Silencio Bella

Small Fire

Joonmyeon feels his suffocating.

Suffocating too long and hard. But before he could even suffocate entirely, some unknown force releases the hold of his suffocation and he’ll be breathing again, gasping and choking ‘till he regained his breath. A cycle of misery that he wanted to curse at. He’d wanted to hold the sleeve of death, but death seems to and leaves him hanging, broken and waiting for nothing, but an artificial happiness and hope.

It makes him laugh, though. After all the things that happened, he still couldn’t move on. Couldn’t accept the fact what had happened last 3 years ago. No. He just couldn’t. Though his mind tells him to give it up and just move on, his heart says the contrary and begs him to stay and continue to wait. The sound of his heart pronounced louder than the mind’s.

3 years of suffering of nothing but waiting and hoping that everything will go back to the way it was. But, it was too much to hope for. He tried to ease his pain a bit by taking back his position as a doctor again. Busying himself with patients and kids, but they weren’t enough. Not enough to take away all of his agony and make him happy again. It wasn’t enough.

He acts normal, living like a human and just himself, but the angel inside is already drowning. Drowning to an everlasting agony of not being able to move on and kept on clinging to fate which is also the one who forced him to get in the state he is now, but he knew better and humbled himself down and continue to cling on fate. A choice of the wise and the stupid. But you can’t really blame him. Not at all. When he’s trying to keep his love one alive, barely breathing and hanging by the string of life.

Yixing almost died 3 years ago. Thankfully, Yunho and Jaejoong were able to rush in and save the young male from the grasp of death, but everything is risky and dangerous, yet they were able to save Yixing in a matter of time and announced to Suho that Yixing barely survived and is in comatose. Between the lines, Suho declares that Yixing is dead.

He knew. He knew better than anyone what it means. After the long operation and of the battered heart, Suho already knew that Yixing was dead from the moment he heard that line. Yixing couldn’t survive that. Even Jaejoong and Yunho know that, since they were the ones who declared that Yixing is a lost cause.  It was obvious, yet he fabricated a simple thought. A thought were Yixing didn’t really die and is in comatose, left to sleep forever until the time comes where eternity lost its meaning.

And until then, must he wait and continue to live on.

Down the path of the hallways, Suho forces a smile along the way, greeting a bit half-heartedly and showing much of no interest to other things. Lived in seclusion and of darkness, recollecting his memories and life, Suho finally thought of taking some fresh air and light outside. Proving this matter, he went for a walk in the balcony garden, trying to take in all he could, but all he could see is monochromatic and dull. The air becomes too thick and even the light becomes dull and cold, everything fades away from their colours and what they used to be.

“Am I too late?” he asks rhetorically and the dull colours greet him with monotone silence and Suho knew that he has to wait for the answer. Fate is out on a trip, closed the door of his life and it will take time when fate decides to continue his postponed ending. Bitter laugh comes out from his lips and Suho thinks its right for the first time, seeing that it complimented his condition very well and how he no longer sees the light at the end of the road.

“Suho.”

The doctor closes his eyes, fighting back his tears that threatened to come out when he heard the younger’s voice. All too familiar and lovely that it broke his heart. He wonders how long he could keep up the fire he has.

“Wake up, Dr. Suho. This is not the place for you to sleep,” an angry voice spoke and it brought the said male’s eyes to flutter open with utter reluctance and Suho hissed at the light that pokes his eyes.  Titters and hushed voices flowed through his hearing and Suho growls at the unwelcomed visitors.

“Get up or I’ll have to force you.”

“Shut up, Daehyun,” Suho snaps back and sat up angrily, shoulders slouched and eyes boring holes to the doctor in front of him. Daehyun rolled his eyes and smiled in satisfaction that Suho’s finally awake after his several attempts awhile ago. Though his patience was tested, thankfully, Suho woke up or else, Daehyun would have kicked him in the shin just to force him to wake up.

“Dr. Suho is awake now!” a child yells and several children run to Suho, who only chuckled and tried to balance himself with the kids trying to get on his shoulders and head. Daehyun grumbles at the sight and Suho took note of it and smirked.

“Jealous?” he teased and Daehyun glowers at him in return.

“Never.”

“You are. You’re jealous because Luhan and I are good with kids and you’re not. You’re J-E-A-L-O-U-S,” Suho emphasizes the last word and Daehyun held himself from punching the latter in the face; instead he tightens his jaws and coldly glared at the man below him.

“Woah, there!” A kid suddenly jumps on Suho’s shoulder, successfully latching his short arms around Suho’s head and the other kids messing with his coat and body. Daehyun watches them in distraught and rubs his hand on his face, putting up a scowl on his face when a kid says he looks like an idiot.

“This is why I hate kids. Bunch of brats that gets on your nerve every time without fail,” Daehyun comments and Suho just laughs at his misery. Several kids were latched up to Suho and Daehyun smirks when the young male couldn’t lift his body up from the puzzle mat. When Suho deems that he needs help, he turns to Daehyun with a pleading look and the said male just widens his smirk.

“There’s nothing I can do to help you, Dr. Suho. I hate kids, remember? And since you boasted about them loving Luhan and you, I leave them to your care then. Good luck and if you ever need me; I’m just in the office, okay?”

Suho widens his eyes when Daehyun turns his back on him and approaches the door with arrogance, which he yells at him.

“JUNG DAEHYUN!”

The door clicks shut and Suho felt his stomach falls with his whole body tightening with grips and pulls.

“I can’t believe they turn into angels when they are asleep, yet demons when they wake up,” Daehyun sarcastically comments while Suho fixes the blanket over the children that are peacefully sleeping. When he finished, he stood up and gazes at them lovingly, his lips curling into a smile.

“But they’re still an angel. Their wings are still small and when they grow up, they’ll know how to fly. They got a lot ahead of them. Several future and endings they could choose from, don’t you think?”

Daehyun glances at the doctor beside him before turning his attention towards the sleeping angels on the puzzle mat. He smiles at their innocent and pristine face, their delicate being and the future they hold in their lives. It was heart-warming to watch them that Daehyun softly gazes at them with adoration.

“Yeah. I guess so.”

Suho decided to visit him.

It’s been a week since he last visited the male since he had confined himself in his room and run off with errands and surgeries. It awed him that he could still think clearly when he should be grieving and wander around looking like a zombie, but his mind was at ease and clear. Sometimes, it’s clouded, but most of the time, he could think properly and perform the tasks without much problem, yet he easily grows tired and needs a nap or two between the time of the day and night to replenish the energy he needs.

 Other doctors had pointed out his sleeping habits, but he shrugged it off and told them that he lacked sleep. Liar. He knows very well why he is like this. He knows that half of his soul is already gone to which he lives carelessly, yet take cautious actions to mend his life back together even though it’s not in the right order, but since when did his life had stitched up in the right place, anyways?

His heart looms with sadness and he had to prevent himself from turning away and confine himself gain in his room. No. He decided that he’ll visit the young male and he’s going to visit him. Taking a deep breath, he takes the handle and opens the door.

The room is mildly dark and Suho wonders who closed the light. Yixing is going to be cold and the younger male doesn’t like to be cold.

“I want to be warm, hyung. Because being cold makes me feel dead and I don’t want to be dead. So keep me warm, okay?”

The tightening in his neck comes by and slowly he starts to feel breathy, but he ignores it and approaches the younger’s bed. He gazes at the pale and fragile male on the bed. Needles pierced and the IV drops with the sway of the breeze outside. Its early morning, the day of the monochrome and Suho thinks it’s just like yesterday. Yesterday where his life broke into pieces.

Slowly, he traces the younger’s features above the skin, too scared to touch and afraid that he’ll break the boy or worse, send him to death. Since that day, he never held the younger’s hand nor did he touch the latter’s skin at all. Because the image of the bloodied and the curse of sending his love one to death, forever brings him to an eternal judgment and Suho knew he had no right to hold the younger’s hand anymore. From that day until eternity.

It’s scary when Suho sees the blood on Yixing’s face and his breath hitches suddenly and quickly, he retracted his hand away and he blinks. Nothing was there. Pristine and pure is the male on the bed. His heart continues to pound even though everything is okay and a voice laughs in his mind, dark and twisted.

‘How does it feel to see your beloved’s bloodied face?’

“Shut up,” Suho grumbles and the voice laughs at him once again, mocking him for its own satisfaction.

‘He’ll never wake up. You know that. After all, you are no great angel. You’re a cursed one. A cursed angel you are! An angel who brings death to the people around him. Death bringer Joonmyeon!’

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” Suho yells and grips his hair in guilt and fear. His frame trembles when the voice laughs again and the stilled air (that he didn’t realize stilled) resumed and Suho found himself gasping for air. Ever since the voice came to his life, it only brought torture and guilt. Reminding him of who he really was. He doesn’t fight back, since what the voice said is true and he could never run away from it.

He gazes painfully at Yixing, who was calmly, and peacefully sleeping on the bed, beautiful and pristine still in his eyes that his heart wrenches in pain and guilt. His eyes suddenly stung in pain and it was too late to realize that he was crying once again. Hot tears flowed across his cheeks that fade away into the pool of silence and unknown.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Yixing,” he whispers, strained and broken. Hoping his words would be delivered out to the male in his eternal dream of comfort and fantasy. The room suddenly got colder and much darker than before, contrasting the daylight outside which Suho defines as a fabricated reality. To keep himself from drowning and losing himself, a cold blanket wraps around him and greets him with a beginning; Suho breaks down.

A simple wish. A brother and a sister. Love. Death.

A curse.

A cursed angel he is.

“Thank you and have a good day!” Kyungsoo bows and waves his hand to the customer who left before putting it down and breathes out in relief. That was his last customer for today after a crowd had eventually gathered in his shop to order flowers and hand-made gifts for some unknown occasion. It was hell and Kyungsoo had to triple his speed in doing the request even though he had other three staffs helping him out. It was so tiring that the doe-eyed male had to take a sit on the stool and let out an exhausted sigh.

Letting his gaze linger around his shop, he mentally thanks the heavens that nothing was broken from the chaos an hour ago and that everything is finally over. The part-time staffs already took their leave when the customers had reduced to 5 and Kyungsoo thanked them, vowing that he’ll raise their payment than usual for their great help to him.

Smiling a bit to himself after he remembered the last customer’s order, it reminded him of a recent talk that he had with someone. They joked about the dandelion and the room they were in were filled with laughter and merriment. Dancing and singing along, joking and laughing as they filled the night with another breath of happiness that the sky twinkled and danced along with them.

He chuckles at the memory and takes out a small card from the drawer; a smile adorning his face so beautifully. On the small card, handwritten words were printed neatly on the small white card.

Congratulations on getting an award, hyung! I didn’t know our school would do that, but I’m glad.

Don’t forget to cook kimchi stew, okay? Oh, and dessert too!

-Kim Jongin

The corner of his lips grew wider after he read the words on the card and Kyungsoo take a glance at the right corner where a small cabinet was situated and inside it was the trophy he had from the school that Jongin used to study in. It was one of the greatest moments he had in his life and Kyungsoo thanked Jongin for his great help for advertising his flower shop around the university and won him the hearts of the people around. If it wasn’t for the younger, he wouldn’t be able to get an award and lot of people wouldn’t be coming to his flower shop than his usual pace of customers.

A blessing was Jongin and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but thank the heavens for letting him meet that boy. If he didn’t meet him, Kyungsoo wouldn’t be here. He won’t able to regain his voice back and live the days with something to look forward for. But because Jongin is here, he was able to regain his voice back, live the days with something to look forward to and let his heart beat again together with the butterflies that flutter in his stomach.

The sound of the small bell breaks his track of memories and appreciation, a certain tanned man with skinny jeans and loose button-down shirt were carrying 2 pots of dandelions on his hands and Kyungsoo grins at him.

“You really got them, huh?” Kyungsoo says when Jongin placed the pots on the counter and gave him a proud smile. The young male glanced at the flower before looking up to the older male with an expecting look and Kyungsoo laughs at him.

Shifting his attention to the flower, observing its structure and freshness, Kyungsoo nods his head wordlessly when he got a look on the flower and Jongin returned him with a smug smile.

“Thanks, Jongin.”

“You’re welcome, hyung.”

Both of them look at the two pots and Kyungsoo’s eyes twinkled with adoration for the small bud.

“This bud will grow beautiful. Though it may look simple and just like any normal flower out there, this flower will be a different one. It’s beauty will define its meaning and will envelope the person with a warmth of one he never felt before,” he paused before looking at the younger, who looked back at him with a confused, yet warm gaze and Kyungsoo smiles—a bit sad and he hopes that Jongin doesn’t see it.

“I’ll give you the other one, Jongin. Keep it until it blooms. And when it does, it’s up to you whether you give it back or not.”

Jongin looked at him in mild confusion, before nodding his head and takes a look at the plant with a smile.

“I’ll take good care of it, hyung.” Kyungsoo smiles back gratefully.

“I hope you’ll give lots of love for this bud of Aster, just like how I’m going to take care of mine.”

Walking down the cream-coloured painted walls that are decorated with paintings, Kyungsoo steps were timid, yet he held his head high while a quiet and slow Jongin followed behind him with paper bags filled with foods and drinks and their steps combines into a slow tempo of a play. Fused together into one beat, they walked down the hallway with a calm and collected look that a few patients and nurses turns to look at them for awhile and whisper at their coming.

Arriving at the designated door, Kyungsoo knocks three times before opening the door and lets himself in together with Jongin behind who closed the door after he got himself inside the room. The first thing that Kyungsoo noticed was that no one is present in the room. Not a single soul and everything is fixed up. Not a single mess around the room and Kyungsoo already knew who did it.

“Minseok hyung must have gone out for awhile, huh?” Jongin spoke up to break the cold and tense atmosphere that Jongdae had chained even if he wasn’t present in the room as he placed the paper bags on the table. The room is quite warm, but one could tell that the AC has been recently used awhile ago and the humid is quite average when Kyungsoo moves to approached the vase of flowers.

Bringing his hand up, he rubs his fingertips on the leaf before muttering a ‘yeah’ and puts down his hand with a sigh. Turning away from the vase, Kyungsoo joins Jongin’s side and proceeds on taking out the contents, thinking of what to cook for Jongdae and Minseok to eat. After a moment of silence, Jongin decides to bring up something  that he wanted to ask the older lately.

“Could I ask you a question, hyung?”

Kyungsoo hums in respond, sorting out the ingredients he needs. Jongin bit his lips for awhile before letting out the words out from his lips with reluctance.

“Why are you being so kind to me?”

Kyungsoo stops what he was doing and blinks at Jongin’s surprising question. His heart throb in a complicated way and it took him a bit effort to collect himself and not to jump into conclusions. Instead he looked at the younger male with a confused look and Jongin could only look down.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Huh? Oh, n-no! That’s not what I meant!” Jongin panicky says when he turned to look at the older male. Kyungsoo didn’t say anything in return, but merely waits what the other has to say and what he really meant. Looking down once again, Jongin’s voice turned timid and somewhat filled with doubt that Kyungsoo almost dread on what Jongin has to say.

“I mean…I’m a no one. A stranger, who just barged in your life, messed it up and yet, you took care of me. Stitched me up back again and showed me that there is a tomorrow that I could live on. I had practically taken 3 years of life just for my selfish needs and you still looked at me with the same eyes. Nothing changed from the first time we met unlike the people around me who turned their backs on me and gave me different looks. I-I just want to know why,” he meekly whispers and Kyungsoo’s heart swelled with affection and adoration for the younger.

Trying to act normal and not to scare the younger out, he settled with a soft smile and continued to sort out the groceries. With this action, Jongin felt dejected by the lack of answer from the older male and silently sulked of being ignored.

“It’s because I love you, Jongin,” Kyungsoo starts off and Jongin quickly snaps his head to him in surprise. Eyes widened in shock, Jongin was dumbfounded to even speak. Kyungsoo didn’t spare him a glance and resumed his talk.

“You’re precious to me. You’re like a young brother to me that I need to take care of. When you and I first met, I didn’t think that you’ll be a bother to me, but rather you happened to be a blessing to me. You helped me move on from my hopeless love and helped me regain my voice back. There’s a lot you did for me and the lists go on. I won’t dwell on it anymore, so…” he trailed off and looked at the younger’s eyes before smiling off, “don’t ever think that you are selfish, because I took this path and I must see it until the end. Even if you were greedy, it’s okay to be greedy, Jongin. I’m just here and no matter what happens. Nothing’s going to change at all.”

Jongin silently stares back at him before Kyungsoo sees the tears pooling in his eyes that he chuckled. Though it seems that Jongin took it the other way around on what Kyungsoo really meant about it, the older decides to let it pass and just settle on the younger's happiness. Bringing up his hand, he wipes off the tears that flowed out and Jongin lets out a whimper.

“What are you crying for, Jongin? It makes you ugly,” Kyungsoo jokes and slowly, pulls the younger into an embrace. Jongin wraps his arms around his waist in return and Kyungsoo smiles at the action.

“T-tha-thank you, hyung. I-I-I.” Jongin stops and sobs instead, but Kyungsoo already knew what he wanted to say. It doesn’t need words to know and sometimes, things like this are much louder and more meaningful than words.

~

“Jongdae.”

“Kyungsoo hyung and Jongin,” Jongdae greets them with a small smile with Luhan pushing the wheelchair until they are in front of Jongin and Kyungsoo. Luhan greets them with a smile.

“Kyungsoo. Jongin.”

Jongin nods his head with his back turned away from them as he cooks while Kyungsoo smiles.

“Luhan. Thank you for taking care of my brother,” Kyungsoo genuinely says and Luhan shakes his head.

“It’s my job. But I think you should thank Minseok more since he’s always by Jongdae’s side and not me,” Luhan replies and quickly laughs to break off the awkwardness when the atmosphere turned tense which Luhan concludes that it came from Jongdae.

“I’ll be taking my leave then.” When he left, Jongdae grunts in disapproval of Luhan’s careless words. Kyungsoo shot him a frown and Jongdae rolls his eyes in return before wheeling himself to his bed. Jongin is on the kitchen side, boiling the seafood that are grouped together in a plastic while Kyungsoo worries for his younger brother who painfully looks at his bed.

Deciding that he’ll help his brother, Kyungsoo was about to approach him when the door of the room opens and Minseok came inside with a few sets of fruits in his hands. Spotting Kyungsoo and Jongin, Minseok bows at them and greets them with a small smile.

“It’s nice to see you, Kyungsoo and Jongin.”

Kyungsoo returns a ‘hello’ and Jongin just hums while the smell of fried rice wafts through the air. Minseok places the set of fruits on the table when he quickly turns to Jongdae who had an unpleasant look on his face and Minseok was quick on his side.

“I’m sorry. You wanted some fruits, so I decided to get you some while you were out, but I didn’t think you’ll be early,” Minseok utters quickly as he tried to make Jongdae understand his reason why he wasn’t in the room when he got back. Jongdae didn’t say anything and Minseok takes it as a cue that he accepted it and helps Jongdae get on the bed with much pressure and mild difficulty.

Kyungsoo watches the pair in sadness, silently hoping that everything will be fine for them soon. He watches on how Minseok carefully tucks the blanket on Jongdae’s side, carefully not touching the younger’s legs and arrange the pillows so that the younger will be comfortable when he leans back.

Jongdae didn’t spare him a glance throughout and somehow, it brought pain to Kyungsoo’s heart and he realized how he really is lucky to have Jongin by his side.

“Do you need the strawberries, Minseok hyung?” Jongin’s voice cuts through his daze and Kyungsoo realizes he missed the conversation.

“Um, I don’t think so. What do you want, Jongdae? I brought strawberries, kiwi, apples, mangoes and grapes. You could choose from those or I could just jumble it up altogether. What do you say?” Minseok asks, but the younger male didn’t show any sign of responding back. Kyungsoo shot his brother a raised eyebrow and Jongdae sighs in defeat.

Blankly gazing at the older, he motions his head and Minseok smiles at him in return.

“Jumbled up it is.”

Kyungsoo sighs as Minseok joins his side with a bowl and quickly puts half of each fruits on the bowl. Kyungsoo shot the older male beside him an apologetic look and when Minseok met his gaze, he just smiled and left to give the bowl of fruits to Jongdae.

Seeing their slight interaction where Minseok puts all his effort to stay strong and smile while Jongdae’s coldness gives away a slight humanity still for his brother, Kyungsoo hopes for the best for them.

“Do you like it?”

“Yeah.”

He felt a warm hand placed on his shoulder and Kyungsoo turns his head to meet Jongin’s warm smile across his face.

“They’ll hang in there, hyung. Fate isn’t too cruel to let everything end there. Destiny is just waiting for the right time to give them their happy ending,” Jongin utters and pats his back before leaving his side to attend to the boiling seafood. Kyungsoo sadly smiles and nods his head.

“You’re right. The end isn’t here yet. Destiny will come and make everything right. But I wonder if it’ll be the same for us?”

Kyungsoo turns his head to stare at the young male and in a moment, Jongin turned his head and met his gaze. The younger smiled at him cheekily and Kyungsoo couldn’t help, but smile back.

“I guess the road to our ending is still a long way. Until then, I’ll enjoy these moments together with you.”

And I'm back. Aloha, guys. Sorry if I was out for a long time. Need to put efforts on my studies since it is the last quarter already.

So it's Sulay and Kaisoo with slight, Luhan and Chemin.

Let's start with Sulay. So...I bet a lot of you had known that Yixing would be in comatose, right? So a cookie for those who got it! Suho is a bit...different and I bet you already know why, so I won't speak about it anymore. And here's Kaisoo. I think they're only the pair that has a great relationship at the moment, huh? Well, maybe not, but yeah.

And if you are all wondering why Luhan and Jongin seems to be calm and not hysteric on where Sehun is. You'll know the answers soon. Oh, and also, if you want to know where Sehun is...be sure to stay tune since I'll have him appear soon and so does Chanyeol and Tao together with Kris and Baekhyun.

Will they meet or not? XD I leave the answers to you.

XOXO