“It’s just an hour or two..  come on..” I was wearing a beautiful black dress, actually we had a dinner with his family, for the third time this year. I finally took his hand and went inside, I spotted them immediately, I could see their huge smile to see us together. He quickly took me near them and they hugged each other as I just smiled, thanking them for their presence. I am not really touchy, I still have problems with this. We sat next to each other and everyone started to talk brightly. I stayed quite, I never know what to say so I just nod, smile or laugh if I find something funny.

“Please, everyone listen to me.. I am proposing Jessica..” Suddenly started Hae, I was so not ready for the next words that I let the glass of wine slip down the floor as I shouted “No !”

All eyes were on me and specially my boyfriend’s ones, he was looking confused and I shot him a look of clear confusion too. A server came to clean the broken glass as we were staring at each other.

“I was proposing you to live with me.. what do you think I was going to say ?” He said calmly, her mother was still in chock because of my shouting, maybe have I overreacted without knowing what he was going to say. I felt stupid so I just stood up to go to the bathroom, leaving everyone behind me as DongHae tried to comfort his family members. I opened the tap and stared at the water pouring, I don’t know what happened inside of my head, it was possibly because I was nervous to see them again, nervous that he would propose me to get engaged but even if it was it, why would I say no ? We are too young, I don’t want to get married now and now I’ve to go back and apologize.

That’s what I did, I went back and immediately took DongHae’s hand in mine.

“I am sorry, I was expecting something else as you can think and.. well Hae.. isn it better if we wait a little bit ? After our studies ?” I looked at him and I saw the light inside his eyes dying, he was going to say something when his dad cut him short.

“Haven’t you wait enough after one year ?” he asked coldly. I know that all his family wants us to finally move together, they even are expecting us to get married soon. This is in their mentality and they don’t understand why we prefer taking our time. I am not even ready to move with him. This time I was cut by my boyfriend’s voice who finally squeezed my hand to reassure me. My eyes stared a moment at our hands and I felt weird because it’s like I felt all my feelings toward him going away. I realized that I didn’t want to get married with him, I don’t even like having with him. I know that it’s not important when you love but I just can’t and I’ve to act like I am in love but the truth is that my feelings are fading away and my mind is searching for something else, I don’t feel the need to stand by his side.

“If we really love each other, time won’t be a problem” My heart started to ache, I am trapped. I don’t know my feelings anymore and everything is just messing with my mind. I had thoughts about what the future keeps for us and I just couldn’t see my life with him. I lift up my head to find everyone staring at me, I just smiled and no one saw how fake it was.

“Sure..”

*****

We were Monday I was so tired, I haven’t slept the whole week-end because of the revisions and the late nights watching movies. I took out my agenda where I write the important things I have to do every day and found out the flyer talking about the aquarium. I look at it not knowing if I should go or not, I should rest a bit and finish my novel for the next grade we have.

“Hey, going to the aquarium ?” Hyoyeon asked. This blond little head is a new friend, we started talking last week during classes, we had to do a project in common and I’ve to admit that she’s very smart. She took out the piece of paper from my hands as we were walking in the corridors full of students.

“I think yes.. and you ?”

“No, haven’t you seen the big notice board at the cafeteria about the concert ? It’s Eminem ! Everyone is going there tonight.”

“Oh.. I am not into this kind of music.. and maybe we won’t be a lot at the aquarium then..” I lift my head to look at the clock inside the hallway. It was 5pm and I was getting late, Hyoyeon just left me alone, joining some friends and I rapidly went to my locker. No sign of miss/mister 1045.  I filed away my things before walking to the cafeteria. I had two floors to go down and a long corridor to cross. I only had my little shoulder trap as I walked inside the empty place where should take place the meeting. It’s like all the students have deserted the academy and now that I think about it, after Hyoyeon left, everyone around wasn’t walking away. It’s probably because of this Eminem concert. I looked around a bit nervous, it’s weird to be alone inside this big cafeteria and a bit scary. I made some steps trying to see if someone was coming. It was already 5 past 10. I sighed, maybe it was cancelled, anyway who would want to go into the aquarium, I would probably be the only person wanting to do this kind of outings here. The feeling of loneliness found me again and I just washed it away before starting walking out to go home.

“For the aquarium ?” A soft voice called out. I know this voice, oh yes, I perfectly know the owner of this voice.

I turned around to face her, she was wearing a simple white shirt brought messily inside her black jeans slim. She had a ponytail, letting her hair cascading and it’s the first time that I had a plenty view of her neck. She walked towards me and I stopped breathing, like I couldn’t do a mistake in her presence. The thing is that I didn’t know what to answer, of course I wanted but if it’s to be left alone with her my mind will just mess with me. I finally spoke out, not knowing if it was a good choice.

“Yes..” She just smiled, it was perceptible if you really pay attention to her lips.

“Then we should start going.” She turned her back and walked away, I just followed her inside the empty hallways before being outside. It was maybe 20 minutes from here by car and I don’t know how we’re going to be there. I caught her up and we were walking at the same rhythm, my eyes dared to look at her and I spoke slowly.

“We are only two ?” Sooyoung just nod and stopped in front of the bus stop.

“Actually I thought that I was going to be alone.” The bus stopped and we went inside, I sat beside her and no word was spoken. There was an awkward silence between us, there was a tension but I couldn’t find why. She was looking through the window, not paying attention to me as I tried not to stare at her. 

“Everyone is going to see Eminem..” I wanted to break the silence but she did not respond, she just looked at me. She nodded and then approached her hand, too closely. Her thumb pressed against my cheek, she caressed my skin. I felt like the world has stopped but I rapidly went back to reality. She retracted her hand and spoke nonchalantly.

“You had a blue stain..”

I had art this morning and did not notice that I let some watercolor in my skin, this is embarrassing.

We finally arrived. It was a big edifice with a lot of windows but we still could see nothing inside, it was seemingly opaque. Fountains were gushing out, kids were running everywhere, it was so refreshing, like I am breathing a new air. We stepped out from the bus and walked next to each other, I am getting used to her presence, still not talking. We stopped in front of the big entry, the smell of the water already reaching my nose. She paid for me and handed me the white ticket, our fingers brushed against each other but she did not looked at me, she just walked away knowing that I’d follow her.

I caught her up and our shoulders were brushing against each other, we did not really look at all the fishes that were her but she suddenly stopped in front of a pool full of turtles. We could touch them so she stretched her hand, waiting the signal from the boy who was doing the security and touched the little creature. The animal stayed quiet and everyone around kept looking at Sooyoung, not even the herbivore. She has the gift to make people look at her, she was radiating calm and security even if I mostly feel nervous next to her. She stepped back and looked at me, cleaning her hand against her trousers, it wasn’t really dirty just a bit wet anyway.

I smiled and she smiled back, without reason and we continued walking through the big aquarim. After years I am still amazed, so many fished, so many water, so many history.. so many feelings. It is my favorite place, I wished I could work here because I feel like it’s a safe place and so different from the other places. My heart beats faster because I enjoy those moments, I like watching the sharks swimming so close from us, seeing fishes with beautiful colors – It’s the rare moments where I feel happy and I don’t care about life, I just live and look. I breathe and let myself be amazed. I just live without questioning myself.

I stopped in front of the biggest glass, it was maybe 5 time my height and it was a big aquarium with sharks and tons of fish swimming. A lot of people were in front of it but not even paying attention to the animals, they were chatting and laughing but suddenly felt someone behind me. She did not touch me but she was close enough for me to feel her heat. I swallowed.

Suddenly a kid appeared from nowhere, running next to me and shoved Sooyoung against me. Her arms wrapped itself around my body as she caught us from falling. No one seemed to notice that, it went too fast and it wasn’t a big movement, she pressed her body against mine. I closed my eyes, I wanted to run away but my stomach was burning. She held me tightly and she finally rested her chin against my shoulder. I kept looking in front of me, nervousness invading my body. I raised one hand and let it slide against her cheek, running against her fresh and soft skin before reaching her hair, my fingers working its way into it. I wanted to do it forever, feeling her. I didn’t want to break the contact and I felt like I wasn’t the only one. Since the first day we met, we knew that it would be dangerous to stay next to each other. She gives me the feeling of eternity and I don’t even know her that much. I felt my tears rolling down my cheeks because I couldn’t handle the feelings I was having, overwhelming me.

“I can’t let you go..” She murmured, she was crying too, I was feeling my shirt getting wetter. Her fingers started holding tightly my shirt as mine were her hair, messing her ponytail that was already a bit messy. My hand reached the elastic and took it off, her hair falling freely against my shoulder. I leaned a bit against her but we had to break the contact, some people were looking at us, we were acting weird and she let me go, her hand going through my arm and reaching my hand. My heart stopped a bit, I wasn’t crying anymore and I looked at her, no signs of tears but I knew it was cover, she probably dried it before I could see and even her eyes weren’t that red. The lights from the big aquarium were illuminating our skin, her thumb was drawing little designs against my skin. I wanted to kiss her so badly but we couldn’t we were in public and.. I have a boyfriend. And we are girls and there so many things that go against us and maybe I misunderstood the situation, maybe it was my imagination.

“We can’t be friends..” I should I’ve felt sad, bad or anything but her words just proved me what I was thinking about. I felt dizzy, like I’ve drank too much. It was like everything around was fading and I was afraid that all of it would be a dream.

“We can’t be friends yeah..” I replied looking at her lips, trying to let my eyes open.

We ended up the visit, hand in hand, without a word. Everything went to fast and we were already at the bus station. I raised my head and looked at her features, she noticed my stare and stared by at me. It was hot outside but the air was heavy, it was going to rain and drops had already made their way through the clouds. The bus stopped, the crowd rushed inside just in time, the rain becoming heavy. I knew that if we take the bus it will end our day so we just stayed next to each other, letting the vehicle go away. We were alone. We were soaked and I closed my eyes, I took a step and I let my head fall against her shoulder. One arm enveloped my body and her other hand ran through my hair. The sound of the heavy rain was the only noise surrounding us. I inhaled her scent and closed again my eyes, I found my place, where I want to be. I feel secure and insecure, I feel good and bad, it’s like hell and heaven but mostly the place I was seeking.

*****

I wasn’t feeling well, it was dark outside and we could hardly see the stars because of the clouds. I was feeling empty because I was missing something or someone. Today DongHae left me 10 messages and I still didn’t replied, I wanted to call him but I changed my mind. I wanted to call Seo but she would have asked too much questions, Taeyeon was probably sleeping and it was basically the only numbers I have. I went to my desk and opened my laptop, I went to my emails to see of any professor had sent information about tests but nothing. I was going to turn off my computer when I hear that sound, I received and email. “SooyoungChoi” I couldn’t believe it, it was too late to chat with someone and how did she found.. I couldn’t open it. I my lips and quickly opened the email; “Hi..” that’s all. Just a Hi.. I replied back quickly by the same two words. The light from the computer did hurt my eyes but I wanted to talk to her, maybe I should give her my phone number. I waited two long minutes and received a reply, it was her phone number, is she telepath or something ? I gave mine back.

10 minutes and nothing. I waited. Maybe she fell asleep. I went to bed and looked at the ceiling that suddenly lightened up by my phone.

“How are you ?” I first register her number under her name and replied quickly.

“Tired.. and you ?”

“Tired too.. can I call you.. ?” Wait, she wanted to call me ? I took me a minute to reply back, I felt my heart racing.

“Of course..”

Twenty seconds after my phone was vibrating, I answered.

No hello, just her breath. I turned my head to face my phone and just let my respiration reach the object. She moved, I heard something like a sheet creasing. I wanted to break the silence but at the same time I was feeling a new panic attack coming. Everything was insane, the feelings I was having for this girl, we had a connection that made me feel like a mad person and were driving me crazy. I wasn’t an adult anymore but a lost child that forgot how to live and what is the meaning of life.

“Don’t be afraid..”  She murmured. She felt it through my way of breathing. I closed my eyes and fell asleep. Maybe she did too.

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Hi I am a bit late but I hadn't the courage to continue, it took me some time.. I am sorry. But thanks for the votes and the comments, keep commenting I love it ! x'D In the next chapter a lot of things will change and a fight is coming but not between the persons you are expecting. < End of the spoil !