“Can’t you love me?” he asked with desperation and pain written all over his face. No matter how much I want to say that I love him, I can’t because he is not the only one that I love.

“..I’m sorry…” my lips quivered and I removed myself from his grip, creating some unwanted but much needed distance between us. Giving him one last look, I adverted my eyes ahead of me and began to walk away before I hurt anyone else without even knowing it. Tears freely rolled down my face as I left the two most important guys in my life behind. The sun is setting, making me feel even more alone and cold. I don’t know what to do anymore. Am I supposed to go running back to Mark and tell him that I’ve waited for such a long time? Or am I supposed to run to Jackson and tell him that I will try my best to love him and we can live happily ever after? Why is everything so difficult? I wish I could just go back in time and refuse to meet either of them. Maybe then, I would not fall in love with my bestfriends.

----------

So for the past few weeks, I walked around looking like a zombie. The news got around pretty quickly. Well the first hint that was pretty obvious was the fact that Jackson does not visit anymore, and I don’t know who spread the rumor that I was cheating on Jackson with Mark. But because of that rumor, I would try to avoid any contact with Mark. In class I would not say a word to him unless I really have to. And because Mark is always hanging around the other guys, I had to remove myself from the group as well. BuRin, being the amazing friend she is. She also stopped hanging out with the guys, resulting in the both of us going back to square one. Just the two of us and no one else. Whenever we bump into any of the boys, we would still greet each other and have short conversations. I can tell that the guys are trying to get us involved with their activities and such, but I would always turn down their offer. I pretty much lost seven of my close friends…

“Hey did you and Jackson actually break up?” a random guy from my science class asked. This guy never talked to me and I don’t even know his name..I hate how people I don’t even know is asking me about my private life. They don’t even know me, before all this.

“sorry buddy, but she is not interested in you” a voice said from behind me. I turned around to see JB with a smirk on his face. I can’t help but to smile at the sight of him. It’s nice to know that he still got my back. The guy’s expression was priceless, everyone around him laughed making his face turn bright red.

“whatever. I don’t want a like her anyways” he looked at me with a disgusted face and everyone began to laugh. I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes, trying to block out all the teasing and finger pointing.

“what the did you just say?!” someone shouted and I opened my eyes to see the guy fall over in his chair and now on the floor with a bloody nose. Everyone gasped, including myself. I looked at who ever it was that caused the guy’s injury. I looked around JB to see a fuming Mark.

“apologize to her right now!” Mark demanded and tried to launch himself at him but luckily JB held him back.

“What the hell is going on here?!” our science teacher finally entered the room. Everyone became quiet while our teacher approached the scene.

“Mark punched DoMin!” a student shouted.

“They were fighting for ___!” another added.

Mr.Lee shot the three of us looks and demanded us to go to the office immediately. DoMin got up from the ground and glared at me, then he lead the way to the office. I walked ahead of Mark, feeling completely confused and shocked and just tired. I really don’t have the energy to deal with all this right now.

“Let me guess..a fight?” the nurse raised an eyebrow as soon as DoMin entered the office. Mark and I sat down in the office chairs in front of the principle’s office. Waiting for him to call us in. I closed my eyes, trying to hold my tears back.

“Are you okay?” Mark’s deep voice echoed in the quiet office.

“no.” I mumbled.

“did he hurt you?” his voice is thick with concern.

“no...you did.” I muttered with my eyes still closed.

“...I-I’m sorry…” he sighed. “I-I didn’t think liking you would hurt you”

A tear managed to slip out of my left eye and dripped onto my cold shaky hands.

“Come in guys” our principle poked his head out of his own office. Feeling relieved that I don’t have to reply to Mark, I got up and made my way into the rather large office and took a seat in front of the principle and Mark sat down beside me.

“so what happened?” the tall man in a business suit placed both of his hands on the table.

“I punched a guy” Mark replied casually.

“and why are you here?” the principle turned his attention towards me.

“...uh..I’m the reason?” I stuttered. Mr.Kim sighed at the common reason why students get called into his office.

“look..I know this is high school and this is the time when you guys will begin to look for your ‘other half’.” he did air quotations with his fingers. “But please don't fight over a girl"

"she is not just a girl. " Mark grumbled angrily. I quickly looked at Mr. Kim to see that his jaw is clenched and he is staring angrily at Mark.

"we are very sorry for disrupting the class, I promise we will make it up to Mr. Lee and DoMin"  I promised our principal so that he won't get us into more trouble because of Mark's attitude.

"now that is what I want to hear. Now get back to class" Mr. Kim said in a stern voice. I nodded and got up to leave his office with Mark following behind me.

"when did your temper ever get this bad?" I asked quietly. I remember he used to be the most patient and forgiving person. Now he is just quiet and that's pretty much it. Well now that I've seen his other side, he has changed.

"ever since my uncle died and my dad cheated on my mom" he muttered under his breath, but because the hallways are so empty and quiet that I could even hear ants crawling outside. I gasped and turned around to look at him. Is that why he always looked so tired and in pain?

"I.. I... Didn't know.. I'm so sorry.. " I whispered. If I knew I would've tried to talk to him and just be there for him.

"I don't want you to pity me"  he said. I stopped in the middle of the hallway, making him stop as well.

"I know how it feels to lose my dad and someone that was so special to me. It hurts. A lot." I said with a serious tone, also kind of offended that he thinks I pity him.

"you need to change your attitude. Your mom and everyone else is extremely worried about you."

"and how do I change my attitude?" he asked.

"be your old self again. Be the patient and forgiving person you were. Smile!" I advised.

"how could I be my old self when I don't have the person that was the main reason for all my smiles?" he asked, looking directly into my eyes.

".. I have always been waiting for you.. " I let the words I've always wanted him to hear slip out of my mouth effortlessly. Looking into his soft and familiar eyes just hypnotized me. He makes me feel safe and at home. No matter how awkward things got behind us, I am always myself when I am with him.

".. C-can I hug you? " he stuttered, his cheeks turning pink. My heart is pounding violently against my chest and the butterflies that he never failed to awake has woken up and now attacking my stomach. I feel a rush of relief hit me and I slowly walked into his embrace. He wrapped his toned arms around my body while his familiar and comforting scent took over my oxygen. I feel like I fit perfectly in his arms. He is like the missing puzzle piece.

"I missed you so much" his voice echoed in my ears loud and clear.

"mhmm" I hummed in agreement. I don't want to say anything right now. I just want to stay in this position forever. I've been longing for this moment. I've hugged him before, but this time. It's different. It feels different and the both of us know that this hug is not just as friends.

-------

"Mark and I.. We.. Hugged.. " I stuttered the moment I met up with BuRin after class. She does not look as surprised as I expected.

"he punched DoMin in class.."  I continued to tell her the story.

"what?!" her eyes popped out of her skull. I nodded and began to walk out of the school with her.

"why?? " BuRin asked eagerly. I looked around to see that no one is paying attention to us before filling her in with what happened earlier.

"well.. DoMin called me a ..And Mark came out of no where."  I said quietly.

"dude...." BuRin whispered after letting  everything sink in.

"I know... " I sighed with her.

"hey there is a basketball game today. Jackson is coming"  BuRin informed me. My heart dropped to my stomach after she mentioned his name. I haven't seen him in weeks. As much as I hate to say it. When I was with Mark I forgot about him. It was only for a brief second though. I still think about him everyday and wish that I can have my friend back. I feel horrible for just leaving him like that. It wasn't even a clean break up. Maybe it's because I don't want to completely end everything between us..

"speaking of Jackson... " BuRin mumbled under her breath. I looked up to see Jackson entering the school with his duffle bag hanging on his shoulder and his hair hid underneath his snap back. My heart is pounding nervously and a lump is forming in my throat. He looks so different in a way. His appearance looks the same, but.. The way his dark eyebrows are furrowed together ever so slightly and his dark brown eyes seems to have gotten even darker. His jaw looks so much stronger. He looks scary. His dark eyes met mine, making me freeze in my spot. His eyebrows softened ever so slightly but his eyes remained dark as he approached me.

"h-hi" I stuttered, feeling extremely guilty and tiny when he is so close to me.

"hey" his voice is still the same. Husky and comforting.

"are you going to watch the game?" he asked casually. Well he is less awkward than I am for sure.

"um.. No.. I have to study." I shook my head, telling him the truth.

"awwe that's too bad" he made a pouty face. I used to love that face, but this time it seems so fake. So forced.

"well I have to go now" he said.

".. Good luck! " I tried to sound as happy as possible.

"Good luck with your studying as well"  he smiled and turned around to walk away.

"well.. That was awkward as hell... " BuRin commented. I turned to look at my only best friend now and bit my quivering lips.

"oh my god, don't cry here"  she knitted her eyebrows together and dragged me out of the school. I blinked multiple times to push my tears back. I even took deep breaths, but nothing is working. BuRin dragged me to a bench behind the big oak tree and made me sit down.

"take deep breaths" she demonstrated. I tried to follow, but more tears brimmed my eyes. I thought I could finally have a day that is at least happy. Even just a few hours. Now that I saw Jackson for the first time in weeks. I just realized how much I've missed him and how guilty I feel.

"what happened? " a familiar voice rang in my ears. BuRin gasped quietly, only loud enough for me to hear.

"oh hi Taec oppa"  she chuckled nervously. I quickly blinked away my tears and looked up at my 'brother'  with a smile. Like I mentioned before, he is extremely protective over me, so it is not a good idea if he finds out why I am crying.

"hi" I greeted him.

"were you crying?" he asked as he inched closer to examine my face.

"uh.. No" I stuttered and pulled my face further away from his.

"you are lying. " he squinted his eyes.

Crap.

".. I failed  my math test.."  I lied.

"oh it's okay. Just try harder next time" he ruffled my hair. Releasing a small breath of relief, I gave him a smile.

"did your mom tell you that I'm coming over for dinner tonight? " he asked.

"oh no she didn't."  I shook my head, hearing the news for the first time.

"well my mom, dad and I are coming over" he informed me.

"oh that's nice. I haven't seen your parents in a really long time" I nodded.

"when are you going home? I can give you a ride now" he offered. I looked at BuRin and she shrugged, not really caring if I left her or not.

"I'm going to walk with BuRin" I turned down his offer.

"okay" he nodded and walked over to his car parked in the school's parking lot.

"that was close." BuRin commented after double checking that he is now in his car and is driving away.

"mhmm" I nodded.

"if he found out that you are crying because of Jackson. He would go murder him." BuRin exaggerated. Taec oppa wouldn't murder him, he would probably just talk to him..

-------

"honey, can you go get the door please? " my mom called from the kitchen. I pushed my self off the floor and walked away from my textbooks and papers covered in different colored inks. I unlocked the door and pulled it open, revealing Taec oppa and his smiling parents.

"Annyeonghasaeyo"  I bowed politely.

"hi______, looking better and better each time I see you" Mr. Ok chuckled.

"_____, you are all grown up now" Mrs. Ok smiled and pulled me into a warm hug. After pulling away from the hug, I stepped aside to let them in. Mr. And Mrs. Ok walked into the kitchen to greet my mom while I walked back to the coffee table in the living to study.

"what are you studying for?" Taec oppa asked as he sat on the couch.

"stupid science... " I muttered.

"take a break"  he suggested. I gladly took his advice and closed my books and stacked all my papers into a neat pile.

"so I've been hearing this rumor around school.. " he began. I froze in my position and listened carefully of what he is going to say.

"you cheating on Jackson.. With Mark?"  he asked. I swallowed back a lump that has formed in my throat and quietly cleared my voice.

".... That's not true.. " I mumbled, with my back still facing him.

"that's not what I am concerned about. I don't want my little sister to get hurt"  he said in a brotherly tone.

"it's kind of too late... " I whispered under my breath, but he didn't hear.

"if anyone hurts you. Tell me okay?"  his voice became more strict.

"okay" I nodded, trying to sound less depressing.

"kids dinner" my mom called and I walked to the dining room with Taec. I took a seat beside my mom and Taec oppa sat across from me.

"wow Taecyeon looks like a man now" my mom chuckled.

"doesn't act like one.. " Mrs. Ok shook her head, making everyone laugh.

"is____ dating anyone?"  Mrs. Ok asked. This is a question that all adults ask.

"no.. " I shook my head.

"what?? But you are so beautiful!"  Mr. Ok exclaimed. I looked up him and flashed a bright smile to thank him for the compliment.

"is Taecyeon dating anyone?" my mom helped with getting me off the topic because she knows that I am uncomfortable with it. And that I am still healing.

"no, no I'm not" Taec oppa replied politely.

"but you are so handsome!!" my mom chuckled.

"Yah. Remember we promised each other that we have to make our kids marry each other??" Mrs. Ok slapped my mom's arm playfully. I widened my eyes after hearing  their promise. My mom and Mrs. Ok became best friends through my dad's business with Mr. Ok.

"sorry, but I promised Mrs. Tuan first" my mom pursed her lips into a thin line. My eyes widened even more after she said that. So my mom and Mark's mom have been friends ever since they were kids.

"uh.... I didn't know about this... " I mumbled.

"go ask Mark, he knows about it"  My mom nudged my arm. I pulled away with a suspicious look on my face.

"oh yeah! Mark Tuan, he is younger than  you right? " Mrs. Ok asked her son and he nodded.

"same age as____"  

"oh I heard his dad cheated" Mrs. Ok lowered her voice.

"oh are you serious?" my mom gasped and looked at me to verify Mrs. Ok's statement. I only nodded, feeling kind of bad for talking about this.

"wow poor Mark.." my mom sighed and shook her head. "You should talk to him"

"Mom, I can't always talk to him about these things" I said.

"why not?? You guys are best buddies remember? " she asked, referring to the times when we were best buddies. I don't even know what we are right now. Strangers? Friends? Close friends? Crush?

HAY GUYSSS I finally updated!!!!!!! I didn’t really plan for this to happen in this chapter. I just started to write what came to mind!!! I didn’t want to keep you guys waiting!!! Sorry if this chapter didn’t flow so smoothly.

P.S. I love Papa Tuan!!! I just had to put something down to make the story more interesting!!!