There was a trail of debris left in their wake. Echoes of sounds filled the space, but Kyungsoo could only hear the ringing, a loud and high-pitched ringing that was now causing a headache. Whatever light was there originally was no longer there, now it was only dark. He could not hear, nor see. Kyungsoo might have as well been dead, but he wasn’t. He was still breathing, and wishing, and hoping. Hoping that Suho was still alive with him. Kyungsoo winced in pain. He knew the headache was real, he knew he was still alive. Finally the black started to fade, and light started to shine through. The now extremely real and bold light was blaring into the car and reflecting off of the glass right into Kyungsoo’s eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. His voice was gone. There was nothing.

“Suho,” he yelled in his head. “Suho,” he called out silently. But Suho couldn’t hear him.

Kyungsoo felt a pair of thick, strong arms tangle themselves around his fragile body and lift him from the ground carrying him from the car. Kyungsoo tilted his head back to look at the car, searching for Suho. There was debris everywhere. The entire left side of the car was destroyed and the automobile was flipped upside down like a dead fish floating in a fishbowl. There was blood too, a lot of blood. Kyungsoo couldn’t speak with his mouth but he could still speak with his eyes, and right now, right now in this moment they were saying sorry. His jaw dropped slightly at the horrific sight and he felt an overwhelming need for sleep fill his every being and decided to give in to the force. He slipped away and allowed the sleep to gobble him up and take him somewhere far away, but as soon as his eyes closed shut, a single tear tumbled down his cheek only to be grasped away by the wind.

Kyungsoo felt his body kick and forced himself awake. He pried his eyes open and glared at the plain, white ceiling. Despite the situation, he still took time to notice how boring it was and think of ways to paint it and make it more colorful and welcoming. His nose was stinging and his head still ached. He buried himself deeper into the hospital bed and pushed himself farther underneath the layers of blankets. He reached out to pull the pillow lying next to him closer and wrapped his arms around it. Like a monster, the blankets wrapped around him and gobbled him up, but he didn’t feel comforted. He was worried about Suho. The images he saw of the crash kept replaying in his head and the sight was horrific. There was so much blood.

Kyungsoo heard a knock on the door behind him causing him to jump. He eased his grip on the pillow and slowly turned around to face the door. His body ached. The doctor hurried over and helped Kyungsoo resituate.

“Where’s Suho,” he asked trying to keep his eyes open. His mouth was dry, his lips were chapped, he was exhausted and in pain, but on the inside he was pacing and frantic.

The doctor rolled a chair over and sat down beside him. Kyungsoo could smell the fresh scent of mint and shampoo still lingering on him. He cleared his throat and took a seat. Kyungsoo noticed the vanilla folder in the doctor’s hands and knew there was something up. He could already feel the tears swelling up in his eyes.

“Hi Kyungsoo,” the doctor said opening the folder and glancing up at him with almost no emotion at all.

Kyungsoo looked up at the doctor with already teary eyes. He suddenly didn’t look like a man anymore. He looked like a vulnerable boy who just lost his everything, a boy who had no home to return to. Kyungsoo opened his mouth to ask about Suho, but still the words didn’t come.

“You’re still in shock so it’s understandable that you can’t speak. Just calm down and take your time,” the doctor reassured. “I’m Doctor Kim Minseok.” His voice was manly, yet still gentle and sweet. “I understand you were in an accident. Can you tell me what happened?”

Kyungsoo started to lean up so he could talk, but when he did he felt the needles in his side stabbing him. The doctor leaned forward and eased him back down.

“You shouldn’t try to move so much. You’re body’s still healing,” Dr. Kim said gently easing him back and adjusting the pillow to provide more comfort.

“S-Suho,” Kyungsoo whispered. He wanted to scream it, yell out his name until he heard it, but he couldn’t. He was too weak. It hurt just to speak, it caused an aching that wouldn’t leave. It would simply linger there in his side. But the yearning he felt inside to ensure that Suho was okay was much stronger.

The doctor looked down at the papers in his hands and Kyungsoo knew. “Um,” he began with words soaked in apology. He looked back up at Kyungsoo. “I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo winced and squeezed his eyes closed. The physical pain he had been feeling before went away, now all he felt was his heart crumbling into pieces. He pulled his knees in closer to his chest and let the tears plummet from his eyes. He shook his head as hard as he could. He wanted to kick and scream and yell, but he couldn’t. All he could do was squeeze the blankets into a ball in his fist, pull in his knees to his chest, and cry. The world was spinning, the air was thick, the room was getting smaller and smaller until all that was left inside was Kyungsoo and the little bed he was lying on. He desperately wished for the walls to come closer and crush his every bone into pieces so that he could just end it all right here. He wanted it to be over. He wanted to stop hurting and fighting, but he couldn’t.

“Kyungsoo,” the doctor called. His voice was muffled and quiet as if there really was a wall between him and Kyungsoo.

“Kyungsoo,” the doctor called again. Kyungsoo felt a hand wrap around his wrist and pull his arm down.

“Kyungsoo,” he called again. His voice was clear now, no longer muffled.

“When did I cover my ears,” Kyungsoo whimpered.

The doctor tilted his head slightly and looked at the pained body in front of him. “Kyungsoo, I know you don’t want to talk about this right now, but earlier when they brought you in I noticed some marks on your arm,” the Dr. Minseok said with pity drenched in his words.

Kyungsoo opened his eyes realizing they were closed and looked at the doctor with squinted eyes full of anger and despise. “Oh, well maybe if you had spent that time taking care of Suho opposed to staring at me, then he’d still be alive,” he spat. His heartbeat was fast.

“Kyungsoo”

“Doctor,” Kyungsoo interrupted angrily. “Guess what. I have spent my entire life being sad, I have spent so many days pondering my existence and if I should end it, but you know who stopped that? Suho,” he yelled as loud as he could. He spoke faster now in fear that if even took a second to breath he’d be cut off. “Suho was the only one who ever did anything for me. He loved me more than anyone else ever has. He was my best friend and now you,” His voice choked shakily. “You took him,” he cried tears pouring from his eyes. “You took him away from me,” his voice was shaky and desperate.

Kyungsoo squirmed in his bed trying to make his body ache so that the physical pain would cover up the emotional pain, but it didn't.

Minseok scooted closer and wrapped his ams around Kyungsoo in attempt to help comfort him, but Kyungsoo only flung his arms and forced the monster away. You can’t hurt me and then try to comfort me too.

"I hate you," Kyungsoo cried deperately. "I hate you," he yelled. "Why did you leave me," he scremed as loud as he could as he punched the sides of the bed and scratched at the blankets. "You left me all alone," he yelled making his voice course. "Why did you do this to me," he cried. Kyungsoo stopped hitting the bed and pulled his arms up to his chest. He began violently scratching his arms in attempt to pry away the layers and layers of skin, but he couldn't. He was too weak.

"We need help in here," Dr. Minseok called as he raced towards the boy trying to pry his arms away from one and other. Kyungsoo fought and kicked and screamed. He flung his head from side to side in attempt to fling the hands off of him. He hated it. He just wanted it to be over. Why can't it be over.