Kris sat in his bed staring at the white wall. His head had finally stopped throbbing and the doctor told him that he would be free to leave soon. He couldn’t however forget how sad and broken Tao had looked when he had visited.

Rubbing the bridge of his nose he signed, ‘I didn’t mean to make Tao worry.’

The doctors didn’t say anything about contacting his parents, but he knew that they didn’t care. His dad was probably too drunk to remember anything from that night and his mom didn’t have the guts to do anything about it.

He was resting his eyes when he heard the door to his room slide open. If it was the doctor he didn’t want to talk and there wasn’t anyone who would visit him so he just kept his eyes closed.

The soft pad of slippers on the floor was heard and then a soft sigh. Kris felt the bed dip down and he smelled the faint smell of peaches. Cracking an eye he saw Tao resting his head on his bed with his eyes closed. He was about to say something, but Tao started talking first.

“Kris… I was so scared seeing you in all of that blood. I didn’t know what to do. Please don’t scare me like that. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

Kris saw a tear form in the corner of Tao’s eye; gently he reached up and brushed it away.

Tao sat up surprised and a smile spread across his face.

“Kris you’re awake!”

“Yeah I am. I thought you were the doctor so I was going to pretend I was asleep.”

“You shouldn’t do that! What if the doctor had something important to say?! What if the doctor needed to give you medicine?! Don’t do that Kris!” Tao screamed.

Kris just stared wide eyed as he tried to calm Tao down.

“Shh ok ok I’m sorry I promise that I’ll never do it again ok?” Tao was panting from his rant but he nodded and put his head back down on the bed embarrassed from his outburst.

“Sorry I was just worried about you.”

Kris ruffled Tao’s hair, “I’m glad. I worry about you too, but don’t worry soon I’ll be out of this place back into the real world and you will be too.”

Tao smiled sadly at Kris’s positivity. He knew that in reality neither of them would have that future, but he just nodded.

“So how are you feeling lately? No more fevers right”

“Nope. I’m doing fine.”

“That’s good.”

“What about you? Any stomach pain, side pain?”

“Nope.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yup.”

“Check now, does it hurt?”

“No Tao.”

“Are you sure?”

Kris sighed and sat up glaring at Tao, “Tao… is there something that you need to tell me? You’re acting weird.”

“N-no! Nothing!” Tao buried his head in his arms to avoid eye contact with Kris.

Kris was still suspicious, but decided to leave it alone. He lay back into the pillows and reached out. Gently he stoked Tao’s hand with this thumb as he closed his eyes.

Eventually he dozed off and when he woke up Tao was gone.

“Well you should be ok to leave now. However if you want to stay you can.” Yixing said as he looked Kris up and down. He had requested to take over Kris’s case from the other doctor.

“Nope, don’t have any interest in staying here.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like to stay just a little longer? To rest?”

Kris smirked, “Aww don’t tell me you’re worried about me doc? Don’t worry I’m a big boy I’ll be fine.”

The doors closed and Kris found himself back out in the cold world. He started wandering the streets remembering that he didn’t have a home that he could go back to. If he went home his dad would probably try to kill him and he lost contact with his friends once he started trying to be clean. Burying his hands in his pockets he headed off to a small coffee shop near the hospital. It was warm inside and he found a seat in the back corner.

A waiter approached the table and cleared his throat to catch Kris’s attention, “Excuse me sir, can I take your… oh Kris.”

Kris looked up to find Kyungsoo standing over him.

“Hey.”

“You haven’t been at school for a while. Where have you been?”

“Around.”

“I see, well are you going to order anything?”

“Yeah just give me a coffee, black.”

“Ok.”

Kyungsoo walked away and returned with a cup of steaming black coffee which Kris took his time drinking. It started getting dark and Kris realized that he would have to leave soon. Stepping into the street again he shivered. Finally he gave in and dialed up one of his former friends.

“Ello?” a voice slurred. ‘Great he’s drunk.’ Kris thought to himself.

“Hey it’s Kris. Can I come over?”

“Krrriisss? Didn’t you quit this ?”

“Eh I could use a hit or so. Can I come over or not?”

“Yeah man come on overrr.”

Kris hung up the phone and headed off to his friends house. The smell of smoke, alcohol, and vomit entered his nostrils and he grimaced.

‘Is that what I used to smell like?’ he thought has he remembered meeting Tao after being in an atmosphere like this one.

Girls were passed out on the floor, but many of the guys were still doing shots and taking pills in the living room. Kris took a seat as the feeling returned to his fingers and toes.

“Ayo Kris! Here!” a beer was tossed his way and he opened it hesitantly. Taking a sip he felt the burn on his tongue. It didn’t taste nearly as good as he remembered it.

Looking over he noticed a bowl in the middle of the coffee table filled with assorted pills. He knew the game all too well. Grab a handful of pills and swallow. You never knew what would be in there since people would grab pills from anywhere you could imagine. The first person went and immediately passed out. They group cheered and continued on. Finally everyone, but Kris had take some.

“Hey Kris there’s plenty here, why don’t you take handful.”

“That’s ok.”

“Come on man have some fun.”

“It’s alright I’m not in the mood.”

A guy stood up and glared at Kris, “Hey man, you can’t just come here to loiter, either participate in the fun or get out.”

Kris sighed and got up, he had no where to go so this was the only choice.

Reaching in, he took a handful and chugged it down with a swig of beer. Sitting back on the couch he felt fine at first, but suddenly his vision swam.

Grabbing his gut, he groaned. It was throbbing and pulsing and soon he vomited. Once he started he couldn’t stop and the last thing he remembered was someone shouting to call 911.

He passed in and out of consciousness. The first time he opened his eyes there was a paramedic standing over him telling him that it would be alright before securing an oxygen mask over his face. The next time he was in the ambulance with another paramedic pumping his chest as the first shouted something he couldn’t understand. He remained unconscious for what felt like weeks before his eyes struggled to open.

Looking around he realized that he was back in the hospital. He groaned and leaned over the bed to vomit. However he only dry heaved and coughed. He tried to stay awake, but found he was too tired to do so.

When he awoke there was a doctor reading the machine that he was attached to.

“Ah Kris good to see you made it through the night. You’re a very lucky man. When we found you your vital were dangerously low. We had to pump your stomach and administer nearly 3 different formulas of fluids. Dr. Yixing was up nearly two nights making sure that you were ok.”

‘Yixing?’ Kris thought because he was too weak to speak.

“Just rest for now. Dr. Yixing wanted to speak with you when you were ready. I’ll let him know that you’ve woken up. He should be around within the next few days.

The doctor was true to his word and Yixing entered his room two days later.

“Kris, I wish I could say that I was happy to see you again, but in this situation I cannot. What the hell were you thinking? You were in here just a bit ago for this same incident, but you said it wouldn’t happen yet here you are. You said that you would get clean for Tao, but I guess that was a lie. Tao means nothing to you. All you care about are drugs and alcohol.”

“That’s not true!” Kris rasped.

“It’s not?! Then why did we find you passed out with vomit spilling down your chest. You had alcohol in your system and so many different kinds of drugs they still haven’t all been identified. You’re killing your body Kris! Stop doing stupid stuff like this or you’re going to die!”

“Shut up! You don’t know what you’re talking about! I’ve been doing stuff like this for nearly my entire life and I’m still here aren’t I?! Don’t try to lecture me on you know nothing about!”

“You’re right. I know nothing about this stuff, only the medical side, but do you want to know something that I know you don’t?”

“What could that be?”

“Your liver is failing Kris. You’re going to die in a few months at best. Your ‘fun’ or ‘stuff’ is killing you and it will kill you. I didn’t want to let you know this way, but there isn’t any easy way to say it.” Yixing’s voice started strong and ended in a whisper.

Kris sat pale white staring at the wall. After a few minutes he finally spoke.

“I-I’m… going to… die?”

Yixing nodded, “I’m sorry. You could survive with a transplant, but you’re currently at the bottom of the list and by the looks of it, there’s no way for you to receive a donor in time. We can do treatments to prolong your life, but that’s about it.”

“Does Tao know?”

Yixing was surprised by the question, “Um yes he does.”

“I see.” ‘So that’s why he was so worried about me.’

“Look Kris, I want to help you if you’ll let me. We can get you a permanent room here at the hospital where we can begin treatments and we can keep an eye on you.”

Kris just nodded, it’s not like he had anywhere else to go.

Yixing could see that Kris was done talking. Getting up he gave him a sympathetic look, “I’m truly sorry Kris, you’re a great kid.”

Kris didn’t even notice that Yixing had left. He was still staring at the white wall that surrounded him.

‘I’m going to die.’

A small breath.

‘I’m going to die.’

A quick breath.

‘I’m going to die.’

A gasp.

“I’m going to die.”

A whisper.

He slid out of the bed and onto his feet despite his screaming joints. Slowly he walked to the bathroom and pushed the door open. He stared in the mirror at his face. It was pale and tinted blue in some areas. His eyes were red and bloodshot with dark circles the bottom.

Suddenly his face scrunched and he slammed his fist into the mirror shattering it to pieces and drawing blood from his hand. Taking a shard he dug it into his wrist ignoring the pain. Warm red blood oozed from the wound and pooled on the floor.

Breathing heavily he took another shard and slammed it into the other wrist. He knew that the nose would call nurses, but he hoped they would be too late. Sliding down onto the floor he watched as red covered his surroundings. His breath became shallow and he felt dizzy.

‘Is this what death feels like?’ Kris asked himself.

‘I guess I’ll find out soon.’ He thought before he fell unconscious. 

Thank you to everyone who's supported me and this story! I love you all! 

Please comment, upvote, and subscribe for more updates!

Thanks again!