WARNING: Slight trigger, but it's not that bad.

Kyungsoo stood in the center of Suho’s bedroom. The air was thick and musky. The rope around his neck was heavy and rough making it hard to breathe, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything anymore. Suho was gone, Jongin was gone, everything he had ever cared about was gone and he simply didn’t care anymore. Who was he to think that he deserved someone like Suho or Jongin in the first place? His dad had made it very clear that he deserved nothing more than to rot in hell drowning in his sins. Kyungsoo wished he had listened earlier before letting his walls fall in the name of love. Love was a thing too beautiful to be had by an irrelevant little boy. Kyungsoo knew that now. There was no reason to sit around contemplating the universe around him, there was no reason to go back to Jongin, and there was no reason to live.

Kyungsoo climbed up on the chair and slipped the rope onto the ceiling fan above his head. His heartbeat was fast. His eyelids were heavy. He needed sleep. He needed a long, deep sleep. Kyungsoo closed his eyes and waited, waited for his feet to move and jerk from the chair. He waited.

“NO!”

Finally his feet were ready to move and they did. Kyungsoo winced expecting to feel a pain in his neck before ending it all, but he didn’t feel anything except two arms catch his legs and wrap around his waist easing him to the floor. He felt the rope loosen it’s hold on him and he felt it being pried away from his neck and he felt it being lifted over his head. He knew who it was. Those arms were the same ones that fetched him from the car on the day of the accident. He knew who it was.

“Jongin,” he whimpered curling into Jongin’s embrace.

“Kungsoo!” Jongin’s voice was airy as if he was out of breath. Kyungsoo could hear Jongin’s tears in his voice and he couldn’t keep himself from doing the same thing. Jongin’s hold on Kyungsoo tightened and he hugged him too tightly. As if in just a split second he would disappear, and he was right. In just a split second Kyungsoo could have been lost. He could have been gone like Suho never to return again. Kyungsoo thought about the way he felt when he lost Suho, he thought about what he had just tried to do, he thought about how Suho would feel if he saw, he thought about his dad, he thought about Jongin, he thought about everything and he thought about how helpless he felt. Kyungsoo thought about how he felt now. Why did you have to save me? Why did it have to be you? Why did you have to be my savior? Why can’t you just leave? I don’t deserve you.

“You deserve nothing less than perfection,” Jongin whispered into Kyungsoo’s ear. His breath was warm and comforting. “You deserve to be loved. You deserve so much more than what you think,” Jongin’s voice choked. “I love you so much Kyungsoo. Please don’t ever do that to me again.”

Jongin pushed the boy back away from his body and led Kyungsoo into the living room easing him down to sit on the couch. Kyungsoo watched Jongin as he raced into the kitchen to get a glass of water. Kyungsoo wiped his cheeks trying to erase the tears and look at least semi presentable, but it was again no use. Jongin sat down next to him and handed him the mug of cold water. The only sound was that of Kyungsoo’s sniffles.

“I’m sorry,” Jongin murmured under his breath.

Kyungsoo tried to fight his tears but they plummeted down his cheeks anyways. He wanted to talk. He wanted to tell Jongin that it wasn’t his fault. He wanted to tell him how sad he was, how lost he was, how hopeless he felt, but he couldn’t get his mouth to move so he just sat there crying.

“Kyungsoo, I love you.”

Everything inside of Kyungsoo paused. His mind froze, his heart stopped, his thoughts fled away and he was left with those three words. I love you.

“I used t-to want to h-hear my dad s-say that, but he n-never did,” Kyungsoo choked.

“Kyungsoo, you’re dad was wrong! You deserve love! You deserve all the good this world has to give. You are NOT nothing. You are everything to so many people and we love you. I love you, Kyungsoo. Why can’t you accept that you aren’t alone in this?”

Kyungsoo’s tears fell faster now.

“Kyungsoo, he was wrong. I am telling you he was wrong,” Jongin was yelling now.

Kyungsoo took a deep breath and tried not to choke as he spoke. “Jongin, I’ve spent my entire life feeling inferior to everyone around me. I’ve spent my whole life feeling like a piece of wasted space in the world. I’ve never once felt like I deserve to be here. I have lived my whole life feeling like nothing I did or do will ever be good enough for anyone in this world. Even with Suho, I still felt like I was just another burden on his shoulders. What makes you think your words will change anything? You mean so much to me, yes, but words aren’t going to heal what’s broken inside of me. Nothing is. I have been dead for so long now that I don’t know what it even means to live. I’m just here. Taking up space,” Kyungsoo’s words were harsh and cold.

“Kyungsoo, you were everything to Suho! He loved you more than anyone else in this world could ever possibly love you! There was nothing you could have done that wouldn’t have been good enough for him! Do you realize he never went to hang out with people? He spent all of his time with you because that’s all he wanted to do. He wanted to be with you and that’s it. He loved you, Kyungsoo.”

“How would you know,” Kyungsoo yelled jumping to his feet. “You never met him! You don’t know him,” his tears were warm as they fell to the floor, but his insides were boiling.

“Kyungsoo, I told you! I’ve known you for much longer than you think. Those dreams I had, they were all about you. For years I've dreamt of you not knowing if you were real or not, but I knew I had to try to find you. I knew you had to be real and you were! I'm the reason you're alive. I saved you from the accident that day and if I hadn’t come you’d be dead right now,” Jongin cried.

“And why is that such a horrid thing? If you were right about Suho then it would it be so horrid if I died? Would it be so bad if I got to see him again,” Kyungsoo yelled tears streaming down his face like ribbons.

“YES,” Jongin shouted standing to his feet. “Yes it would! It would be because I love you, Kyungsoo! It’s selfish but I can’t let you leave! I’ve never once loved someone as much as I love you now Kyungsoo and I know you love me too so why can’t you just stay with me? Why can’t you just be here with me? You always think you’re not good enough, but what about me? Am I not good enough? Am I not deserving of your love,” Jongin’s eyes were like a puppy’s. Kyungsoo had never seen Jongin look at him like this before. He knew he was serious. He knew he meant what he said.

Kyungsoo just stared at him aimlessly until his hands jolted forward clasping Jongins face between them. He jerked the boy forward and slammed his lips into his. His lips were soft and warm and Kyungsoo just couldn’t pull away. Instead he pressed harder against them until Jongin pushed him back.

“You can’t leave. You can’t ever leave again. You can’t even try to leave again. I wont let you,” Jongin whispered.

Kyungsoo watched Jongin’s lips move as he spoke and he nodded in agreement before rushing to let their lips meet again.