“..Let me apologize one more time…” he said quietly, almost like he doesn’t want say whatever he is going to say.

“I’m sorry for loving you..”

Fresh tears rolled down my face as I looked right into his eyes. I’ve always wanted a guy to love me, I thought it would be the best feeling ever. But I’m wrong. I would’ve never thought that being loved and loving someone could hurt this much. It hurts so bad that I wish that they didn’t love me, that way I won’t have to go through this excruciating pain. My heart sting; it’s throbbing in pain, asking for mercy. I want to deny the fact that I love the two most important people in my life, I want to deny that fact that they also love me.

“..y-you..don’t love me..” I stuttered through my sobs.

“that’s what I told myself, but I know that’s not true. I’ve fallen in love with you ever since grade 2. Ever since then, I would always lie to myself and deny the fact that I like you, but the harder I try the harder I fall for you. As we got older, my feelings for you just won’t stop growing. I wanted to protect you, I want to be there for you.”

“..but you left me..” I grumbled.

“I had to. At one point, I forced myself to hate you because I didn’t want to like you. I didn’t want to lose you if things didn’t work out. I thought that if we created some distance, then I would stop liking you as more than just a friend.” he said angrily.

“...you have no idea how much pain I had to go through…” I muttered, remembering how difficult it was for me ever since I confessed and he left. I blamed myself for losing him, I would reread our old conversations and think about our memories together, I would search for him every time we are at school, just to see his face.

“It was hard for me too..I would smile at our old memories and cry about the fact that you are not with me anymore. I looked for you through the crowds during school and even when I am out somewhere, in hopes that I would see your face, just to ease my aching heart. I blamed myself for the torture I put myself through. You have no idea how hard it was to see you with Jackson.”

“did you think it was easy for me to see you with SeMi??” I glared at him. Although the pain that we both went through are equal, he made it sound it was harder for him.

“yes, because I don’t actually love her. But I see the way you look at Jackson, I know because you used to look at me that way” he knitted his eyebrows together. That last sentence definitely hit my heart. It made me realize that Mark didn’t actually like SeMi, he wasn’t in love with her. But I am in love with Jackson, and Mark can see it.

“..I still look at you that way..” I admitted.

“I’m glad that you do..” a faint smile spread across his angelic face, giving me the urge to place my lips onto those plump lips.

“..stay still..” I let the words slip out of my mouth and inched closer to his face until our noses touched, and hesitated before closing the rest of the distance. I know I will regret this later, but right now this is something that I really need.

-------

“Is it official?” BuRin grinned as we walked out of PE together. It’s been a week since the kiss happened. At first it was definitely awkward because it was the first time we have ever kissed. Even when we were little, we didn’t peck each other on the cheek. So after the kiss, he brought me back home, even though I refused to because I didn’t want to face my mom. But I decided that it was best for me to be in the environment I am most comfortable with to digest everything that has happened. Eventually we got closer than before; relationship wise. We would walk to school together and hold hands sometimes. He would walk me home and before I walk inside we would hug. I am definitely a lot happier and less zombie like for the past week. My heart is slowing starting to heal. You must be wondering if I have forgotten about Jackson. I wish I did. He is the reason why I won't heal completely. He is always in the back of my mind and in my heart. I do miss him, I haven't seen him in at least a month because he is busy with school and fencing. But then again why would he want to see someone who just walked out on him like that? After he told me that he loves me, I just walk away. I would hate myself if I were him. But I really want to see him, just to see how he is doing. There are times where I want to run into his arms and have him catch me. I want to hear his voice again, his crazy laugh, inhale his scent. I miss him.

"hey" Mark's voice made me jump. I almost feel guilty for even thinking of Jackson while I'm with Mark.

"so are you guys official?" BuRin asked Mark in a rather loud volume. I rolled my eyes and looked at Mark to see that JB is also with him. The both of them also came out of PE.

"who is official? " a deep and booming voice of a male echoed in the almost empty gymnasium. We all turned our attention to one of our counselors, Mr. Park walking into the gym with a piece of paper in his hand and someone following behind him. We peeked behind the tall mid-fifties man to see someone we did not expect. The person I was just thinking of walked into the gym with the school counselor. That could only mean one thing. My breath got caught in my throat as I continued to look at the person I hurt standing right infront of me. He got a bit darker, his jaw is even more chiseled and strong. He also got bigger, as in more buff. Overall he looked good. But there is something  about him that is not the same as before.

"uh... " BuRin stuttered, completely shocked to see Jackson and having no idea how to reply to Mr. Park because Jackson is there.

"you kids know Jackson right?"  Mr. Park changed the subject.

"yeah of course" JB is the only one that managed to function after the shocking appearance. "dude, what are you doing here?"  he added as he walked up to Jackson to give him a high-five/pulling him in for a manly hug thing. Jackson gladly greeted his friend and patted him on the back.

"Jackson transferred to this school because we have a better fencing program, he will be representing our school" Mr. Park smiled proudly. My heart dropped to my stomach and I can feel that I am turning pale. He is kidding right?? Jackson is transferring to this school. The school that Mark and I both go to. The school where everyone assume that Mark and I are dating now. The school where rumors spread faster than a forest fire.

"yo man are you serious?? Do the kids know about this??" JB asked excitedly.

"no, didn't tell them yet" Jackson finally said something. His voice chimed in my ears, reminding me of his beautiful voice.

"let's go tell them!!" JB quickly dragged Jackson out of the gym. Specifically away from me.

"so are you guys official?? " Mr. Park asked teasingly. He is one of the few teachers/adults in this school that students actually like and respect. He is the type that gets along with  everyone.

"Umm.." I mumbled, absent minded. I am still trying to let the fact that Jackson is going to be in this school from now on sink in. I am most likely going to see him everyday, and even have classes with him.

"you don't need to know!! " BuRin sang in front of Mr.Park's face teasingly.

"come on guys, let's go!"  BuRin hurried us out of the gym. I tried my hardest to not look shocked anymore, but it's hard. Knowing the fact that my ex whom I still have feelings for will be attending this school.

"stop it. You are hurting Mark." BuRin hissed in my ear, in a volume low enough for only me to hear. After getting her warning, I completely snapped out of my confused and shocked state to turn back to look at Mark. I flashed him a goofy smile, making him chuckle. Okay. I need to get my feelings straight. I am with Mark now; my best friend, my first crush, my superhero. Jackson was the past. Even if I still have feelings for him, I just need time. I just need time to erase our memories and my feelings.

"you are so slow!!  We are going to be late for science! " I yelled at Mark dramatically.

" have fun!" BuRin teased and skipped away to her next class.

Mark and I strolled into our science class together and walked to the second row near the back, where our seats are. Moments later, JB and Jackson walked in. Crap.

The seating plan is: JB, Mark, me and the only empty seat in the classroom. Mr. Lee assigned each and everyone of us a specific seating plan in the beginning of the year and we must stick to it. I then hear the chair to my right being pulled out and someone sitting down. The familiar scent wafted up my nose, making me feel at home and comfortable.

"oh!!!! Sh*t gonna go down!!!" DoMin howled wildly since Mr. Lee  is not in the room yet. I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to deal with him. Feeling tension in the air, I decided to open my eyes, just to see if anything is going on. Fortunately, no one has stood up and no one is on the floor with a bloody nose. Instead, I see Mr.Lee standing in front of the classroom with his eyebrows slightly furrowed together.

“seems like we have a new student..” he crossed his arms over his broad chest. Jackson stood up and bowed politely

“come up here to introduce yourself” Mr.Lee beckoned his hand. Jackson followed his order and made his up to the front of the class. As he walked up, the girls obviously checked him out and fangirled about his good looks.

“Annyeonghasaeyo, I’m Jackson” he bowed in a slightly rude way. He kind of looked like he didn’t want to do this.

“YEAH!! JACKSON WANGGG” DoMin cheered, earning himself a deadly glare from Jackson, rolled eyes and clenched jaw from me.

"what a .. " JB coughed, making the class, including myself giggle. DoMin quiet down after being owned by JB and Jackson returned back to his seat beside me. I stole a glance at him from the corner of my eye to see that he is looking straight ahead. No emotions on his handsome face. I want to talk to him. I have no idea about what. But I just want to hear his voice speak to me.

"okay class, let's continue with where we left off" Mr. Lee instructed and everyone began to flip to a certain page on our textbooks. I glanced over at Jackson again to see his textbook still closed as if he doesn't care.

"... Page 124.." I whispered under my breath, not expecting him to hear but he reached for his textbook lazily and flipped to page 124. I definitely want this awkwardness and uncomfortable feeling between us to go away. We weren't even this awkward when we first met.

I then hear a soft purr to my left, it sounds like someone is snoring. I turned to look at Mark with his arms on the table and his head hung low. From the front you can't tell whether or not he is sleeping or just reading the textbook. But from my angle, I can definitely see his eyes are closed and his lips are parted ever so slightly. I rolled my eyes and can't help but to smile at how cute Mark is. His head dropped lower and lower, until his arms slipped off the table. Just as his head was about to hit the table, I caught his forehead and pushed his head all the way back up. He looks completely awake now and looked around to see if anyone saw it. He then looked at me to see me giggling as quietly as possible. I mocked him by pretending that I was asleep and was about to slam my head into the table. Mark narrowed his eyes at me and a evil grin spread across his face. All of a sudden, I feel my chair tip backwards, making my feet lift off the ground. I gasped and reached for the table so I won't fall. I put my feet back  onto the sturdy ground. After catching my breath, I glared at Mark and he only grinned.

-----

"we should have a party at our hangout!!" BamBam suggested after we all gathered around in front of the school. The day finally ended and I am exhausted. Not physically, but mentally. I've been trying to digest what has happened today for the whole entire day.

"I'm in!"

"I'm down for it!"

"let's go!"  

The guys cheered happily and BuRin smiled excitedly. As much as I want to hang out with these dorks, I can't. I don't want to ruin it for Jackson. He probably hates me and would feel awkward if I was there.

"I'm not going, I'm tired and I have a lot of homework to do" I said honestly, but just not adding the main reason why I'm not going.

"awwe!! Noona!!" BamBam pouted. I shrugged and smiled at him, telling him that there is nothing I can do about it.

"I'll walk you home" Mark offered. I turned to look at him. Even though it's not necessary for him to walk me home on such a beautiful day, I still want him to. Being with him helps me clear my mind and I definitely need to do that right now.

"no its fine, go with the guys" I turned down his offer.

"at least let me walk you to the bus stop" he pleaded. I furrowed my eyebrows at the fact that he gets a bit protective at times, but it's cute.

"fine.." I sighed.

"you guys are so cute!" YoungJae fan boyed. I rolled my eyes jokingly and then remembered that Jackson is still here. While with Mark, I completely forgot about him for a minute. I feel terrible for having him see this kind of interaction with Mark right in front of him. He may still have feelings for me, and he is probably still healing from his broken heart. But here I am, flirting  with another guy right in front of his eyes. It's like adding salt to a wound.

"let's go" Mark nudged me a bit. I nodded and turned to steal a look at Jackson by pretending to look at BuRin. His face was dark. Not his skin tone, but his mood and the way his jaw clenched tightly. The top half of his face is covered by the shadow created from his hat, but I can tell that his eyes are staring holes into the little bit of space in between Mark and I.

"don't have too much fun" I warned BuRin in a teasing way and the guys howled and nudged BamBam. It is obvious that they both have feelings for each other and they both know too. But they are just not official yet.

"bye" I waved at all of them, including Jackson.

"see you guys later" Mark bid his goodbye and we both walked side by side towards the bus stop which is around the corner.

"Okay, what do you want?" I asked immediately, after knowing that we are far enough so they won't hear.

"what do you mean?" Mark tried to play dumb.

"why do you want to walk me home so badly? And I don't even need to go to the bus stop" I pointed out some evidence to prove that he is being suspicious.

"I wanted to make sure that you were safe" he said. Although I know that he is not lying, I still know there is something else.

"hey look a slug!" he pointed right in front of my feet. I froze, afraid to take another step. I unwilling looked down to see nothing. I glared at him and he flashed me a bright smile. I really can't seem to get whatever it is out of this guy.

"You're hiding something.. " I muttered.

"am I?"  he played dumb again.

"can you just tell me??" I pleaded, throwing away my ego. If I want to know or want something I won't give up until I get it. He remained silent, making my curiosity grow even more.

"is it a good or bad thing?" I asked.

"depends.. " he shrugged. I got annoyed with him, so I decided to smack him hard on the arm. His arm is a lot harder than I expected.

"did you flex?? "  I asked with my eyebrows raised.

".. Maybe..." he shrugged, I rolled my eyes and let out a chuckle.

I swear, this guy can cause me so much pain, but at the same time relief my pain. He can make me forget about what is happening and just live in the moment. His deep and soothing voice is like music to my ears. His dark brown eyes looked like it belonged to a puppy. The way those eyes always look so tired, but will lighten up right away when you mention something he likes. His charming smile is like the sun after a storm. Everything about him just makes me feel comfortable to be around him. He makes me feel safe.

"here is the bus stop" he pointed out that we have arrived to where he said he would walk me to.

"still not gonna tell me huh?" I asked. He just looked at me with nothing coming out of his mouth. I rolled my eyes at him and walked over to push the light to cross the street. Cars continued to rush through the busy intersection and I patiently waited for the little figure to appear on the light.

"Wait" Mark finally said a word, right after the light changed. I stopped myself from stepping foot onto the road and turned around to look at him.

"what??" I asked hurriedly, hoping that I won't miss my chance to cross.

"you didn't hug me" he pouted. I looked at him in disbelief, but also in awe. The small hugs actually matter to him. Letting the cuteness take over my anger, I left the light and walked back to him. I s my arms around his waist and secured it there. He wrapped his arms around my my shoulders and right underneath my head. This feels natural now that we've done it quite a few times. I nuzzled my face into his chest for a second and then pulled away like usual. But this time it's different. I tried to let go, but he didn't. His arms are still around me not tightly but securely. As if he is afraid to lose me or something.

"um.. " I mumbled, feeling a bit awkward for such a long hug out in public. Especially near the school.

"I'm counting down"  he said still with his arms around me.

"for what?" I asked

"for the ending" he said. I furrowed my eyebrows together, trying to figure what he is talking about.

"you will have to give me a hug everyday until the end" he said and then let go. I looked up at him and he is smiling that charming smile of his.

"promise?" he stuck out his pinky. I looked at it, still confused of what he is talking about. The end as in.. Our friendship.. Relationship.. Lives? Whatever it could be, I'll figure it out later. It's not that bad hugging Mark everyday until whenever anyways. I wrapped my pinky around his and then tapped out thumbs together to lock our promise.

"I promise" I smiled.

HAY GUYSSSS!!! HEHE I finally updated!!!! Sorry, I’ve been super busy lately and I didn’t know what to write!! I had too many ideas all at once! I hope you liked this long awaited chapter though! Sorry if this chapter seems a bit rushed!!! But there will be some drama going on later..;) Can you guys guess where “I know because you used to look at me that way” is from??? LOOL I am going to apologize in advance for my hiatus after this chapter 3 I’m sorry!!! I have exams coming up D:!

Anyways!!! Until next time! LOVE YOU GUYS <3