Jongin sat in silence watching Kyungsoo mentally taking note of every little quirk. The way his eyes searched nervously when he was feeling insecure or the way he squinted to hide how big his eyes were naturally. He focused in on the latter and let him fill his attention. Why this man?

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo snapped a little more angrily than he meant to. Now that he was being forced to be social he was better able to pretend to be confident.

“I’m listening,” Jongin said jumping back and focusing in on Kyungsoo’s words instead of his lips.

“Good,” Kyungsoo said nodding and looking back at his notes. Now he looked like he was in control, he looked confident even though inside he was still squeamish and intimidated.

“Okay so I want a-“ Kyungsoo was interrupted by the loud sounds of the coffee grinder. He stopped speaking and waited for the loud noises to diminish.

“You want to go somewhere quieter,” Jongin called over the grinder.

Kyungsoo lifted his eyebrows and tilted his head in confusion. “What,” he asked looking so young and innocent.

Jongin chuckled at the sight, but once he gathered himself he repeated the question calmly.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo said simply. That would mean getting back in the car and driving. It would mean spending more time on the road and with people. “Uhm such as where,” Kyungsoo asked trying to his insecurities, but failing.

“Like maybe a library or a park or something,” Jongin offered knowing that Kyungsoo responded better when given options.

“uhm,” Kyungsoo thought for a little while debating on whether he wanted to drive around anymore than he already had to.

“Or of course we could just stay here,” Jongin offered noticing Kyungsoo’s discomfort.

Kyungsoo still waited, thinking, considering. He began to shake his head. “No it’s fine. Let’s go to the library,” Kyungsoo decided nodding as he collected his things.

“You sure,” Jongin asked. He knew Kyungsoo wasn’t exactly fond of the idea. Although they’d only just met, Jongin already knew who Kyungsoo was…almost a little too well.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo confirmed standing to his feet.

Jongin followed Kyungsoo in collecting his things and exiting the shop.

“You want to ride with me and I can just bring you back here so you can drive home,” Jongin asked already knowing the answer.

“no, I’ll just drive my car,” Kyungsoo said hoping into the driver’s seat of his vehicle. “I’ll follow you,” he said buckling his seatbelt.

“Okay,” Jongin said starting up his engine and pulling out of his parking space.

Kyungsoo could smell the stale oil fumes as they escaped from Jongin’s old Honda causing him to crinkle his nose.

As Kyungsoo followed behind Jongin he felt this deep feeling of anxiety run through him. He tightened his grip on the wheel making sure both hands had a firm grip while checking his mirrors and speed constantly.

When they came to the stop sign Jongin could feel that something was wrong. He knew something was going to happen but he didn’t know what so he just tried to ignore it. Kyungsoo slowly came to a stop behind Jongin’s car and waited for the other cars to pass. Feeling kind of nervous he tried to calm himself by looking out the window, but when he did a pair of bright, blinding headlights shined right into his eyes. Immediately Kyungsoo squeezed his eyes shut and ducked down in his chair preparing for impact. He saw images from the accident flash before his eyes and he could feel the warm blood dripping from his forehead. His heart was beating like a drum in his ears, his palms were sweating, his mind was racing and he was completely and utterly inferior to everything around him. He was just a scared little boy hiding from the world afraid to come out of his cocoon.

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin yelled prying open Kyungsoo’s car door and carrying him from the perfectly, unharmed vehicle.

Kyungsoo felt the arms of the man who had carried him from the ruble when the accident had occurred, but when he opened his eyes he realized it was but a memory.

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin repeated placing the fragile thing on the grass by the curb.

Kyungsoo’s breath was heavy and his body was so weak. He felt light headed as if in any moment he would pass out. He was so tired of reliving the same events over and over and over again. He just wanted it to stop. Kyungsoo rubbed his hands against his cheeks and felt the warms salty tears.

“When did I start crying,” he asked dizzily.

“Hey, just try to calm down and breathe,” Jongin said trying to comfort the hyung. “I knew this was going to happen,” he whispered to himself.

“I’m sorry I just-“ Kyungsoo’s voice caught. “I was in an accident and-“ his voice caught again.

“I know,” Jongin said rushing up to Kyungsoo and wrapping his arms around him in a tight embrace. “It’s okay.”

 Kyungsoo could feel Jongin’s body heat pressing against his skin. He wanted to just collapse in Jongin’s arm and cry until the pain just went away. He wanted Jongin to just wrap him up like a bird protecting her egg and protect him from the evils the world held. He wanted to fall apart and feel safe while showing his vulnerability, but he couldn’t. Jongin knew how Kyungsoo felt and he knew that Kyungsoo wanted to just fall away, but he knew Kyungsoo wouldn’t let himself do that. Jongin knew Kyungsoo wanted someone to care; He knew Kyungsoo wanted him to care.

Kyungsoo let Jongin hold him in his arms for a moment longer and then forced him back. He tried to regain whatever composure he still had, but there was none.

“Well that was an interesting first impression,” Kyungsoo laughed trying to lighten the situation. He must be feeling uncomfortable now. “I’m sorry about that. I don’t normally break down like that,” Kyungsoo began planning on adding more, but what else could he say? Sorry my friends just died and I’m still getting over it. It’s your fault for making me drive.

“Hey, no worries. If it had been any other ordinary meeting then I wouldn’t have been able to spend so much time with you,” Jongin said slightly flirting while still trying to maintain that business composure.

Kyungsoo felt a blast of heat rise up in his cheeks and tried to focus on something else, but he couldn’t help getting distracted by how handsome the boy before him was. His olive skin and light hair just mesmerized him. Kyungsoo couldn’t help but admire him until Jongin burst into this kind of sudden uncontrollable laughter causing Kyungsoo to jump. Immediately Kyungsoo’s admiration turned to confusion and judgment. He leaned back away from the boy and stared at him as if he had just said the most vulgar of words. Jongin felt his stomach begin to ache and he placed one hand on his knee to hold himself up and the other on his tummy. He just wouldn’t stop laughing and Kyungsoo was completely oblivious to the reason why.

“Wooh man,” Jongin said airily. “That was funny.” He pulled himself back up-right and threw his hand onto Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “You just had a panic attack and you’re thinking about how handsome I am,” he questioned still laughing lightly.

“That is not what I was thinking about,” Kyungsoo said defensively as he shoved Jongin’s hand off his shoulder as he angrily strutting back to his car.

“Really? Then why were you staring at me like I was some kind of handsome Greek God,” Jongin said playfully striking a pose for emphasis.

“Are we done with this meeting? I think so. I can just email you the rest of the points and we can go from there,” Kyungsoo said starting up his engine and driving home leaving Jongin alone.