I'm back to where I started.

Depressed, often in misery and a drunkard.

The pain I got when I was admitted to the hospital months ago came back.... strange, but I thought I would get pain often due to the disease...why am I in pain only when I drink?

My room became a mess, there were empty soju bottles everywhere. I kept myself locked up in the room and ate very little. My motivation to live fruitfully had disappeared like how soo jung did. My motivation is never going to come back, and so is soo jung.

My problem with jong dae hadn't been settled. I had wanted to talk to him, but after what happened with soo jung, I can't be bothered. I can't be bothered with anything anymore. I don't want to think about anything. I don't want to think about soo jung or jong dae or mum. Let me be. I don't care if the house is on fire right now. If that fire can help end my misery, then let me.

I tried killing off myself several times but was stopped by my servants. LET ME DIE. RIGHT NOW. I have nothing else left to live for. Nothing. A wealthy heir with a terminal disease, and he who had nobody else beside his deathbed.

But,

do I truthfully want to die now? What was that moment of hesitation I had every time before I tried to kill myself? I could quickly jump down a building before anyone can stop me. Why didn't I?

Because Soo jung had changed me entirely. My change was not like smoking. Where the bad roots keep showing. She changed me from deep within. I realized this fact when I know I had no true desire to kill myself. Soo jung taught me not to waste my time away.Jong in, why are you succumbing to this situation?

I had no time left. Soo jung may be gone, but I will remember what she had taught me intently. All I can do now is to make up with jong dae. I hope I have lived up to your expectations, soo jung.

I literally dig out the envelope from my drawers. The health report I got on the day I met soo jung. The healthy report I collected from butler Kim after I met soo jung.

Carefully, I opened the envelope, revealing the white sheet of report which I had only seen once, months ago. I scanned through the words, reading everything. This will knock some sense into my drunk brains. Read carefully, jong in. It said you had no time left. What are you going to do?

"HEALTH REPORT : ANONYMOUS. BLOOD TYPE : O+. RESULTS : HEREDITARY HORMONETHEA SECTURNASIA. IT IS A HEREDITARY TRANSFERRABLE DISEASE. SYMPTOMS INCLUDES CONSTANT PAIN, CHEST PAIN, HEADACHE, INTERNAL BLEEDING. 1 YEAR OF LIFE SPAN LEFT ONCE SYMPTOMS APPEAR. NO CURE CURRENTLY AVAIL..." the health report reads.

I took some time to absorb the report, and tilted my head.

I suddenly recalled back that Jong dae had taken the same test as me on the same day and same time. Hereditary meant that the disease can be passed on to the sons. What if Jong dae has it too?

What kind of a brother am I? All these while I had never once thought that Jong dae could also get the same disease as me. I was selfish, self-centered and reckless. What have I been doing?

I couldn't find Jong dae anywhere. The only place to get my answer....is to question the one who had taken care of the reports, Mr Kim.