Today is the day I step inside the school to say goodbye forever. I'm going to leave my best friends. I am now making my way over to the cafeteria with a bunch of books and belongings in my arms that I collected from my locker. I see all of them gathered around 'our'  table. Mark and Jackson is also here today. A part of me is glad that I get to see them one last time but another part of me is crying. Crying about the fact that I won't see them again after today. BuRin looked up to see me and she immediately told the guys to shut up and look at me. I confidently walked up to then with a smile I forced onto my face.

"hey guys" I nodded my head at them. I looked at each and everyone of them, and they all look like they are about to break down and cry. Looks like BuRin already told them.

"umm" I tried to think of a way to start this while I put my stuff down onto the table to buy some time. And to blink my tears away. I can't cry in front of them, I don't want to leave behind a sad mood.

".. Noona.. " Yugyeom broke the silence. I took a shaky deep breath and looked up at the makane. He is standing right in front of me, pretty much blocking me from everyone else at the table. And I appreciate that, because I can't face them yet.

"... Thank you.."  I whispered and let a tear roll down my cheek while still hiding behind Yugyeom's tall figure. I took another deep breath and wiped away my tears, then stepped out of Yugyeom's shield.

"Umm... I'm transferring schools.. " I said quietly but loud enough for them to hear. Everyone just looked at me, with nothing to say. They don't look surprised, but instead they look.. Understanding.

"... thank you guys so much for the.. Amazing memories.."  I stuttered, tears threatening to spill and still nothing is coming out of them, nothing but silence.

"can I get a hug?" I asked with a faint smile. They stood up, waiting for me to hug them one at a time. I blinked a few more times to push back my tears and then stepped into Yugyeom's arms first.

"always here for you" he said softly before letting go.

"thank you.. You are the best" I whispered. I then proceeded to YoungJae who greeted me with his bright smile. The smile that is always there to light up the day.

"don't forget us" he chuckled, making me giggle.

"never" I promised.

"Stay strong" Jr. patted my back.

"I will" I smiled.

"you know who to call when you need to teach someone a lesson" BamBam said making me laugh.

"not you, that's for sure" I .

"Just remember everything will be okay in the end" JB hugged me a bit tighter than everyone else.

"thank you.. " I breathed and let a tear roll onto his shirt. After letting go of JB, I see that Jackson is next in line followed by Mark. I hesitated for a while before deciding what to do. Should I hug them? Or should I just completely ignore them? This will be the last time I will be seeing them though. But if I do hug them, I'm afraid I won't let go. But if I don't hug them now, I will regret it. With a deep breath, I closed my eyes to let my tears roll back inside. I clenched my jaw and looked up into Jackson's eyes for the first time in a while. His dark brown eyes are even darker than before. His face is straight, but I can see that he is suffering at this very moment. I feel my tears welling up again and I'm afraid this time I won't be able to hold it back. So I quickly walked into his arms right before my tears fell so he won't see it. His familiar scent engulfed me and his arms naturally wrapped around me. Just like how they used to. I secured my arms around his waist and we just stood there for a while. No words are being exchanged, just pure silence and my tears slowly soaking his shirt.

"don't leave" he finally whispered. I only let a few more tears roll down my face and shook my head "I'm sorry"  I breathed and finally let go of him. I kept my head down, to keep him from seeing my tears even though he probably know that I was crying the whole time. I looked over at where Mark was standing, but he is not there anymore. My heart sank and I looked around the cafeteria, trying to look for him. Where could he be at this moment? He was right there, now he is gone. Did he get jealous of Jackson? I was going to hug him right after. Can't he just stay for a little bit longer, long enough for me to want to change my mind about this whole situation. I gave up looking for him and stepped back to face everyone.

"I'm going to miss you guys" I put a faint smile on my face.

"we will be hanging out right?" YoungJae asked with his adorable smile.

"of course" I nodded with a smile. I quickly glanced down at my phone, checking the time as an excuse to not let them see my tears.

"Umm I have to go now, my da- someone is waiting outside" I looked up. The guys became quiet and just looked at me, then closed the distance between all of us into a group hug and I am squished in the middle of this bittersweet hug.

"let us take you out" Jr. insisted, but I quickly turned down his offer.

"no no, it's fine BuRin is taking me"

I then notice BuRin giving them a sharp glare, hinting that I won't be able to handle it if they sent me off.

"okay,  let's go" BuRin dragged me away from them after noticing that I have a hint of wanting to just stay here forever.

"I'm going to miss you guys, please take care of yourselves" I waved as I walked away with BuRin. I looked at every single one of their faces one last time. Jackson stood in the back of the group, but he is standing out the most. Someone else that is standing out is Mark and he is not even here, but I am still thinking of him.

“take care!” they waved with comforting smiles on their faces. After returning a smile, I turned around and bit my lips to keep me from crying out loud. I avoided any eye contacts while walking out of the school with BuRin. Although most people don’t know that I’m leaving, I’m sure they could sense something by the fact that I am carrying all my books and belongings in my arms. On top of that, my teary eyes are giving a big hint.

“_____!” Junie’s voice rang down the hallway. I quickly blinked my eyes and looked up to see her running towards us.

“I heard you are leaving, is this true?!” she held my shoulders since my hands are full.

“umm yeah..” I mumbled.

“is it because of the Mark and Jackson thing??” she asked with wide eyes, I can also see a spark of excitement in her eyes.

“come on, your dad is waiting outside” BuRin dragged me away from the unwanted question.

“I’m going to miss you!” Junie gave me a weird hug due to all the books in my arms.

“yeah me too” I said awkwardly.

BuRin and I finally managed to walk outside to the parking lot where my ‘dad’ is waiting without causing much attention. Of course there were whispers here and there, but nothing too major. After BuRin helped me with loading my stuff in the trunk, we stopped and looked at each other for a while.

"I'm going to miss you" she pouted, tears beginning to well up.

" hey we would still talk and hang out right?" I assured her.

"but still.. I can't believe we are not going to graduate together..." she officially cried and that made me cry. Now we are just a crying mess. I pulled her into a hug and we just cried on each other's shoulders.

"I'm sorry I'm being so selfish" I cried.

"do whatever that makes you happy, I'm always on your side no matter what." she patted my back.

"doing this will make them happy and knowing that they are happy is good enough for me" I continued to cry.

"you are not selfish at all.. You are completely opposite, you'd rather be the one taking all the pain"

"that's what happens when you love someone.. " I sighed.

" love is a scary thing huh?" BuRin giggled bitterly as we pulled away from the hug.

"yes.. Yes it is.. " I nodded.

BRINGGGG

" get to class" I pushed BuRin further away from me.

"I don't wanna" she came back like a magnet.

"I'll see you as soon as I settle down" I pulled her into a hug again.

"text me every single day" she held up her pinky finger and I gladly wrapped mine around it. BuRin spun around unwillingly and walked back into the school. After watching her leave, I took the opportunity to looked around in search for Mark. No where to be seen. I guess this is the end for us..

With a heavy heart, I opened the back door of the car and got inside. Sitting in the front meant that I forgave my dad and I am more comfortable with crying in the back anyways.

"ready?" he looked in the rear mirror to check on me.

"mhm" I hummed barely loud enough. The car moved away from the school and into the busy streets towards my new school and home for the time being. I looked out the window and the weather is not nice today. It's almost complimenting my mood. Gloomy and grey. It is summer right now, how could the weather be like this? Is everything really against me right now? Is everything just harder for me?

"your mom is on a business trip, what do you want for dinner tonight?" my dad asked, breaking the ice. I remained silent and continued to look out the window with tears rolling down my face silently.

"should we go out for dinner?" he continued to ask me questions that is not the most important thing to talk about right now. Why won't he bring up the fact that he left us all alone? Why won't he say how horrible he felt and how he regrets it? Or tell me that everything will be alright, this is just a nightmare? Why can't he protect me from all this? Why can't he be my superhero? Why can't he play the dad role?

"I don't have an appetite" I mumbled, clearly stating that I don't want to talk to him right now.

" princess, you have to eat something" he said something that he used to say.

"don't call me that" I grumbled. I am extra moody today, so everything I say or do will be extremely rude and just unacceptable, but I really don't give a crap right now. I just left the school I've been in for four years. I left my only best friend, I left my group of friends who were like family to me. I did all that to avoid two boys.

".. Why not?" he asked.

"because I don't call you dad anymore" I replied bluntly.

"you can start calling me dad again" he said quietly, almost like he is afraid of me.

"do you really think I would call you dad after all you've done to us?"

“I'm sorry, I regret it. I'm just... So sorry.. "

" do you think saying sorry will help get rid of the scars that you've caused? Saying sorry would erase the times when mom would cry herself to sleep? Apologies don't always fix mistakes.. " I finished my short rant and looked out the window again. No words were being exchanged during the entire ride to my new home. He only looked at me from the rear mirror once in a while. About 20 minutes later, he pulled into a rather decent house. Not as big as mom's, but big enough to know that he is doing well with whatever he is doing.

"we're here" my dad said and got out of the car to help with bringing my things into the house. I carried only a few books while he insisted to carry the rest. I cautiously stepped in and looked around, everything is rather clean for a guy living by himself.

"your room will be upstairs" he said and walked up the stairs and I followed.

"please make yourself feel at home" he put down my things and looked at me, but I avoided eye contact.

"I’ll let you settle down first, if anything just call me" he said and walked away from me, making sure to close the door behind him. Now that I am alone, I looked around and let everything sink in. The bed is smaller than mine at home, but it is really pretty. White bed sheets with some accents of the throw pillows. A desk facing the window that overlooked the street. Just a few decorations here and there. But it looks very put together. It's like he's been preparing for this for a long time. I sat down on the bed and took out my phone. It is now 2:45 pm. School still in session. I really shouldn't be texting BuRin, but who am I kidding?

To: BuRin

I'm in my new room

Not expecting her to reply right away, I locked my phone, but right after I hear a notification.

From: BuRin

How is it??

To:BuRin

Not bad.. It is actually really pretty..

From: BuRin

Awwwe that's nice your dad actually put the effort into decorating your room

To: BuRin

Pffft. Doing these little things won't change how he is.

From: BuRin

NOONA! THIS IS BAMBAM AND I MISS YOU ALREADY :(

I can't help but to let out a chuckle and I quickly replied.

To: BuRin

you just saw me like an hour ago LOL

From: BuRin

But still, you have no idea how lonely Mark hyung is right now.

My heart feels like someone poured salt on an open wound. It stings. So he purposely avoided me? When it was my last time to see him, he had to walk away.

From: BuRin

I'll talk to you later, I will kill BamBam for you :)

To: BuRin

Mmkkayy! Bye! <3

I left my convo with BuRin and scrolled through the rest of my contacts to see who to talk to. I don't really have to text the rest of the guys because I know that my arrival at my new place would spread like wild fire. Locking my phone, I lazily tossed it to one side of my bed and I just laid on my back. What else can I do other than to think?

I can't believe I actually left... Was this a good idea? Why do I feel like I'm  regretting it now? Maybe I should just move back. It's only been a couple hours and I already want to move back. How am I supposed  to survive the rest of life without them??

Bzzbzz

My phone vibrated and I patted all over my bed to look for it. I finally felt it and picked it up. After unlocking the screen I see that the message came from my mom.

From: mom

Honey, did you get there yet?

To: mom

Yeah I did

From: mom

How are you?

To: mom

I'm fine..

From: mom

Baby you are now living in your dad's house, he now has the responsibility to take care of you. If anything please talk to him. This is a time for you guys to bond.

To: mom

I don’t want to ‘bond’  

From: mom

I know you are as stubborn as hell, so please just do it for me? What has happened in the past is gone. Treasure the present.

To: mom

I'll try... But no promises...

From: mom

Thank you and stay strong my baby :) I love you <3

To:  mom

Love you too <3

With a heavy sigh, I put my phone back down and closed my eyes. Maybe I should just listen to my mom. If I still hold onto it, I am just causing myself more trouble and pain on top of everything else. And it seems like he is sorry, accepting him doesn't mean I will forgive him, it's more like getting another thing off both of our chests.

---------

After having a dream of myself falling off a cliff, I jolt up and looked around. The sun has set and my room is now dim, making it a bit scary since I am still new to this room. I reached for my phone and turned it on. The bright lights are killing my eyes, but seeing that some of the guys have messaged me made me feel better.

From: JB

Did you arrive to your new place?

To: JB

Yeah I did :)

From: Jr.

how you liking your new place?? You know if you don’t like the school there you can always come back :)

To: Jr.

I’m going to school tmr..LOL and I’m pretty sure I will like it there, heard there are a lot of cute guys ;)

From: Yugyeom

Noona! how are you?? I miss you already!!!

To: Yugyeom

I’m fine and I miss you too!!!

After replying to all of their messages, I got up and walked to the door. I have to remember that I am willing to accept him. For the sake of mom. I took a deep breath and then walked out. The hallway upstairs is dim, but downstairs’ kitchen lights are on. I made my way down to see that my dad is busy preparing something in front of the stove.

“eh hem..” I coughed awkwardly, trying to show that I am here. He quickly spun around and looked at me.

“Oh are you hungry? I just started to make some ramen, do you want some? I can make you something else if you want or you can order take out” he said everything in a blur.

“...ramen is fine…” I said and walked over to pour myself a glass of water.

“okay okay, it will be ready soon, go outside to watch some TV or something, make yourself feel at ho-, make yourself feel comfortable.” he changed his sentence a bit.

“thanks I’ll make myself feel at home” I said quietly and I could see that a small smile is on his face. I walked out with my glass of water and looked around the living room. There is not much to it. Just a large couch with some plain cushions and a loveseat by the large window. A large flat screen TV is mounted on the wall right above the fireplace. And a modern coffee table made of glass is sitting right in the middle of the room. I sat down on the couch and continued to look around my new ‘home’ until the smell of the savoury ramen got stronger and stronger.

“here you go” my dad placed a bowl of steaming ramen on the coffee table right in front of me. I only see one bowl of ramen being placed on the table so I looked at him.

“where is yours?” I asked.

“in the kitchen” he replied.

“why?”

“...I thought you would want some space..” he said quietly.

“no, it’s fine. Don’t change the way you live just because I am here. Just pretend that I don’t exist... Just like what you’ve been doing for years..” I added the last part without thinking, leaving him speechless and probably extremely guilty.

“I-” he began

“..about what I said earlier…” I interrupted him to prevent him from apologizing again.

“I didn’t mean to say it out loud..I just..I don’t know…” I mumbled.

“no no, it’s fine. I understand and you are right”

“look, I am trying to...accept you...but it is going to be hard because you have no idea how much you’ve hurt mom and I. To tell you the truth, the reason why I am here right now is because I have no other choice. If it was yesterday, I would’ve never let myself talk to you but because of what happened today, I just feel like taking at least one thing off my mind and that is the fact that I am living in the house of someone I hate so much. I really can’t deal with all this right now, and I know you’re sorry and guilty so I’m trying to make it easier for the both of us.” I summarized how I view this situation and looked down at my bowl of ramen.

“..I’m sorry..” he apologized again.

“stop apologizing, no matter how many times you apologize it won’t change the fact that you left us. And don’t give yourself the pressure of dealing with me and protecting me. You are no longer my superhero, someone else is...” I feel a lump forming in my throat at the thought of Mark and Jackson.

---------

So it’s been a week since I left. It is a bit less awkward between my dad and I. And as for school..well it’s tough. Not only is it hard to make new friends at this age, but because of the upcoming finals, nobody has the time to deal with the new girl. I’ve only managed to skype with the guys and BuRin because we are all too with busy studying to go out. By the guys, I meant everyone except for Mark and Jackson. Since the day I left, I haven’t seen them or heard from them. Maybe they have already forgotten about me, but I definitely have not forgotten about them. I feel like the harder I try to forget about them, the more I miss them. So I am just sitting here, with a pencil in my hand, textbooks and papers sprawled all around me and my headphones on. This is how I am going to spend my friday night. Studying for science while my heart is still broken.

BzzBzz

my phone lit up beside my textbook and I glanced over from my study sheet to look at who messaged me. Everytime my phone vibrates I would be hoping that it would be either Mark or Jackson and all times it’s neither of them. But this time..it’s different… Mark’s name appeared on my screen and my heart dropped to my stomach at the same time the butterflies woke up. I just stared at my phone, not knowing what to do. After about two minutes I finally managed to read his message.

From: Mark <3

can we talk? I’m outside

After reading his message, my eyes went from sleepy to wide awake. I read his message over and over again just to make sure that I am not imagining it. I ripped my headphones off, and sat up on the floor with my phone still in my hand. I even blinked  couple of times just to make sure this is real. Why is he here? Now? I got up and walked over to my window, one of the street lights is shining directly above him, making himself stand out very clearly. We made eye contact, but I immediately looked away, then walked away from the window. So am I supposed to go outside? Can I not? He would leave eventually right? What if he doesn’t? I looked at my phone and then towards the window, then back at my phone with an idea. He said he wanted to talk..why don’t we talk over text?

To: Mark<3

talk here

From: Mark<3

can’t you just walk out for a second?

I want to walk out for a second, but I can’t. I’m not going to let myself break down and cry in front of you.

To: Mark<3

no

From: Mark<3

okay..I guess we can talk here...don’t you think leaving is taking it a bit too far? Did you really have to leave everything just because of..this?

To: Mark<3

did you think I would want to stay when you guys look like that because of me?

From: Mark<3

Did you think of how I would feel after you left??

To: Mark<3

I did..I know it hurts, it hurts me too,  but just bare with it. You will forget about me eventually

From: Mark<3

no I won’t. I won’t ever be able to forget about you. You don’t think I’ve tried while you went out with Jackson?

To: Mark<3

this is different, I’m not in your presence anymore, I’m not in your life anymore.

From: Mark<3

This is the same. You are always in my presence, you are always in my life, you are my life.

Those words just made me bawl my eyes out. I slid onto the ground and pulled my knees closer to my chest.

From: Mark<3

can’t you just let me see you…for the last time?

I bit my lips to prevent me from crying out loud as hot streams of tears continued to roll down my face. I got off the ground and opened my door. I ran straight down the stairs and straight through the front door. I stood on my side of the street with no shoes on, while Mark stood on the opposite side with his phone still in his hand but he is now looking right at me. The street is so quiet, the only thing I could hear is my own breathing. The fact that my porch light is on, Mark can see me clearly. He can see that I’m crying. He can see what a mess I am without him.

After just standing there for over 5 minutes without any movements or words, he typed something down on his phone and right after that my phone vibrated. I looked away from him to look at my phone.

From: Mark<3

Thank you for letting me see you one last time:) I’m going now

The weak walls I’ve built to hold my tears and emotions back has crumbled down and I am now sprinting across the street to throw myself in the arms of the guy I love. He caught me and securely wrapped his arms around me without hesitation. I inhaled his scent while soaking his white t-shirt with my tears.

“I missed you” his deep voice rumbled in his chest and I only nodded in response to tell him that I feel the same. Standing there for what seemed like hours, I finally made the first move to pull away.

“don’t leave me” he looked into my eyes.

“I don’t want to” I said honestly. There really is no point of holding anything back now that I’ve broken down in front of him and even hugged him. So much for all this trouble when at the end, I’m just going to give in like this. “but I have to..I’m just going to hurt you if we stay together”

“Yes, it does hurt when I know that you like someone else-” he began but I corrected him immediately.

“I still like you, maybe even more than that, but I’ve fallen for Jackson at the same time..”

“that is not how I imagined my life with you would be. But what hurts me even more is to see you do all this just so you think we would hurt less. You are wrong.” his deep voice got even more serious.

“Mark..all we need is time..” I tried to convince him the way I convince myself.

“Time..that’s what I’ve been telling myself for the past 10 years, ever since I had a crush on you in grade 2 until the day you left. I kept telling myself that I just need time. But that is not how it works, at least not with you. The longer we are apart the more I think of you, the more I want to see you. This is because I love you and I know you feel the same way. So time is not an option for us.” he concluded.

“...you are right, I do love you. But I also love Jackson, I can’t be with you while I still have Jackson in my heart. That’s not fair to you” I let a few tears roll down my face without much fighting.

“I hate to see you like this, I want to see you smile again” he used his thumb to wipe away my tears.

"... Mark listen to me.. I don't deserve you or Jackson. You guys were a dream come true. A blessing. An ordinary girl like me shouldn't have two smart, handsome and popular guys chasing after me like this. I never imagined myself being in this situation. This is not how it should be" I explained.

"you are not just an ordinary girl. You are something so special to me. You are the girl that made me smile when times were tough, the one who made me laugh, the one who made me worry, the one who made me cry, the one I think about every second of my life. Do you think it is going to be easy  to just forget about you??"  he said the words that made me cry some more. Theses tears are not full of regret and pain, but they are full of memories and almost joy. I'm happy that I made such an impact in his life and I'm glad he cherished the moments.

"_____, I need you to know that I will always love you no matter how far apart we are. You will always be on my mind and in my heart." his lips inched closer to mine until they finally touched. Feeling sparks, my eyes widened but slowly closed letting a few tears roll down my cheek. This kiss does not feel right. This does not feel good. It doesn't feel like something that he wanted to do. It's not like he forced himself to kiss me, but there is just something about this kiss that neither of us like, but neither of us want to pull away from it. Almost like a goodbye hug. No one wants to let go.

"I love you" he breathed after he finally pulled away, but I definitely did not want him to.

HELLLOOO MY BEAUTIES!!! I know I said I should be updating soon, but this update took a bit longer than I expected. To be honest, I didn’t really know how to write this. Unfortunately, the story is coming to an end soon. Do you guys want me to make separate chapters for you guys who ship _____ with either Mark or Jackson OR do you want me to go with what I originally planned??? (hint: it’s not going to be an ending that you guys would like very much..LOOL) PLEASE TELL ME!!!!