I went to my locker and when I opened it, I saw a million of little pieces of paper. They were all white with numbers written on it. It was pure non-sense. Was it 1045 that did this or someone else ? I turned my head to find Sera looking at me with a little smile, she must know something for sure. I don’t understand the meaning of the numbers but I will take everything at home later and I will try to figure out.

I walked slowly through the long corridors, my eyes fixed on the ray of lights illuminating the cold white ground. I could hear people talking, laughing, sometimes pushing me a bit because of their wide movements but I wasn’t really focusing.

I stopped in front of a door waiting for Dongwoon, still looking at the ground.

“Hey, ready for the last lesson ?” I just nodded at his question.

*****

“So one time.. you told me that you have a boyfriend..”I was daydreaming, I blinked a few times before it gets into my brain.

“Oh.. ah.. yes..” I discreetly rolled my eyes, I concentrate to my work but was interrupted by Dongwoon.

“And what is his name.. ?” I didn’t want to respond but it’ll be weird if I did not.

“Donghae.. and no he’s not from here and.. I don’t like talking about it..” Just when I thought it will be the end of the topic, another voice came out of nowhere.

“Oh so our Jessica has a boyfriend ?” Sera. Yes, it has been a week I haven’t seen her and she arrives at the right time, if you can read the irony.

I smiled at her, of course it was fake. I did not answered but I could feel her scanning me, like she’ll use this information against me one day or another.

“He’s surely handsome, you look like a princess” I did like I haven’t heard her and started to work again. She purposely sighed for me to hear and then kissed roughly her boyfriend. What was the point, to get me jealous or to humiliate me in every stupid way she could find ?

“I got to go..” She waved at me, I did not. You can think that it’s rude but if I keep acting this way she’ll probably leave me alone and forget that I exist. My eyes met Dongwoon’s after she’s gone but he didn’t look happy.

“You have a problem with her.. ?” He asked softly. I couldn’t tell him that I hate her girlfriend and that she’s a fake plastic but I just swallowed and found the best answer I could give.

“She has one with me and this conversation is over” I tapped my watch showing him the time. It was the last lesson we had together, my level was fine in Korean right now but I just expected not to finish with this stupid conversation. I packed my things and stood up, I looked straight into his eyes and he did the same. He wasn’t angry but I could see that he was sorry, maybe I am acting too much on my impulsions.

“Sorry if.. I did something wrong..” He said. He really was sorry and I just couldn’t believe how he can even date Satan.

“You did nothing wrong but.. well I have to go.. see you one of those days and thank you..” I tried to give my best smile but it just looked hypocrite. I felt guilty of my behavior he must think that I only stayed with him because he gave me free lessons. I took a deep inspiration and went out of the library, sinking in the ocean of students.

*****

It’s twelve o’clock, today he’s going to eat with me. We’re going in town since we had two hours each other to eat. I found him in front of the mall, he smiled while I walked towards him.

“Hi beautiful..” I bit my lip by embarrass but quickly gave a peck on his lips, he did not notice my bad mood. He just took my hand, yes this time I let him take my hand, I don’t want him to see that my head is full of doubts. It did not affect me anymore, his skin against my skin, his touch and warmth. I tried to wash away my thoughts but it was kind of hard, it’s not that easy.

“We can just eat kimchi, is that alright for you ?” I nodded while looking away, my eyes scanning the people passing by, hoping that no one that we know is in the same spot as us. He dragged me inside without noticing that he hurt my wrist. I did not complain and we both found a table, taking the menu for the extras. Suddenly I got a text, Donghae leaned over my phone but I was quick enough to take it, it was Sooyoung.

“Who is it ?” He curiously looked at me and I tried to breathe in and out, I did not even know why I was panicking.

“It’s.. j-just.. Seohyun, yeah Seo..” He looked surprised but seemed to believe me even if I was the worst liar that could exist.

“Happy to see that you’re talking to each other again” This was the truth so I smiled and nodded again. I then looked to the screen of my phone while he was discussing with the waiter. It has been some days.. how are you.. ? Of course after our date I went home and the next days I spent the whole time thinking about what could happen if I give up loving boys to love her. I wasn’t even attracted to girls but there was no doubt that every time I see her, touch her.. I want her. I was feeling bad again, Donghae was in front of me and finished ordering for both of us, lovingly looking at me while I was thinking about this girl. Yeah.. I am fine I guess and you.. ? I turned over my phone so if I receive a message he could not read it and I smiled, assuring him that everything is fine.

“Tell me about the academy, isn’t it too hard ?” The waiter was already coming back with our drinks.

“It’s going well.. I just have some problems with concentration.. and you ?” I was turning the conversation around him but I know he’ll keep asking, it’s like he can’t understand my signals.

“What problems ? And everything is fine, I am having good grades and I am winning some money too because of the football team” I nodded smiling but inside I was trying to find how to explain my problems, I can’t say that it’s because of Sooyoung and that I am not as motivated as before.

“Nothing important, I just need to relax more.. hm so you’re in the football team ?”

The kimchi finally came and we talked for a good hour. I totally forgot about my phone and took it to see that she replied back. I guess that I am fine too.. Are you free tonight ? I nearly suffocated, I could see Donghae looking at me with a questioning face.

“I am okay..” I did not expect her to ask me this. I mean, I wanted to see her again but at the academy we’re not in the same section. Yes I am..  It only took her twenty seconds to reply back.Then let’s meet in front of the academy around 6 ? I of course agreed.

*****

It was raining again. I was wearing a white dress with blue flowers really light and was waiting for her. I was nervous, I wanted to cry because I feel like I am betraying Hae but I did nothing wrong. I am just meeting a girl, she’s not my friend but we know each other. There’s something between us and I am afraid to lose control. I can’t fool myself anymore, I am falling for a girl. I never was attracted by them but this time it’s different, I need her every second of my life even if I barely know her.

“Hello” I was looking at the ground and did not notice her, she immediately wrapped her arms around me. My heart skipped a beat, maybe two or three. My hands immediately found her shirt that I grabbed, my head resting against her shoulder, breathing unevenly. I was freezing and now I am dying of heat.

“Hello..” She lifted up her head, her hand sliding between my hair, them. We stared at each other and I totally forgot where we were. Her head came closer, our lips brushing against each other but she diverted her lips that caressed my cheek. I closed my eyes, tears forming on the corner of my eyes, my hands digging inside her skin through her fabric. We were going to kiss. But we didn’t. I almost felt her lips but I didn’t.

“I’ve missed you..” She tightened her hold, the rain falling behind us. I was feeling her hot breath against my neck. Torture, pure torture.

“I’ve missed you too..” I replied back, whispering against her hear. It felt so right and so wrong at the same time. I was even doubting if I wasn’t dreaming because it’s impossible to get this close to a person this fast.  I felt her smiling.

We finally stepped away from each other and intertwined our fingers together. I promise you that the last thing I want to do on earth is to let go of her hand. I could hold it forever. We took a glimpse at the rain, I only had my dress and nothing else with me and she was wearing a white shirt with short shorts. She smiled, the most beautiful smile I got to see since we know each other.

The second after we were running, the rain falling against our skin and bodies but we did not care. I was only feeling my heart beating, my smile hurting my jaw and my cheeks. We did not break the contact between our hands as we were reaching a park, not far from the academy and we stopped in the middle of it. The world was turning, we were exactly seven billions of persons breathing and living at the same time but I was the only one, feeling the eternity inside my whole body and my heart when our lips crashed against each other. Her hands resting against my cheekbones as mine where tightly gripping her hips. Our hair was wet, our bodies pressed against each other, our tongues discovering each other in a rough and unexpected kiss. No one was around and we let ourselves express our feelings. My breath was warmly sweeping her cheeks as we were devouring each other’s mouth, it was addicting and delicious the way her tongue slides against mine, sending chills inside my whole body. We finally broke the kiss, our reds lips asking for more.

“I was searching for you..” She asked me, her tears mixing with the rain as mine were doing the same.  We were both breathing heavily, our lips still close from each other.

“So do I.. unconsciously..”

“Jessica !” We suddenly both turned our heads, alarmed by the voice. It was Donghae, my boyfriend. He was smiling, it was suggesting that he did not caught us. He walked towards me, giving me his cardigan and wrapping it around my shoulders. I was still holding Sooyoung by her hips and it get noticed by Hae.

“We.. we were.. it’s an old friend and.. we just bumped into each other and..” Everything was slowing up again, I had a hard time letting my eyes open but she saved me.

“I am Sooyoung Choi” Her voice was calm but I swear that I just broke her heart, she’s not stupid, she knows who he is.

“I am Lee Donghae, nice to meet you” He smiled at her and I looked at him then back at her and I stepped back and walked away, both of them looking at me with distinct feelings, pain and confusion. They did not tried to catch me up. 

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Hi, thank you for your comments I always read them and it gives me the strenght to go on ! It is a beautiful and sad chapter but I promise you readers not to hurt you.