really interesting but I guess she would have been less happy if it did not helped her a bit. I shot a glare at her and she quickly calmed down.

“You need to work too.. or you’ll be in deep and me too okay ?” She nodded and smiled again, she then walked away leaving me alone in the classroom. We could eat at art class, drink and talk but only if we worked at the same time, it’s rather free but still it depends on what you are working on.

I lifted up one of my drawings but underneath it there was a little piece of paper; Make the right choices, it only happens once. – 1045 I looked around me, no one was behaving weirdly. I saw nothing coming, what this person was talking about. I crumpled the piece of paper before throwing it inside my bag, was I followed or.. I don’t understand and I don’t want to get paranoid for something like this. I am already a bit parano about some things so no, no no no.

*****

You took a pretty picture

And you smashed it into bits

Sank me into blackness

And you sealed it with a kiss

If only I could let you go

Why do I need you so

My eyes were closed as I got empoisoned by this song, amazing – Madonna. I was addicted to her album “Music” that went out in.. 2000 if I don’t mistake. This album is a drug, the biggest drug I’ve ever had and this song is just hypnotizing.

I was lying against the mattress and took my phone. I dialed his number and waited. He picked up the phone faster than I expected.

“Yoboseyo ?” I hang up.

I ran my hand against my face, my finger pressing against my skin like I wanted to took out a mask, I probably left some traces but it will be away soon. I was torn between so many things. What is the right choice ? The thing is, am I ready to be judged by the society, am I strong enough ? Do I love DongHae ? I love him but it’s nothing compared the need I have towards Sooyoung. I can live away from him a day, a week, a month but for her.. I can’t even live without having thoughts of her inside my mind, I miss her every second. It’s totally insane. I crave for her.. My body ache when I think about her touching me.. I want her by my side whenever I want.

Someone knocked at my door and scared the hell out of me. I stood up and walked towards the door, I opened it carefully and saw his face, Dongwoon. How did he found my room ? He was bleeding, his head was full of bruises and he was really in a bad state.

“Come inside..” I closed the door behind him and made him sat in my bed. I went to the bathroom, the only room beside this one and took one wet towel and gave it to him. I found some alcohol to disinfect his wounds and helped him. He was really suffering, I hope his ribs aren’t broken or anything like this.

“What happened.. ?” He looked away when my computer made light. Someone sent me a mail, Hae. I saw his name going on and off, on and off but I was taking care of Dongwoon I couldn’t answer him now. I tried to make him look at me with a serious look, it was 1 a.m. and I wasn’t really understing why a big guy covered with blood was inside my little home without even trying to explain.

“If you don’t talk, I’ll put you out of here..”

He finally met my gaze, he was on verge of crying. I sat close to him and let my hand console him, running it against his back trying to make him feel better.

“Sera broke up with me.. but she asked some boys to beat me.. I don’t understand..” As I expected she was evil. He was blind and I hope he won’t do any mistake anymore but why me, why did she came here ?

“And why did you..” He suddenly pressed his lips against mine, I was taken aback but quickly pushed him, standing up. I put my hand against my mouth, looking at him in pure shock.

“ ! Go away ! Who do you think I am ?” I looked through his crying eyes, I should have pity but I was already fighting against so much things inside my head that I couldn’t add it into my life.  

“Sorry.. just go away..” I took the towel and put it inside the bathroom, my hands shaking as I walked towards the door, ready to open it.

“No ! Jessica.. just let me sleep here.. I am sorry. I just.. I won’t do anything. I am a fool.. I won’t..” He was sincere, I know. I was so angry, I wanted to scream, to do something to take out all of this frustration about everything but I am a kind person. Always, I always was. I hate myself sometimes, I just care too much.

“Okay.. just.. sleep on the little couch..” I had a couch near my bed in front of my computer. Tonight was a ing bad night. I prepared a pillow and an old blanket for him that quickly fell asleep. I was still on my computer later that night and finally opened the email DongHae sent me. I need to talk with you, good night my love.

 It did not helped me to find the sleep that night. 

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I wanted to thank you all for the comments, really it makes me want to continue writting even it takes time, I wish you like every signle chapter. I don't want to disappoint you. 

I read each comment so thank you; Nonamereally - Soolim ( I really appreciate your comments it's an honnor ) - ssnasya - Youngjae08 - luvsooyoung_93 - summerwinter - pascualina - foreversnsd - tomstin - soosicisreal and the rest (The silent readers too and the subscribers, the ones that vote for this story). Thank you, you don't know how much your comments helps me to keep writing the story. ^^