Silencio Bella

False Hope

“You knew, yet you pretended you didn’t know who. Aren’t you a deceitful one?” Amusement lingers in his voice and if you’ll extract that amusement, you’ll find deep inside was the sarcasm. Deep irritation could also be detected, but it is frustratingly blended so well in the amusement that you can’t uncurl what emotion was laced in that single phrase.
 

He stifles his chuckle to avoid being judged as a conceited one, but plastered a genuine amused smile, taunting the judge to come play his game. “Now, now, don’t make such false accusation, Dr. Suho. That’s not nice, especially when you’re mentally unstable,” he states a bit playfully, even raising his head a bit that makes him look intimidating and proud.

Suho snickers at the doctor in front of him, sneering at him after. “False accusation? Mentally unstable? Last time I checked, weren’t you the one who’s mentally unstable, Dr. Daehyun?” he emphasized the doctor’s name with indignation, eyes narrowing into a glare. The bubbling sensation of irritation wells up in his heart and a smile of the cursed one is not to be provoked, yet the Joker seems to take the situation lightly and might as well consider it as a game.

“Am I? Really now,” he taunts before laughing quite heartily. His laugh bounces against the walls and it almost sounded a laugh from a maniac; it almost sends shivers down to Suho’s spine, but Suho appears calm and unfazed by it.

“This is getting us nowhere, Dr. Daehyun. Both you and I have duties to attend to, so why don’t you just give up and admit it?” Suho plays like an innocent and concerned little girl, sickeningly prying away the strong webs that veil the truth and convincing the prey to surrender and confess. But Daehyun wouldn’t want to play such game and so he continues to play around the bush, after all they were playing Hide & Seek.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he flatly comments. The shadow looms over him, covering up half of his face making him look ghastly and scary, but Suho wasn’t having any of it. Though they were in some place secluded, away from the reality, Daehyun wasn’t the only one who could be the wicked one. Being the cursed one he is, the shadow he reflected was almost not of his.

They stared at each other for a long time, stiff and tense that you could almost feel its slash of pain when you step on their void of world. Heavy silence, glares of a Judge and the Accused were torn from the frustrated sighs of both. Daehyun lightly chuckles before he pats Suho’s shoulder and takes his leave. His lingering touch burns on Suho’s skin, spreading out pain like wildfire and Suho wonders if he had talked with the devil.

He lightly touched his bandaged eye, fist clenching when he remembers Yixing’s bloody face and the news where he lost his sight and was colour blinded. Frustration wells up in his heart, weighing it down heavily and finally, he lets out a choked sob.

Baekhyun couldn’t believe what he saw. It was impossible. There’s no way. But all was true and Baekhyun knew that it is possible. That what he saw is true and alive before his very eyes. It wasn’t impossible, he just couldn’t believe that he is alive, breathing and well just a yard away from him.

Chanyeol was just a yard away from him, accompanied by someone he doesn’t know. His voice dissipates and he was too overwhelmed to even speak. He just stared, because that’s all he could do at the moment and because he was too dumbfounded, Chanyeol left his sight, stepping on the elevator together with the unknown person and they were gone. It was for a few moments before the overwhelming force comes crashing down to him and finally, his legs gave in.

“Senpai? Senpai!” Ren kneeled beside him; a worried expression was plastered on his face. He doesn’t know what to do and why Baekhyun is like this. Though he tries to comfort him and asks him what the problem is, Baekhyun doesn’t hear anything, but only sees the fleeting image of Chanyeol and the wet feeling on his cheeks seems to leave its burning trail of pain.

The burning pain reflects the wounded past and brought him back to the depths of darkness and agony.

What had happened was 3 days ago. Now, Baekhyun is confined in his dark room and the only source of light was from the cracks of the curtain of the window from the sun outside. He was too exhausted from all the screams and sobs he made for the past 3 days. It choked him up, strangling him ‘till he was almost out of breath.

He’s happy. Happy that Chanyeol is back, alive and well, yet it brought forth the searing pain of the past that he kept in his heart long ago, locked away to be hidden forever. Who knew that it would just take a single moment for it to shatter? Who would have thought that by clinging into that hope of being able to see Chanyeol again would cause him pain instead of happiness?

He dazedly stares before the darkness that was laid before him, too numb and exhausted to even care what to do and look at his state. The past showers him with endless rain of pain and grief, piercing through his skin and through the bones until he can’t hold of his body anymore and he wonders what he had done wrong.

‘He didn’t notice me.’

And the question is why.

Why didn’t Chanyeol notice him? Why didn’t Chanyeol call out to him? Why didn’t Chanyeol tell him that he alive and well? Why? Why? Too many why’s and Baekhyun thinks that he’s been thinking of too many why’s and questions. He never got enough of them and he still pops up questions after questions. Answers never caught and grasped because no one answers them.

A crack from the door lights up several strands of light through the dark room, making out a figure curled into a ball, blanket draped all over as if to shy away from the light that comes. A tall figure walks in, calling out to him in a worried voice.

“Baekhyun?” The voice of his mother cuts in through the pain and pulls himself back to reality for a bit. He didn’t respond to her calling until the third rings and Baekhyun finds himself lashing it out to his mother.

“Is there something wrong?”

“Leave me alone!" he snaps at her and then suddenly, the colour on his face drained after he realized what he had done.

He didn’t mean to shout at her like that. He didn’t mean to glare at her as if telling her to ‘shut up. Can’t you see that I’m not okay?’ He also didn’t mean to let his feelings burst out like that. He didn’t mean everything that happened at all. It just happened.

Mrs. Wu looks at him in surprise; in shock that her son shouted at her like that because it was the first time that it happened and never did she expected that he’ll shout at her like that. Too caught in surprise, Baekhyun notices how her body trembles and he feels his heart weigh in guiltiness.

He wanted to say sorry. Apologize because he didn’t mean to shout at her, glare at her and lash out her like that. But he wasn’t able to do that, because Mrs. Wu was out from his room from the moment he decided to speak and all words drown when the door slams shut and he was once again back into the depths of his darkness and agony.

Putting his hand on his forehead, Baekhyun feels he’s going mad. His body trembles, but there were no tears. He shouts, but there was no sound. He wants to let his anguish out, but there was no one to turn to. Baekhyun feels alone. Lonely. Helpless. Scared.

It’s been a long time since he felt this. A long time since he remembered watching his parents’ funeral.  It has been a very long time. He couldn’t believe he was back in feeling this kind of emotion. He thought he was already free from it, but it seems the chains haven’t been fully broken yet.

‘Chanyeol.’

He’s childhood friend that he was forced to forget due to the accident. He’s childhood friend that he could only confine to. His childhood friend that never got tired of his useless babbling and complaints. His childhood friend that change the quiet and shy Baekhyun. His childhood friend who accepted him for who he was and never judged him.

Chanyeol was and still is his refuge. Nothing changed from their relationship and Baekhyun knew it was his fault for making Chanyeol like this. After completely remembering his past, he remembered his promise with the younger male and regretted for forgetting that sole promise.

But yet again, he doesn’t understand why Chanyeol is like this. Why Chanyeol acted they are nothing but strangers and just met as newly friends coincidentally. How Chanyeol played as an innocent guy who has a kind heart to help him regain his memories. How Chanyeol purposely planned this and made him confused; confused about their relationship and his feelings?

…

…..?

‘Huh?’

Feelings? Since when did feelings were brought out from this? That wasn’t part of it, but why is he confused about their relationship and his feelings?

“What am I thinking?” Baekhyun says to himself, confused more than ever and takes a moment to take a thought of it. After a few minutes, he dismissed the thought and pulls his knees even closer to his chest before he buried his head on it. He stays still at the moment in the darkness, blending in perfectly like an unruly shade of wrong drawing being splashed by a black paint.

And he suppresses a choked sob that sounded like a dying bird who tries to survive death, but nevertheless suffers in agony.

‘I’m so stupid.’

Luhan refuses to meet his eyes. Sehun’s eyes. No matter what, he refuses to. Even with the cooing voice that was never intended, but was twisted to Luhan’s ears, Luhan refuses to meet his eyes. Being called early in the morning to have a chat after Luhan selfishly avoided him for the past 3 days; he couldn't say no.

Luhan has actually no reason to avoid Sehun. He was just too anxious and felt that it was too quick to be able to meet in an unlikely place like the hospital that Sehun once used to work in. But deep inside his heart, he wasn't just ready to see Sehun yet. Not now. Not later.

After avoiding the male that he has been looking for the past years for 3 days after the unexpected meeting, Sehun called him early in Saturday morning, asking if he could meet up with him in the cafe just a street away from the hospital. Despite telling himself not to give in, telling himself not to go due to being not ready yet; he still went because that is what his heart yearned for, no matter how much he tried to come up with delusional lies that he can't.

A bewitching of an unfavourable sweetness penetrates the stubborn heart, bringing out the undesired emotions from the depths of it. It was once said that Sehun's voice is precious, almost sacred-like that you wouldn't be able to forget it no matter what. That if you ever heard Sehun's voice, it will bring shudder down to your spine and make you tremble as it will haunt you 'till the corners of your mind.

A blessing and a curse was Luhan's thought about it. Excuses of exaggeration were what he thought when his seniors told him about it, yet later did he regret it for not believing them. His life was drawn by Sehun's voice and from the day he was separated from him until the present day; Sehun's voice remains unchanged, haunting him to hurry up and find him.

Though Sehun's actions caused great anxiety on him, Luhan managed to act normally despite the unbearable situation he had gotten into. Luhan was in panic that he spent an hour and a half choosing what clothes to wear and despite the time he spent, he decided to wear an open blue button-up shirt layered with a black tank top and denim jeans partnered with a black  Adidas sneakers; the time he spent was futile.

When he arrived in the café, Sehun was already there, drinking some latte with a bored expression and Luhan was about to bolt out from the café without getting noticed, but unfortunately, Sehun called him out. Here he was, refusing to meet Sehun’s eyes with a strong will and Sehun staring at him with an unrecognizable look and for once, Luhan feels stiff, awkward and tense. Anxious.

Laughing awkwardly, Luhan tries to ease their situation whilst looking around except Sehun’s gaze. “So…why did you call me here for? You…you wanted to talk about something, right?” Awkward, stiff and forced—Luhan feels different, as if he was a totally different person. He had expected that he would be shouting with joy and pride that they have finally reunited, thrown a party and get wasted, but he wasn’t expecting this at all. Not at all.

Sehun looks down at his latte before letting out a hum of agreement. Luhan tries his best to avoid his eyes, and stood up abruptly which caught the latter’s attention in surprise. Luhan met his gaze for a brief moment, though apparently he got shocked for a moment of what he did, he quickly looked away and thought of an excuse to give.

“I…I’m going to get us some food.” And then he left. Sehun couldn’t do anything, but watch him go. His heart feels troubled when he stares at Luhan’s anxious actions, all tense and stiff and even avoiding his gaze every time. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, but somehow, Sehun could relate to Luhan’s feelings so he understands Luhan’s position no matter how painful it is for him.

Luhan came back with a tray of 2 slices of chocolate marble cake and a glass of Shirley temple. Taking his seat, Luhan was about to hand the slice of cake to Sehun, when Sehun stopped him before doing so.

“Luhan…don’t you remember? I don’t eat chocolate marble. Only you do,” Sehun utters with sadness and Luhan’s eyes widened in realization. He stares at the two cakes, completely flustered at the fact that he forgot that Sehun doesn’t eat chocolate marble in particular.

Still avoiding his eyes, Luhan let out an awkward chuckle, humming in agreement before apologizing. “Is that so? I’m sorry…I…I forgot.”

It was for a few moments that Luhan strikes up a conversation, his voice falling down into a whisper, but nevertheless, Sehun heard him. The younger hangs his head down whilst Luhan stares outside, uncomfortable at the atmosphere they have.

“So you’ve become a doctor, huh?” The disbelief in his voice didn’t go unnoticed and Sehun’s answer proves that this was a mess. A lie that he can’t fathom nor extract because where is the truth that lies in there?

“Yeah.” None, because the truth is the lie and Luhan couldn’t just accept it.

“Is that so? I thought you didn’t want to become a doctor?” It was true. Sehun said that he won’t become a doctor back then when they were still dating. Due to his parents’ fatal mistake that drove them to their death, Sehun vowed that he won’t become a doctor. But seeing him now, Luhan wanted to question him why. Why because it’s a contradiction to Sehun’s life; a fatal flaw.

It was visible before Luhan’s eyes when Sehun flinched at his question; apparently he had the courage to look at Sehun’s sunken figure. Sehun didn’t answer despite waiting for a few minutes and when Luhan was ready to drop the question, Sehun spoke.

“I do. I hate it,” the younger’s voice was filled with hatred, “because of it, they died. Because of their mistake, filled with grief and guilt, they killed themselves without thinking about their own son and daughter. I hate it. I hate them.”

Luhan stared at Sehun, watching him recall his nightmare and speak his hatred for it. It wasn’t his intention to bring out his painful memories, but he only wanted to know why and he can’t help but wonder what the answer for it.

‘Am I that selfish?’

As he watches the younger, Luhan’s heart started to ache in worry and guilt for him. But with a shuddering breath, Sehun covers the wound with a healing blanket and Luhan noticed his change of tone.

“But after living with Suho hyung for years, watching how the lives of the patients and the duties of the doctors and nurses and how it is to become one of them, little by little my hatred was whisked away. And by then, I no longer hated it. I, somehow, understood them,” Sehun paused for awhile, letting out a sigh, “Somehow, I don’t think if this is the best choice that I have ever done, but I decided to and there was no turning back. I’m horrible, aren’t I? Thinking that I won’t be like them, but actually, I became one of them. I don’t know myself anymore, but I’m stupid, right?”

And then, Sehun lifts his gaze and finally, their gazes meet. A heartbeat. It was a moment where Luhan finally meets the younger’s gaze and all thoughts and words died down and was left into nothing but lingering feeling of a heartbeat. Sehun is breathtaking, now that Luhan has a view of his face. It didn’t change at all. Nothing changed, but maybe the hair, yet nothing really changed at all and Luhan feels like they were back in high school again. He is, once again, captivated by Sehun’s charms.

Silence fell on them and Luhan was the first one to break away from the contact and nervously eats his share of cake, because he doesn’t know what to say and this is just an excuse to escape. The younger male doesn’t expect him to response, anyways. He knew Luhan’s question was just to ease the older’s disbelief on his choice and when their gazes meet; Sehun knew that he had struck the bell and let Luhan fall into buzzes of understanding.

‘He hasn’t changed at all.’

Luhan is uneasy. Not because of Sehun’s action, but because of the answer that he had come to fully understand. Within the whirl of time, Luhan realized that Sehun haven’t told him the reason why he called him and he feels anxious on what Sehun has to say. The younger watched him, almost unfazed by his uneasiness as if he was a total different person earlier. He briefly looks at his watch to check the time, before returning his steady gaze to Luhan. He starts by calling his name and Luhan abruptly stops, head down and everyone could tell that Luhan wasn’t ready for this. Not now. Not later.

“Luhan, I called you here to talk about what happened 3 years ago. During that fateful day,” he says with a calm voice, watching how Luhan flinched at his words and slowly looked up to meet his gaze—indescribable, you may say were their emotions.

A heartbeat.

Luhan looked up to meet the younger’s steady gaze and all what Luhan could see was nothing but calmness. No particular emotions like sadness, anger, pity, guilt or anxiousness were seen on Sehun’s eyes. They were void of them and Luhan feels his heart frantically beats in panic. Realization was slowly soaking in his mind, step by step.

“3 years ago?” he mutters unconsciously, feeling breathy all of a sudden when vivid memories of that fateful day flashes in his mind briefly, accumulating in one question he had longed for to ask and answer—why?

Sehun knew that this was a delicate topic that he was bringing up, but it’s best to let Luhan know where they stand now and to clear out any misunderstanding that Luhan may have. This topic is nothing to him now—nothing—, but Sehun knows this will be painful for Luhan. A painful memory to recall and talk about like a butterfly being plucked out from its wings, swift, yet the pain remains and lets the wingless butterfly remember the pain slowly—step by step.

The younger male closes his eyes to crush every last remaining emotions of the old him, before opening his eyes and resumes what he was saying, “3 years ago…where I declared that it’s over between us. You remember, don’t you?”

Luhan didn’t respond and Sehun may have expected that reaction from him. He continues despite the uneasiness of the older one because he had to. There was no other choice, so he hoped that Luhan would bear with it.

“I’ve called you to talk about what happened 3 years ago. You received my note from Dr. Daehyun and probably went to search for me, right?” he stops and stared at Luhan for a moment before he continues, “I won’t even ask where, but to what had happened, you weren’t able to find me. You saw my letter and probably the ring you gave me back then. It was painful, I know.”

Was it even a consolation? No, it’s not. Sympathy? No. It’s not that either. Luhan couldn’t believe that Sehun’s trying to fakely understand his pain. Coldly declaring it as if he really knew and anger slowly welled up in his heart.

‘ Painful, you say Sehun? How could you say that?’

“Is that all you have to say to me? Is that why you called me here? To let me know how painful it was and let me see how you fakely tried to understand my pain, Sehun? Is that why?!” Luhan raised his voice, getting some attention from the people around them and staffs.

“Do you really want to know why I called you here?” he asks in return and Luhan tensed at how deep those words weigh. He felt afraid, his anger dissipating so quickly that he felt cold. Sehun seems unfazed, finishing up his latte and stare at Luhan’s eyes once more.

“Fine. I thought you would get it, but it seems I need to say it directly. The letter may be nothing to you, but instead had given you some tiny hope or something that we’ll be together again; I called you here for that reason,” Sehun says calmly, yet Luhan knew better that the younger is serious in what he is saying about, “I officially declare that our relationship is over. You will treat me as a doctor and I will treat you as a nurse.”

‘Pain. It hurts. It hurts so much.’

Sehun stood up, letting out a sigh whilst Luhan felt his heart crack by his words. Sehun’s gaze was almost hollow, blank that he was dead serious about this and there was no room for argument. Luhan watches him in shock, too dumbfounded to even utter a single word and notice the rumbling murmurs and attention they got in the background.

Yet, Sehun doesn’t seem to be bothered by it. Not at all as he says his final words. “Starting from this day on, we are strangers. No relationship or past were written about us. Nothing. I’m not forcing you, but it would be best if you will cooperate or else you’ll be in more pain.”

And he left.

Petrified, shaken, and destroyed like a wilting flower, Luhan finds himself too shock that he can’t even describe it. The impact of Sehun’s words was indescribable at the moment that he could feel it on his bones. Too deep and painful to even know what to do and say.

He wasn’t crying nor was his body shaking. He was perfectly still on his seat, head hanged low and a blank expression plastered on his delicate face with his fringe grazes down to uplift the mood and everyone could see that he was broken. Shattered, burned and wrongly accused of a crime he never did. But he did and this is the retribution of it.

“You’ve hurt him too much, Luhan. You just didn’t know,” Tia says with a sorrowful voice, eyes glazed with dropping ocean. Luhan looks at her in confusion.

“Hurt him? Are you kidding me Tia? Isn’t that the opposite? He’s the one who’d hurt me, not me,” Luhan retorts angrily in response, but Tia’s strong, sorrowful gaze weren’t shaken by his assumptions and Luhan couldn’t find any words to say back.

“You lost too much time and now, you’ll have to pay for that,” Tia calmly states the facts and Luhan flinches in response, knowing well that it is true. Too lost for words, Tia continues her charge, making Luhan lose his grip on reality for a moment.

“On behalf of him, Luhan, I beg of you. Please stop clinging on false hope. Don’t mess with his life anymore. You already took 7 years of his life and I don’t want him to experience that kind of pain again.” Luhan feels his breath shortens, but Tia ignores him and finishes her words, “He’s broken up with you 3 years ago, so please…”

“Please, let him go.”

The wind flutters through his skin, caressing as if it is a form of consolation. The sun was hidden from the Earth by the army of clouds, crackles of sun rays shows that it is still there, never leaving and still providing light and warmth through the cold world.

Closing his eyes, the shattered heart beats loudly in his ears, echoing and echoing to let him remember that he still has a heart, is still in reality, still breathing and still alive. Shrouded by darkness, he silently indulges himself in a quiet and personal reflection.

"Do you think you deserve another chance?" Jongdae yells at him. Mockery filled his voice as he laughs and Minseok could only do was stare at the floor, shoulders sunken and his figure almost reminded Jongdae of a child being scolded and the younger male calms down a bit.

"I'm not asking for another chance, Jongdae," Minseok's voice trembles as he speaks. "I'm just asking for a little bit of your kindness. I know that I don't have the right to ask you of this, but spare me, Jongdae. Spare me, because I'm tired. Tired of putting up with your hysterics."

Minseok watches Jongdae's expression falls into a cold and blank face. Lips pressed into a thin line and eyes were hollow and void of emotion and Minseok wants to cry because he already sees the answer even without Jongdae telling it, but he tries anyways.

"Jongdae, please. Can't y--." He was cut off when a pillow was smacked into his face and Minseok realizes that this is futile. When the pillow reaches the floor, Minseok's breath shortens when he sees Jongdae crying, a defeated expression mixed with anger were plastered on his face.

"Leave!" he shouts. "I don't want to see you." Another pillow. "Get out!" And Minseok leaves, away from Jongdae; away from the broken man who could no longer be repaired.

A shuddering breath leaves his lips, shoulders sunken and everyone could see that he's not okay. The wind blows with a sad tune and his lips form into a thin line and he lets out a sigh.

 That happened before the news came that Jongdae could no longer speak.

"Jongdae?" Hesitation lingers in his voice as Minseok opens the door. He gasps in shock, not because of the messy room, but because Jongdae's not in his bed and there was no sign of him when Minseok searches for him in every corner of the room and he dashes outside to look for him.

He frantically searches for him through the hallways and asks randomly if they knew or saw Jongdae, but there response was that they don't know. Minseok tries to think of positive thoughts, but all of it were negative scenarios that could happen and Minseok thinks he couldn't live anymore if something happened to Jongdae. Putting up a brave heart, he looks for Jongdae in every possible location there will be and when he did, he lets out a long, relieved sigh.

Jongdae was at the rooftop of the hospital, head upward to look at the bluish sky above. He was at his wheelchair, a brown, knitted blanket was draped over his legs as if to hide the fact that his legs were of no longer in use. A mahogany scarf was warmly wrapped around his pale neck down to his feminine shoulders to keep him warm from the cold breeze that slices through his thin and sad figure.

Minseok warily approaches him and nervously stopped beside the younger male. Jongdae doesn't seem to be bothered by his presence and that makes Minseok slightly happy. Given a slight chance, Minseok observes the younger and found him lost in thought. After receiving the news, Minseok didn't come back the next day and now that he returned, Minseok worries about Jongdae's reaction about the news, because surely, he would have figured it out or the doctor or nurse would have told him.

Seeing him dazed, Minseok wonders how he handled it because he wasn't there when the younger needed him. Feeling burdened by guilt and worry, Minseok hesitantly strikes up a question that is obviously not needed to be spoken of especially when the answer has been already laid out.

"Jongdae? Are you okay?"

Minseok doesn't expect him to say anything, but any gestures would be fine, yet the younger didn't move at all. Nothing. He made several attempts to see if the younger would react or at least show that he is in reality, yet Jongdae didn't respond to anything and Minseok thinks that the latter needs some time alone. He was about to leave when he felt his wrist being held back and he turns his head to look at the younger.

A soft, fleeting smile slowly makes its way to his face; a heart welled up with understanding, relief and love. It was a simple gesture, no words needed and Minseok understood it. And he willingly complies with the wish.

"That would be 24200 won," Jongin says with a small smile. While he punches some buttons, Kyungsoo comes out from the wrapping room with 3 bouquets in his hands and hands it over to the lady after Jongin gives the change and receipt.

"Thank you for your patronage. We hope to see you again!" Jongin and Kyungsoo said in unison and the lady left with a bright smile, letting both of them sigh in relief.

"Finally! I thought I was gonna die, but thank God that it's finally over!" Jongin moans, plopping his body on the wooden table and Kyungsoo laughs, ruffling his hair. Jongin whines in distress and the warm touches of Kyungsoo's hand left and Jongin whimpers because he still wanted to act like a child.

When he realized that Kyungsoo was gone, his head shot up and the first thing he smells is the aroma of tea. His mood brightens up when he saw the older carrying a silver tray of teas and delicacies. Setting the tray on the table, Kyungsoo flips the sign into 'OPEN' to 'CLOSE' on the door before joining Jongin who had taken a bite on red velvet cake already.

"Is it good?" Kyungsoo asks hesitantly since he had added some ingredients to the red velvet. Jongin responded with a radiant smile and Kyungsoo feels a smile crawling up to his lips, heart once again bore a beat of love that resounded into a tune that it almost made him melt.

Scooping another taste, Jongin melts at the savoury taste of the red velvet cake, feeling the new crunchy feeling of roasted rice puffs in it and caramel dust that bursts with elegant sweetness that blends with perfect saltiness that sways with addictiveness. “It’s perfect, hyung.”

Kyungsoo blushes at his compliment, taking in more of the bite than he should that he choked on it. Jongin quickly hands him his tea and leaves Kyungsoo into a coughing mess. Jongin worriedly looks at him and Kyungsoo waves his hand before he finally regains his steady breathing and calms down.

“You okay, hyung?”

“Y-yeah. Thanks,” Kyungsoo stammered a bit, before silently curses himself for being too obvious. But Jongin seems oblivious by his display of action and response and Kyungsoo breathes out in relief. Emotions were just one thing in Kyungsoo’s life that he can’t lay it out freely even if he wanted to.

“How’s your class?”

“So far we’re doing great, but I don’t think they’re that excited,” Jongin responded solemnly and Kyungsoo reminded him of a lost puppy that the older wanted to hug the younger and comfort him. Yet, he decided against to it, thinking that it may be weird and just opted to questions.

“What do you mean?” Kyungsoo asks in genuine concern and when Jongin looks at the older’s eyes, he felt spilling all the details.

“It’s just that…they aren’t passionate about dancing anymore. They think that this is just a normal routine, a hobby that they use to lose time and they lose sight of what this dance class really means. It just makes me quite frustrated and sad.” Jongin sighs, eyes casted down and Kyungsoo feels sorry for him. He plans to put a comforting hand on Jongin’s, but the latter quickly smiled as if nothing happened, quickly sealing the problem aside and Kyungsoo lost his chance to give his comfort.

“But I’m okay, hyung. Really. How about you? How’s Jong—,” he stops when he felt his phone vibrate on his pants. He glances at Kyungsoo and the older nods his head, giving him permission to go. Jongin sends him a brief smile before he excuses himself to go to the back room to take the call.

Kyungsoo knows he shouldn’t be feeling this way, but he can’t help it. He feels being caught up into a whirl of a disastrous emotion that he can’t tell anyone despite the bottle being already full. He wants to spill, but he needs to keep the lid sealed for the safety of the future.

He never wanted it to be this way, but he doesn’t want let Jongin be caught up in his foolish love; a love that was brought out from pain and comfort. It’s been 3 years, but he knows that the younger male still has feelings for Taemin and he can’t go and snatch him away nor spill his feelings when the younger is still healing and still caught up in his emotions.

He’s hurting, but he thinks it is fine. Rather than hurting Jongin, he will satisfy himself by being with Jongin’s side and in that way, he would be content though his desires may grow, he won’t cross the line and keep their future together and safe.

Jongin comes back with a sad smile plastered on his face and Kyungsoo already knows. It has been almost a routine, actually and Kyungsoo thinks he could endure it since every day, different thing happens, yet the end will be always end up being the same. Kyungsoo could already feel his throat tightening when he notices Jongin reaching out for his coat on the chair installed just a few metres away from Kyungsoo, yet a smile is still plastered on his face.

“I’m sorry hyung,” he starts slowly and Kyungsoo couldn’t really get mad at him, because whenever Jongin apologises, it has sincerity in it. Taking out the apron and putting on his black coat, Jongin apologetically smiles at Kyungsoo. “I have a meeting.” Short and simple and Kyungsoo doesn’t really need any details anymore. Because ‘meeting’ means several possible theories of where Jongin has to attend to and need to abandon him. It’s either he needs to go back to his class, meet up with Kris, attend to some occasions by some friends, blind dates by his parents or something like that along the way.

Jongin feels guilty for leaving Kyungsoo like this, but he just can’t really avoid this no matter how much he wanted to stay with the older male. “I’ll be back soon hyung,” he encouragingly says to the latter and Kyungsoo just smiled at him, nodding and assures him that it’s okay.

“I can handle myself just fine Jongin. I’ll be closing the flower shop an hour later anyways, since I need to handle the café. You could drop by at the café if you want,” Kyungsoo speaks calmly and the older still wonders how he could handle his emotions so well. Jongin’s lips fell into a frown and Kyungsoo notices his hands tremble and he quickly hides it behind him.

“I’m sorry hyung, but I don’t think I can make it,” Jongin sorrowfully replies and Kyungsoo tries his best not to look disappointed at all. He shakily laughs (he can’t avoid this one) that soon drowned into silence and he wonders what’s he doing.

“Is that so?” He wasn’t able to stop this one just like he thought he would.

“Yeah. I’m really sorry hyung.”

“No. No, it-it’s really okay Jongin. Look at the time. You need to hurry now or else you’ll be late,” Kyungsoo quickly responded and Jongin looks at him with an indescribable gaze. Kyungsoo fell silent after that and he doesn’t do anything even after Jongin bowed and left the shop.

Their conversation would always stop midway. Half-hearted goodbyes and Kyungsoo finds himself crying and he decides to go to his office to pour out his misery.

And a wilting Bellflower soon lost its petals.

A/N: Finally updated! And I regret nothing from this chapter. I was emotionally drained when I wrote Hunhan so forgive me about that. Taoris is in the next chapter. Let me know what you think about this chapter :)

Bellflower-disappointment and loss

XOXO