Turnabout 03:

The Weight of the Decision pt. 1

Suho was feeling nervous for some reason. He doesn’t know why, but when Dir. Xing suddenly paged him to go to his office, he felt a sudden uneasy feeling strike his gut. He had just finished making his rounds and was about to check up on Yixing, when the director called for him. Dr. Moon and Dr. Oh had given him a solemn look as he made his way to the director’s office and it only made his tensed nerves worsen.

‘Why do I feel I’m going to regret this?’

Once he is at the door, he calmed his nerves, inhaling deeply and releasing his nervousness. He knocked twice before twisting the doorknob and makes his way inside. His eyes widen at the sight of familiar faces and was rooted to the ground for a few seconds until Daehyun’s voice brought him back to reality.

“Well? Aren’t you going to come in?” the exasperated voice had him clumsily shutting the door with a little bit more force than usual. He slightly winced and looked at the people in front of him. There in front of him was Kris’s parents and Kris himself, their eyes slightly puffed and red as if they had just finished crying. The atmosphere wasn’t making it easier for him to decipher the situation and the grim look on Dir. Xing and Daehyun’s face wasn’t helping either.

He bowed to acknowledge the guests and turned to look at Daehyun who simply turned to face Dir. Xing. Suho blinked and he knew something was wrong. Very wrong. The office was silent and no one talked besides the sniffles made by Mrs. Wu. Suho wanted to get out there that instant. He knew that if he stayed there a little bit longer, he’ll probably regret it. He was about to take his leave without saying a word, but Dir. Xing might have sensed it and called out to him to take a sit.

“What’s wrong Dir. Xing? The atmosphere here is so stifling, you know.” He tried to lighten the mood, but Dir. Xing wasn’t smiling. No one was smiling. It only irked him more.

“Seriously, what’s wrong? Why is everybody silent? Why does it seem like someone died?” Suho knows that he shouldn’t mention that word so easily, but he couldn’t help it. The atmosphere in the room felt that way and there’s no other word to describe it. He heard a choked sob at his side and he was immediately alarmed at the fact that Mrs. Wu was crying. He searched for his words, feeling the claws of regret tearing his skin away.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes. The words felt heavy and he looked at Kris, but the latter had his eyes down. Daehyun took the box of tissue at the coffee table and offered it to Mrs. Wu who took it without hesitation and shakily wiped her tears away. Suho tried apologizing again, but when Dir. Xing had opened his mouth and told him those words—Suho felt time stopped. He slowly turned his head to look at the director, body turning cold as he tried to digest what the director had said.

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“No. I did not. That’s why I’m asking you. What did you say again?” Suho couldn’t believe his ears. No. He wasn’t going to believe what he heard. That must be some kind of mistake.

Dir. Xing heaved a sigh, clasping both of his hands together and solemnly repeated his words, “We have decided to unplug Yixing’s life-support.”

No. He wasn’t hearing things. He thought it was just a joke, but the second time he hears it, he knows it’s not a joke.

“Huh?” The words were caught in his throat. His mind was unable to function properly for a moment that the only thing he could respond back was a futile attempt of understanding and denying the situation.

“I know it’s sudden, but we can’t keep him forever to ourselves Suho.”

“Wha-wait. Wait. Wait just a moment. What are you saying Dir. Xing?” Suho’s voice trembled. “What do you think you’re saying? Yixing is your son. How could you say something horrible?” Anger was evident in his voice, but everyone could hear the desperate denial of acceptance of the situation. He couldn’t sit back and say nothing about it. No. Why wasn’t he included in this talk?

“Why didn’t I know about this? I’m his doctor. When did this unplugging talk discussed?!” He slammed his fists down on the director’s desk, unable to see the Wu family tearing up once again and Daehyun silently leaving the office. “I won’t allow it. Are you telling me he’s dead? Are you? He’s not dead! He’s alive. I’m always with him. I see him breathe and aged as time passed. He’s alive! So how can you tell me that you’re going to unplug his life-support without hearing my opinion on this?!”

Mrs. Wu sobbed at Suho’s words. Prickling at her chest were the thorns of his words, she cried for Suho. Mr. Wu comfortingly hugs her and held his tears for the crying soul of the lost man. Kris couldn’t say a word and stayed silent. The words that Suho said were all true and he knew that they should have consulted him since he was the attending doctor, but they knew if they asked him about it, Suho would immediately reject the idea.

It wasn’t because they didn’t respect him, rather it was they knew it would be hard for them also, if Suho would voice out his opinion. And just like this, he’s already having a second thought on unplugging Yixing’s life-support. He didn’t want to, but after the heavy discussion, he had opted that it was for the best. He trusts Yixing, but he doesn’t know if Yixing wanted to stay in this world anymore. If they would keep him alive for how many years, would Yixing like that? Would Yixing like to see them desperately clinging at him to keep him alive? Wouldn’t that be selfish of them? Kris knows it’s hard to accept, but it’s time to let go.

Suho calmed himself a bit after his sudden outburst to the director, having suddenly realized his actions and a pained look crossed his face as he muttered an apology. Dir. Xing shook his head and lets out a shaky sigh. “I’m sorry for keeping you in the dark. I didn’t want you to be left out in this important discussion, but I knew that even if we discussed this together with you, you wouldn’t agree to it no matter what.”

Suho stayed silent, affirming that it’s true that he wouldn’t allow that kind of decision to be made. Dir. Xing continued with a pained look on his face, “but Suho, even if you are the deciding factor of all of this, your words hold no ground in this important decision. You are not obliged to make a decision whether or not to unplug Yixing’s life-support.”

Clenching his fists, Suho attempts to voice out his reason, but Dir. Xing cuts him abruptly. “You are not the one to decide whether he lives or not.”

Suho felt cold at those words. What? He’s not the one to decide whether Yixing lives or not? Isn’t he a doctor? Doesn’t he have the choice to whether have his patient live or not? Wasn’t his job to save people? To keep them alive and not end their life?

Dir. Xing looked at him, knowing the swirl of emotions that are reflected on his eyes. He knew that look that spoke why am I doctor if I can’t save the person I love? He grits his teeth and knows that what he is about to say is going to hurt more and he hopes Suho could bear it ‘til the end.

“I have discussed the matter with the Wu family. They are written on the legal documents as the foster parents of Yixing, nullifying my document as Yixing’s guardian. Thus, they hold the right to decide whether to keep Yixing alive or not. And after giving them a few days to decide after our discussion, they had come today to tell that they’re going to unplug Yixing’s life-support.”

Suho could feel the tears pricking the corner of his eyes, but the tears just won’t come out. He looked at them with a look that asked them why they chose that option and all he could see was a crying mother apologizing for something that she shouldn’t be. He turned around, not bothering to say his goodbye and left the office with the door open. Dir. Xing didn’t stop him, instead he stood up and muttered an apology to the Wu family as he grieved just like them.

Suho staggered on his way to Yixing’s room. A few nurses asked if he was okay and he didn’t reply. All he cared about was that he arrive at Yixing’s room and be with him. He opened the door and saw Daehyun looking over at Yixing at the foot of the bed.

“Daehyun,” he muttered and Daehyun continued to stare at Yixing. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s nothing. I just came by to pay my greetings.”

“Leave. Now. You agreed with them, right? You were there, but I wasn’t,” Suho felt poison as he spitted those words at Daehyun. Daehyun shrugged and started to walk to leave the room. He paused when he was at Suho’s side and muttered, “You’ve got a week to spend the last remaining time he has, but when the dawn rises for another tomorrow, you’ll be the one in charge of unplugging the life-support.” And with that, Daehyun leaves. Suho stood rooted for a minute before starting to walk towards Yixing’s bed. He stopped once he was at his side and took a sit at the stool that was there every time for him to sit on as he watched over Yixing. He looked at Yixing, cherished his sleeping face and he slowly took the younger’s hand and clasped it together with his.

“Yixing,” he affectionately calls his name. “Yixing, did you know? Something happened today and it was probably the worst of all the misfortunes I had in my entire life. Did you know that they had decided to unplug your life-support?”

Yixing didn’t respond, but Suho was hoping that he would and tell him that he is alive and well. That they shouldn’t end his life just because he wasn’t waking up after how many years. Suho could feel his heart would fall from the heaviness and break apart once it touched the floor. He held Yixing’s cold hand and leaned it at his forehead.

“I tried to tell them that they shouldn’t do it, but I wasn’t given an authority to say anything about it, rather I was given authority to pull out your plug. How ridiculous is that?” Suho could feel the tears prickling the corners of his eyes again. His throat felt tight for some reason and his hands were shaking as he held the delicate hand of Yixing.

“Yixing. Won’t you come back? Please. Please, come back. I need you. Everyone needs you here right now. Come back please.” Suho realized that he’s crying. “Wake up please. I don’t want to lose you just like your sister. Please, Yixing. I love you, please, wake up. I don’t want to let you go.”

Sobs echoes in the room that day.

♦And here is Sulay's solo chapter for you ;) Oh, I also decided to take out the character-color coding stuff. It's a bit short, but this is the focal point and after the weight is the conseq--uh, I mean, the result of all the decision made by the couple. So I hope you enjoy!

►You are such a horrible human being.