It has been two days that he showed himself inside my little apartment. He apologized and I forgave. He said he fell in love the first time he saw me and that Sera found out and all but I stopped him in his track and told him that I was taken.  The thing is, that I couldn’t tell by whom. I am taken but my heart belongs to someone else.

“Jessica ! I just.. saw you and wanted to say.. hi ?” Dongwoon was smiling, he actually crossed the whole aisle to talk with me.

“Hi.. so you’re feeling better ?” As I finished my words, Sera arrived, shooting a glare at both of us. Maybe she was really in love with him after all but it won’t change the fact that she’s a . I just looked away, not wanting to start a fight and she walked away, not even a word to throw at me.

“I am fine thank you.. I guess.. well.. bye !” I just smiled at him before he disappeared. Maybe I was acting rude but I don’t need another problem in my life right now. It was 2pm, the day is over for me. Every Wednesday I end in the middle of the afternoon, I feel lucky about it. I made my way to my locker and this time I found a paper, bigger than the other ones, signed by  1045 I put it inside my bag and walked out of the academy. I was curious, we used to share little words about what’s the weather like and things like this even if we talked a little bit about love but not a big deal. I sat on a bench, in front of the academy’s garden and took the paper, I opened it only to face again this beautiful handwriting, it looks like the person that wrote it is a bit older than me, it’s not a writing that we easily find.

Life is too short to stay with doubts. I don’t know you, you don’t know me but we know the same feelings and what it is to be lost. I can see in your eyes, in your behavior, just make the choice that won’t hurt your heart. Follow it, by experience when it’s about love, it’s always the best choice, no matter what. – J.W

Initials that I did not specifically know. My fingers brushed slowly against it, trying to search if it comes up into my mind but nothing. It’s weird, is someone spying on me or something. It can’t be Dongwoon, I know it’s not him. Sooyoung.. impossible. Maybe if I ask, I will have an answer. Suddenly my phone began ringing. It’s Seo.

“Hey..”

“Hey ! Do you want to go out tonight ?”

“No.. not really, I am not really into it I told you..”

“But It’s a really nice place.. you need to take some fresh air..” I sighed at her persistence, maybe she was right. I needed to see something new even if it’s for some hours.

“Fine.. but just a little bit then..”

She explained that it was a Latino party, I know how to dance like them, I took some lessons a year ago. And to tell you the truth I was a fan of the serie Un, dos, tres that used to pass in America every Saturday. I smiled because I am finally going to take a break of everything, Seohyun is good at it, a good friend, my only real friend.

*****

I opened the door of my apartment inside the dormitory but a hand stopped me. I felt his breath tickle my neck, it’s him. Donghae came here, I don’t know how he found the number of my room but he did and I don’t know what to do. I closed my eyes as he turned me around, making me face him. I opened my eyes and he looked at me, frowning and serious. He surely wanted to talk and I will have to explain, now.

“Tell me now, that you don’t love me anymore.” His voice came out like a whisper, I wanted to cry because I am hurting him. He’s a good person, he loves me, he was patient, he did as more as he could, his family likes me and I like them but we all change. Love is still there but not as strong as before, I find him handsome but he’s not the one I want to stare at forever. He’s not the one I dream about anymore but I can’t break him. He was holding tight my wrist, it’s the first he did this and probably the last. I just moved away my hand, straightened my blouse and looked away. It’s now Jessica, now.

“I think we should break up. You deserve someone that loves you and needs you more.” My words were simple but it was the truth. There’s somewhere else a girl that will make him happy, that he would kiss freely without being pushed away, with whom he can hold hands and just smile and laugh. Maybe I thought I was in love but to be true I didn’t even had a clue what it was till I met her. How can we know about love this young ? My parents told me that at our age we don’t really understand the meaning of needing someone but I think that I am beginning to feel it, the pain I had when she walked away, it was the emptiness that came back when her warmth, her scent.. she left me. 

“I always knew I wasn’t the one but I thought by doing everything to own our heart that you’ll love me back. I am sorry for wasting your time, I.. I will just go.. Jessica.. I loved you and I love you, sincerely.. thank you..” He whispered the last words and kissed my forehead, it took him time before letting me go, before stepping away from the corridor and my life. I thought he was going to act like a fool but he’s really courageous, he did it. He ended what he wanted to last forever. I am so sorry.. My heart was aching but I was feeling free, like I could finally think and that I wasn’t trapped anymore.

And it’s with a new feeling that I entered inside my apartment, letting fall my bag against the ground. I was feeling a bit numb but my phone began ringing.

I can’t breathe or what..

I took out my phone and let my self-collapse on the bed, the choc hurting a bit my back. I answered and was surprised to hear my mother’s voice. It has been a while.

“Yo.. Yoboseyo ? Mom.. ?” It was her, she’s usually someone who never calls and normally it’s my dad. He’s more protective and she’s more.. cold if I can call her this way. She never shows her feelings but he voice was calm and lighter than usual.

“My little girl.. how are you ?”

“Fine.. yeah fine.. and you ? How is it in New York ?” I suddenly frowned when I heard the words Seoul and back home for some days. Where they really coming back ? It’ll be weird after a year. Not weird just, emotional. I don’t want to cry in front of my mother, she will think that I am weak. We have this kind of relation, we respect each other but I keep my hugs and smiles for my dad. It never bothered me but well, I am just a bit tired and my mind goes crazy alone.

“Tomorrow ? But.. In a hotel in town ? Yeah.. I give you my address.. hmm.. nae.. anio anio !” My mother was making jokes where did she learned that ? It feels good to hear her, to know that we’ll see each other and that maybe things will be different and oh god.. I will have to explain about Donghae but it’s a different matter, now I just need to stop smiling or my jaw will hurt.

I gave her the address from the dormitory and the number of my apartment. They will come tomorrow around 10am. It’s early but you know you get an early riser while getting older and they will lend around 8 so I guess it’ll be the best for them.

We ended the call and I was still looking at the ceiling.

Thirty minutes.

Happy to see my family, hurt to hurt Donghae. Mixt feelings. In thirty minutes a lot of things can happen. I was torn between so much feelings, I don’t know how to behave tonight, being all smiles would be weird, like I didn’t cared about him but acting like it’s the end of my life would be weird to because my family is coming back. In the end, are we forced to behave the way the society want us to act ? I mean, you don’t even know if your mood is actually the mirror of your feelings or just a mask of what you want them to think about you. Are we that controlled without knowing  ?

*****

“You’re late.. one hour that I wait Jessica..” Seohyun was exasperated, indeed I was late. But I wasn’t feeling really well, it’s probably the after break-up that hit me in the face one hour after the call with my family. I thought it was going to be alright but I was feeling a bit empty, like the feeling of security as left me. But seeing Seo was going to help me.

“I am sorry.. I wasn’t feeling well.” I smiled at her, she seemed reassured. We were at that latino party, it was a bar but opened in the outside, lights above our hears, red, blue, yellow, giving a warm atmosphere. The songs were sung by Ricky Martin, Shakira and Nelly Furtady, those songs that makes you want to dance against someone and the rises your hormones.

We took a drink, two mojitos, I told her about the break up and the fact that I felt relieved. We did not tackle Sooyoung’s subject. It wasn’t the right time. We took some more drinks, I was feeling good, my cheeks a bot red. We laughed, we danced a bit. I was forgetting the academy, Donghae, her, I was just there swaying to the beat. I suddenly felt a pair of hands touching my waist, Seohyun was somewhere else, talking with a nice boy we meet some minutes ago. It was a girl, she turned me over and I met her eyes, her brown dark orbs. She took my hand, the other placing itself against my back while I was holding her shoulder. Our bodies pressed, her breathe caressing my lips and our hips swaying. La tortura.

Her steps were following mine, she knows how to dance. Her thigh was dangerously brushing between my legs as it was becoming more and more intense and hotter, I wasn’t aware of the fact that Seohyun was now looking at us. I was lost, our bodies making one while dancing on an infernal rhythm, my hand holding tightly her shoulder. I only went back to reality when I hear her words, it brought nostalgia, like it has been years that we hadn’t seen each other.

“I am sorry..” I wasn’t even mad at her, but knowing that she cared was enough for me. I sighed, closing my eyes, everything was becoming slow, like the time had frozen. Finally our eyes locked for an intense stare, our moves being a bit messy and out of place. We closed the gap between our lips, my heart skipped a bit. I wanted her but I already know that kissing in public was pushing the limits a bit too far. But we did not broke the kiss, I felt her tongue sliding warmly inside my mouth, mine meeting hers, it was electric. I wanted more, more of those red lips, of her voice, of her touch, of everything. I could die now and be satisfied, yeah.. satisfied. Complete.

“Mine.. or yours..” She wanted it too so I took advantage.

“Mine is closer..”

And we intertwined our fingers, running back at the dormitory, laughing like school kids. I forgot about Seohyun, about my parents, about Donghae, I only cared about us. She smashed me against the door of the dark room of mine and we made love there and on the couch and on the bed.. in the bathroom. We made love, all night. I’ve never felt this good, I’ve never screamed someone else’s name like this. She made me see the stars and even more. I don’t know if we were together or not but we were together tonight and god knows how happiness found me. 

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Hi guys, everything seems to be okay right now I'll bring some drama ahah. Not too much and I feel like.. two more chapters and it'll be the end.. well every good thing has an end but I plan on finishing "resident evil" too don't worry and maybe no pain no gain.

Thank you♥.