He and Chanyeol had been living together for nearly two months now and things were going really well. Deciding to move in together had been a big step for them to take, a risky one too or at least Joonmyun had thought so. The possibility that they’d begin to get on one another’s nerves and have to rethink things was a real one, no matter how well you thought you knew someone there were some things you could only learn about them by living with them and the thought that he'd find out there were things about Chanyeol that he didn’t like or vice versa had scared him. But that hadn’t happened yet. Yes Chanyeol had a few bad habits, he wasn’t the tidiest of people for one so the house was a lot more cluttered than it used to be and he tended to leave his clothes where they dropped even though the laundry basket was usually about three feet away from him but much to Joonmyun’s surprise he found he didn’t care. There were too many upsides to having him there every day for the downsides to matter. Languid good morning kisses, the distraction of hands on his waist and lips on his neck as he tried to make breakfast, having someone to curl up with on the couch after a long day at work, there being an arm to duck under and a chest to use as a pillow when it was cold at night, those things made it easy for him to forgive the clutter and the mess. And as far as Joonmyun could tell Chanyeol seemed to be pretty happy too.

He wasn’t sure he’d be quite so happy though when he heard what he had to tell him. In fact he was fairly confident it was something he wasn’t going to want to hear. Living together was one thing, raising a baby together was another thing entirely and Joonmyun doubted it was something Chanyeol was ready for. Looking after a baby was hard work, both physically and mentally and Chanyeol couldn’t afford that kind of drain on his time and his energy, not when had other things to worry about. He was studying to be a landscape architect and was halfway there, another year and a half and he’d be qualified. Another year and a half of attending school while juggling a part-time job, which was hard enough work as it was. And next term he had a massive design project coming up, one he’d been thinking about and worrying over for months already. He didn’t need a baby in the house acting as a distraction. With so much on his plate already Joonmyun didn’t want to make things more difficult for him. That was why he was having such a hard time deciding on how to tell him, he felt guilty.

But as Kris had so kindly pointed out there wasn’t much he could do about it now. Both of their lives were going to change whether Joonmyun liked it or not so the sooner he told Chanyeol about the baby the better. He’d known he was pregnant for a fortnight now and he still hadn’t told him and Kris thought that was ridiculous. Keeping it a secret was obviously stressing him out and the longer he kept things to himself the more upset Chanyeol was going to be about not being told sooner. And Joonmyun supposed Kris was right, he was pregnant, four separate tests had told him so and it wasn’t like he could keep it from Chanyeol forever. Before long it was going to be kind of obvious he thought with a frown, his hand unconsciously going to rub at his stomach. That morning he’d managed to buckle his belt using the same fastening he always did but by lunch he’d had to give in and slacken it because with his stomach full he’d been left with very little breathing room. And while he was fairly sure the weight he’d gained over the last couple of weeks had more to do with fact that he could no longer pass by a bakery without going inside than it had to do with the baby growing inside him (according to the website he’d found himself looking at earlier when he was supposed to have been planning for a budgeting meeting the baby was currently about size of a raspberry, so it wasn’t taking up much space in there, not yet) that didn’t mean Chanyeol wasn’t going to notice. And it would be better all-round if he told him before that happened.

And all day he’d been promising himself that once Chanyeol got home from work he would tell him but that had been hours ago and he still hadn’t found the nerve to do it. He’d kept finding excuses not to, Chanyeol had had a really long day that had been the first excuse. He'd had lectures that morning, a workshop in the afternoon and then he’d spent three hours helping his boss pave someone’s patio, so yeah he’d been pretty busy. He deserved a chance to relax and put his feet up. Chanyeol had been enjoying his dinner that had been Joonmyun's second excuse. He hadn’t wanted to ruin that for him by springing the news on him when he was eating. Then they’d moved to living room and Chanyeol had thrown himself down on the couch and switched the tv on and Joonmyun hadn’t wanted to interrupt him when he was in the middle of watching something because that would just be rude.

Only what Chanyeol had settled on before throwing the remote back onto the coffee table was hardly demanding his full attention, he’d switched it to a home and leisure channel and was watching reruns of some house hunting show, one of those ones where the people who were looking couldn’t decide if they wanted to buy a holiday home locally or abroad. It was a problem Joonmyun wouldn’t mind having, they were saving for a mortgage for somewhere small but it was going to take them a while so he was having trouble sympathising with the obviously wealthy couple on the tv.

“If we ever win the lottery that is where I want to live.” Chanyeol told him before throwing more popcorn into his mouth. Where he’d conjured the bag from Joonmyun didn’t know but he thought he could be forgiven for zoning out a little. He had a lot on his mind after all.

And talking of zoning out, well he had no idea where it was Chanyeol wanted to live if he had the money. “You mean Thailand?” he asked, taking a guess.

“Malaysia.” Chanyeol corrected him. “They’re in Malayasia.”

And “Oh” was all Joonmyun could say.

“That’s where we should go.” Chanyeol continued, unperturbed by the fact that Joonmyun quite clearly hadn’t been paying attention.

“We should go to Malaysia?” Joonmyun asked, feeling totally lost now. He wasn’t aware that they’d been planning on going anywhere.

“Yeah, this summer.” Chanyeol said, turning to look at him, a smile on his face. “We’ve never been on a proper holiday together. We should fix that.”

And Joonmyun found himself biting his lip. A trip to Malaysia this summer wasn’t something he could see happening, if this baby had come about when he thought it had then his due date would be late August. A holiday just wasn’t something they’d be able to fit in before then. So if there was ever a time to tell Chanyeol the news he supposed it was now. “Sorry but I don’t think we’ll be able to go abroad this summer.” He said quietly, dropping his gaze and studying the carpet.

“Why not?” Chanyeol was clearly confused. “We can afford it, we both have savings.”

“It’s not the money.” Joonmyun told him, trying to think of the best way to word it.

“Then what is it?” Chanyeol asked before he could get very far.

“This shouldn’t be so hard to say…” Joonmyun murmured, more to himself than to Chanyeol and with a sigh he looked up at his boyfriend, his teeth going back to worry at his bottom lip.

“What shouldn’t be?” Chanyeol said the words slightly muffled by the handful of popcorn he’d just thrown into his mouth.

And Joonmyun, having something far more important to say to him, ignored the impulse to tell him off like a child for talking with his mouth full.  “It shouldn’t be so hard to tell you that I’m pregnant.” He said at last, the words coming out in a rush, his gaze immediately returning to the carpet. He’d thought he’d feel better once he’d told him, he’d thought he’d feel relieved but he didn’t. If anything he felt worse. He felt twice as nervous and more than a little sick because now that he’d said the words there was no taking them back. What if Chanyeol took it badly? What if he said he didn’t want to be with him anymore? What if he said he didn’t want their baby?

Then he heard a sharp intake of breath and a cough and he had to add the question ‘What if he chokes to death on a piece of popcorn?’ to the list because when he glanced back up it looked like Chanyeol was about to do just that. And after a second of staring in open-mouthed shock Joonmyun pulled himself together enough to slap him hard on the back. Once, twice and Chanyeol was still struggling for air, the lack of noise he was making as he did so more than little worrying but thankfully slap number three was enough to dislodge the kernel of popcorn and Chanyeol was fighting to get his breath back then scrambling for a tissue on the table to spit the offending piece of popcorn into.

“Are you okay?” Joonmyun asked once he’d done so, his hand still resting on his boyfriend’s back.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” Chanyeol croaked, his breathing mostly back to normal. “You just caught me by surprise, that’s all.”

“Sorry.” Joonmyun said patting him gently on the shoulder. He didn’t know what else he could say.

“No it’s okay,” Chanyeol assured him. “Really it’s okay.” He repeated after a moment or two of silence, his expression worryingly blank. Now that he’d got his breath back it seemed the words he’d just heard were sinking in properly and Joonmyun couldn’t help thinking that the lack of expression meant he wasn’t taking it well.

“Are you sure?” Joonmyun asked him quietly, the worry from earlier creeping back in. “Because you don’t look okay.” That worry coupled with the adrenaline rush that had been brought on by Chanyeol’s near death experience had his hands trembling and he brought them both down to the couch cushions and gripped them tightly in a bid to keep them still.

“Honestly, I’m fine.” Chanyeol insisted and he enveloped the hand Joonmyun had just removed from his shoulder with his own. “I’m still breathing. No harm done.”

And Joonmyun didn’t know what to make of that, the hand holding was surely a good sign. But he hadn’t acknowledged what he’d said yet either other than to say it had come as a surprise and that probably wasn't such a good sign. “I know it’s not something we’ve talked about before.” He said a little hesitantly. “Us… having kids I mean.” He added when Chanyeol continued to stare blankly back at him.

“No it’s not.” Chanyeol replied, a crease forming between his eyebrows and Joonmyun just hoped that was a confused frown and not an angry one. “It never really came up in conversation.”

“No it didn’t.” Joonmyun was starting to regret the fact that he’d never broached the subject before. He’d thought it had been too soon to bring up kids, he was still pretty young, they both were. Scaring Chanyeol off early on though with the mention of possible children would have been far better than scaring him off with the news of an actual pregnancy which seemed to be what was happening now.

“And now you’re pregnant.” Chanyeol said slowly.

Joonmyun nodded.

“And that’s why we can’t go abroad this summer.” Chanyeol continued, his expression almost thoughtful.

“That’s why we can’t go abroad this summer.” Joonmyun repeated softly.

“It doesn’t have anything to do with money, it’s because you won’t be able to fly.”

“Yes.” Joonmyun confirmed, nodding for a second time.

“You won’t be able to fly because you’re carrying my baby.” Chanyeol said.

“Our baby.” Joonmyun corrected him. Chanyeol sounded eerily calm and that was just making him feel even more anxious because he could usually read Chanyeol like a book and right that second he had no idea what he was thinking.

“Our baby.” Chanyeol repeated his gaze softening ever so slightly. If Joonmyun hadn’t been studying his expression for any hint of emotion he probably wouldn’t have noticed it but he had been and he felt a surge of relief wash over him. At least he didn’t seem to be angry.

“I’m sorry,” Joonmyun said, telling himself not to get his hopes up. Not angry wasn’t the same thing as happy, “and I just want you to know I didn’t plan this. I wouldn’t set out to get pregnant without telling you.” He added because that had been something else that had been worrying him, the possibility that Chanyeol might think he’d planned this all along, that he was one of those people who was under the illusion that the only way to make sure someone stayed with you for good was to get pregnant.

But apparently he needn’t have worried because Chanyeol immediately gave his hand a comforting squeeze. “I know you wouldn’t.” He said.

“And I know this is really bad timing. You’re so busy right now and I know this is just going to make everything harder.”

“That doesn’t…” Chanyeol started to say.

Joonmyun ignored him, there was so much he needed to say and now that he'd started he wasn't going to risk stopping, if he did he might not be able to work up the nerve a second time. “But don’t worry, I’m going to do my best to keep the distraction to a minimum. You…”

“But what if…”

“… you won’t have to worry about night feeds or anything, not when you have school the next day, I’ll handle those myself. And if I have to I’ll cut down my days at work too because…”

“But I don’t want…”

“… well because I know you can’t afford to, you need the work experience to put on your cv. And as for money, well you don’t have to worry about that either, I have…” but before he could tell Chanyeol what it was he had he was rudely cut off, the lips that were suddenly pressed against his own muffling the rest of the sentence.

And he tried to bring his hands up to push him away, he’d been on a roll and Chanyeol was ruining it but pushing him away was going to be pretty hard because Chanyeol still had hold of one of his hands and he wasn’t letting it go. And by the time he’d managed to grab a handful of Chanyeol’s shirt in the other Chanyeol was tangling the fingers of his own free hand in his hair and deepening the kiss. And instead of pushing him away Joonmyun found himself closing his eyes and sliding his hand up to the nape of Chanyeol’s neck so he could pull him closer.

And then Chanyeol was pulling back and he was left gasping for breath as well as incredibly confused. “What was that for?” he asked once he’d gotten a grip on himself.

“You wouldn’t let me get a word in and it seemed like the quickest way to shut you up.” Chanyeol explained with a shrug and a smile.

And Joonmyun really was rendered speechless this time because Chanyeol was smiling, he looked happy and neither of those things made sense. What on earth did he have to be happy about? He’d just found out his life was about to drastically change and not necessarily for the better, once there was a baby in the picture things were never going to be the same again, that was something he definitely hadn’t asked for and there he was smiling like an idiot. He was obviously insane.

“Now that you’re listening,” Chanyeol continued, obviously pleased to have gotten his attention, “I have a couple of things I’d like to say to you too. Firstly, stop apologising.”

“But I…” Joonmyun started to say then gave an indignant squeak as Chanyeol clamped a hand over his mouth.

“Seriously, stop,” Chanyeol told him, his tone firm, “you have nothing to apologise for. It took the two of us to make this happen so it’s as much down to me as it is down to you. And secondly, well I want you to know that I’m going to be there for you. I’m not going to let you do this on your own. Like you said, it’s our baby you’re carrying and when he or she arrives I’m going to pull my weight, school or no school. You and the baby, you’ll come first, no matter what.”

Then Chanyeol was dropping his hand and all Joonmyun could do at first was blink up at him in surprise as he shook his head in disbelief. He really wasn’t angry, he wasn’t freaking out and having a meltdown either. He was smiling, he was happy and he was talking about things calmly and rationally like a real grown-up. He was finding the whole thing hard to process. “You’re really okay with this?” He asked at last, still unable to get his head around the fact Chanyeol was taking things so well.

“Of course I’m okay with this.” Chanyeol exclaimed and it was his turn to shake his head in disbelief. “Why wouldn’t I be okay with this?”

“Because this wasn’t what we planned.” Joonmyun sighed. Why wasn’t Chanyeol getting this?

“I guess it wasn’t.” Chanyeol conceded, “But isn’t this where we were headed anyway? Wasn’t this what you saw coming when you asked me to move in with you? I know it’s what I imagined when I said yes. Me and you settling down, making a home together. And okay so I thought we’d have a few years of it just being us before kids came into the picture but starting a family, that’s something I always saw us deciding to do eventually.”

“Really?” Joonmyun asked. He was dreaming. Dreaming or hallucinating. Yes, that was the only thing that made sense. He’d been worrying about telling Chanyeol he was pregnant for so long now that he couldn’t escape thinking about it even in his sleep and now his brain was deluding him into thinking everything was going to be okay when he did.

“Really.” Chanyeol said, a hand coming up to cup his face and Joonmyun had to scrap the dream idea because that felt pretty tangible. The warmth of his palm, the slight roughness against his skin as Chanyeol swiped a calloused thumb across his cheek, it was all too realistic. Not to mention that he was fairly certain he’d never smelled anything in a dream before either and he could smell the familiar scent of Chanyeol’s shampoo now, mint with a hint of tea tree as he leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead. Yes as surreal as things had gotten it was pretty evident now that he wasn’t dreaming and that this was indeed reality. And then Chanyeol was murmuring the words “I’m happy about this, I promise,” in his ear sending a shiver down his spine and as he turned his head and took Chanyeol’s bottom lip between his teeth Joonmyun decided that it was a reality he could definitely cope with.  

~~~~~~ ~~~~~

AN: Some Suchan for kookiehs. It took a lot longer than I thought it would but I hope you like it anyway.

As always thanks to everybody for everything. I can't believe I have so many subs now, it's amazing.

And here's the list:

Krisyeol for Alluma
Suchen for Justanotherfic
Taohun for ILuvSkyDragon
Krishan for Doyoureallynotseeme
Chankai for VanillaHeaven
Chanxing for soft-kitty
Krisbaek for Rosasaur
Baekchen for kitten83
Krisho for suddon
Xiuhun for XxAngieexX
ing for jang-yehheung
Hanho for resurrection
Xiukris for weepywillow
Baektao for parkbyun
Chenyeol for tini1kero