In my backyard, I was reading a newspaper while having my morning americano. On the loud speaker phone was Soo jung. She was on her way to school.

"Are you sure you don't need me to fetch you?" I said, worried.

"I am already 21, jong in!" she says as she brushes me off.

We call each other often.

I liked hearing her talk.

Then Mr Kim silently walk towards me with his head held low.

I guess my meeting time is here.

"I'll talk to you later," I said to soo jung on the phone and hung up dejectedly.

"Ok I'm ready, let's go," I say to Mr Kim.

As we walked towards the car, I recalled back to the first day I had come to know about my illness.

I was in pain then.

Weirdly, I haven't been feeling any pain ever since.

"Don't you find it weird, Mr Kim?" I asked casually.

But Mr Kim suddenly felt awkward. He shifted his body unnaturally and his gaze dare not look at me.

My most trusted butler was hiding something from me. I need to find out.

"Hyung!" A voice I detested sounded from behind.

I closed my eyes, tilted my head and bit my lips. Then I turned back slowly and stared at Jong dae sternly.

"Don't sound so affectionate, I hate that."

Jong dae's eyes shifted to the ground, his lips curled downwards and sighed.

"I just..wanted to talk to you.' he says softly.

"I'm busy," I replied him coldly and walked back to the car without turning back.

I really cherished the times we spent together.

But ever since he told me those words in the birthday party, I can't see him as the same jong dae anymore.

I always tell him coldly that I hated him so much. But Jong dae never said he hated me, even when we fought alot, not even once. Never.

"Please don't say you hate me, hyung. " he would always tell me this in reply, "hate is a forbidden word."

Hate is a forbidden word..... I repeated those words in my head as Mr Kim started the car and drove off.

But Jongdae, please explain to me these negative feelings I'm feeling towards you.

Sorry but I hxxx you, Jongdae. I really do.